record....

stepped out of office at 930pm...reached home 1045pm...

had dinner at 11.05pm...

molded into the couch 1130pm...

finished another report 1230am...

probably gonna sleep without bathing...

two words...

wah kaoz...I feel damn tired and fat...

Chasing pavements

Heard of this song while watching the Grammy award and typing reports. I like her voice...think she's british as well...too bad Duffy lost to her...

Funny how I'm always drawn to songs like 'chasing cars'...and then this 'chasing pavements'...

The mtv is rather interesting...though I dun quite understand but thought it's something new, making use of the shadows to piece a story...cant load the mtv here...go search in youtube and take a look alright...



I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops,
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Help...

I can't sleep...tired but can't sleep. Every corner I turn to I see couples, I see babies...

I see everything that I cannot handle and incapable of handling...

Everything...

I think I need...

a long...good...break...

but before I can do that...need to clear all my reports...sigh...no more new cases pls...suddenly I seemed to have more than I can handle...o no...

I AM SO TIRED....

need to stock up on Brown Brothers...I need them....argh....damn sian...

My bundle of joy...

is going back to Hongkong tomorrow...so sad...no more 'naughty gu gu' , no more 'bu yao, bu yao...'

Time flies...auggy is so big and round now...ben ben is so articulate now...they grow up so fast...I havent even had the chance to catch up with them yet...















pics below are taken after much coaxing and hair pulling...mainly mine...little mr opposite will keep saying he doesn't wanna take pics with me despite my plea....















He still didnt wanna take a proper pic with me...so i bodyslammed him...hahaha...














This was the best attempt I had with auggy...




























more of ben ben's photo in my nikon camera. This pic aint qutie just in proving his cuteness...cos both of us just woke up...hahaha...

Such a fucktard...

Third day of new year...man...just my luck...

I hate my natural reflex...I smile at elderly, I smile at babies, I smile at doggies even...

Should I walk past and not smiled, I think he would have not recognised me at all...

Freaky weird dun-know-what-to-do-but-to-smile moment...such a fucktard...

So many years of not crossing paths...we actually bummed into one another near my work place...

I need to learn the British royal smile...

One that shows you-dun-deserve-my-smile kinda smile...

High high high...

New Year Eve

Had sore throat and ran a fever from morning till night. It was horrible...I slept through the whole day, feeling pathetic and missing out on the yearly Chinatown midnight shopping...sigh that's the usual highlight of my lunar new year man...

Dun think I ate more than 3 meals since last night...

No doc for me to see...this close to wanna go A & E...

Luckily I still have lovely frens who showered me with love, msges and calls...

ARGH!!!!

I HATE IT!

HATE IT!

HATE IT!

HATE IT!

I hate this self loathing feeling. I'm this close to hitting the roof and kill myself while smacking my brain out on the ceiling.

This close!

Facing Window...

Five years since I last caught this. I still love it. Almost forgotten the story line...

This time round, tinge of sadness was evoked rather than the previous just/unjust feeling...

In the end, it doesn't matter the choice you make. Just make sure you can live with it for the rest of your life...

random thoughts...

He was so good today, didn't yank my hair, didn't hit me in the chest either.

Instead, he gave me a little peck on my cheek =)

That's enough to warm my heart. I wish he can stay that way all the time, I wish I can get through to him and into his world...

Goldfish eyes...again...

Behind my house

Alone in the middle of the night

Fireworks, I exploded like one...

Colourful night...

working late...

Worked in the office till late today. I had kids till 6.30...I typed reports till 8.45...

Am the last to lock up the office, the last to go home...

I kind of enjoy typing the stuffs alone in the office...freaky it might be (this time round there is no techno toy fish singing in the cupboard) but it's starting to feel like a second home to me...

Starting to learn not to let the loneliness and emptiness affect me...drowning myself in reports seems to work just fine for me...

