1) My favorite  girl came into the clinic exclaiming that I looked good in my hair...felt so happy despite the fact that I felt like a broom head after the soft rebonding was done...

2) Happy that my hubby would include me in dinner with his colleagues...

3) I managed to get the minion figurin today! The Macdonald at Forum was completely sold out. I went to the one at boat quay instead. So happy to get one!!! Had a happy meal while waiting for my hubby to knock off!!!

1) Appreciate Uncle Peter for inviting us to the Mercedes AMG launch event at Grand Hyatt. It was an experience I've not been through before. No doubt I was super underdress (like really super underdress), it was fun watching how people mingle and how the organizer arranged the pre show before they let everyone have a view and touch of the latest AMG GTS.

2) There was a major boo boo at work yesterday, resulting in me having only 15 min lunch, to make up for the session  and having my kid to make an alternate arrangement with his project mates. Am really glad that things turned out well, like really well. I was prepared for the mum to yell or make a fuss for the time delay and inconvenience caused. Instead she was soooooo understanding and assured me that it was not within my control to begin with. I've been with this mum and kid for awhile, and to see her being so calm and collected dealing with such situation instead of exploding, I truly think she's changed for the better! And I'm so happy for her!

3) At the end of the day, I'm just glad that I get to go home and sleep as I was dead beat...I so badly want this June hols to end!

1) Happy to have dinner with choon sze and his partner tonight! Went to a new place that he recommended and got to eat tasty dishes! So glad to hear him narrate his working experience in Brazil!

2) Puppy told me funny jokes today. Sometimes I wonder what's stored in his head...he can really crack funny stuffs and pull off the jokes to make me laugh like mad..

3) Glad that my parents are back home safely. Glad that they've enjoyed their Taiwan trip!

1) I'm happy that I got to eat my mee sua and subway salad for dinner today. Despite having dinner alone and having a portion that's way larger than what I used to consume, I'm glad I could get my cravings satisfied.

2) Glad that my friend is back in town and sparing time to meet up with me.

3) Glad that despite me being short fused, Puppy was still patiently listening to me and trying to appease me. Can never get angry with him for long, though I sometimes like to pretend to be petty just so that he will coax me. I also know I cannot be keeping up with this all the time. Will reduce my pettiness and stubbornness...

1) I'm grateful that Puppy was willing to buy breakfast in the morning and agreed to soaked in the pool with me under the sun. I love it when we do silly stuffs together and just chat along in the jacuzzi pool. Thank you Puppy for bringing me to have scones for tea when I said I'm craving for it ;p

2) Glad that my in-laws helped me look for my phone when it went missing momentarily as I've forgotten where I last placed it.

3) Happy that I finally get to clean our dusty bed room with the help of my mother in law. Yes, no helper at home and part time helper has left Singapore, so for now we have to rely on ourselves to keep the house reasonably clean...

I think I should start being more positive and start counting my blessings. No more negativity or whining...I really dun like the negative vibes I give out from time to time. 

Perhaps I should list down three each day, starting from today...

19 June 2015

1) Despite super busy schedule and lotsa stress at work, Puppy made his way down to have lunch with me! It's an effort and I truly appreciate him for wanting to spend his time with me despite seeing me every single day ;p

2) Doting mother-in-law boiled ginger-red dates tea for me to bring to work. I'm lucky to have her taking care of my health and well being :)

3) Grateful to have the ability to persuade my parents to go for the Taiwan trip and have the means to support them financially too. 

20 June 2015

1) Happy that I can still relate to kids of various age and make an impact on them.

2) Gage messaged me today to ask of my whereabouts. I thought he saw me at Bugis and that I missed out on saying hi to him. Turned out, he was on his way to Sengkang with his mum and thought to ask me to join them if I were at punggol visiting my parents. Very sweet to have a friend who thinks of me from time to time and try to include me in his activity. 

3) Big gathering for Fathers' day celebration with the Neo family. The laughters, chattings and jokes shared among the elderly, the youngs and the not-so-youngs were truly heart warming :)

Of 2014...

Here I am recovering from another bulk of gastric flu, listening to chinese songs and waiting for the air conditioner repairman to do the maintenance. Am also trying to get work done (not...really not in the mood to...) while waiting for hubby to buy ingredients for me to cook for our lunch.

Have not been on this platform for quite awhile, have not typed my thoughts so freely for quite awhile.

