@_@ did i mention that i slept at 3am last nite and gotten woken up at 5 am due to the labour pain that sis had...

rushed to hospital to pass documents at 830am...motorbike fell side way on the slope...nearly kena my legs...luckily i hopped off fast enough to help daddy push it back...realise i can move the heavy bike..hmm...

went home after going hospital at 930am...went training in the noon at 1 pm...warmed up in courts and ran 11 rounds on the track with jessie...showered...went to hospital again to see baby auggy at 5 pm...

baby auggy is really cute...eyes are like his mom...small and oriental looking...small tiny mouth too...abit of hair and his head is really nice to touch...haha..abit elongated though...
and this angel of mine farted on me when i carried him...should see his face when he did that...really funny...

sigh...so nice to carry him...haha i think i carried him better than bro and sis...o well always support the neck and make sure he is comfortable lo...took some pic..will post them soon...haha he's really cute when he's awake...he'll juz look at u with his tiny eyes...eew...so sweet right...and he stopped crying when i carry him...haha...

after that i headed off to yd's house at 645pm....chatted with his mom then head out for dinner with the rest for bak kut teh...darn bloated...think i ate too much...went to play with yd's hyperactive plus teething doggy...this fur ball can really play man...and the way yilong talked to the doggy...it's as though she's his daughter...haha...then i fell asleep on the couch at 9pm....woke up at 1030pm and thankfully adrian drove....took me and ck home...thank u so much...

i'm half dead now lah...brain dead...cant sleep yet...talking to yan...@_@...cannot liao need to sleep...

o btw i saw benedict goh at the hospital juz now! haha not bad le...he doesnt look as odd as he appears on tv...not bad looking...haha...

AUNT JAYNA!!!!

i'm officially an aunt!!! wah hahaha....baby auggy juz popped out not long ago!!! heard his hearty strong cries over the phone when bro called juz now!!! o my god!!! so happy!!! i cant wait to see him!!!

my parents are busy fixing the baby cot...haha...too sudden cos we tot he'll only pop out in august!!! guess he cant wait to come out and see us!!! and best thing is he's not a august baby afterall...so much for calling him augustine...haha....

i'm off to schl! then i'll go see my baby boy after training!!! eew....i'm already picturing his cute little face in my head!!!

woo...ahh...5.52am

baby auggy...i cant wait to see you!!

beaming...beaming...beaming...met beautiful ppl today...keke...juz make my day...muah haha...

retail therapy always works for me...bought harvana slippers and espirit panty...keke...nice nice...it's all the wants and not the needs...have to make myself happy...which i did...plus the company i have for the whole shopping trip...i'm contended enough...=) muack...thank u!

realise i always indulge myself in better meals when the weekends come...eew...need to work doubly hard tomolo...

tried several dresses...still i cant decided wat to get for gina's wedding...so difficult to be a bridesmaid...argh...tube? halter? wat wat?

tried this skirt at zara...darn nice and it's bohemian style...gee i seldom look good with skirt that is below knee length...but this one is quite nice....sigh...contemplating upon getting it...how ck...i'm still thinking about it!!! argh....i'm so gonna bleed to death...

trying to change my style...gotten alittle sick of denim skirt...well...shall see how things go...

having some emotional rides lately...like a ki siao gal...can be happy one moment and moody the next...probably it's due to lack of sleep...slept late recently cos of training...by the time i reach home it's 10...after bathing and reading up some stuff...it can be about 1 am...which is good in some way...cos i'll juz propped into dreamland immediately and wont even have the brain cells to think about other stuff...

i have to start going to schl on my own...cannot reply on dad to fetch me to schl everyday...sigh...but sometimes i cant wake up in time...will try to get license soon..bike or car...either one will do...wonder if bro's offer still valid...mm...

exhauste...time to sleep...dream dream dream....drink drink drink...

dreaded the whole of today....esp when lesson ended early and training starts at 7...plus me feeling tired...dunnoe why keep feeling tired...something is wrong...tried to eat but dun have the appetite...system shutting down on me...