No more crying...climbing out of the pit hole requires so much strength...no point wasting more energy on generating tears...I'm good on my own...at least for now I am...

Passing the parcel...

Our beloved Sze is finally 27 yo! As requested by the birthday boy, we went to bukeroo for western food. As usual, we were late and by the time we've reached, I was so exhausted that I felt like sleeping.

It was a good dinner =) Just 8 of us with a hearty meal. O well, we had a fair share of food and I had my beef-craving satisfied (although I did feel like puking beef cos was filled to the brim but it was good stuff!). It warmed my heart that we can just sit around, talk, joke, cut up the food and pass it to one another...the sharing part was fun and funny. The singing of birthday song and cake cutting was fun too. I realise being 27 means your cake will be covered with candles...damn...that make me feel so darn old...can I request to have only one candle on my cake for my birthday?

Went to sembawang beach after dinner, stood there for awhile and it felt good...Haven't stood by the beach with the breeze blowing at my face for a long long time...after that, it's guitar hero time at gage's house...

O forgot to mention, aside from food that we passed around...flu bug was another thing that was passed around during dinner...I ended up with my nose running like tap and being slightly feverish...

The night ended with 5 of us grooving in the car with Kylie's songs and 3 ppl sneezing all the way....fun eh...ho ho ho

time for new year resolution??

So fast....it's been a year since I last had the costume party, stink up Peifen's car with char kwey tiao, or rather all the oily food bought from chomp chomp and of cos, made my pals finish up the 2 weird bottles of wine that had residue in them (without telling them it's been kept for like ages...plus the fact that I only brought it out when most of us were half sober...)

This year, we spent our new year eve at ck's house with awesome shabu shabu and nicer wines to go with...although we still have to drink with residual of the cork in wine due to malfunction or the wine opener...haha...but at least it beats having to drink weird wines...

Time flies...last year this time I was alone in Singapore, on vacation and waiting to fly to HongKong to meet up with my family. Last year this time I think I was happier and more carefree...

This year, I gotta make sure I can...
~get rid of that flabby tummy of mine and perk up the body system so that I dun fall sick so often..
~earn more and save more money so that I can pay all my bills and my loan on time...
~pass basic theory, advance theory and eventually driving test (Think it will be a long process)
~be happier and more open with my emotions...
~be more hardworking and less procrastination...
~swear lesser...hahaha...

I will get better...definitely...and to all who love me...thank you so much for being there for me all these while...muack...love ya!

Resentment...

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie

If I were a boy...

I miss my baby boys...

Just received the Xmas card made by Auggy...so pretty...I can just picture him sitting there and patiently pasting the sequins on the snowman...I miss Auggy and ben ben so much...

Was walking around children section trying to look for a gift for Emma...baby clothing are all so cute...esp the type that I like...it's amazing how those little stuffs can make me feel happy at times...yet give me that tinge of sadness too...I wonder when it'll be my turn to buy those stuffs for my own baby...hmm....

18 grams of love...

爱情到底有多重？

一张信纸八克，

一张信封十克，

加起来，

一封情书，

十八克...

Goldfish eyes...

I want to stop this nightmare now...

Pissed...

I freaking blew my top at strangers...adults strangers....

Went to Amk to run some errands, freaking north-south line was packed...I've been moving in and out of the doorway cos I was near it and I wanted ppl to be able to go in as well as come out.

Before I reached Amk, I had the space to move in so I moved in. When I reached Amk, I was stuck. I was fucking stuck.

NO one moved or gave space for anyone of us who needed to alight... NO ONE! So what did I do? I said ' Excuse me! Excuse me!' nicely....No one moved....the freaking china man right at the doorway DID NOT move...until I pushed and screamed " MOVE PPL!"

Fucking pissed! Adults...they are freaking functional adults! Normal adults! Cant you just move your assess a little so that others can move too...come on, where's the considerations?!!!

Singapore is overcrowded...filled with selfish ppl around!!! agrh!!!!!