This Christmas...

I had diarrhea that bugged me on and off for days...I reckon the way to stop it, is to starve it...muah haha...it kinda worked eventually...

This Christmas...

I cooked spagetti for my clique...

Okie...I almost cooked all 3 packets of spagetti because I misread Sze's message...he said 3/4 of a packet of spagetti while I read it as 3 to 4 packet of spagetti...for 8 ppl what...you cannot fault me for the misinterpretation right...

Quite thankful that I'm pretty lazy when it comes to cooking...can you imagine if I didnt get tired and too lazy to cook the other 2 packets of spag??? I think my friends would have eaten until they puke the noodles through their noses...


This Christmas...

I had to endure the urge to LS while purchasing or should I say grabbing the ingredients from the shelves; smile and try to maintain my composure while waiting patiently to make payment; smile yet again and pray hard that I won't LS in my shorts while the cashier made small talk with me...I swear, I nearly wanna grab her collar, asked her to stop talking just so she could scan those bars quickly and let me go home to my beloved toilet bowl...

It's not funny to lup the bags of stuffs and made my way home in the half skip half run pace...any quicker or slower, I would have shittd in my shorts...

So...I did manage to whip up a meal enough for 8 of us...Please be assured that I DID wash my hands thoroughly after going to the toilet! But being paranoid, I still put a disclaimer after my dear friends were done with the meals that should they have diarrhea, I will provide bao ji wan...

I know I know...bad habit of mind...I should have warn you guys earlier...at least I didnt wait till one year later then tell you guys about it okie =p

This Christmas...

The cab driver tried to flirt with me while all I could think of was to deliver my food safely to gage's place...I know it's a flirt when he used stupid lines like "wah your IC photo looks very pretty..."

It was taken when I was Pri 6...Helloo...you're a peadophile or what...duh...


This Christmas

I am happy cos fen is back, finally...and to celebrate Christmas with her just makes it even more meaningful...


This Christmas...

I received the puzzles that I have been eyeing for ages...despite me knowing its presence...I am still happy that it was completed within such a short time...

Appreciate that you try to surprise me so early in the morning and fetching me to work...

Muack!

Last night, I dreamt that banker called me over the phone to wish me Merry Christmas and to have a meet up. I pretty much got woken up and unable to sleep. I didn't sleep until much tossing and turning were done...

It sux...I rem telling myself 'nah bey, it's not even dawn yet! Fucking waste my sleeping hours!' And for me to use the NB word...I ish feeling very frustrated...

Lately, the hiccups within my current relationship have made what was pretty happy-and-bright-lovey-dovey-time to have a sudden turn and nose-dive into the black hole...What's going on? I thought we were going on pretty good...I want those lovey dovey time back...

It's sux to feel insecure, it sux to feel scared...

I used to avoid confrontations or avoid touching ANY issue that cropped up...Missy here is well known for running...running away for problems...

For me to want to talk about stuffs is a huge step, to come out of my comfort zone, to want to work things out instead of letting it snowball and eventually resulting in an ugly death...It is a huge step for me to confront the issues and face the possibilities of hearing things I dislike or fearful of knowing...

I am afraid that I will get into the mode of shutting things out just so I can protect myself better...I am afraid that I will turn and run the opposite way to reduce the possibility of getting hurt...I am afraid that I will be back to before where I have no one to protect me but myself...I am afraid that I am indeed too broken for anyone to be able to accept who I really am...

I do have to admit, I have not been home much lately.

Had to stay home to babysit today. It was good and it felt good too. Too bad Ben ben was away in Clementi. I have not seen him or spent much time with him lately.

Love it when I get to spend time with the kiddos. Kitty girl has been so cheeky and cute as always. Auggy has been so funny with his antics too.

Dinner with mama and papa was good. We took train to Hougang and had crab for dinner. Little ones were not too handful to deal with, hence dinner was rather enjoyable. Walked around abit after dinner and we came to this little playground on the 5th floor of Hougang mall. Had some fun putting Kitty on the swing, seeing Auggy screaming his heart out while papa turned him on the merry-go-round. My dear folks even tried the equipment themselve. Quite a hilarious scene to see them doing that and mama fell on her butt while attempting the super miniature swing with Auggy.

