sigh...am suppose to study...not in the right mind...cranky again...like last fri...haha i wonder why...too tired...at this point my eyes are like half closed...

was in school the whole day though there isnt any lessons...doing presentation slides...pretty fun...cos we gals juz keep discussing and trying to think of the best plan we can...like the way we work...can argue and rebuke each other yet at the same time maintain that kind of peaceful atmosphere...haha...eh not easy le...perhaps our similar characters count...

finally i've cut my hair...at least it's not as thick and out of shape now...and ppl around me said that i look better with straight hair...mm...okie lo...will consider that...but my natural curl also nice wat...though it tend to get messy at times...i juz like the messy look...sexy dun u think? hai yah as though u all see before... haha

went for a movie last nite...kinda last min...but doesnt matter arh...so long we had fun...

have been sleeping late since the starting of this week...i always think that if the week started bad, it will end bad...just like if u slept late during sun, forget about sleeping early for the rest of the week...i also dunno why i sleep so late...

woke up at 430am to wake hairul up cos he need to get his things done...set my alarm at 415, 420 and then 430am...end up calling like dunno how many times before he actually took the call...but then i think he fell back to sleep after that...haha...and funnily...i actually woke up automatically at 8 to wake him up for work...haha that's wat he was doing for my previous placement...we kinda take turns to be each other's alarm clock...

yawn...sigh...i need a drink...i wanna chill out...i wanna go wala...cant wait for 7th may...hoho...

new discovery!!!

muah haha....feel so much better....

due to my disrrupted eating habits and sleep these few days...my bowel system aint working very well...was full of shit for like 3 days...literally full of shit...so i was lamenting about it to my bro..cos we were watching tv together...

he advised me to drink prune juice...and so i did...appearantly my pregnant sis-in-law has the same problem too cos of the baby...so there's plenty of prune juice at home...

wah haha and mind u..the effect takes place within 2 hours lo...i've like shitted twice since...haha...tummy feel so much flatter now...muah haha...really amazed by the effect of prune juice le...how come it works so effectively?? yah lah i'm gross...but i've always been like that...u guys know that...haha...anyway it's healthy to share such tips in case u guys are constipated...u'll know wat to do...wah haha

okie enough enough...

today had such a boring day...went for one morning lesson-aqua therapy lesson and that's it...i have to wait from 11-5.30 for the half an hour clinical debrief by my lectuer....how boring can that be...studied in the lib...slept there too...was bloody tired and bored...

received a msg from someone thru friendster...real sweet...reminded me of the time back then... thank u!

zombiefied...

slept at 5.30 am yesterday...i deserve it cos my habit of procarstinating (evil evil evil....) cost me my precious sleeping time...sigh...bad bad yj...cant stand myself leh...but at the same time cant stop loving myself too...haha afterall who can actually love me forever other than me, myself and I...haha...yah yah narcissistic stupid bitch....

anyway managed to finish my assignment on time...once again i owe another friend big time...cos he came over my place to help me fix my bloody printer which refuse to give me the colour of blood....urgh...all my pics with ppl in it end up looking like jaundice patients...freak! that printer is new somemore...

monday blues...probably due to lack of sleep and packed timetable...havent gotten the chance to breathe easy until now...sigh tomolo another heart attack...i've gotta present my case study to HB...argh...why did i get him...why not Jo...hopefully i can present to him the wonders of working with children as compared to hands....haha....mm...i wonder if HB ever tried working with kids before...that will be something interesting to know....

okie enough talking...anyway i think no one is reading my blog haha...getting too boring eh...mundane life...doesnt matter lah...i'll still blog when i feel like it...

Last lap to run...last report to write...taking my lunch break now...so decided to blog...

yippee...will have to go back schl tomolo...think our lecturers will receive our assignments like siao...esp michelle...poor thing...

did i mention i went over to ck's place to get my poster and leaflet done on fri nite...so fun to bum over at his place...plus the phone conferencing we had with yd...haha fun fun cos all 3 of us get to talk at the same time...
really thankful for the help from the two of u...handsome, sorry to keep u from sleeping...and babe sorry for kicking u out of ur room for the nite...really sweet of u to let me sleep and not wake me up in the morning...hehe...

finally we managed to get our poster printed on sat...pretty nice...phew...at least 1 is down...as for my mighty leaflet i shall leave it to my mighty printer to do the job....

had nice time bumming around at home for the rest of the afternoon...gonna miss it for the time being...hehe...

back to work...ciao~

i am out of my mind now...

i haven't felt the strain until now...streched btw time...lacked of sleep due to tonnes of work...plus missing someone terribly...sorry abit mushy but cannot help it...go ahead and roll thy eyes...

felt good to bum around and talk last nite...with both of us being so busy lately...it's really nice to do that...sigh...was being irritated by someone who keeps poking fun at my flabby tummy...yah yah fats everywhere...cannot be helped le...havent been exercising during attachment...die le...like yd said next time 'long term' attachment how....sure become fat ass one....no energy to go jogging...how...u arh must be laughing now...urgh...sickening uncle...

anyway...was talking to shijie this afternoon...havent seen this woman for so damn long...chatting with her over the msn...was thinking about sec schl days when we used to be in interact club...juz makes me smile...and i realise...damn... i'm old....cos she's with seng hwee for 6 years already!!! goodness so long...i was telling her i declare the both of them husband and wife...haha...o my...it's 6 years ago since i'm in jc! 6 years juz zoom pass me....

okie...i need to go bathe...two down one more to go....reports reports here i come...even yk said it's like a norm for me...see me online means i typing report...arh...pathetic le....feel like drinking (juz drinking...not getting drunk...)...sigh...okie need to stop...if not i'll continue to blabber non stop...

I miss the kids...

sigh...finally my placement has ended...went back to schl today to do some research...i actually miss the feeling of being in schl...and it feels nice to be in the lib reading up stuff...haha...yah i'm weird...

yeah no more travelling from one end of singapore to another every morning...but i do miss the ppl and kids at jurong cdu...hope everything will be fine for them...

will be sleeping late for this whole week cos i need to rush my work...must get them done asap...but i have one big headache...i dunnoe how to use photoshop to design leaflet...mm...if only it can be handmade...haha...it'll be so much easier...a computer idiot like me...sigh...will find my way to finish it lah...

yippee...gotten a new schl bag...thank you my dear...i really like it alot but at the same time am feeling guilty for making u spend so much...seriously i didnt know it cost that much...eek...

okie gtg head for schl to do work...feeling abit stress now...sigh...

floating...

cant seem to settle down and get my work done...attachment is gonna end in a week time and i have yet to start doing my work...plus me falling ill...that's worst...

one week break coming...gotta do work...tonnes of them...and studies too...think i've placed it aside for long enough...think i'm gonna miss my kids when my placement end...sigh...seems like my one month is not enough with them...cos i only get to see them at the most 4 times? or less than that...sigh...time is passing so darn fast....and i'm growing older each day! gosh....

think i slept too much today cos i'm like blabbering now...cant help it...been tired the whole day...must be my period...so many things to do but i'm procrastinating...argh...wake up wake up...

gtg read some stuff...brain dun seem to work these days...damn...

where were u when i needed someone to guide me and be there for me during my lowest point...and now u assume father-like figure all of the sudden...

it reminded me of wat u've said sometime back...that if i'm guy...u would have wacked me inside out for being such as loser...but becos i'm a girl ultimately i'll be married off and u can wash ur hands off me eventually....

