went for ward round today...i stood there...10 mins into it...i started seeing stars...not a good sign man...so i excused myself to go toilet...pee~ed and went back to stand there and listened to the house men report about the progress of each pt...

15 min into it...i started to break into cold sweat...then saw more stars this time round...i excused myself again and went to sit on the toilet bowl to rest...my boss must be wondering why i kept going to the toilet...but then i didnt tell her cos we are already down to 2 therapist to take charge of the whole 13 wards...plus i've already had 2 days mc this month already...

actually i panicked alittle when i was feeling faint...cos i need to pull thru today no matter wat but i know physically i may not be up to it...

but then come to think of it...the worst case scenario will be that i faint among the medical offiecers, house men, registras and medical students...all 'pretty well trained' health professionals...and hopefully one of the handsome good looking docs will come save me and gimme CPR...ha ha ha

anyway managed to pull thru today...with the help of my beloved therapy assistant...cant thank her enough....

sigh....i'm sick again this week...this is like the second time this month...think my boss aint very happy with me cos i took mc and they have to cover for me...

eversince last attachment, i've been sick on and off...or should i say i fall sick very easily for the past few months...perhaps the lack of exercise...immune system getting a tad too low...

actually i kinda get attune to working life...i love my job...i dun mind interacting with elderly...i dun mind chatting with them either...cos some of them are really lovely and cute to talk to....but once i'm off work...i'm always in shut down mode...i wont wanna talk much to anyone when i reach home...and i snap pretty easily too...seems like my patience is used more on my patients than when i'm home....

went to return dvd to yk on wed...was so drained...and he saw me...he kept asking me wat happened to me...why am i getting skinner and skinner...where is the fat oldt me...i nearly wanted to cry...i miss talking to yk...but that ady i simply have no enegery to stay and catch up with him...i miss our time spent together reasoning about life...i miss that...

i wish i can sleep through the nite without having to wake up in the middle of it knowing that it's actually not time to get up yet...it's been like that for nearly a month...i dunno wat's wrong but it's making me freaking tired...

i juz wish that i can sleep and not wake up...

hey hey...i'm back...i know i MIA for a long time...

first thing first...i know i'm the stubborn cow...i know i reacted pretty hushly...my apologies...afterall i know u care about me...i dunno wat's wrong with me lately...very bitchy and sensitive...

will be out of job soon...actually...i was disappointed at first but lately i'm starting to feel glad...already i'm formulating get away trip at the back of my head...arh...i wanna have fun...like i told fen...perhaps one of the days i'll juz sms my friends to tell them 'hey, i'm flying to (insert asia country's name) now...seeya in few days time!'

it'll be fun le...grab passport and run away on my own...haha...

sigh...gotta prepare for my presentation tomolo...will update about my life again...

he's back!!! finally!!

he hasnt been around much lately...i didnt realise how much i've missed him until i saw him smiling at me when i called him and him, crawling towards me giggling and laughing...trying to follow my socks...

auggy is back...miss him so much...

this little angel is turning 1 yr old by end of the month! so fast! seemed like yesterday that my sis-in-law was crying and screaming in pain...

o yar...that's really fast...one year already...

i realise i'm slowly fading out of the picture...perhaps i didnt put in enough effort to try and mingle within them...perhaps it's my stupidity that's putting them off....perhaps it has come to a point where i'm no longer needed in their lives...

sent a batch of my classmates off at the airport on sat...they should be in sidney right now...unpacking their stuff...trying to grab some rest...

i didnt get to see them off by the departure gate...the goodbyes i said to them were rather light hearted and with laughters...but i'm sure there were bound to be some tears shed at the point where they had to board the flight...

i wonder how the scene will be like next year at this moment when i'm suppose to fly off to la trobe for my studies..will there be tears or will i be missed when i'm gone...

looking at how things are going around me...maybe it wouldnt be that hard to say goodbye to me afterall...

tonite...germany vs argentina...

hmm...why do i care about soccer...i dun actually...but i'm excited...

why?

becos the alcohol that comes along with it will make the whole soccer thingy more interesting...haha...drinking with squashies tonite!!! i cant wait! i miss those crazy drinking days!!! i miss the high feeling that i get...i miss giggling with the girls and stealing smooches from them juz cos i'm drunk...

yeah...i miss drinking...a hell lot...

at the reception table

some pics taken from apple's wedding!

sisters and the bride!

wu ren bang!

i fucking blew my top juz now...

i'm tired...i juz wanna watch tv...okie living room no tv...never mind...went to mama's room to watch...dunno wat happened scv channels cant be recevied despite me tunning it the other day...mom started to raise her voice...claiming i did something to the tv...

