Random....

Been having goldfish eyes for the past one week and this week started with me going to work with swollen eyes...

I literally had to try opening my eyes wide cos the upper eyelids just felt so swollen and heavy...

I'm glad little cutie pie wanted to work with me on Monday morning...he's really a smart boy who brightened up my day so so much...it's getting more fun to play and work with him nowadays...'Little elephant', thank you so much!

It's tiring...to try and stay sane...I'm perfectly fine in the day...but when I knock off...I just want to hide in my room...and often I would be bawling my eyes out cos things just keep flashing back and flooding my system...

Dreamt that I went out with him last night...when can I heal? When can I not cry anymore?

Hurt beyond words...

Yes, I've cried tonnes...I think since last Sept...then again last Xmas, and again in Jan and then now...

Yes, I dun have the right to cry tonnes in the first place...

I am not proud of what I've done...

Yes, I should have known it coming and be able to leave unconditionally...but part of me couldn't bear to let go...

Yes, I shouldn't have followed my heart, thinking or rather hoping things will be different this time round...

It's back to July 2007...

The only difference is, I dun think I need closure this time round...

You've shown me enough to know what to hope for...only to be disappointed over and over again...

You said you're glad to have shared your life with me...I wanted to reply 'me too'...but some things were just not good enough...

It was never good enough...

I'm sorry it turned out this way...

Mom asked...

'Why are your eyes swollen?'

'O, cos they've been quite itchy...'

I thought the shower would have do me good....I should have hid in my room longer...