I am thankful for everything that happened in 2014. The good, the not so good, the bad. Yes, even the bad. 

I am thankful for my family who has been very supportive and helpful during my wedding preparation and my transition to being another man's wife. My beloved parents have forever been so thoughtful and least demanding of me. 

I am thankful that I am able to help and ride the waves with my one and only sibling. Yes I grumbled and I lamented but I am still glad that he turned to me for help during the down times. I cannot imagine how he went through what he went through and still goes through. I guess I will never understand. I can only listen and try to mediate. I am thankful that I can still do that. I do hope he will see the good in everything and everyone around him. It's not easy to get rid of that extremely dark cloud above us but who says the sun will not triumph and create some rain above our heads, only to let us see the rainbows at the end of day?

I am thankful for my hubby for accepting me for who I am and still loving me. I know you love me and have been utmost patient with me. The respect, concern, passion and love you've showered me, I still think I am the luckiest girl ever to have you by my side. With you by my side, I think we can overcome many many mountains (apart from Mt Kinabalu ;p )

I am thankful for my in-laws for being so open minded and guiding me along the way ever since I moved in together with my hubby. They have been so understanding and easy going. My mother-in-law has been so thoughtful, always teaching me new stuffs and pointing out things to take note of in the family. I still remember she called me to the kitchen to tell me how to differentiate if the egg is cooked. It's the same kind of feeling when my mum was teaching me cooking stuffs. My father-in-law has been really great in sharing stories of the family with me as well. He's the gem in the family!

I am thankful for my brother and sister-in-law. I have now loved the moments of the 4 of us, sitting at mahjong table - gossiping and laughing at one another's silly acts, perhaps most of the time mine and my hubby's. I hope we will continue to do that when we move into Belgravia. 

I am thankful for my friends and colleagues. I know I have not been the best in keeping up with most of my friends. Perhaps occasional messages are not enough but I would continue to stay in touch. You guys still mean alot to me! I am so thankful to have a bunch of supportive colleagues at work. It has been rough and their presence makes everything so much more bearable. 

I am thankful to be able to learn that I should have stuck to the motto of separating personal stuffs from work. In my 6 coming 7 years of work, it took me a good 3-4 years to open up and share personal stuffs with people in the office. Now, I can't help but shut myself out completely in order not to be affected. Numbers can be fixed, words and trust once broken are difficult to build. I am sorry, I tried to look the other way and to brush it off but this time round, I think I am too disappointed. 

To end with a better note, I think I am ready to step out and explore. I need to build a healthier and more positive self!

Nails in the fence [Unknown Author]

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you." "Of course I can," said the father. ~~ My husband was the first person who told me about this story and I totally agreed with the meaning behind this.  I have always disliked confrontations. I have always believed that in the fit of anger, despite whatever words that you actually do not mean it, those words said could have done so much harm and caused so many scars. What does one do, when the place you once thought was really great to stay put upon has changed and now you are left with nothingness?  Uncertainty is the only constant...I guess I should have known better...

As the wedding day draws closer, I think our stress level gets heightened pretty much. More squabbles (the funny kind), more arguments (the not so funny kind), more pettiness (from me). I realized I tend to do that to people whom I am close to - being snappy and quick to act up; being all the sudden sensitive and over analyze on comments that others put across. I do this to my parents and now I am doing it to my husband-to-be. Familiarity breeds contempt perhaps but I know this is something that I need to put a stop to and I sometime struggle with it. At times, I just want my voice to be heard instead of being pushed aside when decision making come in place. Hence, I get snappy when my points are not taken into consideration or are overlooked. Other times, I am just being silly and acting out like a little girl.

I know, I am being spoilt rotten by this man who loves me so much and constantly trying to give in to me albeit managing his own ego and demands at the same time. And I love him for that - for the big heart that look beyond my pettiness as well as my quirks and for the willingness to give in to me and to make me smile. 

I dun think I make you as happy as you have made me but I am trying and am willing to better myself so that we can both be happy enough to want to spend the rest of our lives together =)

Love you pupz.

It's funny how people who said they are close to you would do the most inappropriate thing when you least expected it...

I'm not being unappreciative or snobbish here. I totally get it that you meant well. I can also understand how we would sometime find the easiest way out, thinking that it should be the closest and most helpful thing to do for the person we care for. BUT the actions could have been carried out differently. The lack of it didn't leave me with very good after taste and I am still bothered by it.....

