Resentment...

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie

If I were a boy...

I miss my baby boys...

Just received the Xmas card made by Auggy...so pretty...I can just picture him sitting there and patiently pasting the sequins on the snowman...I miss Auggy and ben ben so much...

Was walking around children section trying to look for a gift for Emma...baby clothing are all so cute...esp the type that I like...it's amazing how those little stuffs can make me feel happy at times...yet give me that tinge of sadness too...I wonder when it'll be my turn to buy those stuffs for my own baby...hmm....

18 grams of love...

爱情到底有多重？

一张信纸八克，

一张信封十克，

加起来，

一封情书，

十八克...

Goldfish eyes...

I want to stop this nightmare now...

Pissed...

I freaking blew my top at strangers...adults strangers....

Went to Amk to run some errands, freaking north-south line was packed...I've been moving in and out of the doorway cos I was near it and I wanted ppl to be able to go in as well as come out.

Before I reached Amk, I had the space to move in so I moved in. When I reached Amk, I was stuck. I was fucking stuck.

NO one moved or gave space for anyone of us who needed to alight... NO ONE! So what did I do? I said ' Excuse me! Excuse me!' nicely....No one moved....the freaking china man right at the doorway DID NOT move...until I pushed and screamed " MOVE PPL!"

Fucking pissed! Adults...they are freaking functional adults! Normal adults! Cant you just move your assess a little so that others can move too...come on, where's the considerations?!!!

Singapore is overcrowded...filled with selfish ppl around!!! agrh!!!!!

Half marathon

I can't feel my legs anymore...as much as I love muscle aches, this time round the experience is wayyyyyyyyyy out of my league...ask fen and gage...they'll know how much I whined and gave that grimace- of- pain look with every slightest movement I try to execute.

Yeah...conquered half marathon without training...haha...ran 8 km, walked 13km...halfway thru the running I was so darn hungry...very tempted to run into Kallang Mac when we ran past it...and then came free bananas...which drove the walking me into running pace just so I could get one...never in my life have I been so happy to see bananas...yes...very funny...

Started the race with Angie, then ran off alone eventually...so the rest of the journey I was pretty much alone...okie...Kylie did keep me company quite a bit...

I thought to myself if I manage to conquer this run, I should be able to conquer anything else in life...still I find myself being the same old me...nothing changed or am I being naive to think one run can give me the strength that I'm looking for...

Anyway some pics from bkk trip...

So happy!

Am I lucky or what...

To catch Kylie's concert, danced throughout the night and see her so up close!! She's really a gorgeous chick I tell you...

To shop, tour and bargain with the best guide ever...

To be able to come back Singapore before the airport is shut down due to demonstrations...

Dearest gage...thank you for bringing us around and helping us bargain with the locals...we girls cannot get best price for bras without your help! haha...

thank you fen for looking after me...during the you-know-what!

thank you taufiq for letting us stay over and make a mess out of his place!

thank you Bing shen for looking after my bag and bringing it back the next day!

I heart Thailand...and Kylie....

I've never thought I could travel to Bangkok, catch an awesome concert and then be back to work the next day...

gagey thanx for making this happened!

Now I'm starting to think, perhaps I can do alot more with my life...my way, my say....

happy....and....sad??

I'm going Bangkok tonight...I'm going with a heavy heart...

I have 3 assessment reports and 7 summary reports to type, all by mid Dec...and another 10 something reports to type for update...to be done by Jan

I think I can officially camp in the office to type reports when I come back from Bangkok...So dead man...so dead...

Looking forward to watch Kylie...I hope she can cheer me up a little....

I'm a little lost...

Don't know where to start, don't know how to start...

I haven't been thinking about things around me as much as I used to...

I'm going with the flow, living day by day without much of a goal except to earn more money, to save up so that I can get by in case anything happen...

I'm at the neither happy nor sad zone...is this good or bad?

I think at times I just want to be like that wooden chair, to feel useful at some point of time, useful to someone or something at least...

I'm still a little loss...

Where exactly should I head to?

upset...

It's been a week...that I've been so tired after work and really really sleepy...but when I do have the chance to sleep, I can't sleep at all.

So many things happened this week, in fact it should be since I'm back...I feel like screaming...I feel like crying my heart out...but what's the point...

After all that have happened, I'm still deemed as a whiner, a bitch, someone who drove another up the wall and to the point of breaking down...

You need someone to blame all the fault upon, there's jayna...

You need someone to act as the punching bag, there's jayna...

You need someone to run errands and do shit work for you, there's jayna...

At the end of the day, I'm still dispensable...just words of 'I can't take it anymore' and I'm chucked aside like a toy which is no longer attractive or interesting to the child...

You are right...I'm that puzzle piece...only difference is...I dun fit in at all..

random thoughts...

I finally went to book a date for basic theory test. Seriously wanna get the license so that at least I can drive around abit. It'll be even better if I can own a car...or maybe not...

I tried to run all my errands today but only managed to get the basic theory date fixed cos the queue in the bloody driving centre was so long...planned to get my watch strap fixed but haven't gotten the time to do it. Always wanted to get it replace when I knock off but usually when I do, the shop is closed as well. It's been like what, 4 months since I bought it and actually wore a watch for real after so long. Maybe I never meant to wear a watch...haha...that's why I'm perpentually late...

At the moment I'm charging my camera. Battery was flat since the day of my graduation. I haven't uploaded graduation photos yet and I have yet to upload mt buller photos too...I am a true blue procrastinator...cannot stand it...can someone wake me up pls...