...i'm never good enough...i can never outshine u...do u know how pressurising it is to constantly live under ur shadow...i dont even know why i did that...was never good in my studies...neither am i good in my chinese...i so wanted to prove that i can be as good as you...perhaps i overestimated myself...

hungry...

at this moment...i'm feeling hungry...cos i had nothing but porridge thru out the day...damn hungry!!!

i'm sick...running a fever yesterday after attanding to 4 kids...pretty fulfiling day for me...although i got shoe prints all over cos a kid refused to take off his shoes during therapy and he stepped on me for dunno how many times...

anyway took mc today...sigh...out of no choice cos i really have no energy plus i dun wanna infect the children...so i have to make it up...which means my attachment will end one day later...sob...sob...i so dun wan that to happen...sigh...

sigh...feel so weird...everyone is treating me like a kid...mom keep reminding me wat to tell the doc when i went to get mc this morning...i'm like duh not the first time i see doc on my own...something else happened too...mm...talk about it next time...need to go sleep...take care ppl...drink more water and dun fall sick...

haha we came in 15!

out of 50 teams...we actually came in 15 for the xphysique event....woo hoo...well done eaters!!! haha didnt expect that at all...

nothing much today...except that we gotta attend the annual OT conference held by the year 3s...next year will be our turn...man...so scary...

couldn't go squash cos of the conference...and i'm so blur lo...booked the courts for the squashies but forgot to give my guy captain my ic no. for him to make payment...so damn absent minded...plus he couldnt reach me as i was at the lecture theatre...no reception...sigh... felt so incompetent...sian plus my attachment i havent got time to plan for squash camp yet...damn...

anyway...evening time went to toa payoh to have dinner...then sit around at starbucks to chit chat...sigh...felt good...we laughed at silly jokes and chat about current issues...miss spending time with my friends...glad we did that today...hehe...fun fun....

sigh...think i need to take up tuition...dilema...sch work, squash, tuition....how am i going to cope and how am i going to spend time with hairul, my friends and even myself then???
i need sugar daddy...muah haha....

i cant wait to earn my own bucks...at the same time i very much wanna study still...think i dun even have the money to further it...sigh...cant be help...part of growing(old) process...

list of things i wanna buy:
1. schl bag ( current bag...disintegrating at the moment...shall see how long it can last)
2. hp ( current phone i love it...but abit siao siao lately...dunno why....think it's dying soon...)
3. court shoes for squash ( few occassions where i nearly slipped and kill myself in court...)

shall see...if my allowance come mb i'll get them...if my allowance doesnt come then forget it...mb i shouldnt even ask for allowance to be transferred cos each time i ask i feel like a begger...sick to the core...

sigh...forget it...i shouldnt have expectd so much...juz be glad that i dun need to pay my handphone bills and transport fees...the rest juz leave it....

gtg...2 more weeks of attachment...woo hoo...

x-physique!

haha...so fun! went for ntu sports club event today...really enojyed myself...yd, thanx for psycho~ing me to join...although i feel like breaking ur neck when i swam in kallang river...cos it's so damn tiring...keke...

alright...did alot of things for the first time...

jumped off at the kallang bridge and swam in kallang river...ran to the cycling point...cycled for awhile then went to kayak....first time kayaking...really damn lousy...haha...think papa ng really vomitted blood kayaking with me...but it's very fun lah...cos i keep laughing and laughing...cant help it cos no matter how many 'left right left right' he shouted...i juz cant synchronise with him...haha...we really struggled alot cos our kayak keep going to one side...damn tiring...

tried rock climbing and abseiling too....so malu cos i fell then have to start again...but alright lah...fun fun...abseil is fun too...

o well...overall it's good experience..i'm so happy that we've made it thru...and i'm proud that i've actually made it thru too...and for the first time i really hated running...but anyway had great time with my frens and mr H too...

alright gtg...attachment tomolo...hopefully i still have energy to chase after kids...
yd, i'm so proud of u...=) pls have good rest since the event has ended...take care yah..and thanx!

dependency...i hate it...

mentally wasnt feeling that well...may be due to the lack of sleep...cos thurs nite was rushing report like mad....only slept for 3 hours and i'm off to schl...

lack of sleep...makes me cranky...

realise i've depend too much on ppl around me esp my parents...been depending on them to gimme allowance...depending on my dad to drive me to schl...depending on them to understand that i need to get away from singapore for my hols before i go crazy...

shouldnt have given up tuition back then...how naive i am to think that my dad will give me allowance without complaining about it...no doubt i may spend a little too much...but have been cutting down on expenses...

it just sickens me that at age 22 i have to justify to them what i spend on..explain why i need the money...i hate to beg...but i hve to cos i'm totally dependent on them financially...it makes me feel so useless and incapable...

have been so eadgy since last nite...simple comments by my dad made me cry...although perhaps he didnt mean it...wat he said really put me into thinking...i'm expecting too much from them...parents at their age should be pampering themselves and enjoying their lives instead of providing for me...

i've always linked dependency to weakness....and ironically... i often fall into this comfort zone subconciously...until one day like yesterday when things happened and it hit me in the head telling me i should wake up and stop being a baby...

who can i depend on? myself...

others will always have the choice to reject u when they wan to...so if u're at the level where dependency is fully established...u'll juz crash and burn when they choose not to help u anymore...or that u realise u need to beg in order to get wat u wan...how pathetic....

hate being the weak me...i hate to cry...i've cried too much during that 2 years...and i told myself dun fucking cry anymore.....

or perhaps i've been conditioned since young that crying equals to being weak...yet i yearn to cry sometimes to let out my emotions...this kinda struggle always put me into situation where i wanna cry but no tears come out...or eventually if i do cry...i cant stop...

sigh...freaking tired...cant type anymore...juz freaking tired...

You don't wait for people to make you happy, you become happy by helping people to be happy
~~ from yk...he got it from someone...

i like it....
what about you?

crap?
agree?
dunnoe?

=) not many ppl can see to it...i'm still learning...and trying...

new year, v day, being wacked day...

new year came and passed...collected ang baos...received quite abit of money...yeah good good cos i'm so darn broke...

didn't do much this year...visitings to relatives house were done in the first day...pretty fun...went ktv with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins...had so much fun...think it's the first time i ever sang in front of my parents and with them too...really enjoyed myself...and i think they had fun too...though the karaoke system is a littlt too complicated for them to use when selecting the songs...

then it's v-day...planned to spend more time together during weekend but couldn't do so due to some reasons...it's okie...instead we had dinner at fish & co on monday...pretty fun...cos i made mr H carry something that he wouldn't wanna carry around...haha too bad...gotta be sabotaged by me...after dinner we juz head home loh...simple lah but good enough for me...

wednesday....being wacked by my junior on the forehead..and it's with the racquet...had a cut at the eyebrown area and a bum too...now my eyelid is bruised...goodness...so damn ugly...dark circles are bad enough..now this bruise...yucks...and it's turning greenish blue...-_- having been icing it...dun even dare to rub...darn pain!

okie it's been quite awhile since i update my blog...sorry arh...busy with schl and squash...fri was the worst...cos i practically travel from schl to tampines...eve's house to do home modification...then back to schl to attend a concert...by the time i reached schl...the concert had ended...tried to rush back as soon as i could cos i promised my fren i'll attend it...but i ended up missing it...could only talk to her after the concert ended...at least i made it back lah...so sorry i missed it angie...

was really zombiefied on my way home...by the time i reached home...i was too tired to move and ended up sleeping on the floor till1 am cos i havent bathed yet so didnt wanna stink my bed...was really gone this time round...minus the alcohol though...haha

attachment is out for me...will be posted to jurong child development unit...uh dunno where is it...if i'm not wrong it should be at jurong polyclinic...which is near NUH.... which mean i'll have to travel from one end to another everyday!!!! 4 hours of travelling at least...o my...sure dead tired one...but then at least i'm in pediatrics this time round...and did i mention that i'm alone for this placement...uh..okie lah...bo bian...

read-with-me prog is back...if i were to go for it...that means every sat i'll go read-with-me at 915am....then head for training from 12-5pm....-_- very fun hor...ppl dun even work full day on sat...arh...

okie i need to work on my report...have been procrastinating for freaking long liao....
ppl pls take care...weather very hot...so drink more water!

sleepy but cant sleep...

perhaps it's the coffee...perhaps it's my brain...need to sort things thru my mind...havent been putting my best effort in schl work...deadlines are coming up and i'm still procrastinating...guess i'll need to do my work during cny...

sometimes i wonder wat lies ahead for me...i seem to know where i'm heading to yet i feel clueless at times...

am i good enough to be an OT? am i good enough to be the captain? am i good enough as a student? am i good enough as a classmate? am i good enough as a friend? am i good enough as a lover?how come i seem to be inadequate in all the areas...

