some ppl are meant to be a passerby in ur life, while others like us are meant to be the residents....will stay there forever & ever!!
fen said that to me...

i'm blessed with friends who love me dearly...i know who they are and i'm really grateful to have them by my side...

i think i ate the heaviest dinner tonite...favourite garlic prawn...havent ate tat much for past 2 weeks...feel so darn fat...

bought the puma jacket i like...happy happy...hehe...

darn sleepy now...waiting for hair to dry...gotta work tomolo to make up my mc...mm...have to hang in there for 4 hours...should be able to make it...

i'm so dead...gonna finish assignment within 2 days...so so dead...4 days to sleeping in late, playing squash, going for tanning and lazing around...i need sleep....

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...

it's been a yr ago since i've watched it...till now i still miss this movie...wonder if anyone loves it as much as i do...blogged about it last yr...and i still stand by wat i say...haha...mindset no change le...

6 more days to end of clinical...as usual...i think i'll miss my patients...though they mainly consist of bangladesh, india and china workers...talking to them can be quite a challenge...but it's always nice to see them smile at u cos they become familiar with u thru the treatment...and as always...i like to inflick pain on them...cos sometimes i juz dun understand how their reactions can be so darn great with juz a little push...okie lah...i do respect pain okie...like wat HB told us to...muah haha...it's juz that seeing them flinch abit can be quite funny...~i must never get injured...i must never get injured~

i'll miss my cute colleagues and sup too...they're really nice to me...guiding me all along...

no one relies on another person to survive...i like this phrase cos i know it's true...

sigh i'm sleepy again...gotta nap...

here i am whining again...slept at 8 last nite...concussed totally cos the nite before i slept less than 3 hours rushing my presentation slides...

havent been quite myself lately...with so many things happening i actually pulled thru without breaking down...tot i'm gonna screwed up my presentation but it went alright...still have some other stuff to rush...juz mean that i'll sleep less and eat less...good way to lose weight though...i'll pamper myself after attachment...face breaking down man...sux

putting up a front at work is easy...i'll juz need to smile and carry out treatment with them...they wont know how tired i am inside...

but i cant seem to mask my expression in front of my frens...i know they shouldnt be the ones taking those crap that i havent snapped out from...

sigh...with the past two relationships...it juz get worst towards the end...first break up was via phone...second was via sms...why is it so hard to say things face to face? i'm only worth 5 cents of the money to being told the truth...i tot better of him...sigh...cant help but feel that there is something wrong with me...how did i find two guys of similiar traits...yd said it's juz my luck...sigh i'm so darn lucky then...

enough whining...7 days to freedom...muah haha...i wanna colour my hair...cut my hair...tan away my dark circles and fats...wilful way of thinking but i'm always like that...no choice...attachment already makes me look haggard enough...plus the stress and failed r/s...i looked worst...must get my sporty look back...

fucked up...made a stupid mistake in clinical today...argh...one dumb mistake can ruin wat i've established...think i'm falling sick again...havent been eating and sleeping much cos rushing reports and stuff...so screwed...

feeling miserable now...hangover...i tot i'll cry my hearts out last nite since i'm with the gals drinking...but none happened...i'm still the tipsy me...giggly and all...why cant i juz cry my hearts out...

was totally gone...i had no recollection on how i've gotten out of the pub and ended by the beach...and my back is filled with bruises...sorry gals...u must have had a hard time handling me...

messed up now...something i tot didnt happen actually did...argh...

am so not sober now...feel like puking still....sigh....

everything is replacable...esp me...i can be replaced so darn easily...

i cant wait!! wala wala...i miss unexpected so much!!

peifen...thank you for the hairclip...felt much better after talking to u...thanx for sacrificing ur time to be with me...i know i always whine alot and poor u have to take it all the time...i really hope we can go backpacking next year after me and min grad...hehe u better save up now man...i'm so darn envious of ur nz trip! so fun!

wanna get out of singapore...the urge of doing it is getting stronger esp when i'm graduating in one year's time...been thinking about it since years back...wonder if i can survive out of singapore...watever it is i'll only know when i get to try it...it'll be fun if i can work as an OT in other countries...

anyway darn tired...dunno why...hasnt been eating much...been drinking lots of coffee though...
keep myself awake during the day...but making myself tired with my work at nite...so that i can zonk out into sleep straight away...hehe...tomolo nite...i hope i dun end up by the toilet bowl...

i'll be getting belated presents from gal friends...hehe how sweet is tat...yd, where is mine??go shopping after my attachment has ended??

i've juz splurged on a skirt and a top yesterday....eek...spending too much =p

i need a drink...ray...if u read my blog...can we go happy daz this sat? i promise i wont make u clean up my puke like u did at ktv that nite...i'll notify u first? haha...and pls dun use smelly plastic bag on me...

went to observe a surgery yesterday...elbow fracture...it's really cool...a little bloody and gruesome...but am quite amazed by the surgeon...he drilled and hammered the bone as though it's juz a piece of wood...next time if i ever need to go for operation...i think i'll be scared to death cos basically u're lying there unconscious, leaving everything to the surgeons...whether he can fix it well or not...u wont know...watching the surgery was quite fun..me and the other therapist are so much shorter that the surgeon gave us stool juz so that we can have a better view of his operation...

i cant wait for the attachment to end...but first i need to finish my presentation slides and report which i havent started...eek...

i need closure...perhaps i shouldnt depend on the other party to do it...cos i dunnoe when it'll happen...i dun wanna drag cos i owe it to myself to be happy...i'll close this chapter myself...afterall i've given myself 3 days...to cry, to mourn, to filter things out...

i guess clinical kinda distracted me...but it's not easy to deal with so much shit at the same time... i juz have to deal with them somehow...like it or not...

sigh...pretty bubbles that i tot will not burst so soon finally go disappearing into thin air...i know these bubbles wont last..juz didnt expect it'll go off so soon...i had my happy times...i've cried, i've laughed, i've tried loving someone and i've gotten myself hurt...it's all about choices...i cant blame anyone else...in fact there's no need to...i dun hate him for ending the r/s the way he did...i juz stop loving him...end of chapter...

o...i told mom bout my plan of moving out after i find a job...she seemed okie with it...and i've checked out on the amt needed to go oversea for degree conversion too...i really hope i can do that...arh but i need sugar daddy first...haha

again...tiredness overcoming me...gotta nap...ciao~

sigh...fell sick...headache and tummy ache...sian...have to make up for clinical...later have to go see doc to get mc...

com is hanging on me constantly...arh...damn it...all bad things come at the same time...testing my limits...

damn gotta visit the toilet again...ciao~

ck...thanx for acc me today...sorry u have to put up with my face...and that u have to keep smiling to cheer me up...

yd...ur words meant alot to me...thanx for calling to check on me...

simin and peifen...muack...thanx...i'm really looking forward to going travelling with u gals...need to get away from s'pore...been dying to do that...

i guess i'm back to singlehood...nah... i'm fine...aint crying...i'm done with that few days ago...at the moment i'll juz have to supress my emotions so that i can get thru my clinicals...when is my breaking point? mm i dunno...i have to be strong..i have to be fine...appear to be fine at least...i dun have a choice...cos i know ppl around me will be worried...

it doesnt matter to me anymore...whether to meet up or not...decisions are pretty much set isnt it...wont bug u anymore...i'll juz need to pass u some stuffs...if u really cant face me...then perhaps i'll either pass it to ur fren or leave it at ur door step...

i'm tired...need to sleep...been sleeping but still feel tired...tonnes of work awaiting for me...think next few nites dun need to sleep le...but what to do...that's life regardless of u being happy or not....argh i need a drink...perhaps after attachment i'll do that...

feeling numbed now...i dunno wat to say...i juz realised i'm actually not worth fighting for...is it something wrong with me..

so...being too nice and understanding is actually something that can be given up so easily...it happened once...it happened again...u think it's fair to me that i wont suffer further...but i guess the impact of being given up affects me more than anything...

whatever it is i dun think i can control it...if u think u actually feel better without me...then we'll juz have to leave it...but if u think u're willing to take up the challenge...i'll be taking it up with u...


i'm having a competition later...wish me luck...damn i havent been training and now i have to play...eek....okie i go read papers...

aint feeling too good...

i tried so darn hard not to cry...but i did..

it's not about clinical...i'll never cry no matter how hard clinical is...

i cant hold it...so i juz let it out when i took the bus home...i hate to cry..esp over something i cant control...but ironically it always happened...it doubles my silliness which i already am quite severe in it...

tomolo is my mid way eval...wish my luck...

another week has past..i've seen 13 pts today...and surprisingly my sup say i quite zai so far cos i dun seem stress treating so many pts...mm i wonder why too...perhaps i like to be busy...cos time passed faster...work work work then lunch time..<30 min lunch break then work work work again...then soon knock off time...isnt it good...then u wont have extra time to idle around...no time to think of other stuff...no time to even go toilet...

