went sun tanning at sentosa on sat...it was fun!! weather was slightly gloomy at first but it turned out pretty nice a weather to be tanning in...

juz when we were baking ourselves, dozing off on the beach comfortably...this funny little dog came running...smearing his wet and sandy self on the 3 of us...and the best part was...he started rubbing his body on my tanning cloth as though trying to clean himself dry -_- luckily he didnt pee on us...if not i sure wack his tiny little butt to give him some toilet training...keke

done with tanning...went to to vivo to walk around...huge shopping place...tonnes of ppl...and becos it was crowded...my bag was often bummed and hit by others...and that pissed me off...yes i have big bag...but that doesnt mean u need to bum my bag when u walk pass....so irritating...

evening time...went to timbre again...this time round to see unxpected's performance in the open air...the food there is really good and so it the service and the alcohol...with the good band and good bunch of company...i had a real good time...

gals...thanx for sending me home last nite....as always drinking can never be as fun without the 3 of you...

was talking to aud last nite...she asked me how was i feeling...i guess subconsciously i've already had enough of the crap that he gave...so much so that it wasnt that hard this time round...i've really really really reached my limit of tolerance...i've tried so hard but now i juz feel exhausted....

and like what she said...i'm suppressing my emotions so that i dun have to feel anything at the moment...truth is i cant afford to let it out...i still need to work and face people every single day...

i wish i'm back at AH...i can at least push myself and take my mind off by seeing patients one after another...at least that was how i coped previously and that was why i lost so much weight during that period of time...stress, attachment in hands, being dumped...

i'm sorry if my blog sound boring lately...but juz for this period of time...at least let me get these things out of my system before i can safely say the old me is back...i'll bounce back...juz not at the moment...

this time round it's for real and it's starting to sink in...no msges no calls...not even an apology...which probably mean things got better after him not contacting me?

i didnt know i have such power to jinx ppl...whatever it is...i still hope that with me making the exit, things will perhaps turn better for him...

i know i've been very silly all these while...instead of learning to grow up...i'm going backward instead...

sux...I hate the feeling that i'm getting now...why do u keep blaming me for things that i have utterly no control of...i really have enough of these nonsense...

lost my phone in the cab on tuesday wee morning....damn...all my precious baby boy's photos are gone...gotten sim card replaced but using old faulty phone at the moment....still thinking if i should get a new phone...

went to sid's house for dinner on hari raya...nice food esp the chocolate cake...though i was the only friend there...didnt feel that awkward...maybe last life i was a malay...muah haha

ck, if u're reading this...u still owe me big big for flying my kite last min...do it again and i'll bite ur head off...

bored...thought first day will be hectic...but i only got to see one patient so far...

the good thing about my new work place is that i have a room and a computer all to myself...and i can decorate my work place...haha...i've placed the turtle on my pc...have decided to name it xiao bai (sorry chin han...didnt mean to use ur name...haha)...juz feel that the name suits the turtle =p very cute!

anyway i cant wait for weekends to come...will get to see little darrell! yeah yeah...perhaps this will be our jc gathering too...since most of the jc classmates are being invited...

suddenly i feel like doing mean things...argh...feel like screaming my lungs out...why do i always torment myself...why am i so weak emotionally...why why why....i think i do it deliberately so that i can feel the pain to stay alive...argh...wat am i doing....

i miss my colleagues in AH...one of them is sweet enough to buy me the 3-D turtle puzzle that i was looking for...i've gotten it fixed and it looked juz like the real one...so cute...shall have it placed in the office tomolo...

have to fight a war tomorrow....i hate it when i'm not in control of situation...feel so insecure...i hope the consultants will be merciful and not refer so many cases to me at one shot...

no matter how hard it is...i'll juz have to survive thru and thru...if i can get thru this jmc set up i'll be happy enough...

Little apple is out! 13/10/2006 11.40pm!

gonna go KKH to visit the mommy and baby later! so exciting! one baby after another! this time round is my goddaughter! woo hoo!

coming next sat is little darrell's one month...so fast right?! haha...

my little one at home juz starting to walk...he's so darn cute and cheeky...hehe...

anyway gotta go...

really tired...i should get back to my jogging soon...but with the haze going on...forget about it man...i'll choke on the haze...the air was darn smelly...eek...

btw took up fitness challenge last fri with my colleague...timing for my 2.4km was 12.14 min...and he got ahead of me by 1 s...wah haha....good to have someone to pace u when u jog...but i was aiming for 11 min plus...guess going up the slope twice was the killer for me...i would usually scream when i ran up slope...and my colleague will juz laugh at me cos he knows i really hated slopes....but by the second round...i was too darn tired to even complain...