Santa Claus was around to give out candies too and the kiddos were so happy to see him. Kitty girl was not even scared of the fake santa.

Quite a few people gave me odd looks when I was carrying Kitty. Perhaps I dun look like a mom. Or am I too young to be one? Maybe.

Anyway, if I ever have kids of my own, I'll make sure I can handle them myself instead of relying on someone else.

Mr Fish and I

Random pics we took...















Take 1...trying to be funny...sticking half the tongue out...
















Take 2...cant rem whether he was trying to say something or act surprise...















Take 3...finally...a proper photo...haha

I dun know why I cared in the first place. Now I look like a fool who wasted the time and effort, only to go hungry, exhausted and pissed, combination of all in just one night.

I am NOT angry that you changed your schedule with the sharing session. I would have loved to witness you launching your book and hearing your heartfelt speech, I am happy that you achieved that.

I am in fact pissed that when you had in mind to revert the schedule, you failed to inform me. Is it really that hard to even drop me a msg to tell me about it. Seriously I dun care about others' achievement. I do care about yours. The fact that you told me you might shift the session, showed me the effort of yours to involve me. Hence, I made the effort to fulfill my promise of reaching the venue before 9pm.

I had back to back sessions today. 7 kids in total, one toilet break. Sessions officially ended at 6pm but I had to stay in office to send emails, look up for exercises etc. I did not leave the office till 8pm. I had to take the bus, miss the bus stop, walked from bukit merah interchange to the venue...only to find out that I have missed it.

Perhaps to you, I have not made enough effort to go there on time. I tried but at 7, I was still printing out stuffs in the office.

I should have just dropped a msg to congratulate you and then tell you that I'm sorry I can't make it...

It would have saved all the trouble and save me from getting all worked up...

It's not the first time this happened...it's just like the time when you told me you would bring the boys over to the gym, only to tell me you guys couldnt make it...and I only gotten to know it when I msg you!

A simple msg, a notification...is it that hard...

snippets of life...

Time: After dinner

Venue: In the train

Moments:

Cant remember exactly what started it...we just laughed and laughed and laughed...

It could be me laughing at him and his 'muted' watch, it could be him whining about his 'muted' watch, it could be me constantly disrupting him in his reading, it could be me being just plain silly...

I love the time spent with Mr Fish...


Time: Every Sunday (almost)

Venue: Fitness First

Moments:

Aint consistent in going for bodypump but I am loving this time allocated for working out with my pals.

From nagging me to load up my weight to me bouncing around after a seemingly tough work out (cos I cheated by using the lightest weight)...

From me trying to get my coordination to me stamping my feet into yd's face...

From us sweating like pigs after a 2-hour work out to us nua~ing at the sofas...

It always warm my heart to have you guys around me...

It still irks me intermittently...

That you attempted to add me on facebook...

That she attempted to add me on facebook too...

I do not have anything that I can offer you or her...

I know it may be karma that things in which you fear most will always find its way back to haunt you...

But I have come clean for months...

So why now?

=(

Sigh...lying on my tummy the whole day and still feeling like shit is no joke...

I hope it will go away soon with the meds in place...

I have been eating when I'm hungry and when necessary, so what is wrong...

Do I really have to go for scope and scan as what the doc mentioned...

Maybe my intestines are rotting away as I'm typing...

getting fatter

Been falling asleep without me knowing and waking up in the middle of the night to head for shower then sleep again...

Such disruption is so not good for my sleep-wake cycle...

Been having late dinners too as I get out of office late....by the time I am done with dinner, I would usually fall asleep in like an hour's time...

Such is so not good for my tummy! It is getting flabbier despite me eating lesser...I wonder is it my metabolism going slower...I used to be able to get flat tummy when my diet and appetite went down...not on purpose but in stress induced situation...

I dun think I have overworked but why do I still feel stress all the time...and I am constantly doubting my abilities in helping the kids nowadays...why?

time to go sleep first...I think I should plan for a short break in Dec...I really cannot take it already...sigh...