called whole bunch of freshies...call till i wanna puke...now i'm seeing stars...tired man...everyday i'm seeing pts till i see stars too...dealing with club stuffs and clinical...can be quite tiring...luckily i have good committee to help me with my club stuff...really grateful for that...

i'm pushing myself again...as though to numb myself emotionally and mentally...i dun wanna feel vexed with problems...juz wanna be happy with wat i'm doing and be contented with the things i have...do i still take things for granted? mm i hope not...always reminding myself not to...am i being taken for granted then...mm i dunnoe...hope not too...

eh seeing stars...dun noe wat i'm typing...gonna sleep...

busy morning i had...monday morning it's always hectic...i'm in my 2nd week going to third and i'm like seeing 8 pts already...time pass faster when i'm doing stuff...good...i like it that way...though that means it's more demanding for me...

i juz hope i'll be more careful and not make stupid mistakes again...keep missing little stuff when i'm doing my documentation...shall take note of that..

this morning...i woke up late...so took a cab down...bloody hell...dunno where a green spider pop out from...it crawled from my hand onto my face! yucks...i fling it to the floor and squash it flat...haha...heng it's not poisonous...

i feel like screaming now...who can i scream to? myself and my pillow...arh...

i'll be fine...
things will be alright...
i'll be strong...
i'll not cry...
i'll not scream...
i'll survive...
i'll be sane...
i'll be good...
i'll be alright...

yah...like real...

friday nite...
yippee...bought a skirt from fox women...happy...cos i havent bought any clothes for a long long time...

had dinner with ck and was shopping with him...yd joined us later...shop around bugis and orchard...most of the shop were closed by then....so we ended up chatting at wheelock starbucks till 1++am....i miss talking to them! feel so good to chat with the guys....juz talked about anything and updating each other...


sat nite...went drinking...wanted to go wala...but ended up in zee10...not bad...we had fun...though it would have been better if we can go wala...i miss drinking...and last nite was really something i needed since attachment...gals thanx so much for the gifts and all...
after drinking we went ktv to sing...but i ended up sleeping in the room...haha....didnt get to sing much...too bad...next time maybe....

met up with peifen and simin juz now...peifen juz came back from new zealand...boy am i envious...looking at the photos she had taken makes me wanna go too...places there are darn pretty lar...
btw we kinda confirm that we'll be going KL in july after my attachment...so fun! it'll be the first trip ever for the 3 of us after so long! looking forward to it! yeah all thanx to simin who so wanted to go in the first place...haha

actually right now i'm not feeling too good...worried about club crawl and attachment...sigh...and my baby is gonna go for camp again...guess it's another week of not seeing him...sometimes i wonder will i ever get use to this...sigh...wat can i say...i'm trying to...

Finally, i meet my baby after a week of not seeing him...

had simple dinner at harour front hawker centre and then head home to rest...

i know u're tired...can see from ur face and how fast u fell asleep in the train...i know u made the effort to come down alexandra to meet me cos u said u'll do that during lunch time... i'm happy enough =)

have been taking down notes for my clinical for the pass one hour or so...need to take a break before i start having phobia about hands...

quite funny...i borrowed a goniometer from my sup on fri cos i wanna go home practise the measurement of the bending angle of the digits...took it to camp with me..and i ended up measuring my squashies' hands during the camp...haha actually i only started out with my committee members then the others juz willingly lend me their hands after that...haha so cute..esp the twins...

slept for 14 hours since last nite...can u imagine that...i havent had this kinda luxury since long ago...was sleeping like a dead pig by 8.30pm and none of my family members knew i was home...sis-in-law even tot i went out again and sms me to ask wat time i'll be home...she said i blend so well with my bed that none of them notice me sleeping...-_-"

will go jogging if i'm not feeling lazy...woo hoo...got new earphones...hooked to the ear kind...now i dun have to keep adjusting it while i jog..cos the previous one keep dropping out...damn irritating...

weather is good...for the first time i didnt take any nap even when it rained...muah haha...mm...something is not right...if yk knows he'll have said this " you're not jiahui! u're fake! where is the real piggy jiahui?" muah haha

really really tired...right now i cant even open my eyes to the usual size that it suppose to be...

camp juz ended...i cant say it's a very very good camp...but at least we accomplished wat we suppose to do...good enough...at least nothing major cropped up...

pretty fun last nite...walking around with committee at the schl's track...wah...can see alot of stars le...it's so unsual to see so many stars in s'pore...so all of us were like standing on the track staring at the sky for very long...so nice...

sigh...think i'm old le...cant stay up for long...wanted to paint banner with the gals thru the nite..end up i slept at 3,4+ till morning...still, i'm tired the whole day...trying to pull thru the day despite my aching head...sian...

another thing is...i gave my classmate's chalet a miss...so so sorry regina...i wanted to go down straight from schl but had too many stuff to carry home...really sorry about that...but i do hope that u like the present...

so sweet..dylan actually planned a surprise 21st birthday party for regina at east coast chalet...wonder how everything turned out...o man missed out so many things..first is...class chalet and now this...feel so far away from my classmates...wont see them for another month le...so lonely...hai~ like outcast le...except that i aint out of the group cos i'm weird but becos i'm busy with other stuff...argh...sian

no life...no life...no life....

morning: bright and energized...looking forward to the day as best as i can...attachment is pretty interesting...abit stressful cos sup demands quite abit...but so far she's pretty nice...others like TAs and other OTs in the hospital are nice and friendly too....juz like one big family...with my sup being the mother hen...haha

evening: dead tired...i have been sleeping like a dead fish in the train on my way home for these two days...kinda like a natural thing for me do already...cant help it...i've used up my energy to sustain my alertness during the placement...

bro juz threw tantrum really badly...i guess he's stressed up about his 3 weeks china trip...sigh...poor thing

right now...i'm sleepy...tired...as usual...think i'm gonna take a nap then read up then check on my squash gals...sigh..i'm really sorry for not being able to do the stuff with u two...i'm sorry for having u two to run the camp first...really thankful to have the two of u

nite time...i always start missing hairul...have been receiving his calls at round 2,3 am...good enough since he's away for camp in malaysia...and with the bad reception hearing his voice is comforting enough...

gtg...i'll try to survive this week...next week i'll be even more stressed up...sup is gonna ask alot of qn man...cham...have to take in as much infor as possible...

one more day to attachment...one more day....

what have i been doing? settling squash stuff as best as i can...trying to read up 'hands' stuff...which reminds me...everytime it comes to 'hands'...i'm always hugging buddha's leg...except that this time round nikki is not with me...i'm alone...

managed to spend time with hairul today...nice...felt more settled and very much contented being with him the whole day...i know i can be difficult at times...i appreciate him for tolerating my tantrums, mood swings and my fickle-mindedness...i always try to think of a win-win situation for the both of us which can turn out pretty upsetting and bizarre sometimes...sorry for making things difficult...

the talk over the phone last nite...i truly appreciate that too...it puts me at ease knowing that we both are trying to make the best out of this relationship...nothing is easy...we both are aware of that...but at least we are happy with wat we have now...
thank u baby...

i guess i have to start singing my helium voice song...i will survive...need to pull thru this week...
reality...i need to face it...

predicted mood for the next few days: fucked-up mood...

need to sort things out...all my plans have to be re-arranged due to the last min changes...need to gear up for my placement...

actually right now i'm pretty panicky inside...am suppressing my feelings, emotions, mood, blah blah...i dun have time for all those things...watever it is i'll have to pull thru it...i'll juz have to see how far i can stretch myself till...

sigh...sucky day...bloody luck...

i think god has been giving me signs all these while...first, hairul gotten fractures for his wrists...then is apple telling me how sucky her job interview was at AH....then is sid always asking me if i get hands placement how....

yesterday...gotten a call from HB...asking if i can start my placement next wed...hands placement at alexandra hospital...i'm like...huh...i can say no meh...sigh...wah biang...hols cut short...squash camp coming...club crawl preparation on the way...like that i'm gonna die lah in 2 weeks time...

comforting thing is...hairul is finally back from his trekking...hehe...

have to thank yd and yk for talking to me and keeping me sane...yeah went wala last nite...still as fun as ever...too bad cant stay there for long....hopefully will get a chance to go there again...soon...haha...

can't u let me stay home for awhile longer and do my own stuff...

u said i can do it when i'm free...why are u pressing me about it then...it's juz a bank book...maybe to you it's super important...but i'll get it done by the end of the week...

told u i'm tired...and tired of having to travel to schl for 4 days out of a week...which is why i wanna stay home for as long as i can...but i dun think u get it...perhaps u dun see why i cant get out of the house earlier and u dun understand why i'm going to schl so frequently despite the fact that it's schl hols...whatever it is...i will do whatever u want me to do...i'll get it done alright....