am looking forward to tomolo...meeting my fren to go shopping...juz cant wait to see him...and the sweet thing is he cant wait to see me and go shopping with me too...haha...babe, i think u may end up burning a hole in ur pocket as always

mm wonder if i can wake up to go walk that bridge at the reservior on sat morning...shall see...roller bladding on sun sounds good to me...that is if i dun fall and shatter my bones...mm...wat if i fell and no one is there to my rescue...wah very cham le...then i have to crawl back home...haha...jogging better...safer...

ahead of me will be filled with busy weeks...preparation, assignments, presentations...so i've decided to slack abit for this week...and try to recharge my long gone energy...

cant wait to get new clothes tomolo....or should i say later...i need alcohol...it's the second time i'm mentioning it this week...argh!!!

life is good afterall...i have my desired fyp topic...muah haha...something related to ASD...pediatrics!!!! am soo darn happy...plus my group mates are my own classmates...even better...happy happy....

wat comes down will go up...sigh sometimes i hope there wont be any downs...but that's life...

graduation is held for the whole of this week...was wondering wat it'll be like in a year's time when it's my turn...mm...it'll be a good gathering for all of us i guess...but first let us all pull thru the final year together...

yd...how have u been in thailand...hope u had fun at bangkok...mb i can go visit u during dec since i have hols during that time! haha...shopping!! miss you lots!! and we're planning to go see ur mom and yilong plus play with ur doggy this sat!!! will write to you soon...gotta send u some articles...long overdue man...take care yah...

gee...i feel like drinking again and audrey...ur mention about wala makes me wanna go even more..haha...gee...wonder when i can go again...perhaps soon...soon soon i hope...i need it!

i will never ever eat nuggets before training again...makes me wanna puke...damn horrible...

was so much in a daze after training today...bloody tired...energy darn low man....vision blurred again...played games with my vice cap till we both gotten so high and gong...i cant even walk straight after that

was shivering in cold today while i was in the lib...despite me wearing sweater...it's still bloody cold...weird...

yeah now i have more space to walk in my room cos i've finally cleared my stuff...

gonna sleep...

o my...it's been a looooooong time since i last heard this song....i missed it soooooo much! shall make a dedication on it at wala next time...i miss shirlyn's version....o man...really really miss it...

Mad About You

Feel the vibe, feel the terror, feel the pain It's driving me insane I can't fake For God's sake Why am I driving in the wrong lane Trouble is my middle name But in the end I'm not too bad Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you Mad about you Mad Are you the fishy wine that will give me A headache in the morning Or just a dark blue land mine That'll explode without a decent warning Give me all your true hate And I'll translate it in our bed Into never seen passion, never seen passion That it why I am so mad about you Mad about you Mad about you Mad Trouble is your middle name But in the end you're not too bad Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be So mad about you Mad about you Mad Give me all your true hate And I'll translate it in your bed Into never seen passion That is why I am so mad about you Mad about you

felt like a matchmaker...o well sorta...feels good though...hope things go well...

don't seem to have the drive for studies...feel as though i'm passing my days without concreate plans or goals...like an empty shell walking around aimlessly...damn i hate this feeling...think my adaptability gotten sucked dry during attachment...right now i'm lacking the drive for everything i do...wat's wrong with me...

was watching 'tuesdays with morrie' last nite...me too am afraid to cry, to love, to show my own emotions...i always hold back...no matter how hard i try, i cant give it all...why why why? i dunnoe...i think somewhere along my development stage i'm stuck and it's gotten fixated till now...haha gee that sound awful...

i dunnoe...mb i havent been thru enough...but havent i had my fair share?? why is it that i still feel vulnerable...how many huge hurdles do i have to go thru before i can at least breathe without any obstruction?? some how all these years i felt suffocated...gasping for air...occasionally feeling better when i'm allowed to breathe normally... and juz when i tot things are finally changing for good....it's another round of suffocation again...when is it gonna end??