Our pre wedding shoot

I never ever want to forget this day. There were so much laughter and kisses (although you said no kissing pictures for pre wedding photos). And you made me laugh even more when you said we've hit the quota for the number of kisses we had in the day.

I cannot imagine doing this with anyone else. We had so much fun despite the torso twisting poses and squeezing of various facial expressions upon requests. Love the moments that you made funny faces at me, trying to make me burst out laughing during the shoot. Love taking funny pictures with you too!

Thank you for being so sporting and being more excited than I was before and during the shoot. Thank you for taking my nonsense all these while. You've spoilt me rotten, I know...

Love you pupz....

Am feeling lost amidst the happiness that is surrounding me. This doesn't quite make sense to me and I'm still trying to grasp exactly what's making me feel this way.

Perhaps it's the new phase in life that I'm about to enter, perhaps it's the preparation that is going on...I'm not complaining nor am I unhappy. On the contrary, I am happy....

I get it now, that I should and need to 'be in the moment' when I am doing something. And only by doing so, I can pay my fullest attention on the activity I am involved and make the best out of it. 

I didn't quite get the meaning behind this when a good friend of mine explained to me.  I mean, I have always been attentive to the tasks I'm doing or given but I didn't realise that sometimes, apart from attending to the tasks on hand, my mind was drifting between multiple other stuffs that were on my mental list - the deadline to finish the report, the chore I needed to do later, another item that I needed to clear by end of the day etc. Unknowingly I got distracted by many other things that were on my mind, so much so that I did not put in my full attention on the one thing that I was supposed to do in the first place.

I only got to realize how true this was when I went for wakeboarding over the weekends. I was sleepy, my mind was somewhere else thinking about some stuffs that happened earlier during the week. And because of all these factors, although I'm physically in the water, trying to get myself up and to keep my equilibrium, I just kept falling despite already mastering the skill of balancing and standing up on the board.  On my third fall, while floating in the water, waiting for the boat to do a roundabout to pass me the rope, I realized my mind was not on wakeboarding at all. I was thinking about everything but the activity itself. 

Decided to do a mental switch and kept telling myself to focus solely on the the activity and nothing else. What surprised me was the immediate effect that came along with this simple act of consciousness. I stood up, I balanced and I had hell of a good time trying out slightly more challenging stunts. It was so much more enjoyable than any other times when I did wakeboarding.

It is great to finally understand what it means and feels like to be in that state of consciousness. It is also great to realize I actually have the ability to push other thoughts away and just focus on the activity that I'm involved in. It's not easy though, having to consciously push other thoughts out of my mind, to pay attention on that single task and nothing else. I hope I can do this better eventually and get to enjoy what I do even more. 

On a side note, I probably need to manage my emotions better. Am getting emotionally affected by every little thing. It's draining when I'm so reactive to things/words/responses that were thrown towards my direction. The rebound effect from me has not been good at all and it always lands on the person closest to me. My constant reminder to self has been - to be fair to the other party and not vent it on others. I try to be as positive as best as I can. Sigh...I try...I really try... Afterall, no one wants to be with another who emits negativity all the freaking time...

Sometimes I dun know how to respond any more when so many things are bomdbarding me constantly. Sometimes I just wanna shut down so that I would be less explosive/ reactive. Sometimes I feel like I need to hide somewhere and be on my own for awhile so that I can deal with the world in a better way...

Time flies...last year at this time, I was in London - went to Convent Garden to get my UGGs cos my booty heels were too painful to wear, and eventually parked myself at British Museum for a good half a day.  I remembered it was pretty windy and eventually it rained when my Mister came to meet up with me after his work. We were supposed to go somewhere else to walk around but he had some calls and had to go back to office. I was thrilled to follow him anywhere. Thrilled to go to his work place even though I had to wait for him to get his work done and then to go back to his office again due to some calls when we were supposed to leave for good. Dinner was at a Chinese restaurant with his friends. And eventually we adjourned to an Irish pub after getting some dessert. We drank, we danced and we counted down at Trafalgar Square. The fireworks, the kisses and hugs...our very first count down together.

Fast forward one year, I'm in Singapore, eating mee sua and waiting for Mister to knock off (again!).  Am equally thrilled that we get to count down and welcome a brand new year together. Brand new year, brand new us! Coming year will be a whole new phase for us :) Very very excited!

I have to admit I am not one who truly knows how to appreciate music but there have been some songs that always always brings me memories of that particular person or events.