it brings me back to my sec schl years...
i rem i told u once that i was selected to be president for my chinese cultural society club...
i told u with excitment and a tinge of pride...i was expecting u to be happy for me and the very least, supportive of your daughter...
'arh...why president...can u not take it?' was ur response...
wat can i say? wat can i do? it seems like my parents aint impress or proud of it...
perhaps that's when i stop informing them much about myself except for trival stuffs...
cos i know wat their response will be..

i wonder if they're ever proud of me...

happy~

had fun yesterday...cos i managed to buy myself a tube top..and the gals gotten me a bra and panty that i wan..muah haha...sexy~
hehe thank you so much...had so much fun trying out dresses with u gals

my meetup wit pri schl fren was surprisingly a pleasant one...no awkwardness despite not seeing each other for about 10 years...we've talked so much! trying to update one another on our lives for the past 10 years in the 1 hr+ conversation. Really nice chatting with him...

best part of the meetup was when my fren took out his ic plus his ns card and showed me his pri 6 and after poly pic...o my gosh...he is so much better looking now...well built and more charming...haha...i couldnt help burst out laughing when i saw his pri 6 photo...cos that's where my memory of him stopped at...chubby, flat hair,big size,cute looking guy...haha i miss that fat fat cute looking him...but then am glad that he managed to lose weight...cos he was way overweight then...am glad that he's happy with his life too...working so hard to establish his career...

it's nice to meet up old frens once in awhile...kinda brings back childhood memory...and reminds me of how much older i am now...sigh...aging man...sux...

listening: Quando Quando Quando by Michael Buble and Nelly Furtado

soothing...like this version alot...juz give you a different feel when you listen to it...

sigh...are promises made meant to be broken? if so, then don't make promises that u're not even sure u can fulfill...have learnt my lesson not to give empty promises unless i know i can keep to them...wat comes around goes around...dun like to receive empty promises so i dun wanna do that to others too...perhaps that why i always use the word 'i'll try...'

expectation+promises=disppointment
no expectation + no promises= no disappoinment

easy as that...

gotta go wash up and meet my pri schl classmate whom i havent seen for 10 years! mm...poor chap tried to organise a pri schl gathering but none make confirmation with him...mm...dunno why i've decided to meet him..alone somemore...tried to persuade simin to go but she dun wanna come...peifen now in new zealand...mm juz tot it'll be nice to meet up since he put in effort to organise an outing which failed...

Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy.
But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.
~Mitch Albom
The Five people you meet in Heaven

meaningful isnt it...any kind of love will go thru that situation whereby the joy within slips away under the presence of any challenges and to replenish it, is to work from the baseline instead of focusing on the surface...arent we all constantly focusing on the wat we see instead of wat we should understand...cos it's always easier to tackle things that are the most obvious to us...

going to finish reading this book. Pretty interesting to me. Kinda like it more than ' Tuesday with Morrie'. If u have time, go read it...

kinda lost touch with artsy films lately...wat happened arh...mm...time plus money constrain...
arh..mb if tomolo i have time i'll watch 'the hours' again...if only i have dvd of 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' , 'before sunrise' and 'before sunset'.... i think i'll watch them again and again...haha...sigh...good movies are hard to find u know...must find a way to get back to watching arts films!

last nite i was writing my journal...fell asleep while penning my thoughts down...didnt know i can do that...haha...must be too tired...anyway i like it that way...cos i wont dream that much and i'll feel more refresh when i wake up...

yeah...finally bro brought back sis's roller blade...gonna try it out again...do or die i wanna master the art of roller blading...cos my area is such an ideal place to do that...juz pray hard that my bones arent brittle and that i wont crack any of it again...

so far...presents received: crumpler bag ( hehe from hairul), cool note book+cap (thanx to liting, ying ying, huixin and audrey), cards (thanx to aunt, my squash mate, shijie), dkny perfume+moisturiser( thanx ck! i love it!!!), bikini( sexy ones from apple and shimin), earphones( cool ones from weiming, weikun and jianming), lunch + courtshoes ( peifen and simin...muack!), yummy dinner and cake ( yd's mom, yd, ck, sze, vicky, yk, jl, yilong and adrian, thank u!), surprise cake and coming gift voucher ( eve, chris, nikki, kaysing, regina)....wah haha...i've decided to get myself either nice hair clip, earrings or bra....mm perhaps i'll settle with bra...wah haha...nice nice! we shall see to it!

more pictures

Realise the auntie at the background has the same look as ours? haha


smiley...beer...water...banana me...


this is my 'yah right...' look
dunnoe why...but i just like this pic alot...


handsome and me! nice pic eh...good lighting!
and that's not my hand on his arm...haha looks like it isnt it?


blurry...but nice...


and lastly...someone whom i'm gonna miss for the next 5 days...

First time....

First time...

Daddy pad my head this morning...wishing me happy birthday...gave me 100 bucks ang bao...

Mommy wished my happy birthday too...

Hairul being the first to wish me happy birthday and owing me 23 k

Frist time...

Me crying non-stop in front of the com now...not even knowing why i do that...it juz keep flowing out...sudden outburst of frustrations...emotions....all combined and oozzed out of my eyes...making them swollen and red...making me look like raindeer...sux...

gonna go wash up...

23 no longer 22

Happy Birthday to me...one year older...dunno to be happy or wat...haha...

surprisingly...mommy remembered my birthday...offered to go out to eat as form of celebrating it for me...mm...weird...last last yr and last yr dun have leh...anyway cannot make it for dinner lah cos got training...plus have to meet SAO for some discussion first...i juz hope that things can go smoothly...

went sentosa with my hairul for a retreat on mon and tue...wat can i say other than fun fun fun! played volleyball, frisbee...we're even joined by these bunch of uni kids and played a few games of frisbee with them too...pretty fun...they all look so young man...we tot they're poly kids in their 17s...cos the guys dun even look like they've been thru ns...hmmm....

stayed in rasa sentosa for one nite...nice place...nice pool...got lots of ang mos with their ang mo kids...haha so cute...too bad the room we've gotten is not the one facing the sea...if not it'll be real nice!

after this trip...i'll be back to schl to work on squash stuff...arh...dunno why members getting lesser and lesser despite us calling...i hope i'm not making a mess out of the club...sigh...

arent i suppose to be happy? am going to spend time with my dear away from singapore...okie it's only sentosa but better than nothing mah...

sigh...but something not quite right...maybe it's my period...or the fact that i'm gonna be one year older soon sickens me...not that i'm afriad of getting old...it's juz that i'll always be reminded of the disppointment and bitterness when i was 21...of cos at the same time i'm reminded of the sweet sweet memories at wala when i'm 22...
just that bad things plague me more than the happy ones...

this whole thing juz kind of dampen my mood...arh...sick woman..what exactly do u want...i dunno...get it over and done with...ironic ironic...dun e and u wont get the d...sigh...shall keep to that...afterall that's wat happened last year isnt it...and that was the best thing i had...indeed it is...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Photos...

here are some photos we took on fri...pretty cheezy and nice ones...haha...more to come


cheezy...


2 big eyes gals and one sleepy head


bus stop

it's been a long time....

alright...first entry after i've changed my blogskin...pretty proud of myself...cos a computer idiot like me can do up all the tagboard and link stuff all by myself...i consider it aint too bad...

okie so wat have i done since wed...

after my first and last paper...went out with the gals to town to walk around...bought something which cheered me up...though it's not for myself...haha...uh i also dunno why i'm happy...think the fact that i bought something juz make me feel better...after having sushi for dinner...went espirit and zara to shop...tried this halter top and tube top at espirit...nice....haha...but didnt buy...hehe can save money...

after that...i'm suppose to go home...but no..i did not...haha met up with ray and jessie at happy dayz...met a senior from squash too...pretty nice gal...had fun chatting and chilling out with them... too bad angie cant make it....i like to chat with the gals...cos it's really fun and we can talk about anything under the sun...or should i say moon...haha

anyway...drank quite abit...was tipsy...and i knocked my nose on the tap during shower...now got brusie...so dumb...no more bacardi 151...taste yucky and too burning...no more no more...'quick fuck' is still the best...sweet and nice...

thurs...went to polyclinic with hairul...slept at 3 on wed...woke up at 7 to make my way down to his place...super duper sleepy...had mac breakfast with him then we went to see doc at polyclinic to get his wrists checked...queue is super long...and all the time are spent on waiting...but am fine with it...cos we juz sit there talk and talk...bug each other and try to entertain one another...haha...one piece of advice...dun go polyclinic alone...it's really super boring and tiring cos have to wait very very long....