i did wat i'm told wat more do u want...the other time i tune it with my eyes half closed even...cos u wanted to the soccer channel to be up for dad to watch...i did that...wat more do u want...

already i'm freaking tired...from talking the whole day and being patient with ppl the whole day...i juz wanna laze and watch tv...why cant i do that...

now i cant even watch dvd cos freaking vcd player cant play dvd...i'm too lazy to move the dvd player to mom's room...cos already there's no space to put another player in her room...

watever...think i'll juz coop up in my room and look at my blur computer screen...everything is breaking down man...bloody hell...

bloody headache didnt qutie leave me since fri....it was so bad on fri that i nearly puked the food i ate during graduation dinner..i ended up having to leave early cos i still gotta work from 8-5pm on sat....

now it's aching lightly as though waiting for the full blown....

what's wrong arh...i have no freaking idea...

life at the moment pretty mundane...nothing much except work...sleep and occasionally meet up with frens for meals when i have the energy...

5 weeks into work...i havent quite able to meet the daily quota...cham...and my stamina getting worst...i havent been jogging for months...the last time i tried...my cough came back....and now by the time i reached home...i juz wanna sleep...

pretty much cooped up in my world...putting most of my time in work...i actually dreamt that my cheeky stroke pt talked to me while i was napping in the afternoon....-_-''

coming sept worst...have to travel all the way to jurong to work...wah liao...who's gonna pay for all those expenses man...i'll juz camp outisde the medical centre lar...

no time fr myself...i need a break...i wanna get out...i cant wait to go aust...meet ang mos and get hitched there...haha...wah cannot take it i go sleep liao...

a patient of mine passed away the other day...she kinda reminded me of my late grandma...

seen her a few times...but she was too weak to carry out any therapy sessions with me...it's sad to see her getting to the end stage...cos i literally saw her turn from bad to worse...the last time i've seen her...she was gasping for air....her edema was so bad that her hands were swollen and what we can do is to bandage her hands to ease the edema and to position her so that she can be more comfortable...

the next morning...other patients of the same ward told me she had passed away quietly in the morning... no one knows...

sigh...life is so fragile...

me and hwee lan

me and charmaine

Graduation!!! me and hua beng...

I wanna scream my lungs out...why am i always a disappointment to ppl around me...and why do i get disappointed so easily...

perhaps i should never expect reciprocity to occur in the first place...but i'm only human...ding ding...time's up...wat's the next step???

yeah...saturday...today dun need to work...nua at home...best....played with auggy...kena scatched all over....

gonna go shopping! yeah yeah!

have been working...so much so that i actually forgotten to reply nyp regarding my graduation attendance...

thing is...only one person can attend my graduation...naturally i ask my mom...

'When is it held?'
' Monday...'
'O monady arh...if baby at home then i can't go...if not who will look after him?'
'Okie lo...never mind...it's juz a graduation...anyway nothing much...quite boring stuff...'

why am i not surprise...anyway it's not a convocation....if it is a convocation, will things be different? perhaps...why should i mind anyway...i guess it juz not a big deal at all...

mom juz threw tantrum to me...or at me...sigh hate it when ppl do that...as though i'm the one at fault...

working...tired...gonna sleep...so rare of me to sleep before 12...haha...

been staying at home for 2 days to nurse myself so that i can be well enough to start work on monday...the idea of me going to work so soon is still alittle daunting...i'll do whatever i can...

my day started with squabblings again...it's sucky...perhaps on my part i had too much assumptions...funny that i hate assumptions made upon me...yet often made the mistakes of creating them upon others...will bear in mind not to do it...at the end of the day our miscommunication is ressolved with both of us apologising to each other and laughing at each other's silliness...sigh...differen age..different thoughts...different way of reacting...yar...lover birds can be quite stupid...i for one is an example...no denial....

anyway...since i've been home these few days...i've been helping out looking after auggy...fun as usual...cos he started blabbering and is noiser than before...it's a joy to play with him...making him shriek with laughters...but at the same time i'm being tortured too...he's been pulling my hair...pinching me, scratching my face, pulling my specs, biting me and leaving me his two tiny teeth marks whenever possible...hmm...so far he's the cutest baby i've seen...really...not saying it cos he's my nephew...but generally he's really cute...and when he kisses u...it's a big wet kiss with teeth marks on ur face...haha...basically he juz open his mouth real big and grab u by the neck and stick himself on ur face...that's his version of kiss...pretty funny to see him do that to my mom...

gtg sleep...cant seem to fall asleep...dunnoe is it the stress or the chicken that i had in the evening...argh...