Tiring monday but i love it!

Never have I had such eventful weekends!

So good to see mister T in town this week...been the longest time since I last saw him...miss him actually but I know someone misses him more than I do (he even got jealous when mister T gave me a big hug =p)

Anyway, I hope you guys didnt feel like vomiting for having to see me three days in a row...haha...love the time spent with you guys...muack muack!

As for today...I went to collect my passport...then went to 'the plain' for breakfast and coffee...walked around with mister T and gage...then went to catch a movie with nikki and christine before having dinner with them...

dead tired now...but definitely happy...

yippe~ someone is coming home! yeah!

Do I look like a convenient store?

Case no. 1
Just because you are lazy to add one more payee in your internet banking, doesn't mean I have to be the middle man to do the transferring for you.

If you say you aint that close to that person and not convenient to add the payee, I can understand. But your reason was that you're lazy to do it. Do I look like I have all the time in the world to do this then?

Case no. 2
Granted that you have no clue what to get for your eldest grandson for his bday pressie. You said you are busy and dun have time to get birthday present for him cos morning you have to go for exercises and evening you have to fetch kitty and ben ben (on alternate days) .

I am clueless about what to get for Auggy as well and I am dead beat after work to even wanna go toys stores. But for his sake, I will try. I just hate it that you dun even want to try.

Exactly do I look like I'm a convenient store, easy access to everyone who just want an easy way out?

Wonder, why am I working so hard for? For better life in future or so that when I'm old, I dun have to worry about my finances should I end up being all alone...

Feeling alittle down at the moment, which I dun even know why. I was quite alright the entire day. Just feel like a deflated balloon at the moment, moving through each day as it is...sigh...

I need a getaway. I need something to look forward to. Feel so drained from work and stuffs.

I think I kind of sabotaged myself by signing up for marathon again this year. Well, at least something for me to look forward to and something to keep me occupied. I really need to get rid of that flubber of mine.

I am looking forward to you coming back too...

I am not a cold hearted bitch. I am sorry for ignoring your msges but if I reply you everytime you msg me, you'll probably think that everything is back to normal, that there will be a chance for us to get back together.

We can probably be friends. Afterall, we've been friends for 10 years...Perhaps in years to come, this is possible...

I want you to be happy...hope you'll be happy eventually...

Had so much fun during Kali sessions. So far, it's been pretty interesting learning this form of martial art. Really have to thank my colleague for introducing it to us.

It's been four years since I joined my company.

It's been four years....

I almost forgotten the year and how long it has been. 2008...when everything happened for a reason and how hard it had been...

Till now, I dun know how I got past it...going through what I had to go through...pretty much on my own and trying to keep my sanity all at the same time...

Here I am...still standing...I am doing pretty alright...aren't I?

Finally, the June hols is over! I can finally sleep in after a month of working 6 days per week.

Also, finally done with Ally's wedding! Omg, I think I am too old for this 'jie mei' thingy. Dun know was it my age or that I have become so pampered. I was so so so exhausted through the day that all I could think of was shower time and getting my emcee job done! The weather was too freaking hot! Bravo to the bride and groom for enduring the sun and taking pics under the scorching heat!

I think my body just totally shut off at the end of the day, giving me the finale - fever at 38 degrees and making me feel cold at such warm weather that I didn't even switch on my air condition.

Love the wedding by the way...it was so tastefully arranged and done by the couples. New chapter ahead babe...blissful marriage!

Once again, stunned by my blonde moment...

It was hilarious, to have my mum barged in like that and saw me talking via FaceTime...

I really thought I have locked the door...perhaps was too excited that I have finally gotten the dress and that I could finally talk to you...

Couldn't help laughing...sweet but facepalm moment too :p

I think someone up there is trying to test me (or play a trick on me)...to see exactly how much I can take or go through before I start to show any sign that I may break...I am human too you know...why can't my life be simpler?

Why is this so tough? It shouldn't be this tough ain't it? If it's so tough to begin with, does it mean it is not meant to be in the first place?