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i need to buck up

so stupid...kena first warning by this nursing lecturer for wearing slippers...-_- students...wat they want us to wear...i dun wear make up to sch neither do i wear heels...why fault me for wearing something comfortable...rigid old mind...

went to visit eve today after ee zu let us off...so poor thing...worried for her man...
but she seemed quite alright...was sleeping soundly when we visited her...bought her a small little balloon..haha hopefully it cheered her up...at least she is still joking with us when we're there...
surprisingly...hua beng appeared too...juz when we were speculating whether he'll coms visit eve...he appeared at the door...wah not bad to have such nice lecturer...haha...really nice of him to pay a visit..at least he reassured eve upon her cirriculum...

after that...i followed the girls to arab street to buy their materials...mm...never been there before..pretty interesting...wrapping papers there are selling real cheap....
went bugis for a walk...still didnt see clothes that i wan...sian...

have to go back to schl for squash in the evening...feel like crying while i was in the train heading to raffles place...dunno why...mb i'm feeling abit drained...yah think once again i feel like screaming my head off...sigh...i wanna go somewhere...a corner to hide so that no one can find me...

need to bathe...feel so unhealthy...had my dinner at 10...fat ass....

yeah...got home early today...considered early cos sun hasn't set yet mah...plus i usually reach home at night...at least i get to have dinner with ma and pa...
dun feel like doing anything..so come here and write something...

actually nothing much...feeling tired as always...am always sleepy despite the no. of hours that i sleep...mb it's time to take some supplements...sickening i'm reaching 23 and my body is like an old woman

quite happy yesterday...cos get to have dinner out with my whole family...when i say whole family it means bro, sis-in-law plus my parents...of cos that inculde the little baby in my sis-in-law's stomach...it's been a loooong time since we dine out together...usually we eat at home...but i've always like to have dine out...change of environment and mum dun need to cook...dad dun need to wash dishes...haha...

am happy that ppl around me are happy...=)

lately i discovered that my neighbour is actually a possessive dog owner...perhaps she's emotionally unstable...cos she has juz given birth...haha
anyway there was this morning i was playing with her cute little doggy at her gate...she gave me a black face and asked me "yes?" in a u-touch-my-dog-and-u-die kinda tone....i'm like "huh?"

do i need a reason for playing with ur doggy??...isn't it a compliment that someone else find ur dog cute and wanna play with it....o well i tot it was me...mb my face provoked her...but apparently my sis-in-law got it from her too...so yah i think she juz doesnt like ppl to touch her dog...but her doggy is so cute...and whenever i get out of my house every morning...its eyes and waggy tail keep luring me to play with her/him(eh i dunno the sex of the doggy...anyway doesn't matter)...all i can do each time i see it, is to say hi, hello...and it will tilt its head and wag its tail as though it understands wat i'm saying...haha...mb i'm imagining it...but yah that dog is really cute...
too bad lo...can't play with it...

ppl if u ever own a dog...pls be generous enough to let others play with it...i mean...it's nice to see other ppl patting and finding ur pet cute isn't it? why deprive ur pet from human interactions...

i wanna keep dog...arh....labrador or bull terrier...dog dog dog...
anyway it's dinner time...ciao~

Hotel Rwanda

great show i've watched today...so glad i've caught it...pretty shocked by the movie....cos ignorant ppl like me only know that many many innocent ppl were killed during the Rwanda massacre....i have absolutely no idea the situation that was going on in the country and what the ppl had to go thru during that period of time.

life...so vulnerable...

discrimnation....damn powerful weapon to gun ppl down....arent i glad to stay in s'pore where different races can live in harmony....eh seriously, i cringed at the sight of those killing scenes...it's juz a movie no doubt but it's based on true story.....the idea of ripping off one's life juz becos of their skin colour or the tribe they belong to simply make no sense to me...perhaps suppression does play a part...perhaps human beings are made to be vindictive...i dunnoe...juz feel sad to see that such killings had happened and that it is still happening in other parts of the world....

genocide...blood shed and lives taken can never be justified...

seldom do i tear when i watched movie...but this one did...cos i cant imagine myself living in fear all the time...being abandoned by ppl u think u could trust...most of all being completely helpless....i tot city of god is bloody enough...mm think this is worst......watch it yah...worth ur time and money....

okie i need sleep...nite ppl....maybe i'll type more tomolo...tata

i do care....

i'm not the sort that know how to put across my thoughts to others...i dunno why....i juz dunno how

ppl around me are changing and it is always the hardest thing that i have to come to terms with....i love them dearly...really..... and i know that being a true friend i should point out their mistakes and pull them back when they fall....

but i juz dunno how....i dunno how to tell them that they've changed...that they're no longer their old selves...i'm not expecting them to stay the same....things are always changing...so am i...point is i juz dunno how to react to their changes....all i know....is to be by them and with them through the changing process....it may be tough no doubt....but that's all i know i can do...

i dun care to wat extend they've changed or will change...i juz know i can't give up the friendship...i really can't...after all these years...they are too dear for me to let go...i always tell myself no matter how tough it is it's okie...so long i'm with them...i think i sound like a silly woman here trying to make some sense out of her own thoughts...

super duper tired now...cos had squash training yesterday and today.....sometimes i wonder if i ever will be a better player...cos i'm always so slow in reaction...my squash mate has been so encouraging...she keeps reminding me to run for the ball...haha appreciate that...seriously i like her attitude...get me going too...thanx alot yah...hee....

today had a fun lesson...line dancing and cooking too..for my group we made salad....nice looking and delicious one...luckily the homey lemon dressing works...was afraid ppl will find it too sour...anyway we all had a great eating session with my mentor...we ended up chatting with her about backpacking experience and her oncoming trip....gotten some tips from her....envious that she gets to travel and see the world...would love to do that someday...
hai~ she's leaving us at the end of this semester....so sad...i tot she'll see us thru our 3rd year...somehow among the lecturers...she's one of the more easy going ones....gonna miss her...appreciated her presence during my attachment...guided me quite abit in handling pts....

btw...my aunt called my mum yesterday...cos my cousin told her i have a malay boyfriend...and she actually told mum to talk me out of it...reason being there's religion issues being involved and that malays tend to have many wives....-_-'' i nearly flipped...she being more educated than my mum actually said that malays tend to have many wives....pretty funny...i know she cares about me...but sometimes things she says can really be abit weird...

anyway was talking about it with mummy....my parents are pretty open minded with my relationship...they may be old but they're able to accept my choices....mum did ask me...why of all guys i know i actually choose to be with mr H...haha...as in how come dun choose chinese choose malay....i only shrugged my shoulders and told her things juz happen and that i'm happy with present situation...not sure if she understands but i juz wanna lead my life the way i want and be happy with it....is it too much to ask for?


mr H~ pls dun be offended by wat my aunt said eh...she didnt mean it...wanted to talk to u about it last nite...but was too tired....will talk to u again...

gtg....seriously...i'm drained...energy low...need zzz....soon....nite everyone.....

bumming around...

was dragging myself to go squash today...cos was feeling moody...think cos period coming and yah... right now am one red blooded woman....not that i fancy period...am juz happy that i dun have to go thru that emotional swings again...can u imagine...u're not upset but yet u feel so...all becos of estrogen making u to behave so...~sigh~

anyway didnt regret going for squash...cos it turn out to be fun as usual....haha...the scene of us cleaning the blood stains together in the squash court...mm...it's quite heartwarming...esp the two juniors who helped out on their own....mm...so good...=) ...and of cos my fellow squash mates as well...hehe
okie kendo ppl are nice...at least they offered to clean the bloodstains...not as bad as i tot they are...okie lah shant find fault with them...so long they keep the squash courts in good conditions...shall work things out with them...at the very least the authorithy wont find excuses of courts not being fully utilised...

bathed in schl with the gals after squash and then went to meet mr H for dinner

was at orchard....went for coffee at forum starbucks...always like to laze around there, drinking my usual....observing ppl and have my chit-chatting session...

we were basically juz looking at ppl and cars that went by....poking fun at how weird some ppl can dress and going googar over gorgeous cars....quite fun....haha...went tanglin for dinner....super quiet...unlike orchard that is packed with ppl...sat at the eating place reading magazines after we're done with our food...nice...juz like that noon where we sat at coffee club reading papers...rem? hehe...

