Sometimes I wonder, am I expecting too much on my folks...esp my mum...

Expect my mum to say 'bye' before she hung up on me...

Expect her to know how to call up the eye clinic to ask the doctor about her eye meds...

Expect her to know how to use SAM machine and galaxy note after going through with her multiple times...

I dun know why am I putting so much emphasis on her learning all these new skills esp technology stuffs...I think when I was younger...she had never quite pushed me this way...expecting me to learn this and that...everything was at my own pace...

It's as though I'm preparing her for something...and sometimes I would think - what if one day I'm not around anymore, what if I were to live abroad again and brother is too busy to handle all these with her...at least she won't be too afraid to touch some of the gadgets or do some of the things on her own...

Or am I being too paranoid here? hmm...

Goodbye 2012...Hello 2013!

Was dead beat in December 2012. Working almost 6 days a week was quite taxing on my body. Yes, need to exercise more to make sure I dun fall ill so easily. I think a huge part of Dec, I was trying to rush through all the reports and trying to ensure a smooth transition on the various schedule of my kids before I went for my vacation. Was so tired most of the time that I dun want to go out on weekends but often or not I have gatherings since it's the festive season...

I'm glad I pulled through this school holidays, torturous but I did it anyway. I'm happy to see my Primary 6 kids graduating and advancing to secondary school. Happy to know they did well and able to move on to the next stage in life. As much as them having various difficulties in learning, they made it and I'm proud that they manage to!

Anyway, 2012 has been filled with ups and downs. The only constant is that I have my friends with me to back me up and point me to the right directions.  I am extremely grateful to have them with me all these while. Another constant is my job which I have been satisfied with. 

This year ended on a better note for me. I've finally found someone whom I can roll and grow along with. It's not about trying to fit myself in or to fit him in but someone whom I've always told fen that he's like my mirror image, the male version of me. I am really really happy to have him by my side...

I hope 2013 will be a better year for everyone...

There were so much going on for the past one week...happy happenings though!

No one has done this for me before...to tolerate the long flight, to go through such distance just so he could see me and spend time with me. Never have I had such a surprise before and it just made me feel so so happy.


Love the mornings that we had breakfast and coffee together before you sent me to work every day. Love the time spent with you and your family. Love to see you having fun with the kiddos. Love the thoughtful gifts you've bought for me...

This one week went by too fast...it was so tough to say goodbye at the airport today...and now I'm missing you really badly...

Thank you for being in my life pupz...

And here's the start of Dec 2012, last month of the year, busiest period for me....

Been down with viral fever or tonsillitis, whichever one it is, I burnt for 3 days no less...pretty torturous especially when I had a presentation to deliver and kids to see...managed to pull through the presentation but had to stay home the next day cos my temperature just kept going up...

It was horrendous being sick and trying to make my way home myself after work. I almost fainted in the human packed train despite being able to go home early on Wed night. I think Singapore is getting too crowded...boo...

Anyway am happy to be feeling better now!

Someone made me a happy girl with a bouquet of roses on the first day of dec! Love them! =)

my kitty girl...

Love it when you sat by me and talked to me throughout my lunch. I missed you for the past one week!

I like how we can talk about anything, not necessary logical stuffs but it has always been fun to talk randomly with you and you always laugh at mine or your silly words or silly talks.

I hope you are as happy talking to me as I am to you, little kitty...

Love is...

when your pal took his shoes off just so you could wear them as your old sandals broke...

when your pal worked till 1am and still remembered to look for a spare phone to lend, not to you but your mama...despite being all alone in the office...

when both crazy boys called and asked the closing time of the pharmacy and ran with you (or rather ahead of you) just so to catch the pharmacist to solve the mystery sausage lip that I was having...

really really blessed to have them in my life!

Twist and turn...

Alot of things happened since the end October. Alot of things...and how things unfold themselves...it's just puzzling...

It may not be tasteful to everyone's liking but to me, it all make so much sense now - how things happened, how things turned out and how they all lay out one after another...leading to what is it now...

There has never been so much clarity and positivity despite the physical distance...

No one knows how the future will be like but for now...I am happy =)

Neither happy nor sad...

Numbed...

I thought as a couple, we should bring out the best of each other. At the rate we are going, it doesn't look too promising.

I need someone to roll along with me. I have been trying my best to roll along according to your pace, perhaps it's just not enough. And with that single event that happened, it over ruled everything else.

I dun tolerate being hurled with sarcasm and hurtful words. I have been put down before by another party, I dun need to experience that once more. It was a nightmare.

I know you dun have to go through what I put forth to you either. That was your nightmare.

Perhaps we should both end one another's nightmare and get back to the routine we know best.

Was a complete mess on Sat night. Had dinner, squash and went back home to rest. It was a good evening.

Was just watching tv, sipping my whites and I just started to break down. Couldn't quite stop crying. Time like this made me feel utterly foolish and pathetic. There's no reason for me to feel this upset. I have my job, I have my friends,  I have someone who loves me.

This pms thingy is such a pain in the arse...maybe time for me to get some hormonal pills...

I have been on hibernation mode over the weekends. Not sure why the exhaustion overtook me and despite sleeping in then, it didn't seem to quite help.

Need to plan for a getaway trip soon. This entire year, cooping in Singapore is just making me fidgety and edgy. I need to get out...soon...