I hate...

to cry...

I hate being weak...it just goes to show that after all these while...I'm still the weakling...

Cannot remember when was the last time I jogged at night...But I just had to do it tonight...even if it is in the middle of the night...even when I'm feeling so darn exhausted physically and mentally...the build-up frustration was too much...I need to feel better...I have to feel better...



to go Genting...

It is the one place which made me realize that my presence is no more important than the monetary pleasure that one might get out of gambling...

Technically, I am no more valuable than those stash of notes...seriously...

It's all about the money...

Even till now...I still have this feeling that money is more important than me...



to have gastric...

been plague with it since I was pri 2...the on and off affair seems to been off until recently...

I think my long lost fren just found me yet again...

My all time favourite...

Bro was sending me some japanese youtube on the lastest groupies...

Was telling him this is still my all time favourite apart from chage and aska...and he agreeed...

I think this is the only time that we agreed on something...music...

I missed those times when he share things with me...not that there was alot of such scenarios to begin with...

There seem to be something amiss right now...I dun know what is it...maybe it's just the build-up frustrations...

Feeling so darn low the whole day...

I hope this will pass soon...

I love it when I get to chill with my pals, listen to music, chat about everything and anything under the stars...

I love it when Auggy says he likes me...

I love it when Ben ben comes running to me and gives me a hug...

I love it when Kitty girl smiles at me whenever I call her name...

I love it when I get to have my own time to do things alone...

I love it when I get to wake up next to you...

not too good a week...

I kinda lost my appetite totally...

The only meal of the day is Macspicy meal for dinner...there goes my plan of dieting...

Suddenly I am asking myself - what am I doing now, why am I doing all these...

I wish I could have gone work and travel for 6 months...That would have been so darn exciting...

I wish I could have a baby, nurture the little one and see the little one grow...

I wish I could do what I do and be good at it...

I missed my chances, I dun feel I'm good enough...

sigh...

I'm tired...

I wonder...

If you've sensed my agitation whenever you asked me if bro is online the moment I set foot in the house...

for god sake, I haven't even switched on my lappy to access the internet yet...

If you've sensed my frustrations when I tried to tell you something about me and you ended up interrupting me with your complaints...complaints about the past few months, complaints that revolve around you, complaints about dad...

did you realise I end up keeping my mouth shut, let you talk and not finishing whatever I wanna say cos I just feel that everything become pointless now...

Maybe I'm pms~ing...maybe i'm just being short fused...

Sometimes I wonder, if I am the one who gave birth and relocated to another country, would my parents do the same for me...

I know the answer somehow...

In the first place I dun think I'll want to rely on my parents knowing how tough and stress it'll be on them...but then again...who am I to make such statement right...

Home Sweet Home...

I survived the LA trip!

Flight to LA was horrendous...colleague and I were alittle sick, hence the flight to Narita was not as enjoyable...the wait at Narita was worse! Remaining 11 hours flight to LA was tiring and alittle unbearable...

Reaching LA was a relieve...it was refreshing and reminds me so much of Melbourne....

The overall stay at Hilton was alright...not fantastic but the bed was good enough for me to wanna just stay in the hotel and not go out...

Seriously, Long Beach has nothing much for us to explore...we did little walking about in the area...pretty quiet and decent place...ppl are generally nice and friendly..

Two days of courses were great...we got lost on the way to the medical centre...thinking we could walk there...only to find out we forgot the differences btw miles and kilometres...we walked for like 5 km before giving up and tried taking a bus...was alittle late...but didnt miss out as much...really informative...learnt alot...and the speaker was so nice! He ended up chauffeuring us to and fro the medical centre for the next day...

Had alittle adventure on our own...due to the lack of transport and the build up frustration of our urge to shop...we decided to rent a car and drive to factory outlet on our own! As yours truly has no license...I can only rely on my colleague to drive us there....It was fun...and wasnt that difficult with the help of the GPS...I must say...my colleague was really brave...to try right-hand driving for the first time!

Anyhow, factory outlet did us harm! Burnt a huge hole in the pocket...still...it was fun...hehe...and before we know it...it's time to come back home...