fri...which is today...went to have lunch at the nice jap restaurant with yd,ck,sze and vicky...so fun!!! miss them so much...been a long time since we last hang out...think we've all enjoyed the food and the company...so nice...had a funny incident in the toilet...shant put it here...cos it's really very embarassing...haha....stupid act of mine...haha

after lunch...went to jap supermarket to walk around...after that dunno wat to do...cos we're suppose to catch a play which is at 8...so we decided to go brewerkz to taste beer....haha...nice place to hang out too...cos the interior is pretty cosy...took lots of photos....fun fun...laughed alot...cos we're talking about old sec schl days...now we all know who is the more jinxed one in terms of making the eca clubs to close down...haha

evening time had dinner at buger king...i laughed the hardest here cos yd was telling us some traumatising events he and his sister put yilong thru...biang...so damn funny...and horrifying too...haha...really quite hilarious...poor yilong...childhood must be quite terrifying to him...haha..

after that..we went for the talk show 'it takes two' ....pretty entertaining...but it kinda lack something in it...still...selena tan and hossan leong are really good in this theatre scene...and boy...hossan leong's voice is goood....

show ended at 10...and we decided to have coffee...so another round of chit chatting...this time round...we talked about photography...

mm..that's about it actually...pretty fun day for me...so happy...hehe...have to go bathe now...

uncertainty....

a sudden feeling of uncertainty is creeping into me...

i've once tried tying a rope round me so that i know i'll be safe and that it will pull me back in case i fall...but now this rope is thinning and there seem to have nothing to prevent me from crashing...it's a long fall....perhaps i wont crash for the whole of my life...or perhaps i'll hit the ground and die a sudden death without even knowing it has come to an end...

why is it that life is filled with so much uncertainty...a little of it can be welcomed with anticipation...but too much of it is overwhelming...can there ever be concrete presence of assurance that will never ever go through changes? wilful thinking of mine huh...i know it's not possible...

wat lies ahead lies ahead...i dun hold the correct keys to every single door...i juz hope that i can have some of the correct ones in hand so that i wont be locked out or resort to banging myself against the wooden plank in hope of getting through...or perhaps i have to try harder to look for the correct keys...but will i ever get find them?

had fun during weekends

hehe...i'm in holiday mood...though i still have one more paper to go...sigh have to wait for one more week then can get over and done with it...

anyway was already playing during the weekends...

fri...went for a spa treatment...hehe cos hairul had vouncher for it...really nice and relaxing...uh but it's kinda hard to refrain myself from laughing cos when the person massage me..it's quite ticklish... anyway it's fun...and i smell super duper nice after that...though abit oily...haha

after the treatment...went sentosa...wanted to get a tan but by the time we got there sun is setting already...so ended up playing frisbee...play until my fingers gotten bruised...but it's fun lah...cos seldom play this game...still rem we played that at redang and we ended up making mua-chee out of each other with the soft soft sand there...oo miss those times....so fun!

nite time...had sushi for dinner...then went to laze around at the beach bar...pretty nice...though not many ppl around...kinda too quiet for the nite...nice though...sipping cocktail, talking, listening to the wave and enjoying the breeze....

have u ever tried crossing the bridge that linked singapore to sentosa in the middle of the nite...haha we did that...cos we lost track of time and realise there's no more buses to take us out...luckily hairul know how to walk out of the island...okie okie i am to blame for making us walk in the middle of the nite...but it's kinda fun lah...like two lunatics trying to find their way out so that they can go home...haha...wont happen again...promise promise....

o...and sunday time...nikki, chris and i bought birthday cake to eve's house to celebrate her 21st birthday...haha...this lazy woman...dun even wanna come out to celebrate her bday...so we ended up surprising her at her house lo...haha...quite fun...cos we collaborated with her bro to get her into her room so that she wont know we're coming...but by the time we entered her house...she suddenly came out of her room and four of us started screaming...haha can u imagine 4 gals screaming...haha bit funny...anyway hope she likes the surprise and the presents as well...hehe....

that's about it...pretty fun weekends huh...

i miss u guys...

suddenly i miss yd, ck,yk, sze, vic and adrian...miss laughing with them and chatting with them...if only my exam ends earlier...i'll bake cookies for them juz like last sem...but this time round cannot le...cos gotta study...sorry orh...

eveyone is having their exams...we'll meet up after exams k...cant wait to watch the play with u guys...hope it's good...mm..it should be cos it's hossan leong and selina tan...

so fast...it's been a year since we last went redang...missed those times...always smile when i think back...hmm...when can we travel together again...after we graduate? hoho maybe hor...that'll be fun...go salem! wah haha...

gtta go read newspaper then go study lo...jia you everyone...soon it'll be over...juz like mine...though i only have one paper only...muah haha...

so amazed with myself...once again i gotten pissed off with my stupid brain and i was lamenting the whole bloody day...am really sorry for irritating my classmates...cos they have to keep hearing me sigh and moan and scream....

i cant stand it...i tried to study HANDS but infor juz cant get in...sometimes my brain juz get cloudy and cant process anything...so fucking dumb...and tomolo i need to face the blow again by making the supposed correct splint for the question he asked today...damn...

went for retail therapy during the 4 hours break...didnt help...cos bought nothing...instead i felt more tired...

only felt much better in the evening when we had dinner with our mentor, michelle...she'll be leaving us this fri...sigh so gonna miss her presence...and the conversations we had during dinner time is so fun...she's really cute and fun to hang out with...apart from her being our lecturer, she's juz like us...eager to know gossips about some of my classmates...haha quite funny...

this point of time when i'm typing this blog...i'm moody again...i really feel like screaming my head off...i feel like doing crazy stuffs...like making myself disappear and juz be away from where i am now...or bang my head in the wall...okie it'll be painful so maybe i'll put the pillow in btw...okie okie...too hysterical...but that's wat i've been feeling since morning...i cant help it

sigh...i know wat i need...i need squash...exercise...something that will drain me and make me not to think so much...argh...why am i always so dumb...why why why....

dun wanna talk...need to cheer myself up...gonna watch will and grace...ciao~

shit...

am so dead...fell asleep studying...and i got up automatically at 730 on a sunday morning...brain must have known that i have to get up and study...so dead...

poor uncle...

went to eat prata last nite...thanx to regina who drove us there...soo fun!!!
went happy daz to drink with my classmates too geri and audrey...haha and my...audrey attracted some admirer...mm how come i dun get that when i went there last time...so not fair...=p
anyway had fun...will try again next time...

'hugging-buddha-leg' session was on this morning...went schl to study with nikki then went for squash...
stayed for training for 30 min...then have to rush off...cos hairul fell and cut himself almost everywhere on his two upper limbs... -_- poor thing...anyway went down to his house...knocked on his door...no one answered...so tot he aint back home yet...called his house and hp many many many times and no one answered too...was kinda worried then...

i waited for him downstairs for one hour plus...reading my hands material...listening to the thunderstorm...goodness the lightnings are quite scary today...

anyway in the end he was home long ago, sleeping cos too tired and his door wasnt locked...-_- haha...either i'm too blur...or he's too exhausted....

well...he's alright...except for his wrists...perhaps i can do splinting on his two wrists! immobilisation splint...haha...sigh hopefully no ligament torn or fractures...if not will have to go for x-ray...

abit hungry...cos i only had apple pie and milo for the entire day...dun like to grab bites at this hour but no choice...
okie i gtg bathe and study...ciao~

drink drink drink drink drink

i slept like a pig last nite...cant help it...after the pract test and the socio+health psych test...i'm too exhausted...slept at 5 am the previous nite to study the test...sigh..not that it helps much...cos the mcq sux...as usual i'm bad in the guessing game (though it shouldnt be one)...

am going drinking tonite...so looking forward to it...i need it...really...cos i'm going bonkers...miss the feeling of chilling out...miss wala...miss the shirlyn's voice...miss roy...but he aint in the band anymore...

i miss the company of the gals- ray, angie and jessie....i miss u gals so much...

was talking to nikki last nite after our 'hugging-buddha-leg' session...issues like giving up ur identity, ur beliefs and adopt a whole new one for some reasons like for ur loved ones...
sometimes i'm not sure if i'll be able to do that...i'm willing to try cos part of me won't mind...yet part of me is resisting...perhaps is too early to consider but this issue will always be something to ponder upon...

should i remove myself from the situation before it's too late or continue with it? am i able to do that pull myself out? i guess ppl around me are waiting to see how it goes...another round of proving to be done...or another round of giving up??

off me...

told u the amt i had in my bank acc...and all u wanted was my bankbook...wat for?

u raised ur eyebrown when i said i'm not gonna be home for dinner cos i need to study in schl...wat was that?!

i hate it when ppl doubt me...
by all means do that...i cant control wat u think...sick and tired of proving myself...