Fucking restless...back to square one where I seek solace in my run and the quiet corner at the back of my house...

I think ultimately, it's just my luck...I've always had shit luck...

I wonder how long can I be physically n mentally strong for myself and my family...

Wish I'm a guy...at least I won't be subjected to the mental weakness...to a certain extend...

I must have done some wrong doings in my last life somehow...urgh...

Something to keep me going...

Almost teared when I read the email. Touched, very very very touched...

I have never quite felt this hard saying goodbye to any of my kids when I discharged them or that they stopped for OT for whatever reasons.

This boy was such a lovely kid that I really feel for him and hope the very best for him from the bottom of my heart. Never have I come across a kid who has his amount of issues, yet is so humble and genuine in person. He has been so compliant and never once fussed when I got him to do any tasks. It was such a great joy interacting with him. I assessed him in Feb and he has to head back home for good in June. The relocation came with such short notice.

Almost wanna cry when I gave him a goodbye hug =(

Wish I could have longer treatment time with him and see him through the process of being better in what he has problem in...

I didn't know he actually enjoyed coming to see me that he would turn down any events or invitations that fell on the time slot that he usually came to see me...Am truly truly touched...

Thank you for the effort kiddo...Will really miss you!

Hell month

Sat night was absolutely great! Enjoyed every min spent and the jokes we made at each other. Always felt blessed to have you guys by my side. Kept me sane to a huge extend...

Sun was pay back time for sleep deprivation....woke up intermittently to play with the kids...pacify or bring them down for a ride...

Slept with a headache, woke up with one...woke up at 3,5 and 6 am was really frustrating...dad ain't helping when what he did is provoking instead or pacifying my whiny niece...I ended up getting the criticism of sleeping my entire Sunday off and still feeling tired...and not helping...sigh...

Btw you have no idea how much it meant to me for you to listen to my rantings...thank you so much!

I am still laughing at the lame stuffs you told me...happy for you my dear friend =p

I do have high hopes of you getting married and giving birth to tonnes of kids who will eventually call me kai ma! hehehehe....

Hell month is June. School hols means I have to go back to see kids during my off days as well. Not that I want to earn more money during this month but I genuinely have kids who need the intensive and who else to fill in the gap but me if that is to say I have to sacrifice my rest time. Not trying to be noble here but I just want them to be better in what they do and see them through these tough time esp those having PSLE.

I will frequent the starbucks very often or maybe not too much cos one of my kids calculated the amount for me and actually yelled at me to not spend such money on coffee...can you imagine, my 11 yo telling me that! I'm really proud of her actually...haha...

Sigh...hope this month will end soon!

I just feel like screaming. Just scream and scream till I'm out of breath and exhausted.

I'm tired. First you gave my mobile to a government surveyor and expect ME to handle all those fucking qn. Have you thought how worn out I have been after a day of work?

Then you load me with all those hospitalization bills qn. You expect ME to handle them yet kept doubting me and wanting me to verify with bro. If you dun think I can handle it, I am more than willing to pass it on to your great son who, from what I know, hasn't gotten a clue on the hospitalization procedures either.

I am fucking tired! Can you pls leave me alone?! Just for one fucking night!

I think I have come to a stage where I will not hesitate to write people off from my life. People who have hurt me, people who have wasted my time, people who did not appreciate me for who I am...

I have a better life ahead being freed from all these...If you cannot keep up, I am sorry...I really have no space for nonsense and unappreciative pricks...

I am sure I have been written off from others' lives as well...I have come to terms with that...I'll rather move on, focus on my life and try to better myself in every ways...

Life goes on...

Mind boggling day(s)....

~Thursday~
Mom gotten admitted to hospital due to irregular heartbeat...Rushed down to A&E after work to keep her company while waiting for her bed in the ward to be ready. Bought her noodle soup as she was complaining how sucky hospital food was....

I think the only consolation was that I got to talk to the cute A&E doc, who definitely looked younger than I am.