i'm really tired...how long do i have to hold on...how many times do i have to tell myself i can pull thru it...how many times do i have to tell myself i'm strong....when can i ever be free from this mental tortment?? sometimes i wonder if depression ever left me for good...i dun wanna go thru it again...i really cant...

painted my nails...bloody red...haha...it's been ages since i last painted them...bought the nail polish months ago and was too lazy to use it...

tiring day...training from 1-5...walked around the track with jessie for 1 hour plus...i dunno how many rounds we've walked but the conversation we had soothed me alot...it's really nice to walk and talk non stop....haha thanx for talking to me woman...and filling me up with that extra infor! gee...i dunno wat i'm doing at times man...totally...

had dinner with apple and mark...haha so fun! catching up is always the nice part....been asking them when they are getting married...cos it seems like ppl around me are getting married soon..miss r is getting engaged...gina getting married...i think i'll have more wedding dinners to attend in juz a few years time...so fast eh...but i'm happy for them...

cant see myself getting married yet...not even back then when i'm attached...i have too many things in mind that i wanna accomplish...eew but i dun wanna die single and alone...haha...let's juz see how things go...i can only control that much of things in my life...love is definitely something i cant control...so let it be...

sigh...room is in a mess...wardrobe is in a mess too...how am i gonna move out if i'm always such a messy person...i'll clear my room tomolo...promise...slap me if i dun...

sitting inside starbucks drinking my coffee, penning my random thoughts

i looked out the glass panel and remembered something that happened at the spot juz outside the steps of starbucks...

i smiled...

when was the last time u sat down and think thru on the things u've done?

i did..despite feeling tired....and i actually smiled when i tot of what i've done and have been thru...it was bitter sweet no doubt...but wat is life if it's always filled with sweetness...soon u wont know how to appreciate wat u have and instead of facing the reality...u'll keep seeking for the sweetness that u wish will last forever....

i'm always a bitter sweet person...can be quite bitter at times but alittle sweetness will always be enough to melt me...sometimes i wonder if ppl find it hard to get along with me...

o btw...my sup sms me and informed me that AH has passed the JCI with flying colours...wah hahaha...i'm so happy for them...all the hard work finally paid off...and it's really sweet of her to keep me updated!

i have been listening to damien rice for weeks...so addicted to it...his songs are quite different...something new and edgy....i like~~

volcano

don't hold yourself like that you'll hurt your knees
i kissed your mouth & back that's all i need
don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea
don't throw yourself like that in front of me
i kissed your mouth your back is that all you need?
don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down
what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea
what i give to you is just what i'm going through
this is nothing new no no just another phase of finding
what i really need is what makes me bleed
and like a new disease she’s still too you to treat
volcanoes melt me down
she's still too young
i kissed your mouth
you do not need me

mom broke my favourite 'les miserable' cup...watched the play when i was 12 and bought it...sob...

11 years...and now it's gone...no more 'my' cup...

sigh...so fragile...nothing stays...

pulled thru another day with less than 4 hours of sleep...been amending my presentation the whole nite...dozing off here and there...trying my best to type as logical as possible...

in the end...i had to trouble my dad once again to drive me to schl...mom to make coffee and to heat up breakfast for me to bring to schl too...so much of being 23 huh...very much like a baby of the family...o well i like being doted on... who doesnt like to be treated that way....but i guess this status will not stick with me for long...cos the real one is poping out soon! i'll soon be chucked aside...haha...

sigh...was feeling lousy the whole day...cos was worried about presentation...i'm so scared that i'll be gunned down by HL's questions...cos she's the hands expert and i'm presenting case study on my hands pt...luckily it went thru pretty alright...though she did ask me some qn that i dun really know how to ans...sigh hopefully she saw how hard i've tried to ans her logically...

sleeping less...means i eat less too...juz dun have the mood to eat...cos too caught up with work...aint a good sign...but i cant help it...fluid is all i sorta took the whole day apart from the bit of food i shared with the gals...