Argh.....

stayed up last nite till 2am...to talk to yan cos she's having some trouble with her r/s....i was half studying for my splint test today (which didnt go well cos i dunno how to ans HB's qn) and half trying to calm her down...i know i'm suppose to be listening to her fully...but i'm kinda desperate in reading up for the test...so i ended up multi-task abit...

sigh...sometimes i feel redundant...cos no matter how much i said or console her...i dun seem to be able to alleviate the pain or sadness she's feeling...and today when i checked on her...things are back to normal again...taa daa...r/s issues resolved...i worried about her for nothing like that...sigh...i'm happy for her that her problems are solved...but at the same time i'm doubting myself whether i've helped her as a friend...afterall r/s issues cant be resolved thru third person...one word from her partner means far more than all the sentences i've said to her...i'm not jealous...it juz bugs me that's all...cos it's not the first time this happened...argh...i so wanna grab her by her shoulder and shake her till her head drop off...

sigh sorry...abit impulsive...i do love my fren dearly...but seeing her going thru the torment juz makes me feeling like pouring water down to splash her awake...


Uncle...where are u...i havent seen u for 4 days!!!! driving me nuts...sigh...

When nothing falls in your hand, you feel the emptiness
But once that precious thing is there and you try to hold it tight, you end up crashing it
What is the right thing to do then?

there are so much adjustment to make in life..depending on what u wanna do with ur life...u may have to accomodate to the things around u accordingly...some may choose not to accomodate to any but to juz live their lives the way they want to...some will try to make changes and make sure they fit well in the environment they're in...

i used to think i belong to the first group...i used to think nothing can make the stubborn me change...but i did, some how along the way i have no choice but to learn and accept changes, even make changes so that i can pull myself through...they were lessons learnt via the hard way...i cant say i have belonged to the second group now...but at least i've learnt to be slightly more flexible some how...

changes may be good for some people...juz keep in mind not to lose urself when u change...u can change ur outlook, u can change ur name, u can even change ur living status.... but most importantly...dun change the inner u...cos that's wat is in u all along...that's where ur character gotten build up from...

actually i dunno why i write this entry...juz a suddent tot...if it doesnt make sense to u...eh...juz glance thru...=)

sigh...am suppose to study...not in the right mind...cranky again...like last fri...haha i wonder why...too tired...at this point my eyes are like half closed...

was in school the whole day though there isnt any lessons...doing presentation slides...pretty fun...cos we gals juz keep discussing and trying to think of the best plan we can...like the way we work...can argue and rebuke each other yet at the same time maintain that kind of peaceful atmosphere...haha...eh not easy le...perhaps our similar characters count...

finally i've cut my hair...at least it's not as thick and out of shape now...and ppl around me said that i look better with straight hair...mm...okie lo...will consider that...but my natural curl also nice wat...though it tend to get messy at times...i juz like the messy look...sexy dun u think? hai yah as though u all see before... haha

went for a movie last nite...kinda last min...but doesnt matter arh...so long we had fun...

have been sleeping late since the starting of this week...i always think that if the week started bad, it will end bad...just like if u slept late during sun, forget about sleeping early for the rest of the week...i also dunno why i sleep so late...

woke up at 430am to wake hairul up cos he need to get his things done...set my alarm at 415, 420 and then 430am...end up calling like dunno how many times before he actually took the call...but then i think he fell back to sleep after that...haha...and funnily...i actually woke up automatically at 8 to wake him up for work...haha that's wat he was doing for my previous placement...we kinda take turns to be each other's alarm clock...

yawn...sigh...i need a drink...i wanna chill out...i wanna go wala...cant wait for 7th may...hoho...

new discovery!!!

muah haha....feel so much better....

due to my disrrupted eating habits and sleep these few days...my bowel system aint working very well...was full of shit for like 3 days...literally full of shit...so i was lamenting about it to my bro..cos we were watching tv together...

he advised me to drink prune juice...and so i did...appearantly my pregnant sis-in-law has the same problem too cos of the baby...so there's plenty of prune juice at home...

wah haha and mind u..the effect takes place within 2 hours lo...i've like shitted twice since...haha...tummy feel so much flatter now...muah haha...really amazed by the effect of prune juice le...how come it works so effectively?? yah lah i'm gross...but i've always been like that...u guys know that...haha...anyway it's healthy to share such tips in case u guys are constipated...u'll know wat to do...wah haha

okie enough enough...

today had such a boring day...went for one morning lesson-aqua therapy lesson and that's it...i have to wait from 11-5.30 for the half an hour clinical debrief by my lectuer....how boring can that be...studied in the lib...slept there too...was bloody tired and bored...

received a msg from someone thru friendster...real sweet...reminded me of the time back then... thank u!

zombiefied...

slept at 5.30 am yesterday...i deserve it cos my habit of procarstinating (evil evil evil....) cost me my precious sleeping time...sigh...bad bad yj...cant stand myself leh...but at the same time cant stop loving myself too...haha afterall who can actually love me forever other than me, myself and I...haha...yah yah narcissistic stupid bitch....

anyway managed to finish my assignment on time...once again i owe another friend big time...cos he came over my place to help me fix my bloody printer which refuse to give me the colour of blood....urgh...all my pics with ppl in it end up looking like jaundice patients...freak! that printer is new somemore...

monday blues...probably due to lack of sleep and packed timetable...havent gotten the chance to breathe easy until now...sigh tomolo another heart attack...i've gotta present my case study to HB...argh...why did i get him...why not Jo...hopefully i can present to him the wonders of working with children as compared to hands....haha....mm...i wonder if HB ever tried working with kids before...that will be something interesting to know....

okie enough talking...anyway i think no one is reading my blog haha...getting too boring eh...mundane life...doesnt matter lah...i'll still blog when i feel like it...

Last lap to run...last report to write...taking my lunch break now...so decided to blog...

yippee...will have to go back schl tomolo...think our lecturers will receive our assignments like siao...esp michelle...poor thing...

did i mention i went over to ck's place to get my poster and leaflet done on fri nite...so fun to bum over at his place...plus the phone conferencing we had with yd...haha fun fun cos all 3 of us get to talk at the same time...
really thankful for the help from the two of u...handsome, sorry to keep u from sleeping...and babe sorry for kicking u out of ur room for the nite...really sweet of u to let me sleep and not wake me up in the morning...hehe...

finally we managed to get our poster printed on sat...pretty nice...phew...at least 1 is down...as for my mighty leaflet i shall leave it to my mighty printer to do the job....

had nice time bumming around at home for the rest of the afternoon...gonna miss it for the time being...hehe...

back to work...ciao~

i am out of my mind now...

i haven't felt the strain until now...streched btw time...lacked of sleep due to tonnes of work...plus missing someone terribly...sorry abit mushy but cannot help it...go ahead and roll thy eyes...

felt good to bum around and talk last nite...with both of us being so busy lately...it's really nice to do that...sigh...was being irritated by someone who keeps poking fun at my flabby tummy...yah yah fats everywhere...cannot be helped le...havent been exercising during attachment...die le...like yd said next time 'long term' attachment how....sure become fat ass one....no energy to go jogging...how...u arh must be laughing now...urgh...sickening uncle...

anyway...was talking to shijie this afternoon...havent seen this woman for so damn long...chatting with her over the msn...was thinking about sec schl days when we used to be in interact club...juz makes me smile...and i realise...damn... i'm old....cos she's with seng hwee for 6 years already!!! goodness so long...i was telling her i declare the both of them husband and wife...haha...o my...it's 6 years ago since i'm in jc! 6 years juz zoom pass me....

okie...i need to go bathe...two down one more to go....reports reports here i come...even yk said it's like a norm for me...see me online means i typing report...arh...pathetic le....feel like drinking (juz drinking...not getting drunk...)...sigh...okie need to stop...if not i'll continue to blabber non stop...

I miss the kids...

sigh...finally my placement has ended...went back to schl today to do some research...i actually miss the feeling of being in schl...and it feels nice to be in the lib reading up stuff...haha...yah i'm weird...

yeah no more travelling from one end of singapore to another every morning...but i do miss the ppl and kids at jurong cdu...hope everything will be fine for them...

will be sleeping late for this whole week cos i need to rush my work...must get them done asap...but i have one big headache...i dunnoe how to use photoshop to design leaflet...mm...if only it can be handmade...haha...it'll be so much easier...a computer idiot like me...sigh...will find my way to finish it lah...

yippee...gotten a new schl bag...thank you my dear...i really like it alot but at the same time am feeling guilty for making u spend so much...seriously i didnt know it cost that much...eek...

okie gtg head for schl to do work...feeling abit stress now...sigh...

floating...

cant seem to settle down and get my work done...attachment is gonna end in a week time and i have yet to start doing my work...plus me falling ill...that's worst...

one week break coming...gotta do work...tonnes of them...and studies too...think i've placed it aside for long enough...think i'm gonna miss my kids when my placement end...sigh...seems like my one month is not enough with them...cos i only get to see them at the most 4 times? or less than that...sigh...time is passing so darn fast....and i'm growing older each day! gosh....

think i slept too much today cos i'm like blabbering now...cant help it...been tired the whole day...must be my period...so many things to do but i'm procrastinating...argh...wake up wake up...

gtg read some stuff...brain dun seem to work these days...damn...

where were u when i needed someone to guide me and be there for me during my lowest point...and now u assume father-like figure all of the sudden...

it reminded me of wat u've said sometime back...that if i'm guy...u would have wacked me inside out for being such as loser...but becos i'm a girl ultimately i'll be married off and u can wash ur hands off me eventually....