placing my focus on work...been feeling tired again lately...dunno is it the weather or my body's condition...been eating quite abit too...o man i need to maintain my figure leh...cousin's wedding coming soon and i've bought a really nice dress for the occasion...cant afford to look pudgy...

met up to talk...watever it is...let it be...

he screamed his lungs out...hit the wall and pushed the fan onto floor...

i've grown up with him but i've never seen him behaved this way ever...it's as though he was crazy and couldnt stop himself...cracked under the pressure...he lost it completely for the moment...

i was so darn scared...nearly burst out crying...cos there was only two of us at home...i dunno know wat to do...i can only pick up the fallen fan...passed him water to calm him down...talk sense to him though i know nothing can get into his ears...

i still cant quite shake off the look on his face when he cracked that nite...i think she should see how he looked...perhaps she'll know how much stress he was under...

i know i shouldnt cry...but i still did...

latest update...

gotten back my life and freedom today...took me this long to get to this stage isnt it...chance was given but misused despite me deliberately asking him about it...since he has the cheek not to admit it...then no point going on from there...

i hope he goes busted one day...judging from the way it goes...he's not ready for anything...except being a child trapped in an adult suit...

anyway...gina gave birth to her baby boy today! so proud of her! went thru 12 hours of labour...she looked so exhausted when i went to visit her...hehe managed to carry her baby for a short while! so so cute! reminds me of the time when auggy was born....

gonna go sleep...i'm tired...

belly piercing here i come!

feeling blue...why?

am i being appreciated both at work and in relationship...somehow i always get this feeling that both can do with or without my presence...

anything can be replaced...ultimately one juz has to learn...to live and be alone somehow...

flipped thru the diary i've written years ago...the poem i wrote still stand...it was dark but so true...wrote it in chinese though...back then my chinese was so much better...ha

suddenly i miss someone...miss hanging out with her...i think it's been a year or so since we last meet up...how come things turn out this way? why is it that she finds it unbearable to talk to me...

last monday...we nearly rammed into the bus while on the way to collect my screen...half the time during the ride i was trying to anchor myself so that i wont fly off the bike...i'm not that light am i...hmm....

we were close...so close...rammed my head into bro's helmet when he e-brake...thankfully the bike didnt skid or fell side way...the engine juz went dead after that...

i can't help but think wat would have happened if bro didnt e-brake fast enough...i can't bear the thought of him being injured...he juz started his fatherhood...so much more awaiting him to explore and experience with auggy...

if i were injured...i think i'll suffer from multiple fractures...looking at how small my bone structure...and with that maybe i'll die on the spot...cos all the factures may be juz poking into my organs and making me bleed to death...at least be dead on the spot will be good...i dun wanna be a burden to anyone...

i havent quite been able to fall sleep lately..

i'm a happy girl now...cos i've juz gotten my lcd screen from adrian! muah haha...no more fuzzy screen!!! thanx adrian!

now i''m stuck to my com...trying to type my reports...haha...although it's work...i dun mind at all cos i no longer need to strain my eyes!!!

i havent been saving up much since i start working...this is bad...i've got to start a new acc with no card and start saving up with my next salary...if not i'm never gonna be able to afford a lappy which i need when i go oversea...

gtg liao...will blog more tomolo!

was feeling sooo tired today...perhaps the 2 days course broke my momentum for work...juz feeling plain drained and lousy mood today...esp after the meeting...sigh...

wonder if my tiredness is due to my low blood pressure or that i'm juz not getting enough rest...

went for health screening the previous week....and my BP was 90/53! Never knew that my BP was that low...o well...my weight is still the same...43 kg...will have to wait for the blood test results to be out...hopefully nothing is wrong with my body system...

been having weird dreams lately...disrrupt my sleep...makes me feel even more tired despite me sleeping alot....i miss last friday nite so so much...cos i get to watch movie and sleep in till 1.30pm the next day...feels so good to laze around with no burden from work...

did i mention...i zonked out on sat nite...with ray, jessie and peifen....i puked so much that i was still puking the very next day...that was how bad my hangover was...damn...no more death drop or drop dead...i think i've come to the stage where my body juz cant take so much alcohol like i used to 2 years back....the fact that i need one whole day to recover tells me that i can only take 2-3 beers next time...shots will juz kill me man....

as sian as i felt at the end of the day...as low as i felt when i knocked off....i'm pretty glad that i get to meet up with ck and james to catch the cosmetic-surgeon-directed-typical-singaporean-with-no-climax-hokkien-local film...

and also to hear from someone trying to cheer me up and making sure that i'm feeling alright...

gtg...i need to sleep....

so sorry for not updating my blog religiously...been feeling lazy to update esp after work and with my fuzzy screen...i have no choice but to shut down my computer before i blind myself...

soon...i'm getting my lcd screen fixed...getting a sceond hand screen...cos it's cheaper and i wont be around next year so no point getting a new one...letting it get dusty and spoilt all over again...

adrian, if u're reading my blog...thanx for helping me ask ur fren...i know i keep changing my mind...thanx for being patient with me...

updates in my life...

