happy....and....sad??

I'm going Bangkok tonight...I'm going with a heavy heart...

I have 3 assessment reports and 7 summary reports to type, all by mid Dec...and another 10 something reports to type for update...to be done by Jan

I think I can officially camp in the office to type reports when I come back from Bangkok...So dead man...so dead...

Looking forward to watch Kylie...I hope she can cheer me up a little....

I'm a little lost...

Don't know where to start, don't know how to start...

I haven't been thinking about things around me as much as I used to...

I'm going with the flow, living day by day without much of a goal except to earn more money, to save up so that I can get by in case anything happen...

I'm at the neither happy nor sad zone...is this good or bad?

I think at times I just want to be like that wooden chair, to feel useful at some point of time, useful to someone or something at least...

I'm still a little loss...

Where exactly should I head to?

upset...

It's been a week...that I've been so tired after work and really really sleepy...but when I do have the chance to sleep, I can't sleep at all.

So many things happened this week, in fact it should be since I'm back...I feel like screaming...I feel like crying my heart out...but what's the point...

After all that have happened, I'm still deemed as a whiner, a bitch, someone who drove another up the wall and to the point of breaking down...

You need someone to blame all the fault upon, there's jayna...

You need someone to act as the punching bag, there's jayna...

You need someone to run errands and do shit work for you, there's jayna...

At the end of the day, I'm still dispensable...just words of 'I can't take it anymore' and I'm chucked aside like a toy which is no longer attractive or interesting to the child...

You are right...I'm that puzzle piece...only difference is...I dun fit in at all..

random thoughts...

I finally went to book a date for basic theory test. Seriously wanna get the license so that at least I can drive around abit. It'll be even better if I can own a car...or maybe not...

I tried to run all my errands today but only managed to get the basic theory date fixed cos the queue in the bloody driving centre was so long...planned to get my watch strap fixed but haven't gotten the time to do it. Always wanted to get it replace when I knock off but usually when I do, the shop is closed as well. It's been like what, 4 months since I bought it and actually wore a watch for real after so long. Maybe I never meant to wear a watch...haha...that's why I'm perpentually late...

At the moment I'm charging my camera. Battery was flat since the day of my graduation. I haven't uploaded graduation photos yet and I have yet to upload mt buller photos too...I am a true blue procrastinator...cannot stand it...can someone wake me up pls...

I was so tired yesterday that I slept in and bummed at home the entire day...caught the marathon series of heroes 2 and ordered macdelivery for dinner simply becos I didnt wanna miss any episode and that no one was home the whole day...I can foresee myself replaying such scene in the next 10 years...how pathetic can one be...

O anyway, I finally opened the box that I sent back from Melbourne. I guess by opening it, it kinda mean I've finally accepted the fact that I'm back...for good...In the midst of opening the badly taped up box, I accidentally cut my thumb with the rusty penknife...Then in the evening I attempted piecing and fixing the metal clothes hanger I bought from Ikea the other day...in the midst of screwing the nails in...I accidentally jabbed the screwdriver into my thigh...could the screwdriver be any sharper, I think my neighbours can see me hopping down the flat trying to flag for a cab with the screwdriver still embedded in my thigh...

Sigh...for fuck sake...if I cannot even get these simple tasks done, how am I gonna live on my own in future...who knows if I try fixing the bulb, I may get myself electorcuted or try to fix the pipe and ended up flooding my unit? Then the worst thing is...who is gonna discover that I'm injured or dead when there's no one else around me...

maybe my pet guinea pig will discover my body and eventually eat me up cos no one is feeding him and he is too hungry...

the boys...

Auggy has grown so much! His new hairstyle looks funny...and he doesnt look like a 3yo at all...















Little one just discovered the 'enjoyment' of nose digging....see how he explore his left and right nostrils...















See...ben ben's shiok face in digging his nose...hahaha

you are my sunshine...

Love those cheeky smiles! This is ben ben...not auggy...but they look so alike in these photos! Miss them so much!

Auggy and Ben ben...

Watching the videos that my brother has uploaded made me miss my boys even more...

Sometimes I wish I can be there to watch them grow up...

Miss having them around...

Why I love router and wireless connection...

Here I am...doing something I have been doing and kinda like doing...

It's a bad habit I never quite kick since I was in Melbourne...using my lappy while I'm in the toilet doing my no. 2...muah hahahahaha...

Back in Melbourne I'll always type my reports or chat with fen while I'm sitting on the toilet bowl...I didn't wanna interrupt my ideas or conversations nor do I wanna compromise my bowel system...so kill two birds with one stone lor! hahaha...I know...fen always gotten grossed out when I told her I'm shitting and chatting with her at the same time...

Of cos I still adhere to hygiene...so my lappy is not dirty or gross okie!

O well...yesterday was great...gage had free tix to watch Ah Mei concert...I aint a big fan but went ahead with the concert cos I haven't quite been to one except mariah carey's which was a thousand years ago...

I didn't know Ah Mei is still so popular and that almost all the seats were filled up...atmoshpere was good throughout and everyone was pretty high...but seriously, her costume sux lar...if not for her voice and showmanship, I really dun think it was that great...

O well, at least I still know 40% of her songs in the concert...haha...was great fun singing along...like in a huge ktv..haha..

Gonna go for squash later...yeah...miss it so much...am slowly getting back on life again...

I wanna get my driving done soon...but judging from how I reacted last night...I think I will swear alot!

Mama Mia

Gage and Taufiq asked me out of all the songs, which one do I fancy the most...initially I didnt know the answer cos I aint that familiar with ABBA's songs...