Now is 3am...I used to say I dun think I will experience jetlag...but I guess not...I cant sleep!!! Luckily I only start work in the noon tomorrow...hungry...gonna grab some food!

Updates

Here I am, at Narita Airpot transiting to go LA!

Good thing about it, I get to fly and travel alittle...bad thing about it, I am alittle sick and extremetly tired from the flight and the long hours of waiting time to transit...6.50am to 5pm...If not for the free internet access, I would have gone mad...

I realise I am quite a pig...I can sleep anywhere and everywhere...waiting area chair I could also doze off and even have dreams...haha...

Heading to LA for a course...a 2.5 days course...cost me 4 days of travelling time...tonnes of rearrangement on my schedule...ask me if I am excited...I think I am more tired than anything else...nonetheless, the notion of being able to get out singapore still excites me alittle =p

I cant wait for the bali trip this coming Sat...it has been awhile since we all go on a trip together! The last one was Redang? or was it Koh Samui...ages ages ago....

So...what have I been up to this past month or so? I have been busy with work...been busy trying to upkeep my house since my parents were away from June till two days ago...mommy had great complaints of how I keep the house clean during their trip to HongKong...it is tiring to have to constantly think of when to sweep, mop, wash clothes etc...

And if you were guessing the reason I mia~ed for so long is because I have got into a relationship...

Bingo! hehe...kinda unexpected....anytime sooner or later...things would have been totally different...

It's funny...we went through a full circle and came back to meet one another...10 years...has it been that long? I found the photo we took during JC, we both looked hilariously toot...well..at least we look much better now ;p

You've matured over these years, I've been through lowest point of my life...right now, I am just thankful to have you by my side...

Actually last night, I was really happy...I'm surrounded by ppl who love me so much! Gage - who drove down after being a day of storeman, Sze - who came after losing a pack of blood, CK -who came with messy hair after his body pump, James - who came down despite his hectic work load and my crazy boyfriend - who went to and fro airport in the time span of a few hours...

okie...I cannot take it...need to go toilet brush teeth and wash up...perhaps I'll contiue later...

Genuinely happy...

Things were so random lately...

My kid whom I have been working with, did the funniest thing ever. He was climbing through the obstacle course while I was behind him stretching to hang something up high. Suddnely he came down and ran towards me and poked my tummy as if tickling me...not sure is it my flabby tummy that attracted this attention, or he is slowly warming up to me...haha...

Farewell dinner for Sherbs was Muthu's Curry at Little India...Was suppose to go home after but fren of mine from aussie msged and said he's back in town! Been exactly one year since I last saw him! Totally excited that we finally get to meet up! It was great to chat and even mingle with his sibs...

Didn't sleep much on Sat night and woke up early on Sun to send Sherbs off...

It was an entourage of kids in sending her off! After sending her off it's a round of chasing after kids, talking to bosses and colleagues, eating and taking care of the the kiddos...

It was so tiring running after the kids but I had a really really fun time talking to them and hearing their remarks to everything they see...so innocently cute!

When was the last time I laugh from my heart...hmm....

I am so blessed...

to have friend who will still drive me home despite him being tired...on the many many many occasions...

to have friend's mom who will buy cooling tea for me so that I can get my voice back...

to have friend who will think of me when he has a complimentary pass for his gym so that I can get the work out that I very much need...

to have boss who is willing to boil another type of cooling tea for me...

to have someone who is willing to spend the whole of Monday, dropping by just so to keep me company while I nurse myself back to recovery...plus the ice cream, cooling tea and cake...

it's nice to just sit in front of the tv, laugh at those sitcoms and eat the tub of ice cream...

FYI

In case you were worried that the pop-out that is asking for pin to view my posts...well it's not...you can still view my post even if you press 'cancel' button...

the pop-out is for my twitter msges that i've locked up under my account...so for ppl like fen, you can request and wait for my approval to follow the twits...then u'll know more of the latest updates...sensical, nonsensical updates included...and of cos...more vulgarities involved...haha...

miss you babe...wish you were here to crash my place and stay with me over the weekends...miss our prata time tooo...love love...