ooo we saw kegan kang too...with this loud spoken lady...basically i can only hear the lady's voice most of the time...she really talks abit too loudly...cos i cant hear kegan kang's voice at all though his mouth is moving....

something i wanna put down...sorta a continual from yesterday's blog....
how weird...guys' perception of pretty gals always differ from that of ours....rarely do we see eye to eye upon issues esp on the topic of beauty....mb that's why we can never understand each other totally...cos the way we view things around us is from totally different angles...mb that's why man is from mars and woman from venus? haha...

i ate from morning till nite!

havent been blogging for weeks!!! stupid com crash on me..and now cos of the stupid horse virus i have to reformat again soon...

busy life busy me....busy with schl work, busy with squash and of cos busy with my mr H...yah yah...am attached...not something new cos those who always read my blog should know it by now...have training 5 days a week for squash...need to make schedule with my committee...must take turns to rest if not sure burn out...

wanna talk about wat i did yesterday....muah haha...such a glutton...i practically ate from morning till nite...from home to outside....

morning~ woke up at 10...such a luxury....had bread and water...

noon~ mommy cooked chilly crab!!! was just telling nikki the other day that i missed mummy's cooking and that the crabs she cooked is the best ever....and today she really cooked it!!! so happy...ate some before i went out to meet my frens...very contended le....

noon noon~~met up with yk and yd...woo hoo....went to eat at robertson quay....yk brought us to this jap restuarant to eat....really nice and cosy place...filled with japanese ppl and japanese books....food there is superb...desserts too...really nice place to hang out...yk...not that i didnt trust u...i really am too lazy to search for the place myself...haha...

we hang out at the place fro 2 to 530....ordered 3 different dishes...curry rice and ramen of different soup base....wanted to taste different dishes so we end up rotating our food to each other...abit unglam...but who cares...haha...desserts are good...cos it's not the sort that u get to eat outside...really jap jap kinda stuff....yum yum

talked about man and woman...why is it so hard for one spiece to understand the other...how come there's actually books like: man from mars, woman from venus, being published. Talked about sigmund freud and one of his theories....talked about self centredness...interesting topics to chat...and we had so much fun trying to understand wat each other is trying to convey on the ideas we have...i also tried very hard to make out wat yk was saying...cos this chap kept mumbling when he's in the restaurant...all becos it's a jap place and jap ppl are soft spoken...-_- wah liao....first time seeing him to 'gentle' -_-''....

really nice to hang out with old frens...not walking around but to juz sit...talk and catch with each other...love it....

evening~ went suntec with yd...shopping...nothing much le...cos i dunno wat to buy for new year...zero ideas on wat to wear...sian...still i bought a top and a panty from bodynits...muah haha...

yan met up with us then...and u know wat...it's eating time again...went mache and we oredered tonnes of food...calamari, mixed veg, rosti, crepes, fish and chips...cant believe i ate so much...really too much...never spend my day out eating from noon till nite...never tried that before...agrh...so fat...it's either my period coming or i have been exercising too much...haha...

sickening...hormones seems to be fluctuating lately...think it's the medication...why am i a woman...have to go thru so much trouble...period didnt come i feel abnormal...when it comes i feel sian...and now i have to be on medication to make sure it's regular...so much disadvantages biologically...ppl have to be worried about me....questioning me if things are okie...concern concern...i know...hai yah see..i'm blabbering rubbish...

gtg for squash...will try to write as frequent as possible...

tomatoes!!!

muah haha....4 beauties' cherry tomatoe plant has blossomed!!! wah haha....the fact that i can actually taste the fruit makes me so happy...cos as u know watever i have planted have all died eventually...so now only left this cherry tomatoes that i shared with my classmates....luckily there's hydoponics...if not i think the plant will die under my hands too...keke...the tomatoes are sweet and juicy...if there are more, mb can let u guys try yah...

schl started in a glimpse man...one moment i'm stress with attachment and the next i'm back to schl again...then two months later i'm back to attachment again...o my...so fast so fast...this sem is gonna be tough...schl work, attachment, squash....think i'll be stretched among these stuffs...esp trainings....i hope i can pull thru it and not get burn out...erm but then i've been feeling sleepy easily...think it's age thingy arh...o no...

was discussing about club stuff juz now...abit worried cos i realise there's so much i need to look into and we are not very much supported by the schl...hai~

anyway this sem got alot of fun things going on...cos i'm actually learning cooking...-_-'' if my classmates get diarrhea pls dun blame me...cos i think the food i cook can only be fit for my stomach....haha...seriously i think so...except for baking lah...but that is if little cheif is baking with me...anyway i'll try my best to balance btw schl work and cca....i cant afford history to repeat...let's juz say i'll die die make sure i'll make it thru...

guys...havent met up since x'mas...will see u all on sat k...i try not to be late...hehe

stress is building up for u...i dunno wat i can do to help...but hang in there k...at the most we suffer together...haha...think i'll be stress too...see u in schl yah...=)

tired...

yah time flies...i'm already in my 3rd week of attachment...mm...pretty worn out...but getting in tune with pts and hospital setting...sadly some of my pts are leaving...which is good cos ultimately they should go home...but i think i'm gonna miss them...although most of them gimme a huge headache when i assess them...haha...

put on weight man...sickening...feel fat and am fat...ugrh...havent gone for training for very long le...argh...i have two huge brusies on my thighs...mm how to wear my short skirt like that...hai yo...one's turning black while the other turning red...how nice...like christmas colour...

eyes gonna close soon man...cant wait for weekend to come...cos i can have fun and hang out with my beloved frens and U! this year's christmas...cant appreciate it more...cos i really need to rest...sleep and not do anything...haha...lazy bum eh...cant wait cant wait...=p

gtg...taking a nap then will plan for tomolo's treatment...jia you yj...-_-

not again...

affected...
all be cos i've been hanging out late during fri and sat nite you assume that i am not putting enough effort on my studies...you said you dun wanna see me repeating my course or not being able to graduate...yah one bad fall and i'm marked dead on that forever...such a failure...ugrh...i know you care but must you always say things like that...

anyway drop tat subj...happy annoucement...i'm gonna be an aunt soon! haha...5 weeks preagnant...i mean my sis-in-law...so exciting!! can't wait man...

hop to another subj...had fun at the bbq last nite...nice to meet up with my click and chit chat...haha lotsa stuff to catch up...oooo juicy news flying around...haha...really have to thank sze for organising this bbq...=)

thanx for accompanying me last nite...sorry arh end up u have to go home while i join the gals at happy days...keke...anyway see u later k...tata

thank u mr H...hehe

alright...second week into my attachment...i'm like half dead cos kena bombarded by sup on alot of questions...think i won't fair well for midway eval...but i'll do my best...anyway now super lack of sleep...gotta prepare for tomolo's party...cos we have to organise games for our dept party tomolo...i hope things will go well...

sat having squash one-day camp...forgotten that it clashes with sze's bbq...will make it...die die i'll go cos i said i'm going...u guys have fun bbq~ing first lo...need anything like tibits or alcohol then i'll buy when i'm on my way there k...

As for U!
speechless...sweet enough of u to send me home juz now and even sweeter of u to give me a surprise...was stressed out today....to the extend it's almost the same kinda stress i felt when i was having exam...well...tomolo's a brand new day...will be better i hope...can't wait for the weekends to come...esp next week's weekend...hehe...thank u so so much!!

how true is it...i dunnoe...