Checking on air ticket to London...looks like Emirates has the cheapest deal...Just thinking how long should I stay there for...

I think I'm going to miss my travelling kaki...Am more than happy that I am replaced by her significant half...hehe...I bet he won't be half as entertaining as me =p At least no one to irritate her with nonsensical singing and requesting for frequent coffee breaks to recharge the often lethargic me...

Have never travelled far enough with someone else apart from her. Perhaps time for me to venture out on my own =)

I can't help but feel frustrated when I heard about the news. It's like a mixed feelings - on one hand glad that you are doing well with your career, on the other felt like a dumb arse for not cutting loose as early as a year ago. 

You are now officially having your dream come true - having both the career and seeing the girl that you like...

I felt that I had wasted my one year or more on you...Everything should have come to a stop when I found out you were no longer as into me while you were actually with me...

Felt like a dumb arse for giving those chances and trying to make things work when ultimately I should have ended it there and then...

I am more angry with myself for letting me get into such situation when I should have known better to run the opposite direction. How could I have allowed myself to be strung along for so long? 

Sigh...whatever it is, I wish you the best. Pls treat the next girl right. 

And I hope our paths will not cross anymore.

And so...another pal of mine is going through heartaches. It's tough to be watching one going through the heartbreaking moments and yet, all you can do is to tell them you'll be here to support. Exactly what kinda support can I give, apart from the occasional listening and reaffirmation of their feelings.

I wish they can be happier. I wish they can get out of the pit and emerge a better and happier person. I wish I can alleviate the pain that they have. 

I tried to ask myself, if I am in their positions, what would I have done? How would I have gone about dealing with this kind of situations? With such understanding, how can I talk to them so that they can be relieved from the pain they are experiencing now? Problem is, I dun know how and what else to say that can make them feel better except to be there and just listen. Ultimately, I am not involved and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it...sigh...

I still want someone to run along with me in marathons.

I still want someone who can motivate me and push me along when I am sluggish or out of sort.

I still want someone whom I can travel the world with.

I still want someone who can reassure me even when I throw the most ridiculous questions/doubts about the r/s we have. Yes, I am a paranoid bitch.

I still want someone to tell me he loves me even when he knows I am in the wrong.

I am starting to doubt myself, if I am capable of finding that someone or even be that person's someone.

Felt like I have been sick for the longest time ever. It pretty much took me a week to recover fully from this flu. Coupled with cramps, it just topped the suffering level to the max.

Was reading past messages, got me realized how much I dun want to be that person ever again. Got me thinking, am I even suitable to be in a relationship? Is it the case of wrong timing wrong person or that I am simply not built to be a good partner?

I'm glad that I have moved forward and I am happy where I am now...time to make new plans ahead =)

thinking about thinking...

It has been great few days of not working and purely just planning my days to chill and meeting up with frens whom I haven't gotten in touch for a very long time.

The conversation I had with Nik babe was just so thought provoking that, it's still pounding in my head...

Have I been hung up with the materials in my life and being so comfortable in where I am right now, that I let it pull me back from what I set to do when I was younger. I know it's the fear of the uncertainties, the fear of getting out of my comfort zone and the fear that if I were to go forth what I set to do, I would end up suffering in my ripe old age...

There will never be a right time to do what we wanna do, isn't it?

It's never easy to lose someone so close to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see you are trying your very best to hold up a brave front. It aches to see your mum trying her best to put up with the on going event. Sigh...

Be strong, my dear. We are here to support you.

Tiring monday but i love it!

Never have I had such eventful weekends!

So good to see mister T in town this week...been the longest time since I last saw him...miss him actually but I know someone misses him more than I do (he even got jealous when mister T gave me a big hug =p)

Anyway, I hope you guys didnt feel like vomiting for having to see me three days in a row...haha...love the time spent with you guys...muack muack!

As for today...I went to collect my passport...then went to 'the plain' for breakfast and coffee...walked around with mister T and gage...then went to catch a movie with nikki and christine before having dinner with them...

dead tired now...but definitely happy...

yippe~ someone is coming home! yeah!

Do I look like a convenient store?

Case no. 1
Just because you are lazy to add one more payee in your internet banking, doesn't mean I have to be the middle man to do the transferring for you.

If you say you aint that close to that person and not convenient to add the payee, I can understand. But your reason was that you're lazy to do it. Do I look like I have all the time in the world to do this then?

Case no. 2
Granted that you have no clue what to get for your eldest grandson for his bday pressie. You said you are busy and dun have time to get birthday present for him cos morning you have to go for exercises and evening you have to fetch kitty and ben ben (on alternate days) .

I am clueless about what to get for Auggy as well and I am dead beat after work to even wanna go toys stores. But for his sake, I will try. I just hate it that you dun even want to try.

Exactly do I look like I'm a convenient store, easy access to everyone who just want an easy way out?

Wonder, why am I working so hard for? For better life in future or so that when I'm old, I dun have to worry about my finances should I end up being all alone...

Feeling alittle down at the moment, which I dun even know why. I was quite alright the entire day. Just feel like a deflated balloon at the moment, moving through each day as it is...sigh...

I need a getaway. I need something to look forward to. Feel so drained from work and stuffs.

I think I kind of sabotaged myself by signing up for marathon again this year. Well, at least something for me to look forward to and something to keep me occupied. I really need to get rid of that flubber of mine.

I am looking forward to you coming back too...