I was so tired yesterday that I slept in and bummed at home the entire day...caught the marathon series of heroes 2 and ordered macdelivery for dinner simply becos I didnt wanna miss any episode and that no one was home the whole day...I can foresee myself replaying such scene in the next 10 years...how pathetic can one be...

O anyway, I finally opened the box that I sent back from Melbourne. I guess by opening it, it kinda mean I've finally accepted the fact that I'm back...for good...In the midst of opening the badly taped up box, I accidentally cut my thumb with the rusty penknife...Then in the evening I attempted piecing and fixing the metal clothes hanger I bought from Ikea the other day...in the midst of screwing the nails in...I accidentally jabbed the screwdriver into my thigh...could the screwdriver be any sharper, I think my neighbours can see me hopping down the flat trying to flag for a cab with the screwdriver still embedded in my thigh...

Sigh...for fuck sake...if I cannot even get these simple tasks done, how am I gonna live on my own in future...who knows if I try fixing the bulb, I may get myself electorcuted or try to fix the pipe and ended up flooding my unit? Then the worst thing is...who is gonna discover that I'm injured or dead when there's no one else around me...

maybe my pet guinea pig will discover my body and eventually eat me up cos no one is feeding him and he is too hungry...

the boys...

Auggy has grown so much! His new hairstyle looks funny...and he doesnt look like a 3yo at all...















Little one just discovered the 'enjoyment' of nose digging....see how he explore his left and right nostrils...















See...ben ben's shiok face in digging his nose...hahaha

you are my sunshine...

Love those cheeky smiles! This is ben ben...not auggy...but they look so alike in these photos! Miss them so much!

Auggy and Ben ben...

Watching the videos that my brother has uploaded made me miss my boys even more...

Sometimes I wish I can be there to watch them grow up...

Miss having them around...

Why I love router and wireless connection...

Here I am...doing something I have been doing and kinda like doing...

It's a bad habit I never quite kick since I was in Melbourne...using my lappy while I'm in the toilet doing my no. 2...muah hahahahaha...

Back in Melbourne I'll always type my reports or chat with fen while I'm sitting on the toilet bowl...I didn't wanna interrupt my ideas or conversations nor do I wanna compromise my bowel system...so kill two birds with one stone lor! hahaha...I know...fen always gotten grossed out when I told her I'm shitting and chatting with her at the same time...

Of cos I still adhere to hygiene...so my lappy is not dirty or gross okie!

O well...yesterday was great...gage had free tix to watch Ah Mei concert...I aint a big fan but went ahead with the concert cos I haven't quite been to one except mariah carey's which was a thousand years ago...

I didn't know Ah Mei is still so popular and that almost all the seats were filled up...atmoshpere was good throughout and everyone was pretty high...but seriously, her costume sux lar...if not for her voice and showmanship, I really dun think it was that great...

O well, at least I still know 40% of her songs in the concert...haha...was great fun singing along...like in a huge ktv..haha..

Gonna go for squash later...yeah...miss it so much...am slowly getting back on life again...

I wanna get my driving done soon...but judging from how I reacted last night...I think I will swear alot!

Mama Mia

Gage and Taufiq asked me out of all the songs, which one do I fancy the most...initially I didnt know the answer cos I aint that familiar with ABBA's songs...

After watching the show...I think I prefer this one the most....Gimme Gimme Gimme....hee hee hee

I have never...

had such a great Saturday night despite working full day, having to rush from office to back home and then back to the same building to meet up with the boys for dinner at the restaurant beside my office...

The food at Okinawa restaurant was great! Portions were just right and enough to be shared among the 4 of us...

Went to crash someone's birthday party at a hotel...It was the fastest hi-bye birthday party I've ever been to...We all agreed that we've never wanted to make an exit as badly as this one...haha...

Decided to settle down in the cosy hotel room of mister t and we just sat there and chit chat through the night...nothing fanciful but I really did enjoy myself so much...really...it's the company that counts...

As for today, I woke up with the weirdest dream ever...very comical one so it aint that bad...

Met up with Audrey for lunch cum tea and to accompany her in getting her camera...caught up with yd and mister t again...ended up shopping and grabbing some cute boxers on top of my new shoes...then head down for drinks and snack...

Lately I've been missing Melbourne so much...I miss the places we used to hang out, I miss the cold cold weather...I miss my friends over there too...Come to think of it, I've only been home for close to 3 months...so many things had happened and it felt like the longest time ever...

Exactly, when can I go back there again?

Gotten it from yd's blog...

love her voice...been listening to her songs lately...esp this piece and 'stepping stone'...have always thought her voice to be simple and clear and so is her mtv...nothing fanciful but it depicts the song so well...

there's always a song that I can relate to at different phases...at the moment, I can so relate to these two...

Running out of steam...

Graduation on Friday...On course on Sat and Sun...

I am so freaking tired that I knocked out completely by 830pm while surfing the net lying on the floor just now...Planned to take a snooze and then go jogging at 9pm but woke up only at 1030pm...

Do I look like I have the word "entertainer" on my forehead? quit telling me you're bored...quit msging me on phone or msn to ask me out just becos you need someone to pass your time...When I say I'm not free, I mean it...quit making your problem mine...I am not your fucking nanny...

Tired woman = angry woman...I'm pissed, tired and depressed...things haven't been going well...I just need to deal with it my way and try to get over it...