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic, you find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger than most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes, not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-



i'm stressed up...damn stress up...help help help...many things to do...am so damn sleepy...
ugrh...i hate stress...it got worst when i'm home...not so much during attachment...so shitty...really full of shit lo...cos my diagestive system always cok up during attachment...either too stress or something...

i need hug and i need ppl to tell me things are gonna be alright...that i'll not be dead after this one month of attachment...damn it...it's only 2nd day of attachment...

unplanned evening...

i've gotten my purple specs...muah haha...yah yah it's purple! nice k...anyway will let u guys see it on sat...haha

tue nite...was wearing very lok kok...cos someone was wearing t-shirt and berms...wanted to have dinner together then go home early...but we ended up going holland v...eh two underdress ppl going holland v...looked kinda weird...but cant be bothered...haha...simple nite turn out pretty fun...

wed nite...went city hall for dinner...ordered salad and coffee...eh nydc really give huge serving for their salad...cos the one we had ended up as our dinner...pretty big bowl of chicken and veg....soo damn healthy...haha....caught singapore idol at the foutain...first time watching tv there...mm it's like catching those kind of big screen movie except that this screen is made out of water...interesting...yeah taufik won...i've guessed correctly...muah haha...but who know's mb he'll end up like ruben...hmm...

alright, i have to get ready to meet my beloved peifen...havent seen her since her exam...
o yeah sat going yd's house to bum round...
ck babe...if u're reading this...not sure if u're free tomolo...i'll contact u k...mb can meet u for lunch or dinner...

as for U...i'll see u later...~buai buai~

drink drink drink...

wooo...had squash training with coach and the gals...fun...yah i always say it's fun...cos i enjoy the process...

haven't hang out together for so damn long...i miss u gals so much...i miss the drinking days....getting tipsy together and giggling away...o man i miss those days...really...

didn't drink that much last nite...one stella, one volka blackcurrent and one tequila shot...and tah dah...i'm sleepy...so lousy...haha...and can't even play pool properly cos the gals keep teasing and distracting me... so sorry angie...keeping making our team lose...hehe...

bought jessie belated birthday gifts...cos haven't had the chance to see her till yesterday...hehe hope she likes them...

process...am always trying to make the best out of it
many things happened without me knowing the outcome...neither will i wanna expect too much nor to make sure the ultimate outcome will appear for definite...
dunnoe wat i'm blabbering about...juz something that came across my mind...

6 days...

haven't been blogging for days and so many things had happened...gee...i'm dazed by the stuff that went by...

for many things that happened during these 6 days...i haven't quite figured out the reasons why they turn out this way....but i'm contented...pretty much... hehe....U!

sat~ got to hang out with my click of frens...watched SAW....psycho show...but interesting...haha...totally grossed out by the scenes...ck gotten so scared that he had to grab my sleeve...haha...cannot help it but i really find it funny when u hid behind ur bag, sat lower and lower and eventually grabbed the sleeve of the sweater that u lent me...haha...

sun~ went out with mr H...keke...had fun...loved to go out with him...walked around in town and had dinner...then walked around town again..haha...=p

mon~ went shopping with yd...walked alot man...pratically from one end of orchard to dohby ghaut...shopped quite abit...but didn't buy anything except for his 3 pairs of socks...haha...but i enjoyed his company...been a long long time since we last did that...

funny thing was...think both of us are getting older and were so exhausted from all the walking that eventually when we get the chance to sit down...we both let out this ~ah~ sigh...haha like some old ppl...old liao old liao!

in the evening...we went to baker's inn for desserts...my o my...their desserts are sooo good!!! my hot choco cake is soo rich...yd's cream something something(i dun rem the name) is good too...i love the crust on top...it's a sugared crust and u'll need to use the spoon to break it...underneath it is like egg pudding...~melt~ so nice!!!

yan joined us shortly after we're into the desserts...kena strangled by her while yd juz walked away talking on his phone! argh...didn't even save me from her claws...
okie lah i was at fault in the first place for not telling her something...but i still need help when this woman attack...haha...cos she can get quite violent...haha

anyway had fun that nite...happy happy...haha mr H joined us for awhile too...keke...

tue~ had squash training...arh..i nearly died lo...if u think running in the squash courts is easy...come join squash and give it a try...ran 50 times inside and my legs are wobbly already...good butt exercise though...haha try it...

wed~ met up with apple and min...went ktv...hahaha fun fun...always love to sing and hang out with them...alot of things to catch up with...haha even went raffles city to see apple's bf performing as tigger...haha quite funny...cos tigger keep waving at us on stage too...haha

went shopping with the gals after that...stamped my own toe with the high heel i was trying on...gosh was juz telling apple that the shoes look bimbotic and there i am stamping it on my own big toe...-_-''...duh...stupid stupid...bleed abit somemore...

thurs~ went schl for awhile...to surprise someone...haha...guess wat...while walking towards the schl...few feet away a girl infront of me gotten splashed by the car...cos it was raining then...i was trying so hard not to laugh...at the same time counting myself lucky that it's not me...hahaha...then another gal slipped and landed on her butt right before i entered the schl...i feel like i've jinx them or something cos both happened right before my eyes...o man...

o btw...i've gotten my results...hahahahaha satisfying lah...at least no sup paper!!! mainly Bs and Cs...haha...goodness...was so scared lo...cos COP was quite a killer...glad that ppl around me did well too..happy for them as well...hehe good good...

okie have to stop here...too too long le...one more week to attachment...worried...


hehe...yeah pulled thru exams...see...told u men's sixth sense is not accurate...haha
thank you for all the time spend together...love it....
lot more stuff to say but dunno how to put it so shall leave it as it is...
see you later!

incredibles...hehe

6 am in the morning, not that i woke up early... i simply can't seem to sleep...think btw 2-5 am i was sleeping...then suddenly ~ting~ i'm awake...no matter how hard i try to sleep...i can't....cham think tomolo may not be fit enough for training....

i'll still make it for the movie though...it's been a long time since i last watched a show with my click...gonna catch the movie- saw...plot seems pretty interesting, heard it's kinda relate to human survival instinct..mm...will let u know if it's nice...gee...i seemed to be into movie critque lately..

btw i bought the skirt i've been eyeing previously at project shop( ck rem the one i tried for u and sze to see...haha yah yah it's that one!!!) and it was like half price!! haha happy happy...

Insomnia...not sure issit the food i had for dinner, the coffee or you...

have been meeting up with mr H lately....first was in schl...then was lunch and yesterday for dinner and movie....watched Incredibles....eh not as nice as i expected le...beginning part was so draggy...okie lah it does get better towards the end...haha...

got home late...cos of the movie and it was raining so we're stranded in sheltered area...trying to look for cab...

thanx for sending me home...=) and thanx for the lovely nite!
~hugs~

not my cup of tea....

haha was on msn the whole day today...can't believe it...
okie and i went clubbing with the gals today...

first, we went to rouge...nice place...like the atmosphere and the serivce there...more of a chill out place...

then we wanted to go china black....BUT....super duper long que...so took a cab down to zouk and phuture....

dance floor was packed like sardine...and we have to squeeze with so many ppl juz to stand there in order to dance...-_-"....okie as u can see from the way i type...clubbing is so not for me...let me tell u:
1. i cannot dance
2. music sux
3. didn't get to drink much alcohol... if i drank more and i've gotten high mb i'll find no. 1 and 2 more bearable and fun...
4. all youngsters...and drunk(fat and ugly) guys that came and disturbed my gals...ugrh...so wanna flick them off like flies...

i did have fun at rouge when we sat down, talked and drank abit....had great time chatting with the gals...mm juz the dancing part...eh think i'm too old for that...hahaha...

anyway i bumped into yan and her gal...man her gal can dance real well...hehe no wonder this woman aint studying for her exam and instead came out to chiong...

need to sleep le...cannot take it...hair still wet but can't be bothered...tomolo still gotta go for dentist app at 11!! i have been good and have brushed my teeth all the time so pls pls pls...i dun wanna have any decay or holes in them...juz polish them white and shiny...~cross finger~


not sure what time u wait up till....gosh don't wait up next time...should sleep earlier cos u're still sick! okie am off to bed...~nite~

tired...

happy birthday ck!!!!!

o man...i'm sleepy...but have yet to bathe...waiting for the water to get hot...haha....

met up with apple today...finally we get to see each other!!...haven't seen her for monthsss....too bad min still having exams...if not three of us will have crazy time together...mm next wed...i think three of us will meet up...yeah!

we have so much to catch up...and we talked for so so long...haha....esp during dinner and coffee time...and we've been shopping around for her gifts and clothes for hours....man my legs are tired...esp after yesterday's jog....

okie i'm going to bathe now and then will be off to bed...
going clubbing with my classmates later tonite...i feel like drowning myself with alcohol but i know i can't...gotta look after the gals...hai i dun like dancing le...how...mb juz stand there and keep drinking...haha...we'll see...nite everyone...


