Was a complete mess on Sat night. Had dinner, squash and went back home to rest. It was a good evening.

Was just watching tv, sipping my whites and I just started to break down. Couldn't quite stop crying. Time like this made me feel utterly foolish and pathetic. There's no reason for me to feel this upset. I have my job, I have my friends,  I have someone who loves me.

This pms thingy is such a pain in the arse...maybe time for me to get some hormonal pills...

I have been on hibernation mode over the weekends. Not sure why the exhaustion overtook me and despite sleeping in then, it didn't seem to quite help.

Need to plan for a getaway trip soon. This entire year, cooping in Singapore is just making me fidgety and edgy. I need to get out...soon...

Checking on air ticket to London...looks like Emirates has the cheapest deal...Just thinking how long should I stay there for...

I think I'm going to miss my travelling kaki...Am more than happy that I am replaced by her significant half...hehe...I bet he won't be half as entertaining as me =p At least no one to irritate her with nonsensical singing and requesting for frequent coffee breaks to recharge the often lethargic me...

Have never travelled far enough with someone else apart from her. Perhaps time for me to venture out on my own =)

I can't help but feel frustrated when I heard about the news. It's like a mixed feelings - on one hand glad that you are doing well with your career, on the other felt like a dumb arse for not cutting loose as early as a year ago. 

You are now officially having your dream come true - having both the career and seeing the girl that you like...

I felt that I had wasted my one year or more on you...Everything should have come to a stop when I found out you were no longer as into me while you were actually with me...

Felt like a dumb arse for giving those chances and trying to make things work when ultimately I should have ended it there and then...

I am more angry with myself for letting me get into such situation when I should have known better to run the opposite direction. How could I have allowed myself to be strung along for so long? 

Sigh...whatever it is, I wish you the best. Pls treat the next girl right. 

And I hope our paths will not cross anymore.

And so...another pal of mine is going through heartaches. It's tough to be watching one going through the heartbreaking moments and yet, all you can do is to tell them you'll be here to support. Exactly what kinda support can I give, apart from the occasional listening and reaffirmation of their feelings.

I wish they can be happier. I wish they can get out of the pit and emerge a better and happier person. I wish I can alleviate the pain that they have. 

I tried to ask myself, if I am in their positions, what would I have done? How would I have gone about dealing with this kind of situations? With such understanding, how can I talk to them so that they can be relieved from the pain they are experiencing now? Problem is, I dun know how and what else to say that can make them feel better except to be there and just listen. Ultimately, I am not involved and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it...sigh...

I still want someone to run along with me in marathons.

I still want someone who can motivate me and push me along when I am sluggish or out of sort.

I still want someone whom I can travel the world with.

I still want someone who can reassure me even when I throw the most ridiculous questions/doubts about the r/s we have. Yes, I am a paranoid bitch.

I still want someone to tell me he loves me even when he knows I am in the wrong.

I am starting to doubt myself, if I am capable of finding that someone or even be that person's someone.

Felt like I have been sick for the longest time ever. It pretty much took me a week to recover fully from this flu. Coupled with cramps, it just topped the suffering level to the max.

Was reading past messages, got me realized how much I dun want to be that person ever again. Got me thinking, am I even suitable to be in a relationship? Is it the case of wrong timing wrong person or that I am simply not built to be a good partner?

I'm glad that I have moved forward and I am happy where I am now...time to make new plans ahead =)

thinking about thinking...

It has been great few days of not working and purely just planning my days to chill and meeting up with frens whom I haven't gotten in touch for a very long time.

The conversation I had with Nik babe was just so thought provoking that, it's still pounding in my head...

Have I been hung up with the materials in my life and being so comfortable in where I am right now, that I let it pull me back from what I set to do when I was younger. I know it's the fear of the uncertainties, the fear of getting out of my comfort zone and the fear that if I were to go forth what I set to do, I would end up suffering in my ripe old age...

There will never be a right time to do what we wanna do, isn't it?

It's never easy to lose someone so close to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see you are trying your very best to hold up a brave front. It aches to see your mum trying her best to put up with the on going event. Sigh...

Be strong, my dear. We are here to support you.

Tiring monday but i love it!

Never have I had such eventful weekends!

So good to see mister T in town this week...been the longest time since I last saw him...miss him actually but I know someone misses him more than I do (he even got jealous when mister T gave me a big hug =p)

Anyway, I hope you guys didnt feel like vomiting for having to see me three days in a row...haha...love the time spent with you guys...muack muack!

As for today...I went to collect my passport...then went to 'the plain' for breakfast and coffee...walked around with mister T and gage...then went to catch a movie with nikki and christine before having dinner with them...

dead tired now...but definitely happy...

yippe~ someone is coming home! yeah!

Do I look like a convenient store?

Case no. 1
Just because you are lazy to add one more payee in your internet banking, doesn't mean I have to be the middle man to do the transferring for you.

If you say you aint that close to that person and not convenient to add the payee, I can understand. But your reason was that you're lazy to do it. Do I look like I have all the time in the world to do this then?