...i'm never good enough...i can never outshine u...do u know how pressurising it is to constantly live under ur shadow...i dont even know why i did that...was never good in my studies...neither am i good in my chinese...i so wanted to prove that i can be as good as you...perhaps i overestimated myself...

hungry...

at this moment...i'm feeling hungry...cos i had nothing but porridge thru out the day...damn hungry!!!

i'm sick...running a fever yesterday after attanding to 4 kids...pretty fulfiling day for me...although i got shoe prints all over cos a kid refused to take off his shoes during therapy and he stepped on me for dunno how many times...

anyway took mc today...sigh...out of no choice cos i really have no energy plus i dun wanna infect the children...so i have to make it up...which means my attachment will end one day later...sob...sob...i so dun wan that to happen...sigh...

sigh...feel so weird...everyone is treating me like a kid...mom keep reminding me wat to tell the doc when i went to get mc this morning...i'm like duh not the first time i see doc on my own...something else happened too...mm...talk about it next time...need to go sleep...take care ppl...drink more water and dun fall sick...

haha we came in 15!

out of 50 teams...we actually came in 15 for the xphysique event....woo hoo...well done eaters!!! haha didnt expect that at all...

nothing much today...except that we gotta attend the annual OT conference held by the year 3s...next year will be our turn...man...so scary...

couldn't go squash cos of the conference...and i'm so blur lo...booked the courts for the squashies but forgot to give my guy captain my ic no. for him to make payment...so damn absent minded...plus he couldnt reach me as i was at the lecture theatre...no reception...sigh... felt so incompetent...sian plus my attachment i havent got time to plan for squash camp yet...damn...

anyway...evening time went to toa payoh to have dinner...then sit around at starbucks to chit chat...sigh...felt good...we laughed at silly jokes and chat about current issues...miss spending time with my friends...glad we did that today...hehe...fun fun....

sigh...think i need to take up tuition...dilema...sch work, squash, tuition....how am i going to cope and how am i going to spend time with hairul, my friends and even myself then???
i need sugar daddy...muah haha....

i cant wait to earn my own bucks...at the same time i very much wanna study still...think i dun even have the money to further it...sigh...cant be help...part of growing(old) process...

list of things i wanna buy:
1. schl bag ( current bag...disintegrating at the moment...shall see how long it can last)
2. hp ( current phone i love it...but abit siao siao lately...dunno why....think it's dying soon...)
3. court shoes for squash ( few occassions where i nearly slipped and kill myself in court...)

shall see...if my allowance come mb i'll get them...if my allowance doesnt come then forget it...mb i shouldnt even ask for allowance to be transferred cos each time i ask i feel like a begger...sick to the core...

sigh...forget it...i shouldnt have expectd so much...juz be glad that i dun need to pay my handphone bills and transport fees...the rest juz leave it....

gtg...2 more weeks of attachment...woo hoo...

x-physique!

haha...so fun! went for ntu sports club event today...really enojyed myself...yd, thanx for psycho~ing me to join...although i feel like breaking ur neck when i swam in kallang river...cos it's so damn tiring...keke...

alright...did alot of things for the first time...

jumped off at the kallang bridge and swam in kallang river...ran to the cycling point...cycled for awhile then went to kayak....first time kayaking...really damn lousy...haha...think papa ng really vomitted blood kayaking with me...but it's very fun lah...cos i keep laughing and laughing...cant help it cos no matter how many 'left right left right' he shouted...i juz cant synchronise with him...haha...we really struggled alot cos our kayak keep going to one side...damn tiring...

tried rock climbing and abseiling too....so malu cos i fell then have to start again...but alright lah...fun fun...abseil is fun too...

o well...overall it's good experience..i'm so happy that we've made it thru...and i'm proud that i've actually made it thru too...and for the first time i really hated running...but anyway had great time with my frens and mr H too...

alright gtg...attachment tomolo...hopefully i still have energy to chase after kids...
yd, i'm so proud of u...=) pls have good rest since the event has ended...take care yah..and thanx!

dependency...i hate it...

mentally wasnt feeling that well...may be due to the lack of sleep...cos thurs nite was rushing report like mad....only slept for 3 hours and i'm off to schl...

lack of sleep...makes me cranky...

realise i've depend too much on ppl around me esp my parents...been depending on them to gimme allowance...depending on my dad to drive me to schl...depending on them to understand that i need to get away from singapore for my hols before i go crazy...

shouldnt have given up tuition back then...how naive i am to think that my dad will give me allowance without complaining about it...no doubt i may spend a little too much...but have been cutting down on expenses...

it just sickens me that at age 22 i have to justify to them what i spend on..explain why i need the money...i hate to beg...but i hve to cos i'm totally dependent on them financially...it makes me feel so useless and incapable...

have been so eadgy since last nite...simple comments by my dad made me cry...although perhaps he didnt mean it...wat he said really put me into thinking...i'm expecting too much from them...parents at their age should be pampering themselves and enjoying their lives instead of providing for me...

i've always linked dependency to weakness....and ironically... i often fall into this comfort zone subconciously...until one day like yesterday when things happened and it hit me in the head telling me i should wake up and stop being a baby...

who can i depend on? myself...

others will always have the choice to reject u when they wan to...so if u're at the level where dependency is fully established...u'll juz crash and burn when they choose not to help u anymore...or that u realise u need to beg in order to get wat u wan...how pathetic....

hate being the weak me...i hate to cry...i've cried too much during that 2 years...and i told myself dun fucking cry anymore.....

or perhaps i've been conditioned since young that crying equals to being weak...yet i yearn to cry sometimes to let out my emotions...this kinda struggle always put me into situation where i wanna cry but no tears come out...or eventually if i do cry...i cant stop...

sigh...freaking tired...cant type anymore...juz freaking tired...

You don't wait for people to make you happy, you become happy by helping people to be happy
~~ from yk...he got it from someone...

i like it....
what about you?

crap?
agree?
dunnoe?

=) not many ppl can see to it...i'm still learning...and trying...

new year, v day, being wacked day...

new year came and passed...collected ang baos...received quite abit of money...yeah good good cos i'm so darn broke...

didn't do much this year...visitings to relatives house were done in the first day...pretty fun...went ktv with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins...had so much fun...think it's the first time i ever sang in front of my parents and with them too...really enjoyed myself...and i think they had fun too...though the karaoke system is a littlt too complicated for them to use when selecting the songs...

then it's v-day...planned to spend more time together during weekend but couldn't do so due to some reasons...it's okie...instead we had dinner at fish & co on monday...pretty fun...cos i made mr H carry something that he wouldn't wanna carry around...haha too bad...gotta be sabotaged by me...after dinner we juz head home loh...simple lah but good enough for me...

wednesday....being wacked by my junior on the forehead..and it's with the racquet...had a cut at the eyebrown area and a bum too...now my eyelid is bruised...goodness...so damn ugly...dark circles are bad enough..now this bruise...yucks...and it's turning greenish blue...-_- having been icing it...dun even dare to rub...darn pain!

okie it's been quite awhile since i update my blog...sorry arh...busy with schl and squash...fri was the worst...cos i practically travel from schl to tampines...eve's house to do home modification...then back to schl to attend a concert...by the time i reached schl...the concert had ended...tried to rush back as soon as i could cos i promised my fren i'll attend it...but i ended up missing it...could only talk to her after the concert ended...at least i made it back lah...so sorry i missed it angie...

was really zombiefied on my way home...by the time i reached home...i was too tired to move and ended up sleeping on the floor till1 am cos i havent bathed yet so didnt wanna stink my bed...was really gone this time round...minus the alcohol though...haha

attachment is out for me...will be posted to jurong child development unit...uh dunno where is it...if i'm not wrong it should be at jurong polyclinic...which is near NUH.... which mean i'll have to travel from one end to another everyday!!!! 4 hours of travelling at least...o my...sure dead tired one...but then at least i'm in pediatrics this time round...and did i mention that i'm alone for this placement...uh..okie lah...bo bian...

read-with-me prog is back...if i were to go for it...that means every sat i'll go read-with-me at 915am....then head for training from 12-5pm....-_- very fun hor...ppl dun even work full day on sat...arh...

okie i need to work on my report...have been procrastinating for freaking long liao....
ppl pls take care...weather very hot...so drink more water!

sleepy but cant sleep...

perhaps it's the coffee...perhaps it's my brain...need to sort things thru my mind...havent been putting my best effort in schl work...deadlines are coming up and i'm still procrastinating...guess i'll need to do my work during cny...

sometimes i wonder wat lies ahead for me...i seem to know where i'm heading to yet i feel clueless at times...

am i good enough to be an OT? am i good enough to be the captain? am i good enough as a student? am i good enough as a classmate? am i good enough as a friend? am i good enough as a lover?how come i seem to be inadequate in all the areas...