It was only until 10pm plus, that the admission was done and she was able to rest and I was able to go home...I just crashed the moment I got home...

~Friday~
Rushed down to hospital again after work, kept mom company till 8pm plus 9pm. Funny how much we could gossip while in the hospital. Talked about the doctors, nurses and patients from other beds...

The Ex actually came down to hospital to look for me. It was good to see him after a month or so. I do appreciate him making his way down. But I dun think it is possible for us to get back to where we were. I took this one month to find myself and to understand what ultimately ticks in my life. We talked. I felt like the meanest bitch ever and yet at the same time feeling so so tired from all these things that were happening around me...

Gotten home at around 11plus...all I wanted to do was to sleep...

~Saturday~
Went to see mom again after work, bought her some food again cos she absolutely hated the hospital food. Then had dinner and coffee with yd. Appreciate him making his way down to spend time with me. I needed it. The talk we had was great. Enlightened me so so much, just love talking to him.

~Sunday~
Mom called to say she can be discharged. Took a bus down to settle the discharge procedures and hospitalization fees for her. Before that, had some not-so-nice exchange of conversation with my dad. Sigh, sometimes it just put me to think - why am I putting in so much effort to prove myself all these years.

I just simply crashed and slept the entire noon once I got my mum home.

Not that I mind but sometimes I wonder, did my brother get away with all these because he has his own family. Just because I am single, I was thrown with these responsibilities of making the decisions for my mum, talking to the doctors, visiting her every day, settling the admission and discharge stuffs. He was not available throughout the entire process.

I can so foresee myself, handling my parents on my own when they get even older. Why am I always the one doing more but least appreciated by others. Sigh....

I like how my lifestyle is currently. Carefree, single and having fun on my own.

I dun need to revolve my time around anyone else except myself and perhaps a few really good pals who are closed to me...

I think whatever that is needed to be done, should have been done a year ago or even half a year ago. Did you think that I am willing to wait aimlessly? Did you think that I will never leave? I felt as though all these while, you think that whatever I said was a joke and was never taken seriously until I am determined to leave. I dun know what else to say except that I dun think I can bring myself to go back to where it started. I dun want to be unhappy because I am being dragged along.

Perhaps leaving it as it is, will be the better ending to this story that once belong to us...

Big 3 O!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today was self pampering day. Did my hair and went to have coffee with my pals. My favourite people =)

To be frank, I almost teared when you told me so firmly that you believed there will be someone out there who is worthy of me. Honey, those words meant so so much to me.

Thankful to have my friends who really love me for who I am.

Things will only get better...time to roll on! 30 is the new 20!

Thank you for the lovely sunflowers. You didn't leave your name.

I wonder if it is you. If it is, thank you for the lovely surprise. Dun think alot of people know I like sunflowers. They really brightened my day.

Actually till now I have no clue who sent the flowers to my workplace. The first person I thought of was you. You've bought me roses from the same florist ages back, I remember that.

And the first bouquet of flowers you sent to my office was sunflower as well. It was pretty big bouquet though the wrapping/packaging was alittle crappy and old fashioned...I think we burst out laughing when I showed you how the bouquet looked like.

If it were you who sent the flowers to me, thank you so much and I really appreciate you remembering my birthday and giving me this surprise =)

I've finally framed my poster up! Still procrastinating on buying the shelf and clearing my room. Will probably do that during my off days this week. Can't wait!

Clearing clutters one at a time. Dragged too long, they clogged up my life eventually. I kinda like moving forward. I do feel happier especially lately. Just feel lighter, less things to worry about, less things to upset me, more time to focus on myself and think of what really will make me happy. Maybe I'm really not suitable to be in a relationship cos I always ended up losing myself and ended up unhappy. Maybe guys I have met are ultimately not suitable afterall. Sigh, just my luck or that I am just not smart enough to open my eyes and get someone better.

O well...life is as such...what can I say...everything happened for a reason...just got to learn to take it in my stride...