nearly bursrt into tears during CE debrief...was so bloody tired that i was near breaking down...plus was listening to HB talking about stress during clinicals...reminded me of the bloody tough times i've been thru for the past month...juggling so many things on hand...i really feel burnout...if i havent had my frens with me and the 10 days break...i'll really die of mental strain...and to tell the truth...i havent been feeling too good mentally as in too much thoughts rambling in my head...pretty taxing for a tired mind...

sian...vision blurred...dunno is it due to tiredness or due to increase of degree...cant really see things clearly...if degree increase i'll have the excuse of making new glasses...muah haha...frens been telling me i've lost weight...mm dun think so le...i always tell them...it must be due to my tan cos when u get dark..u look slimmer and ur dark circles aint that obvious plus ur fats get burn off...haha who am i kidding..

i'm tired and stressed up...sigh...

bummed over at ck's place on sun nite...together with sze...so that mon morning we can send yd off at airport...quite a last min decision...but it was fun cos 3 of us have to squeeze in ck's room...and i get to sleep on the bed...muah haha...dozed off while talking to them...

set off early in the morning to the airport...tot i could see him off at the departure gate...mm but his flight gotten delayed somehow...so i have to give him an advance hug before heading to schl...

it's mushy...but seriously i'm gonna miss you and you know wat, i dreamt of u telling me u have internet connection over there leh...and u really have it now...mm...my dream is pretty accurate isnt it...haha...take care will you...purple!

am so darn stress up...presentation tomolo...so dead and drained now...

babe..thanx for cheering me up...muack!

met up with gina and bonnie last nite...went for a drink..yah again...after wala on thurs...i tot i can go balaclava for another round of unexpected band on fri nite...sadly...it's way too crowded even though we reached as early as 745...sigh...

but it's the company that counts so we went to another place where there is nice couch and less smoke...and there we chat and catch up on all the stuff that have been happening around us...

drank abit too much...have to head home first after our frog-leg porriage at geylang cos they gals wanna go for you tiao still...was having headache then...cant rem myself giving instructions to the cab driver...but gotten home as usual...went for training today with the hang over...still i managed to run 6 rounds =)

was wearing this off shoulder top that i bought from KL... quite like it...was peeling on my back when i wore it last nite but who cares...at nite no one can see...haha...

gals...thanx for the bday gift...really nice...something that i need hee...hope to meet up again...at least before gina's wedding...


wasnt that tipsy yet...


hehe...yah we kiap gina's head in the middle


see the contrast...fair and chao ta...


yah...here...i'm way tipsy already...


another contrast...snow white vs pocahontas


near to sleep mode...

promised to talk about my KL trip...so here it is...lotsa pics...

a no. of booboos happened...firstly... i was denied access to jb cos i didnt change my youthful photo despite two written warning on my passport...damn officer didnt even wanna look at my face...cancelled my access card and tell me to go back singapore change photo...

the gals were so worried...i was rolling my eyes...wat to do...i can only stand there and try to talk my way thru...of cos put on my lovely smiles but then he didnt even look at me...damn...in the end he made me go to another officer...first instinct...look for a younger one...muah haha...it worked...nagged me abit here and there...made me filled up the card again...gave me final warning and ta da...went thru the custom...

second booboos...dear min left her pouch in the taxi on our last nite...with passport, money and hotel key...ur heart can juz stop beating when u know u've lost ur passport...wat to do...have to plan to go down singapore embassy to make necessary arrangement the next day...the walk back from chinatown area to hotel was in total silence cos we're in shock and totally exhausted...

when we stepped into the hotel to report lost of our key...we're soooo darn relive to find that the taxi driver actually sent the pouch back!!! money was gone of cos but passport and key were there...that's all we need actually...wah haha...so exciting eh...haha...

other than these booboos...the trip was fun...we ate and ate and ate...think the weight i've lost came back due to this trip man...didnt buy much stuff...cos nothing interesting there...basically we juz walked around alot...hehe

o celebrated fen's birthday as well...in the hotel...fun..