Mad about you (Hooverphonics) - Yk introduced this to me ages ago. Still my all time favourite and it always brings back memories of my first trip to Wala Wala. I remembered I would always request for this song to be sung by UnXpected. Dun think they cover this song on their gig anymore though.

Songs of Damien Rice - I was heartbroken and went on a trip to KL to mend my heart. The entire album was on repeat-mode and I just kept listening to it. I remembered the sadness that swept through me when the songs were playing. I remembered how I try to make myself feel so numb that I would feel better eventually. I did feel better, I got out of being sad some how.

Chasing pavement - It always reminds me of banker. It reminds me of how tormented I was trying to catch up with someone who was always ahead of me and playing me around on his fingertips like a puppet.

珊瑚海 － I had never heard of this song prior to W mentioning it to me. He wanted to sing this song in the karaoke during one of his visits back. Not sure what got into me but I remembered I did go to the Youtube to search for the song - to listen and learn the lyrics(!!), all in the midst of my report typing. It is difficult to get miss jayna to do such thing but at that time I just wanted to make him happy. It turned out really fun and I was really glad that he seemed happier.

Young and Beautiful - Caught 'Great Gastby' on my way to Maldives. I fell in love with this song and I could help but played it through the entire trip. Every where - while I sun tan, while I soak in the tub etc. Kinda like a sad song but it brought back amazing memories of our trip to Cocoa Island!

New phase of life awaiting...I hope I'll have more songs to add to my life events =)

Love is...when he made the effort to fetch me home from a dinner despite him feeling tired...

Love is...when I'm dealing with family members who are sinking into depression...he'll try his best to listen and at the same time...crack silly jokes just to lighten the mood and lift me up...

Love is...when I threw tantrums or gotten frustrated...he'll take a step back and give in to me...but reason and point out my mistakes when I'm much calmer...

Love is...when he smiles at me every single morning without fail when he wakes up...

Love is...when I know we mean the world to each other...

Love is...him...

Life as it is, always filled with a good balance of happiness and grieve...

Mums being mums, they are bound to be worried about their kids, no matter how old their kids are. Even when their kids have kids...

She's always gotten his back...she worried when she knew he was out and worried why he didn't get her to help in tending the kids...

I can't believe I have to literally tell her to let go cos it's not within her control...he's old enough to manage his own stuffs...he's old enough to make decision and be responsible of his decisions....even if it's not the case, he has to learn...She doesn't seem to see that...

At the end of the day...It makes me wonder if she's ever this worried about me? I think I may not have given her the chance to...So at the end of the day...

Who is gonna have my back?

It's very hard to see young ones suffering. It's even harder to know that this kid whom I saw along the corridor at times, didn't make it due to a viral infection. He wasn't my kid but was under my colleague. I've spoken to the mum before though. I remembered her being so gentle, humble and nice towards everyone. I can't in my entire life imagine the immense torment she had to go through, seeing her baby slipping away. It saddens me to see the pic of the smiling kid albeit being intubated. I hope he's at a better place. I hope his family will stay strong.

Today I saw another child who was trying so hard to achieve the motor skills that he should be able to achieve for his age but is not doing so. Saw him cry through the exercises, saw him smile when motivated with toys. I held him in my arms and I know, he's got a long way to go in the journey ahead. Sometimes I wonder how do we keep ourselves up albeit seeing kids like these. Did we get used to it or that we are stronger emotionally?

I used to think it'll be great to work in neonatal ICU, helping those premature babies strive on. But I'm not sure how strong am I to see babies intubated and placed in the incubator or see babies struggling so badly just to stay alive...

random thoughts...

It struck me just one of the nights, what exactly is my purpose in life? To live, to learn, to be happy?


Why is it that when I am in the midst of happiness, something will crop up. And the ripple effects will definitely hit me straight on. It's like someone up there is trying to tell me - I dun deserve to be happy hence face the shit, over and over again.

Mum was getting on pretty good before she was being stressed out. And now she cannot seem to be able to get out of it. A year ago, when she was hospitalized, I had to handle all the procedures. You didn't offer to drive us home when she was discharged. Now, I have to be the one to bear with the frustrations of giving her the advice that she dun wanna take and the constant complaints of her feeling unwell. I hope you offered her the care and concern you should give and have been giving. As much as I hate clearing shit, I still have to do my part as a sister but I need you to get your act together and start being my big brother too.