getting fatter

Been falling asleep without me knowing and waking up in the middle of the night to head for shower then sleep again...

Such disruption is so not good for my sleep-wake cycle...

Been having late dinners too as I get out of office late....by the time I am done with dinner, I would usually fall asleep in like an hour's time...

Such is so not good for my tummy! It is getting flabbier despite me eating lesser...I wonder is it my metabolism going slower...I used to be able to get flat tummy when my diet and appetite went down...not on purpose but in stress induced situation...

I dun think I have overworked but why do I still feel stress all the time...and I am constantly doubting my abilities in helping the kids nowadays...why?

time to go sleep first...I think I should plan for a short break in Dec...I really cannot take it already...sigh...

I hate...

to cry...

I hate being weak...it just goes to show that after all these while...I'm still the weakling...

Cannot remember when was the last time I jogged at night...But I just had to do it tonight...even if it is in the middle of the night...even when I'm feeling so darn exhausted physically and mentally...the build-up frustration was too much...I need to feel better...I have to feel better...



to go Genting...

It is the one place which made me realize that my presence is no more important than the monetary pleasure that one might get out of gambling...

Technically, I am no more valuable than those stash of notes...seriously...

It's all about the money...

Even till now...I still have this feeling that money is more important than me...



to have gastric...

been plague with it since I was pri 2...the on and off affair seems to been off until recently...

I think my long lost fren just found me yet again...

My all time favourite...

Bro was sending me some japanese youtube on the lastest groupies...

Was telling him this is still my all time favourite apart from chage and aska...and he agreeed...

I think this is the only time that we agreed on something...music...

I missed those times when he share things with me...not that there was alot of such scenarios to begin with...

There seem to be something amiss right now...I dun know what is it...maybe it's just the build-up frustrations...

Feeling so darn low the whole day...

I hope this will pass soon...

I love it when I get to chill with my pals, listen to music, chat about everything and anything under the stars...

I love it when Auggy says he likes me...

I love it when Ben ben comes running to me and gives me a hug...

I love it when Kitty girl smiles at me whenever I call her name...

I love it when I get to have my own time to do things alone...

I love it when I get to wake up next to you...

not too good a week...

I kinda lost my appetite totally...

The only meal of the day is Macspicy meal for dinner...there goes my plan of dieting...

Suddenly I am asking myself - what am I doing now, why am I doing all these...

I wish I could have gone work and travel for 6 months...That would have been so darn exciting...

I wish I could have a baby, nurture the little one and see the little one grow...

I wish I could do what I do and be good at it...

I missed my chances, I dun feel I'm good enough...

sigh...

I'm tired...

I wonder...

If you've sensed my agitation whenever you asked me if bro is online the moment I set foot in the house...

for god sake, I haven't even switched on my lappy to access the internet yet...

If you've sensed my frustrations when I tried to tell you something about me and you ended up interrupting me with your complaints...complaints about the past few months, complaints that revolve around you, complaints about dad...

did you realise I end up keeping my mouth shut, let you talk and not finishing whatever I wanna say cos I just feel that everything become pointless now...

Maybe I'm pms~ing...maybe i'm just being short fused...

Sometimes I wonder, if I am the one who gave birth and relocated to another country, would my parents do the same for me...

I know the answer somehow...

In the first place I dun think I'll want to rely on my parents knowing how tough and stress it'll be on them...but then again...who am I to make such statement right...