and did i mention the purpose of this trip is to meet up with this malaysian director who directed the movie 'sepat'...mm some arts film...min's idea cos she won this dvd after watching the movie...and i'm glad we went...cos the director is such a nice person to talk to...her work place is really nice...

will upload more photos of the trip...tentatively juz view these...hehe...

o and dun go suntanning before any travelling...cos it's bloody painful!


start off...waiting for the comforty bus


this hotel rocks...cos it's really vintage...nice nice


art gallery? nah...our hotel


lounge area...nice right...


breakfast...egg...


food...seaching for food


mrt in kl...very very slow....


twin tower...nothing much to see actually


birthday rituals...cake smashing in hotel room


birthday gal...muack...we went thru hell before this celebration


heading home via train...muah haha

wanted to watch dvd...realise i didnt know which channel to turn to...in the end it was the connecting system that i have forgotten to switched on...duh...

ever come to a point where u havent spend enough time at home and felt that u're a total stranger to ur house even the equipment...i had that feeling yesterday...abit dumb eh...

anyway went back to schl to return my long overdued books and to pop by to see my squashies...

sigh...first time ever, i lost my temper...lectured my juniors due to their lack of attitude...and they are guys somemore...whine and whine and whine...

calmed down...was thinking if i have failed as a leader...i tried to get the morale up for my members and club...but with the lack of support from the schl sometimes it's really tough to do so...cos we dun have fundings to get coach for training...we're always being pushed over...contantly have to wait for replies to see if we can get into ivp...little contributions and they wanna get huge results...typical isnt it...

attitude is all it counts...if u dun have the correct mindset to come for training then dun come at all...the worst is to come for training and give me all sorts of excuses not to do them then whine n whine about being tired...who is not tired in the club...my committee gals are...but they've never complained a single bit...

perhaps i havent set good example to them for i havent been around for quite awhile due to clinicals...schl starts and i'll make sure watever i do they do too...

went down to wala after that...was fumming mad till i forgotten to have any dinner...
downed two stella plus nuts with empty stomach and i'm tipsy...shirlyn sang sad songs towards the end...nice...didnt realise how much i miss the band till i heard them...

aint no sunshine when she's gone....i havent heard that from her for a long long time...

going down bala tonite...another round of unexpected...~grin~

model...i swear i'll work out after these rounds of drinking...u watch out on ur diet too...~evil grin~

why am i not asleep at this time when it's suppose to be my hols?
me and my big mouth...
promised my sup i'll give her the translation tomolo...see...argh...have to deliever it by tomolo 12....then after that meeting the guys to go shopping...freaking dead man...shall hide my face under the cap tomolo...

feeling so high now...once again procrastination cost me to suffer big time...was watchin csi and alias the whole day...o man...havent watched alias for so darn long...realised i missed out so much of the storyline...used to 'watch' it with yd...will msg each other whenever it reaches the exciting part or that sidney has new cool outlook for her mission...so fun!!...now we dun have that kinda time to do such thing...busy busy busy...bet yd lost touch with the storyline too...

feeling abit numb at my fingertips...yucks...must have typed too much...

i cant wait for baby augustine to come...already i dreamt of driving him around showing him off to my frens...mm...they said i'm gonna spoil him...hell yes...cos he's mine too..though i have no contribution in him being created...haha....still he's gonna be part of my life! soon!
baby boy...aunt jayna cant wait to see and hold u...touching u on ur mama's tummy doesnt really help...so see you in august! muack!!

woke up at 8 and went back to sleep...yawn...luxury...feels so good to have time for myself...but i wanna get out of my house...messy room and translation work are driving me nuts...

sometimes i think my wilfulness really gets me into deep shit...haha...cant help it..it's like a hidden character in every youngest child...i gave in to my wilfulness and now have to face the consequences...blame who...myself...

game of love... i went in with a clear mind and came out with a woozy one...tot i can be a good player and will play it well...in the end i'm being outplayed by a better one...cant rem when i've decided to give up the control of this game...mb that's why i always ended up being dumped...

finding companionship is easy if happiness, fun and excitment is all that you're looking for...it's always easier to share happiness...i had fun and laughters for the past relationships...but till now i have yet to find one that i can share my sadness with or even go thru the downs with me...frens will know wat kinda shit i've been thru and they're the only ones who guranteed to be there...