Case no. 2
Granted that you have no clue what to get for your eldest grandson for his bday pressie. You said you are busy and dun have time to get birthday present for him cos morning you have to go for exercises and evening you have to fetch kitty and ben ben (on alternate days) .

I am clueless about what to get for Auggy as well and I am dead beat after work to even wanna go toys stores. But for his sake, I will try. I just hate it that you dun even want to try.

Exactly do I look like I'm a convenient store, easy access to everyone who just want an easy way out?

Wonder, why am I working so hard for? For better life in future or so that when I'm old, I dun have to worry about my finances should I end up being all alone...

Feeling alittle down at the moment, which I dun even know why. I was quite alright the entire day. Just feel like a deflated balloon at the moment, moving through each day as it is...sigh...

I need a getaway. I need something to look forward to. Feel so drained from work and stuffs.

I think I kind of sabotaged myself by signing up for marathon again this year. Well, at least something for me to look forward to and something to keep me occupied. I really need to get rid of that flubber of mine.

I am looking forward to you coming back too...

I am not a cold hearted bitch. I am sorry for ignoring your msges but if I reply you everytime you msg me, you'll probably think that everything is back to normal, that there will be a chance for us to get back together.

We can probably be friends. Afterall, we've been friends for 10 years...Perhaps in years to come, this is possible...

I want you to be happy...hope you'll be happy eventually...

Had so much fun during Kali sessions. So far, it's been pretty interesting learning this form of martial art. Really have to thank my colleague for introducing it to us.

It's been four years since I joined my company.

It's been four years....

I almost forgotten the year and how long it has been. 2008...when everything happened for a reason and how hard it had been...

Till now, I dun know how I got past it...going through what I had to go through...pretty much on my own and trying to keep my sanity all at the same time...

Here I am...still standing...I am doing pretty alright...aren't I?

Finally, the June hols is over! I can finally sleep in after a month of working 6 days per week.

Also, finally done with Ally's wedding! Omg, I think I am too old for this 'jie mei' thingy. Dun know was it my age or that I have become so pampered. I was so so so exhausted through the day that all I could think of was shower time and getting my emcee job done! The weather was too freaking hot! Bravo to the bride and groom for enduring the sun and taking pics under the scorching heat!

I think my body just totally shut off at the end of the day, giving me the finale - fever at 38 degrees and making me feel cold at such warm weather that I didn't even switch on my air condition.

Love the wedding by the way...it was so tastefully arranged and done by the couples. New chapter ahead babe...blissful marriage!

Once again, stunned by my blonde moment...

It was hilarious, to have my mum barged in like that and saw me talking via FaceTime...

I really thought I have locked the door...perhaps was too excited that I have finally gotten the dress and that I could finally talk to you...

Couldn't help laughing...sweet but facepalm moment too :p

I think someone up there is trying to test me (or play a trick on me)...to see exactly how much I can take or go through before I start to show any sign that I may break...I am human too you know...why can't my life be simpler?

Why is this so tough? It shouldn't be this tough ain't it? If it's so tough to begin with, does it mean it is not meant to be in the first place?

Fucking restless...back to square one where I seek solace in my run and the quiet corner at the back of my house...

I think ultimately, it's just my luck...I've always had shit luck...

I wonder how long can I be physically n mentally strong for myself and my family...

Wish I'm a guy...at least I won't be subjected to the mental weakness...to a certain extend...

I must have done some wrong doings in my last life somehow...urgh...

Something to keep me going...

Almost teared when I read the email. Touched, very very very touched...

I have never quite felt this hard saying goodbye to any of my kids when I discharged them or that they stopped for OT for whatever reasons.

This boy was such a lovely kid that I really feel for him and hope the very best for him from the bottom of my heart. Never have I come across a kid who has his amount of issues, yet is so humble and genuine in person. He has been so compliant and never once fussed when I got him to do any tasks. It was such a great joy interacting with him. I assessed him in Feb and he has to head back home for good in June. The relocation came with such short notice.

Almost wanna cry when I gave him a goodbye hug =(

Wish I could have longer treatment time with him and see him through the process of being better in what he has problem in...

I didn't know he actually enjoyed coming to see me that he would turn down any events or invitations that fell on the time slot that he usually came to see me...Am truly truly touched...

Thank you for the effort kiddo...Will really miss you!

Hell month

Sat night was absolutely great! Enjoyed every min spent and the jokes we made at each other. Always felt blessed to have you guys by my side. Kept me sane to a huge extend...

Sun was pay back time for sleep deprivation....woke up intermittently to play with the kids...pacify or bring them down for a ride...

Slept with a headache, woke up with one...woke up at 3,5 and 6 am was really frustrating...dad ain't helping when what he did is provoking instead or pacifying my whiny niece...I ended up getting the criticism of sleeping my entire Sunday off and still feeling tired...and not helping...sigh...

Btw you have no idea how much it meant to me for you to listen to my rantings...thank you so much!