happy...met up with someone in schl today...
poor chap...you seem pretty sick...eew...take care and pls see doc!

big huggzzzz

o yeah...brought the cookies for the guys and gal...papa ng, vicky, yidong, ck, adrian and chun yew....it's like a family gathering last nite...haha so fun! miss them miss them...finally had the chance to chit chat and bum around at papa ng's place...~contented sigh~ hehe

my reward for the day...big hugs from everyone! haha....okie lah i didn't hug papa ng...eh but i hugged his vicky..so can le...chun yew cannot hug...cos he's too young...haha...

actually, i'm just glad that i can cheer them up alittle...u know how exams can dampen one's mood...haha...but anyway u guys will soon be out of this misery...hehe

And yd...yes lah i celebrate both hari raya and deepavali...where can u find a fren as mutliracial as me..i've even got names in four different races remember...haha...=p

alrighty...i'm off to jog...finally the sky is clear and weather is so damn cooling!!! wonder how much i can run today...eh hopefully alot..haha...ciao~


=)...i'm not too sure what exactly happened but i do hope that this festive season and the visits to your relatives will cheer u up...smile...u know how to reach me when u need to...seeya!
~hugz~

cookies...yum yum....

yesh...managed to get some homemade cookies today....haha...all thanx to my lovely ah ping...u know wat...if u ever open a bakery shop...i'll chip in money to support u k...and help u eat too...muah haha

okie okie...i have to admit..i didn't do much..except for chopping up the nuts (which took me damn long cos the nuts keep rolling...and stop rolling ur eyes when u read this...haha) and shaping the cookies...plus washing up...yah i'm better at washing dishes than baking...haha

i love to hang out with this cousin of mine...cos she's like a little sis that somehow didn't pop out from my mom's womb...haha...i used to bully her alot man...make her cry alot too...but when i look at her today...mm i think she has grown quite abit...no longer the cry baby...hehe...although she made me puke blood during tuition...and is still doing it to the new tutor now....haha...still... she's fun to be with...we'll bake cookies or something else next time k...


~Before Sunset~

wanted to update about this movie but was abit *busy* lately haha

anyway i caught it alone...yah weird but with all my frens having exam and me so wanna catch this show...i seriously dun mind catching it all by myself...although yan keep saying how cham it is to catch a romance show alone...duh...

it's not really a romance kinda movie but it does talk about love and life....i juz looovvveee Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply...they did such great job! The chemistry between them is sooo good...makes me wanna watch Before Sunrise which was produced 9 yrs ago!


i like the relationship that they have...it seems so intense yet real....and it touches my heart so so much...

two strangers went seaparate ways after having met and spent a nite in Vienna 9 yrs ago...they parted before the sun rises...now they happened to meet each other after all these years....they only have one afternoon to find out if the feelings they left behind are real and whether they are really meant for each other....sound absurd...well u should catch it and if u ever do wanna watch it...dun focus too much on the ending or expect the two of them to make out and live happily ever after...cos in reality, things juz dun happen that way...and yesh the ending is slightly abrupt....but hey who is to say there must be an ending to every movie...

if u have the second chance, what would u do to prevent this special relationship from slipping away like it did previously?

the idea that we can only be complete with another person...ever wonder how and when it becomes such a norm...and why it is a norm?? well it's juz something that caught my attention cos i heard of it from a fren long ago and i know it's written by ethan hawke...and btw i love the part where julie deply was going bizarre in the car talking about her perspective towards love...cynical but interesting...catch it catch it...


okie...am suppose to be in bed...
words said, i've heard and i've remembered them
i may not say much but i am indeed smiling...
nitez~

how many ' if only..' have u said in ur life?

cant believe it...once again i woke up early...7.30am...i couldn't get back to sleep at all...it never occur to me that this aging syndrome will hit me so soon... o man...mm anyway i dun intend to sleep in too late...try not to if not during attachment period i sure die...

excited and scared at the same time...gotted posten to sgh neuro dept...demand is there...have to put in effort to keep up to it...

was chatting with this friend of mine the other day...and u know wat...i realise after 3 whole years...i'm still pretty much bitter about the previous relationship...mm...mb cos it's somewhat an unfinished episode...or perhaps it's juz my vincdictive nature...silly eh...i used to imagine the scenario on how my breakup will be...even though back then i was in the midst of being happily attached...weird eh...but anyway the ending is so not wat i thought it will be...

i dun hate him...in fact right now i dun feel a thing about him at all...i didn't shed a tear back then and neither have i cried when i think back...dun ask me why...i really have no idea...perhaps it's all these accumulated feelings that make me so insecure and cynical about relationship...think of it, these thoughts can be quite draining...but can't help it...it juz comes naturally...

life still goes on isn't it...right now i juz wanna be happy...

okie...change colour...went out having breadfast with my parents...they're like little kids chatting about this and that non-stop...

my dad said something about volunteer work...that it is a waste of time...that i should volunteer myself in housework instead( it aint the first time he said that)...-_-" u know i was like alley macbeal....playing scenarios at the back of my mind...except that this is no dancing baby but of stranggling my dad and shaking him hard...telling him to wake up....ugrh...he is so testing my patience....

i've been doing volunteer work since interact club days...and his words simply just brushed aside all my effort...i so wanna to ask him...so next time when i'm a therapist my job will be one that is of wasting time too issit...didnt ask...i was afraid of hearing his ans...cos if he ever said yes...i will stop eating immediately and walk home straight a way...thinking if it's time to move out of the house...seriously i had enough of him saying things that hurt me in one way or another...he did that once...and i crumbled like nobody's business....yah i am fragile esp to his comments...mb that's why i'm so stubborn, trying to prove him wrong...but time and time it seems like nothing has gotten across to him...

enough said...i'm going shopping...retail therapy..here i come...and i better get something good...after not being able to get my peachy bodynits panty...i need something else to perk me up...haha...

goodness...i think i had such bad cough that my chest hurts....i can't even breathe in hard or cough too much cos it's painful...thanx to exam man...ugrh...now i can't even do sit ups or go jogging...dun think my lungs can take it....

need to sleep...but aint really sleepy yet...bet it's the coffee taking effect...juz chatted with a friend...hehe

today's so fun...went out with pf finally...watch shark tale...ain't as good as finding nemo...story wise...it's not really a cartoon for children...seems to suit adults more...still, it's pretty entertaining...laughed quite abit...

bought a short skirt at far east...muah haha it's cheap! bought earrings too...my favourite tear-drop shape...wanted to get a pair of shoes too...but too bad last pair was the displayed ones...so gave it a miss...

went to this eating place at scotts food court...they have burger called bao-ger...haha...it's very much like burger except that the bread is replaced by the bao...mm...get it? anyway we didn't eat that...we ate the set dinner with rice...nice! the person in-charge recommanded us the chilli crab bao-ger...mb next time we'll try it...should be nice...

alright i need to sleep...need to go town again tomolo...meet elective mates to get my assignment signed...duh....and to meet yan....and this woman...did something shocking...so shocking that i think ppl will be looking at us tomolo...-_- thanx arh...

anyway nite~.....yd, ck, papa ng, adrian.....hang in there...exam will soon be over...soon we'll be able to party~~~

yeah...exam over...

muah haha...exams are finally over....i'm here idling around with nothing to do...cos most of my frens are still having exams....and poor pf is sick...so have to cancel the dinner with her...hopefully tomolo can meet up with her for a movie...

cleared my room...finally, i have adequate space to walk around...haha...can't believe myself...i have never been such a good girl before...to clear my stuff right after exam...haha even my parents said i'm a little weird...

anyway went wala wala yesterday...unexpected band wasn't performing...hai...wasted...i so wanna hear shirlyn sings...mm...they had this other band with a male lead singer...aint really special...songs they sang are basically wat u hear from radio...

bored bored bored...nothing to do...okie shall stop...gtg...waiting for someone to call...haha..

panicky...

the older i get the more panick attacks i'm prone to...first is pract now is exam....my heart is weak...it's going to fail me soon with all these heart racing moments...

using my brain to study brain functions and memory...if only when i study these topics my memory will increase from KB to GB...i'll be so happy...