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i need to buck up

so stupid...kena first warning by this nursing lecturer for wearing slippers...-_- students...wat they want us to wear...i dun wear make up to sch neither do i wear heels...why fault me for wearing something comfortable...rigid old mind...

went to visit eve today after ee zu let us off...so poor thing...worried for her man...
but she seemed quite alright...was sleeping soundly when we visited her...bought her a small little balloon..haha hopefully it cheered her up...at least she is still joking with us when we're there...
surprisingly...hua beng appeared too...juz when we were speculating whether he'll coms visit eve...he appeared at the door...wah not bad to have such nice lecturer...haha...really nice of him to pay a visit..at least he reassured eve upon her cirriculum...

after that...i followed the girls to arab street to buy their materials...mm...never been there before..pretty interesting...wrapping papers there are selling real cheap....
went bugis for a walk...still didnt see clothes that i wan...sian...

have to go back to schl for squash in the evening...feel like crying while i was in the train heading to raffles place...dunno why...mb i'm feeling abit drained...yah think once again i feel like screaming my head off...sigh...i wanna go somewhere...a corner to hide so that no one can find me...

need to bathe...feel so unhealthy...had my dinner at 10...fat ass....

yeah...got home early today...considered early cos sun hasn't set yet mah...plus i usually reach home at night...at least i get to have dinner with ma and pa...
dun feel like doing anything..so come here and write something...

actually nothing much...feeling tired as always...am always sleepy despite the no. of hours that i sleep...mb it's time to take some supplements...sickening i'm reaching 23 and my body is like an old woman

quite happy yesterday...cos get to have dinner out with my whole family...when i say whole family it means bro, sis-in-law plus my parents...of cos that inculde the little baby in my sis-in-law's stomach...it's been a loooong time since we dine out together...usually we eat at home...but i've always like to have dine out...change of environment and mum dun need to cook...dad dun need to wash dishes...haha...

am happy that ppl around me are happy...=)

lately i discovered that my neighbour is actually a possessive dog owner...perhaps she's emotionally unstable...cos she has juz given birth...haha
anyway there was this morning i was playing with her cute little doggy at her gate...she gave me a black face and asked me "yes?" in a u-touch-my-dog-and-u-die kinda tone....i'm like "huh?"

do i need a reason for playing with ur doggy??...isn't it a compliment that someone else find ur dog cute and wanna play with it....o well i tot it was me...mb my face provoked her...but apparently my sis-in-law got it from her too...so yah i think she juz doesnt like ppl to touch her dog...but her doggy is so cute...and whenever i get out of my house every morning...its eyes and waggy tail keep luring me to play with her/him(eh i dunno the sex of the doggy...anyway doesn't matter)...all i can do each time i see it, is to say hi, hello...and it will tilt its head and wag its tail as though it understands wat i'm saying...haha...mb i'm imagining it...but yah that dog is really cute...
too bad lo...can't play with it...

ppl if u ever own a dog...pls be generous enough to let others play with it...i mean...it's nice to see other ppl patting and finding ur pet cute isn't it? why deprive ur pet from human interactions...

i wanna keep dog...arh....labrador or bull terrier...dog dog dog...
anyway it's dinner time...ciao~

Hotel Rwanda

great show i've watched today...so glad i've caught it...pretty shocked by the movie....cos ignorant ppl like me only know that many many innocent ppl were killed during the Rwanda massacre....i have absolutely no idea the situation that was going on in the country and what the ppl had to go thru during that period of time.

life...so vulnerable...

discrimnation....damn powerful weapon to gun ppl down....arent i glad to stay in s'pore where different races can live in harmony....eh seriously, i cringed at the sight of those killing scenes...it's juz a movie no doubt but it's based on true story.....the idea of ripping off one's life juz becos of their skin colour or the tribe they belong to simply make no sense to me...perhaps suppression does play a part...perhaps human beings are made to be vindictive...i dunnoe...juz feel sad to see that such killings had happened and that it is still happening in other parts of the world....

genocide...blood shed and lives taken can never be justified...

seldom do i tear when i watched movie...but this one did...cos i cant imagine myself living in fear all the time...being abandoned by ppl u think u could trust...most of all being completely helpless....i tot city of god is bloody enough...mm think this is worst......watch it yah...worth ur time and money....

okie i need sleep...nite ppl....maybe i'll type more tomolo...tata

i do care....

i'm not the sort that know how to put across my thoughts to others...i dunno why....i juz dunno how

ppl around me are changing and it is always the hardest thing that i have to come to terms with....i love them dearly...really..... and i know that being a true friend i should point out their mistakes and pull them back when they fall....

but i juz dunno how....i dunno how to tell them that they've changed...that they're no longer their old selves...i'm not expecting them to stay the same....things are always changing...so am i...point is i juz dunno how to react to their changes....all i know....is to be by them and with them through the changing process....it may be tough no doubt....but that's all i know i can do...

i dun care to wat extend they've changed or will change...i juz know i can't give up the friendship...i really can't...after all these years...they are too dear for me to let go...i always tell myself no matter how tough it is it's okie...so long i'm with them...i think i sound like a silly woman here trying to make some sense out of her own thoughts...

super duper tired now...cos had squash training yesterday and today.....sometimes i wonder if i ever will be a better player...cos i'm always so slow in reaction...my squash mate has been so encouraging...she keeps reminding me to run for the ball...haha appreciate that...seriously i like her attitude...get me going too...thanx alot yah...hee....

today had a fun lesson...line dancing and cooking too..for my group we made salad....nice looking and delicious one...luckily the homey lemon dressing works...was afraid ppl will find it too sour...anyway we all had a great eating session with my mentor...we ended up chatting with her about backpacking experience and her oncoming trip....gotten some tips from her....envious that she gets to travel and see the world...would love to do that someday...
hai~ she's leaving us at the end of this semester....so sad...i tot she'll see us thru our 3rd year...somehow among the lecturers...she's one of the more easy going ones....gonna miss her...appreciated her presence during my attachment...guided me quite abit in handling pts....

btw...my aunt called my mum yesterday...cos my cousin told her i have a malay boyfriend...and she actually told mum to talk me out of it...reason being there's religion issues being involved and that malays tend to have many wives....-_-'' i nearly flipped...she being more educated than my mum actually said that malays tend to have many wives....pretty funny...i know she cares about me...but sometimes things she says can really be abit weird...

anyway was talking about it with mummy....my parents are pretty open minded with my relationship...they may be old but they're able to accept my choices....mum did ask me...why of all guys i know i actually choose to be with mr H...haha...as in how come dun choose chinese choose malay....i only shrugged my shoulders and told her things juz happen and that i'm happy with present situation...not sure if she understands but i juz wanna lead my life the way i want and be happy with it....is it too much to ask for?


mr H~ pls dun be offended by wat my aunt said eh...she didnt mean it...wanted to talk to u about it last nite...but was too tired....will talk to u again...

gtg....seriously...i'm drained...energy low...need zzz....soon....nite everyone.....

bumming around...

was dragging myself to go squash today...cos was feeling moody...think cos period coming and yah... right now am one red blooded woman....not that i fancy period...am juz happy that i dun have to go thru that emotional swings again...can u imagine...u're not upset but yet u feel so...all becos of estrogen making u to behave so...~sigh~

anyway didnt regret going for squash...cos it turn out to be fun as usual....haha...the scene of us cleaning the blood stains together in the squash court...mm...it's quite heartwarming...esp the two juniors who helped out on their own....mm...so good...=) ...and of cos my fellow squash mates as well...hehe
okie kendo ppl are nice...at least they offered to clean the bloodstains...not as bad as i tot they are...okie lah shant find fault with them...so long they keep the squash courts in good conditions...shall work things out with them...at the very least the authorithy wont find excuses of courts not being fully utilised...

bathed in schl with the gals after squash and then went to meet mr H for dinner

was at orchard....went for coffee at forum starbucks...always like to laze around there, drinking my usual....observing ppl and have my chit-chatting session...

we were basically juz looking at ppl and cars that went by....poking fun at how weird some ppl can dress and going googar over gorgeous cars....quite fun....haha...went tanglin for dinner....super quiet...unlike orchard that is packed with ppl...sat at the eating place reading magazines after we're done with our food...nice...juz like that noon where we sat at coffee club reading papers...rem? hehe...

ooo we saw kegan kang too...with this loud spoken lady...basically i can only hear the lady's voice most of the time...she really talks abit too loudly...cos i cant hear kegan kang's voice at all though his mouth is moving....