After watching the show...I think I prefer this one the most....Gimme Gimme Gimme....hee hee hee

I have never...

had such a great Saturday night despite working full day, having to rush from office to back home and then back to the same building to meet up with the boys for dinner at the restaurant beside my office...

The food at Okinawa restaurant was great! Portions were just right and enough to be shared among the 4 of us...

Went to crash someone's birthday party at a hotel...It was the fastest hi-bye birthday party I've ever been to...We all agreed that we've never wanted to make an exit as badly as this one...haha...

Decided to settle down in the cosy hotel room of mister t and we just sat there and chit chat through the night...nothing fanciful but I really did enjoy myself so much...really...it's the company that counts...

As for today, I woke up with the weirdest dream ever...very comical one so it aint that bad...

Met up with Audrey for lunch cum tea and to accompany her in getting her camera...caught up with yd and mister t again...ended up shopping and grabbing some cute boxers on top of my new shoes...then head down for drinks and snack...

Lately I've been missing Melbourne so much...I miss the places we used to hang out, I miss the cold cold weather...I miss my friends over there too...Come to think of it, I've only been home for close to 3 months...so many things had happened and it felt like the longest time ever...

Exactly, when can I go back there again?

Gotten it from yd's blog...

love her voice...been listening to her songs lately...esp this piece and 'stepping stone'...have always thought her voice to be simple and clear and so is her mtv...nothing fanciful but it depicts the song so well...

there's always a song that I can relate to at different phases...at the moment, I can so relate to these two...

Running out of steam...

Graduation on Friday...On course on Sat and Sun...

I am so freaking tired that I knocked out completely by 830pm while surfing the net lying on the floor just now...Planned to take a snooze and then go jogging at 9pm but woke up only at 1030pm...

Do I look like I have the word "entertainer" on my forehead? quit telling me you're bored...quit msging me on phone or msn to ask me out just becos you need someone to pass your time...When I say I'm not free, I mean it...quit making your problem mine...I am not your fucking nanny...

Tired woman = angry woman...I'm pissed, tired and depressed...things haven't been going well...I just need to deal with it my way and try to get over it...

Random updates...

Emma is here =)

She's so cute...reminds me of augustine and benedict when they were first born. She has much more hair than the boys though...hehe...

Cousins I'm close with are married and now one has just given birth...yippee...I'm a aunt once again...

Finally got down to signing up Standard Charter marathon. Time to start jogging regularly...Time to refine my mindset...

I think I have dragged it too long...far too long...

tired...

Something is not right...

I keep feeling tired lately...Sunday was spent concussing on and off...it's as though I'm on flu meds and I'm drowsy all the time...

Wed night I concussed at freaking 830pm! Who on earth sleeps at 830 unless you're sick! I'm alright when I'm at work but once I'm off work, my body goes into auto shut down mode....

maybe it's a sign to start exercising...I need my jogging mojo back!!!

What's wrong with me!

little ones flew back to hk...

I miss seeing my helper pulling ben ben around while he sat in the laundry basket...

I miss auggy calling me 'naughty gu gu'...

I miss ben ben's wailing loud cries in the middle of the night...

I miss auggy saying 'bye bye' to me every morning when i went to work...

Home is back to its quietness...with the little ones back in HK...

Sigh...

My beloved boys...

Taken with Auggy at the birthday party last sat...





























Guess what were thy doing? Watching cartoons...





























Ben ben's attempt to smile...he gave me a cheeky smile right after this pic was captured =p

Absolutely love my boys to bits...Ben ben dun quite allow me to carry though...I guess he aint familiar with me that's why...Auggy has been very sweet...He's at the stage where you tell him anything he will say ' Okie okie' in a very funny yet compliant way...still my cutie pie...

How I wish they are back for good =(

Falling sick...

Too many things happened for the past one week, too little time and too drained to deal with all...

Yes...excuses excuses excuses...

Seriously, I tired to handle the things as best as I can...Did a terrible job though...

Back to square one again...

Am falling sick...

Is that a sign that I should slow down?

Failure...

I think I failed terribly as a daughter...

Have I not emphasized enough on the importance of health and the follow-up of treatment?

Have my profession been a ridicule to them, such that whatever I said ain't important at all?

I'm pissed that they treat their health so lightly...esp when they ain't any younger...

Even more pissed that I haven't reinforced enough to them...esp during the time when I wasn't around physically...

But how to go about letting them know the importance when they don't treat my words seriously...

Someone get me out pls...

It's not a good sign when you can feel the heat the moment the plane touched down...let alone still feeling warm when you're at T3 with blasting air condition.

It's not a good sign when you rammed the cafe door on your already injured big toe first day in the morning before you headed off for work.

It's not a good sign when you kept snapping at your own mom who happened to ask the same qn over and over again for >5 times and you gave her the exact same answer all these while.

It's not a good sign when you have no internet access when you got home and realised that boss actually sent you an email to say that you can report slightly later for work the next day.

It's definitely not a good sign when you resented being home.

Right now I'm the biggest whiner in the world. Because I'm tired; I hate the weather; I don't like to report to my mom where I go or what I do; I don't feel appreciated for what I've done...

Sigh...I am Melbourne-sick...

Flight details...

2nd July

SQ 228, departs Melbourne 1550, arrive Singapore 2135

Not too sure is it T3 or T2...Kindly check the internet...

Expected peeps: Peifen, Gage, Ck, Sze...those who fail to appear will get special skin regenerative treatment from me personally...Skin you alive inch by inch!!!

Packing is a pain in the arse...