Seriously i miss my friends...really i do...i miss theirs faces...i miss talking to them face to face...i miss laughing with them...yah u'll think i'm some crazy woman who can only miss friends cos she got no lover...haha but i really do miss them lots...the only thing i can do now is sms them...how am i going to survive if i ever wanna go oversea to study or work...hmm..beats me...

and i wanna watch Visit of Tai Tai too...but i know i dun have the luxury to do so...o well guys let me know if it's nice k...i'll catch other productions once my exams are done...hopefully by then there'll be good plays around...

Before Sunset....aim to catch it after exam too...ethan hawk...like him...esp after great expectation...sigh...

alrighty back to studies...hang in there...everyone...or mb just me...

my little kite

juz had two pract exams...taking a break...here's something i've written long ago...cant rem what i was feeling when i wrote this...juz something to share...

Daddy taught me how to make a kite
simpl, plain yet significant
Colourful strings attached to it
How beautiful the kite was,
I used to think

Soaring in the glaring sky
my little kite disappeared among the clouds
Panicked, yes I was
But with a little tug and pull
it came flying back into my sight, my comfort zone

Controlling the roll of thread was fun!
Pull it,
and the kite will be by my side
Let go,
and it will merge with the sky!

But how fun can it be
when the thread snapped
And my little kite was mine no more
Tried to grasp it with my little arms
All I had was emptiness

'It's okay' Daddy said
'We can always make another one'
Yes, and maybe I can attach more threads to it,
So that it will not be taken away from me again!

Daddy only smiled at me
The same kind of smile that I will have right now...

~yj~

@_@

Guess wat...i havent been sleeping for 20 hours le...rushing the 3 assignments...and i finally finished on time...hopefully i can make it thru...esp robert's case...i crack my head to do one....

aint really tired at this point...think over the point of feeling tired...

have to start mugging for papers le...and pract too...i really really hope i can do well for pract....though not very likely..but...will try my best...hopefully my mom will be guinea pig for me to test on....

think i may not blog for quite a while...but guess all my friends are busy mugging too...all the best for all ya exams...

gtg...ppl...sleep well and drink more water k....

i will survive...~i miss the helium voice~

running out of time but here i am...wasting time...sipping at my ginseng...hoping it will gimme the wakefulness that i so needed now...

2 down 1 more to go...drowning in the sea of papers...come look at my room...every inch of it is covered with papers...it's the time of the year again....reports...driving me nuts...hai this time of last year...i have buta san to acc me thru my typing....but this time round he's too busy to keep me company...hai yah miss those times...cos can irritate him...haha...have to thank him o...cos he always have to take my grumbles and complaints whenever i catch him online...


X: hey are u drowning?
Y: no, i'm swimming.

ass-u-me.....yup....ppl like to assume...explain further next time....i'm running out of time...

it's killing me....

arh....the headache is killing me...right frontal lobe...making my right eye pain also...as though it's gonna pop out...had it during squash training juz now...

training today is fun...kinda take my stress away abit...i think i'm driving coach crazy...cos i'm forever so slow...in reflex and in learning from my mistakes...hai yah but then i tried my best le....

arh...pain pain pain....weird tot i was hungry that's why headache came...but then ate bread liao it's still there...hopefully the bath will relieve it....

hai sickening shit...tomolo have to attend national education....waste my sleeping time....not that i dun love my country...but being a history student and under s'pore schooling system for so long...i bet the govt's propaganda is working very very well in all of us(if u watch dim sum dollies u'll know how true it is...ha!)...why on earth they want to make us sit thru these excruciating 10 hours of lectures....plus that lecturer....cannot stand him....

exams is in 2 weeks time...still doing assignment...next year how...will be worst lo...double the work load plus squash...how to cope arh...think i may juz drop dead...doubt i can fulfill the roles to expectations lel...how how how....

arh headache....i miss wala wala so much...i miss roy playing guitar too...hai~ but then heard he's not back with the band...hai~ why why why.....
will drink till i'm dead drunk after exam...dun care arh...i cant take it any longer...

foul mood

once again i'm in bloody mood...not cos i'm having my period...cos i've realise something which i have been denying and hoping it has changed....

firstly, i have so many darn assignments to rush that i practically haven't been sleeping more than 5 hours daily...and now i'm having sore throat...and headaches...great...

i realise no one in my family take me seriously...an hour ago my parents met old neighbours of ours back in the ang mo kio days...they came to our house, they talked and looked around.

Something in their conversation struck me...when they asked my parents if i were still studying in university...my parents juz gave a small laugh and replied yah havent finish studying...

i mean wtf...they dun even take the time to tell them that i'm in poly and not a uni-grad with basic degree student...they probably think it's such a trivial thing to them...mb they dun find the need to explain to other ppl but to me it juz mean something...they dun give a damn wat i'm doing...

count me a petty, paranoid, stupid bitch but all i ever wanted is their recognition...but all i ever get is seeing them proudly showing the neighbours the tonnes of books that my bro bought from china back when he was studying there...

and u know wat...i realise all these years i have been fighting the battle alone, trying so hard to get back on my feet and so bloody caution not to fall again, trying to make them proud of me...alone....no matter how much i tell myself that they are there for me...fact is they're not...

i'm so tired...whenever i touch on this issue i'm always so emotional...so lonely...

tired...have been sleeping less than 5 hours daily since the start of this week. test is over so i'll have to focus on the assignments coming along...

it's either my period is coming or i'm juz pure emotional...i acutally feel like crying and screaming my head off...too many things on hand and too little time to complete them...i actually feel like slapping ppl; holding them on the shoulders and shaking their heads off violently...not that i have any grudge against them...it's juz that the tot of it somehow helps de-stress me abit...u know like ally mcbeal...everything only happen in my brain...

lately have been stoning alot...as if living in my own world...cant seem to connect with things or ppl around me...it's like i'm fading off...slowly...mb eventually when i really do fade off no one will know...young environment...fun...cheery...but competitive and tiring too...guess i'm too old for it...or i simply has no abilities to keep up to it...

perhaps the barrier i built didnt allow me to connect with ppl around me...i make new friends, i can chat with them and i like them too...but somehow i juz feel something is lacking...something wrong with me...

head is really heavy now...felt it being hammered in the noon...sharp pain...but temporary...perhaps it's telling me to rest....

midnight...

was walking home alone from sengkang back to punggol at 1230am...took me 30 min to reach home....
one thing is that there isnt any more bus service back home...another thing is i juz wanna walk...alone...at night...

quiet nite...cooling...listening to my receiver and walking....felt relaxed and at ease....a peaceful feeling that i have no idea how to put across....yah a little dangerous mb...but there's no one on the streets except cars, me and my music....nice....

havent been walking that route lately...kinda missed it...passed the flyover; watched the cars drove by...reminded me of something in the past.....

a walk like this always manage to calm me down and pacify my distress....therapeutic sia...haha...yah only for me...

tomolo watching movie at art house...yeah....

faith...

squash tornament ended today...players did great job! am really proud of them...though we may not be top 4...still we proved that we work as a team...

havent got the chance to mention bout sat's event...the yr 3 of OT students organised the sports day for the SPD ppl....we as yr 2 and yr 1 students got to help out....

really fun event...had fun fair and sports game for the physically disabled and intellectually disabled ppl....so fun! seeing them enjoy themselves made me feel that the time spent was so worth it...

was in charged of low functioning intellectually disabled clients....they can be really cute and smiley; naughty and playful; bad temper and throwing tantrum occasionally...intereacting with them really open my eyes...cant say i know how to deal with them totally...but at least i feel comfortable around them=)

okie...today went to IMH...for visit k...not to admit there...went with lecturer and classmates over to have a look in how OT has helped mentally ill patients...interesting visit....enriching..

after the session had ended...my project group mates stayed over in IMH's cafeteria to have discussion....o my goodness...we're really surrounded by whole lot of mentally ill patients...one kind of experience man....this india guy even came over and introduce himself...telling us he's a schizophrenic patient who stayed in IMH for 15 yrs...not that we're scared or anything...but juz dun understand how come they can walk around out of their wards...

a friend asked me...dun u pity these mentally ill ppl??? well...why should i? like i said...these ppl have had enough stigma and pity for as long as they had their illness...what they need is faith from us...why place emphasis in pitying them when we could have done something more productive with them...

not sure since when i have this thought...be it mentally ill pt ; SCI pt; cerebral palsy kids ; intellectually disabled pt...they're like angels with broken wings, sent down to let us know that the world is imperfect and never take things for granted...

it's juz a thought...

freak....

i need recognition...
i need a pat on the shoulder...
i need assurance...
i need security...
i need support...
i need control...
i need friendship...

i dun need a lover...
i dun need sarcasm...
i dun need laziness...
i dun need hypocrites...
i dun need stupidity...

i juz wan a hug...is that too much to ask for?

happy sha la la la.....

am so happy....today's matches are good...the guys and the gals....everyone is so excited esp for the gals team against tp...and i'm so glad that we beat them

o man...my heart was beating so damn hard when i saw them play...such tough fights but they did so well...really deserved it...

i love the team spirit...not only the team players but the club members who are cheering as well...love them so much man...

another match on thurs...i hope they'll carry on the fighting spirit!