1 september...i've become former AH staff...but HR havent drafted out the new contract yet...in the process of creating it i think...

and by oct 18 i'll have to go JMC....after all the changes...i'm still going to boon lay to work afterall...excited and scared at the same time...cos i'll be all alone...o man...

i finally went back schl for squash...it felt so good to be back...and my skills dropped like nobody's business...sigh...o recently there's safra novice open competition...my mates participated and i've been down to support them...so happy to see them play and compete...think i need to brush up my skills before entering any competition...=p

i've juz helped nikki changed her flight...wah biang...the operator's aussie accent so strong...think i'll die there leh...how how how....

My baby auggy...he's already one year old now...will soon be promoted from being a baby to an annoying toddler...hehe...but i still love him...very very much...

Ah ping...dun mind i take the pic from ur blog lah hor...hehe...hope u guys had fun with auggy during that yum cha session!

Yd...you havent seen auggy in person yet hor?!

click click click....that's wat i caught yesterday with my dear squashies...been a while since we went for a movie...man i so proud of myself for resisting the temptation of going out to drink with them after the movie...if not for work...i would have gone for it...full force...haha...

did car transfer with my pt today...so cool...mpv leh...haha...bit high though...luckily the pt doesnt require maximum assistance...if not i sure pengz...actually my initial plan was to practise with him via the cab that was donated by tibs which is permanently parked in AH...but then the son suggested practising using his car...so i was like 'oo...all the better...let's do it...' heng i didnt scratch his car or create a new dent...

lately there's cute looking docs and nurses around...keke...makes the whole hospital scenary a little more bearable....

Happy National Day!

becos it's the country's bday today...i shall blog in red =p

yesterday was the first time i handle weight management...pretty weird and overwhelming to talk to a group of ppl as well as individuals regarding their problems...still have so much to learn when i'm conversing with different ppl...

ended work late...thought i would have to go home to have dinner alone...hehe luckily ck called up and ask if i wanna meet for dinner...so me, yd,him, james and fen met up in town to go makan...

indeed, the malay food is pretty nice...thanxing for the recommendation james...i missed sitting at round table to eat...like a big family...the eating and chatting makes the food even nicer...hehe

after dinner...it's chill out time! have always wanted to go the irish pub at somerset...finally i get to go last nite...o well...beer is the same...juz that the crowd consist of more ang mos and louder clients...anyway i quite like the wooden high table and chairs...so fun to sit there...drink and chat...laugh and be mocked at for fen's and my plan to go malacca over the weekend...

hehe...i'm planning for a trip afterall...juz not that far off yet...haha

low...feeling bloody low...

how come i feel redundant in all aspects of my life...

i'm here dangling in the air not knowing if my contract is going to end or not...why cant they give me an ans...

and so i'm gonna be replaced and will be handing over my load...maybe i should juz leave...

i wonder if i can go for those work as you travel thingy...do i need to pay alot?

and so my boss told me she's thinking of ways to tell the HR department to extend my contract...as what she told me today...she and her boss (who is my boss' boss) want to keep me at AH but trying to find ways and valid reason cos by mid august...their scholar will be back and there may be more than enough therapists around...but problem now is that they will be shorthanded again come next year january as my colleague is going overseas to pursue her PhD...by then it will be a hassel to hire someone new again...

nothing is confirm...so i'll just wait and see how things go...appreciate that my bosses are willing to keep me...but anyhow i'm prepared to end the contract and take a break...afterall i dun wanna pin my hope then end up getting disappointed...i do need a break afterall...

mananged to pull thru my inservice presentation today =p keke we ended up discussing about other OT related stuffs...pretty good sharing session among the therapists...

slept for 3 hours last nite...gonna sleep soon man...

anyway caught movies with fen and ck lately...sat went to watch 'the lake house' ....wah nice leh...storyline actually aint too bad..plus it features my hunk-keanu reeves!!!~melt~

went to watch 'thank you for smoking' with fen yesterday....really good and witty show...moral of the story...everyone is good in something...it juz depends on how u use ur talent...go watch it...the scriptwriter is really witty with the conversations written out...and guess wat...they mention 'will and grace' in the movie too...that's how popular this sitcom is...muah haha....

very sian now...i cant watch my scv...cos no tv to watch...looking at my fuzzling computer screen...i'm not far from feeling nauseas....help...i'm so bored....