something i wanna put down...sorta a continual from yesterday's blog....
how weird...guys' perception of pretty gals always differ from that of ours....rarely do we see eye to eye upon issues esp on the topic of beauty....mb that's why we can never understand each other totally...cos the way we view things around us is from totally different angles...mb that's why man is from mars and woman from venus? haha...

i ate from morning till nite!

havent been blogging for weeks!!! stupid com crash on me..and now cos of the stupid horse virus i have to reformat again soon...

busy life busy me....busy with schl work, busy with squash and of cos busy with my mr H...yah yah...am attached...not something new cos those who always read my blog should know it by now...have training 5 days a week for squash...need to make schedule with my committee...must take turns to rest if not sure burn out...

wanna talk about wat i did yesterday....muah haha...such a glutton...i practically ate from morning till nite...from home to outside....

morning~ woke up at 10...such a luxury....had bread and water...

noon~ mommy cooked chilly crab!!! was just telling nikki the other day that i missed mummy's cooking and that the crabs she cooked is the best ever....and today she really cooked it!!! so happy...ate some before i went out to meet my frens...very contended le....

noon noon~~met up with yk and yd...woo hoo....went to eat at robertson quay....yk brought us to this jap restuarant to eat....really nice and cosy place...filled with japanese ppl and japanese books....food there is superb...desserts too...really nice place to hang out...yk...not that i didnt trust u...i really am too lazy to search for the place myself...haha...

we hang out at the place fro 2 to 530....ordered 3 different dishes...curry rice and ramen of different soup base....wanted to taste different dishes so we end up rotating our food to each other...abit unglam...but who cares...haha...desserts are good...cos it's not the sort that u get to eat outside...really jap jap kinda stuff....yum yum

talked about man and woman...why is it so hard for one spiece to understand the other...how come there's actually books like: man from mars, woman from venus, being published. Talked about sigmund freud and one of his theories....talked about self centredness...interesting topics to chat...and we had so much fun trying to understand wat each other is trying to convey on the ideas we have...i also tried very hard to make out wat yk was saying...cos this chap kept mumbling when he's in the restaurant...all becos it's a jap place and jap ppl are soft spoken...-_- wah liao....first time seeing him to 'gentle' -_-''....

really nice to hang out with old frens...not walking around but to juz sit...talk and catch with each other...love it....

evening~ went suntec with yd...shopping...nothing much le...cos i dunno wat to buy for new year...zero ideas on wat to wear...sian...still i bought a top and a panty from bodynits...muah haha...

yan met up with us then...and u know wat...it's eating time again...went mache and we oredered tonnes of food...calamari, mixed veg, rosti, crepes, fish and chips...cant believe i ate so much...really too much...never spend my day out eating from noon till nite...never tried that before...agrh...so fat...it's either my period coming or i have been exercising too much...haha...

sickening...hormones seems to be fluctuating lately...think it's the medication...why am i a woman...have to go thru so much trouble...period didnt come i feel abnormal...when it comes i feel sian...and now i have to be on medication to make sure it's regular...so much disadvantages biologically...ppl have to be worried about me....questioning me if things are okie...concern concern...i know...hai yah see..i'm blabbering rubbish...

gtg for squash...will try to write as frequent as possible...

tomatoes!!!

muah haha....4 beauties' cherry tomatoe plant has blossomed!!! wah haha....the fact that i can actually taste the fruit makes me so happy...cos as u know watever i have planted have all died eventually...so now only left this cherry tomatoes that i shared with my classmates....luckily there's hydoponics...if not i think the plant will die under my hands too...keke...the tomatoes are sweet and juicy...if there are more, mb can let u guys try yah...

schl started in a glimpse man...one moment i'm stress with attachment and the next i'm back to schl again...then two months later i'm back to attachment again...o my...so fast so fast...this sem is gonna be tough...schl work, attachment, squash....think i'll be stretched among these stuffs...esp trainings....i hope i can pull thru it and not get burn out...erm but then i've been feeling sleepy easily...think it's age thingy arh...o no...

was discussing about club stuff juz now...abit worried cos i realise there's so much i need to look into and we are not very much supported by the schl...hai~

anyway this sem got alot of fun things going on...cos i'm actually learning cooking...-_-'' if my classmates get diarrhea pls dun blame me...cos i think the food i cook can only be fit for my stomach....haha...seriously i think so...except for baking lah...but that is if little cheif is baking with me...anyway i'll try my best to balance btw schl work and cca....i cant afford history to repeat...let's juz say i'll die die make sure i'll make it thru...

guys...havent met up since x'mas...will see u all on sat k...i try not to be late...hehe

stress is building up for u...i dunno wat i can do to help...but hang in there k...at the most we suffer together...haha...think i'll be stress too...see u in schl yah...=)

tired...

yah time flies...i'm already in my 3rd week of attachment...mm...pretty worn out...but getting in tune with pts and hospital setting...sadly some of my pts are leaving...which is good cos ultimately they should go home...but i think i'm gonna miss them...although most of them gimme a huge headache when i assess them...haha...

put on weight man...sickening...feel fat and am fat...ugrh...havent gone for training for very long le...argh...i have two huge brusies on my thighs...mm how to wear my short skirt like that...hai yo...one's turning black while the other turning red...how nice...like christmas colour...

eyes gonna close soon man...cant wait for weekend to come...cos i can have fun and hang out with my beloved frens and U! this year's christmas...cant appreciate it more...cos i really need to rest...sleep and not do anything...haha...lazy bum eh...cant wait cant wait...=p

gtg...taking a nap then will plan for tomolo's treatment...jia you yj...-_-

not again...

affected...
all be cos i've been hanging out late during fri and sat nite you assume that i am not putting enough effort on my studies...you said you dun wanna see me repeating my course or not being able to graduate...yah one bad fall and i'm marked dead on that forever...such a failure...ugrh...i know you care but must you always say things like that...

anyway drop tat subj...happy annoucement...i'm gonna be an aunt soon! haha...5 weeks preagnant...i mean my sis-in-law...so exciting!! can't wait man...

hop to another subj...had fun at the bbq last nite...nice to meet up with my click and chit chat...haha lotsa stuff to catch up...oooo juicy news flying around...haha...really have to thank sze for organising this bbq...=)

thanx for accompanying me last nite...sorry arh end up u have to go home while i join the gals at happy days...keke...anyway see u later k...tata

thank u mr H...hehe

alright...second week into my attachment...i'm like half dead cos kena bombarded by sup on alot of questions...think i won't fair well for midway eval...but i'll do my best...anyway now super lack of sleep...gotta prepare for tomolo's party...cos we have to organise games for our dept party tomolo...i hope things will go well...

sat having squash one-day camp...forgotten that it clashes with sze's bbq...will make it...die die i'll go cos i said i'm going...u guys have fun bbq~ing first lo...need anything like tibits or alcohol then i'll buy when i'm on my way there k...

As for U!
speechless...sweet enough of u to send me home juz now and even sweeter of u to give me a surprise...was stressed out today....to the extend it's almost the same kinda stress i felt when i was having exam...well...tomolo's a brand new day...will be better i hope...can't wait for the weekends to come...esp next week's weekend...hehe...thank u so so much!!

how true is it...i dunnoe...

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic, you find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger than most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes, not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-



i'm stressed up...damn stress up...help help help...many things to do...am so damn sleepy...
ugrh...i hate stress...it got worst when i'm home...not so much during attachment...so shitty...really full of shit lo...cos my diagestive system always cok up during attachment...either too stress or something...

i need hug and i need ppl to tell me things are gonna be alright...that i'll not be dead after this one month of attachment...damn it...it's only 2nd day of attachment...

unplanned evening...

i've gotten my purple specs...muah haha...yah yah it's purple! nice k...anyway will let u guys see it on sat...haha

tue nite...was wearing very lok kok...cos someone was wearing t-shirt and berms...wanted to have dinner together then go home early...but we ended up going holland v...eh two underdress ppl going holland v...looked kinda weird...but cant be bothered...haha...simple nite turn out pretty fun...

wed nite...went city hall for dinner...ordered salad and coffee...eh nydc really give huge serving for their salad...cos the one we had ended up as our dinner...pretty big bowl of chicken and veg....soo damn healthy...haha....caught singapore idol at the foutain...first time watching tv there...mm it's like catching those kind of big screen movie except that this screen is made out of water...interesting...yeah taufik won...i've guessed correctly...muah haha...but who know's mb he'll end up like ruben...hmm...

alright, i have to get ready to meet my beloved peifen...havent seen her since her exam...
o yeah sat going yd's house to bum round...
ck babe...if u're reading this...not sure if u're free tomolo...i'll contact u k...mb can meet u for lunch or dinner...

as for U...i'll see u later...~buai buai~