All the best!

back on my feet

alright...fri has finally came...
have never felt as tensed up before as today...had discussions one after another...have notices of deadline for various reports and presentations...
great thing was that i get to go out with this fren whom i knew thru the camp previously...he's cool...and fun to talk with...asked me some questions that i'm too brain dead to come out with proper ans...alittel too stoney becos toooooo lacked of sleep! still it's pretty interesting to converse with someone who is younger and of other culture.

something that we chatted about...simplistic person that he hopes to find as his companion...rem i made a remark...if only things around us are that simple...i guess ppl will be as simple too and there won't be so much conflicts among one another...u'll realise the older u grow...the more complex things around us seems to become...welcome to adult world...o well hopefully he'll find a simple gal...then he'll be a really lucky fellow...

felt so relaxed and calm to talk and juz bump around...after whole day of being hectic...i really need that...so i truly appreciate the company...

alright...sat....bloddy bloody tired.....wanted to skipped read-with-me prog...but then...the children's faces started poping out in my mind...so in the end i went...and boy...they're still as cute as ever...never fail to amaze me...they may be kids with some deficits but...but their innocence will always be something that touches me...and their smiles...haha definitely make my day...i love to see this particular kid smile...so sweet! considering he used to cry all the time when he comes...it's really nice to see him smile...and this timid gal who smiles the most when she sees her mother...cute!

next week last lesson with them...mm...quite fast eh...

went out to lunch after the volunteer work...with jiarong...hai yo this guy ah...never seem to change...still as happy go lucky as ever....always makes me laugh like hyena whenever he fills me with his absurd ideas...this time round..it's about the sorta wife he wanna get..-__-"someone who is motherly...o man...can't stand him! haha...wonder when he'll grow up...mentally i mean...physically he's already like a gaint...hehe

alright...long winded eh...after lunch went squash...fun..though have to 'fight' for courts...ran more this time round...played few games with the gals and guy...not bad...enjoyed myself alot! muah haha....will challange them again next week....

dinner...went to buy cake for vicky...simple celebration this yr...no more helium birhtday song...haha...o man i miss those times...still rem singing 'i will survive' in that sorta ducky voice in front of the vcam...haha...hilarious...try it if u can...really entertaining...

gtg sleep...nite~

i think i need waterfall....or my regular LIT....

for those who understand the heading....haha u know wat i mean...shh...

yes tomolo is fri...finally i can rest a little bit...been sleeping late for all the 5 days...am trying to pushed myself to do the stuff...sometimes sleeping can be so waste of time..but i can't say i can do without it...

i know i'm tired but somehow i'm like nuts...keep pushing myself all the time...i wanna know to what extend i can push my limit to...or perhaps i'm juz trying to prove something...

i wanna be simple minded or i tot i am one...but actual fact... my thoughts are always complex, contradicting, cynical...

i wanna type more...but brain not working le...so nitenite

pissed off with myself

am fucking pissed off now...with myself...dun feel like talking...
what's wrong with me...watever i do it all turn out wrong...
starting to doubt my capabilities...
can i do it or can i not...
i hate regrets and i hate history to repeat itself...but whenever shit happens i'll start to contemplate the decision i've made...
i tried to be as strong as i can all these while...
i really cant afford to collapse at this point...
no one knows how much effort i put in to pull myself out from the shit i went thru before
who can i lean on if i ever gone down again...
myself? God? friends? parents?
i feel so tired...mentally...

funny conversation

was chatting with yk last nite...was telling me some cases that he encounter in phone counselling...came across something that i couldnt help laughing....it's the way he try to explain things to me...damn funny...here goes our chatting....

yk: orh...encountered some guys who called thru the line and tell us ridiculous things...

me: uh wat ridiculous things?

yk: usually caller will call and say they have relationships with 20 men..or some guy will call in and say he jerked off in his sis's room...all very exaggerated one...

me: uh jerked off?means???

yk:......(super long pause k)
ehh well...which is the biggest room in ur flat?

me: uh masterbed room lo...

yk: uh huh...u minus the word room...
ta da u'll get the meaning of jerk off...

Yah that's basically it...-__-''... i was like laughing my head off..he could have saved all the trouble and tell me straight away wat it means....never fail to make me laugh man...come to think of it...i should have answered him living room instead of masterbed room...then i'll see how he's going to explain to me about that...hahaha....

yeah i'm finally done with my report...did it from 4pm all the way till sun set...hai damn slow...should speed up my pace man...at least now one load off my back...yeah!

tomolo is the IVP for our squash...it's gonna be tough fight but i'm sure our players can do it...go with open mind and do ya best...=)

my room has been in a mess since....dunno when...am the most untidy gal...haha think it'll be worst with all the reports to do...mm...i did clean up but it juz went back to that messy state...too bad lo...

o yah gina coming nyp for a 3 months course...so exciting...can finally meetup with her for lunch! haha it's been like 4 yrs since we last studied together in nyjc..now we can be school mates again..hahalucky lady...hopefully this coming job will be a good one for her...on the other hand...she can always stay home and be tai tai...haha guess we've all had this idea that she'll be a housewife once she get married....

alright...i gotta go bathe...need a hot bath...if only my toilet has bath tub too...that'll be superb...ha ciao~

one week gone...argh....

great....my one week hols juz zoom past me like that...gotta rush my counselling report...am so dead again...once this hols end...it'll mean endless assigments and project work...did i say i used to hate project work...but somehow i prefer it more than reports now...ugrh...

went for a camp on mon and tue...pretty interesting...second day was more fun...cos my team can work better together....we actually enjoyed ourselves more without all the conflicts and struggles....it happened during day 1...and i was quite taken aback...

Few things happened...
1. swam for the first time in nyp pool...

2. slipped by the pool side...damn stupid and embarassing...cos i was practically on my back...like an old lady...sooo malu...my only concern-my back, luckily it wasnt a hard fall..if not i'll get another fracture again...

3. gotten pushed into the pool by my facilitators...have yet to revenge =p

4. made new frens in my team...soo happy to know them...facilitators included...haha

5. china guy in my team actaully said my chinese not bad...hoho havent hear that for a long time...happy...

6. first time i host a short performance...uh i tend to stammer whenever i have to speak in english in front of whole lot of ppl...good that it didnt happen~ phew~

7. didnt know i can run that fast.....sprinting is so not my cup of tea....nearly died after the run...haha...man i rather jog 8 rounds than sprint 400m.....

8. i thought my patience is getting shorter and shorter...in fact it's still there...and stretched too...think this thing comes along with age...ha....

it's memorable for me...cos i seldom get to participate in this kinda camp...ppl i intereact with never fail to amaze me with their capabilities.....


after camp, was slacking at home...studying for basic theory...should have gone for the bike one...cos bro say if i gotten the lisence for it he'll buy me a bike....haha wonder if he'll keep to his words...=p at the most i drive dad's bike....

thurs went out for ppr discussion....so fun...am going to film something again...hopefully it wont take long...went out shopping with ck then...bought a top and he ended up buying more than me...how unfair is that....but babe...thanx for coming down to accompany me despite u lacking of sleep....muack...thank u.....still think it's funny...the way we chatted that day...hee...

okie i seriously need to sleep...nite everyone.....yd, papa ng and vicky and adrian...meet up soon....muack!