6 months is all that happiness can last...which is why my r/s always expire then...i havent found a player who can surpass or stretch this deadline..

sigh...woman is woman afterall...always say one thing but meant the other...me especially...

was checking my hp... realise i've been sending msg to the wrong ppl...so blur...stupid nokia phone...wont happened anymore...always need time to adapt to new phone...urgh...

woohoo...i'm back...it's been fun!!! though there's a no. of booboos happening during the trip...but we survived thru it...will update about that tomolo...

been thinking alot during the journey to and fro...to the extend that i'm too exhausted to carry on and i fell asleep ...i havent done that for a long time...months i think...kinda miss it...

haha...yd thanx for the cd u've burnt...his songs are indeed good...i looooove them! been listening to it for the whole 3 days and havent gotten sick of it! the more i listen, the more sadness i feel....i like that feeling...


Lonelily
by Damien Rice

I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But a lonelily landed my walls (??) in her hands
In a way I felt you were leaving me
I was sure I wouldn't find you at home
And you let me down
Could have knocked off the evening
But you lonelily let him push under your bone
You let me down
It's no use deceiving
Neither of us wanna be alone
You're coming home (x 4)
I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold
In a way I lost all I believed in
And I never found myself so low
And you let me down
You could've called if you'd needed
But you lonelily got yourself locked instead
And you let me down
It's one thing being cheated
But you took him all the way through your bed
And now you're coming home
And I'm trying to forgive
You're coming home
And I'm trying to forget
You're coming
And I'm trying to move on
You're coming home
And you haven't called yet
You're coming home
And I'm trying to forgive
You're coming home
I'm just trying to forget
You're coming
I'm trying to move on
You're coming home
But you haven't called
You're coming home
You're coming home (x4)
I gave me away
I could have knocked off the evening
But I lonelily loomed her into my bone
You let me down
There's no use deceiving
Neither of us wanna be alone

~~

miss r...thanx for ya msg...i'm alright actually... dun worry...

quoted this from ya blog...
'I believe you meet the other party because you miss him and still think of him, so subconciously, you will see him some how. But you will spot him first, because you miss him more. If he doesn't spot you at all, that's bad, that means he doesn't even think of you anymore. That's why he's no longer sensitive to your presence.'

i've always been bad in spotting ppl esp in crowded places...so why did i spot him that nite...i have no idea...mm...perhaps i needed an ans for the unfinished business and eventually i've gotten wat i wan ...so in a way it's good isnt it...

filtering things not needed in my life...good process of telling myself wat is impt wat is not...cos my memory space is really limited...haha...that's life...at least mine is...

Argh...suffering from lobster syndrome...damn...i think i'm gonna peel like siao...

sze, ck....i had so much fun with u guys at sentosa today!!! thanx for psychoing me to swim to the island...cos i was paraniod that i'll drown..haha in the end i was exhausted and sze has to pull me along so all i do is juz float...nice le...like holding on to a dolphin (good enough that i didnt mention the other animal tat start with 's' end with 'l'...haha)...thanx for throwing me 3 damn times into the water...ur lousiness almost caused my bikini top to fall off 3 times -_-, making me scream like siao cha bo...haha it's fun when i clammed onto ck and wont let go cos i dun wanna be swang into the sea again....wish the rest could join us then we can run from one end of the beach to the other playing frisbee...good work out le...next time k...

haha now i'm all burnt...painful...

ed, appreciate ur frankness...and yah you shocked me...kinda brought me back to 3 yrs ago =)
at the moment i really dun have the energy....so let's juz leave it as it is...certain things cant be helped...friendship is all it is...i'm sorry u have to go thru it twice...but all along i've always treated u the same as before...

gotta finish up my report! nitenite