missing...

I know I haven't been around much for you, I know I haven't been meeting up with you much either...

But I will still miss you and I will definitely miss talking to you...especially dozing off while msning with you...

I'll wait for you to be back for the Cambodia trip...to conquer Asia one by one...

Thanx for listening...I think it's like the time when I failed my A level...you dun have to hear me out but you did...

That's all I need...really...

Mishap..

Wanted to be vain and put on my contact lenses, only to get my right eyeball be fucking fucking FUCKING painful! The burning sensation that I felt was so excruciating that I literally wanna dig my eyeball out for a good wash under the running water! This has never happened before! Fucking solution...argh!

He cheered me up...

The sun arises and make happy the skies,
jealous clouds bring rain and dampen spring but have no fret,
all is not lost yet,
for the clouds will clear,
and the sun will reappear,
the birds that hid away shall come out to play and sing louder than the receding rain...
~happy bday piggy~

Thanx oki buta...thanx =)

Argh!

It may be wrong but my fear of being written off someone's life is greater than fear of going to hell.

But then again, it's part and parcel of life. I should be able to get used to it. I have to get used to it.

I wish I can be vindictive enough to hate him...

Birthday celebration part 7

~Martime House date~

Nice dinner with my pals...steak, escargots, calamari, salad, soup...

Wine at wine boss...

then kena dragged to 'Play' to dance...

It was a wild night...nice wild night...with crazy peeps...hehe...

What a way to wrap up my celebrations!

Birthday celebration part 5 & 6

Part 5

Met yd in the noon to make new specs. Took awhile for me to choose and I finally decided upon these puma specs...trying to look sporty so that I'll be sporty enough to wanna exercise regularly....hahaha ~roll eyes~ who am I kidding right =p

What I love about this trip...to see yd bargain the price of my specs and his shades...see how he tehhhhhhhhh and allowed me to get that extra discount despite his own shades...hehe...thank you so much!

Following the specs making...went for rojak....coffee...chatted...met up with ck and james for dinner...they got me purple rose! teehee....

Thank you yd for the pressie...bringing me to specs shop...tehhhing for me....helping me buy t-shirt and necklace from thailand...and the purple nano!

Thank you ck and james for the rose and the purple nano!

Thank you sze, fen, choon yew, yingkai for the purple nano!

Thank you so much! I'll see you guys this sat!


Part 6

Suppose to meet Gladys and Alison for dinner...but Gladys aint feeling too up to it so I ended up having dinner with ally and her sisters...hehe...fun...

Babes...Thank you for watch and the CD! the 27 sweets and the nice nice paper bag! hehe...thank you!

Meet up soon pls!

Birthday celebration part 4

I promised myself not to cry starting from this month onwards but...

darn...almost teared when fen gave me the present over dinner just now...

Collection of photos of us, of ppl around me, ranging from pri schl to sec schl to jc to poly to melbourne, of my family, of my baby boys...of the love that I always have and those that has never faded a single bit...

Like what fen said, I think it's a brilliant idea to flip through it whenever I'm feeling down, to remind myself how fortunate I really and already am...

I know it's not cheap to print those photos out, to use that lau pok pen knife of yours to cut the pictures to the right size for the album, to sacrifice your sleeping time while you fight your engineer war the next day...

Thank you so much babe...

Birthday celebration part 3 - The hotel stay...

It was fun...the girls did make it all so fun by trying to blindfold me and leading me to the dinner place. Too bad, my excuse of 'dun wanna spoil my eye makeup' gave it away that we were heading to majestic bar for dinner!

It was cosy. Food, wine were good and the company was even better.

Back to the hotel room, the girls actually decorated the room with birthday banners and the little lightings! The room was alittle smaller than what we have imagined it to be. Nonetheless, it was so comforty that I was called forth to the bed almost immediately...hehe...

Hitting the purplish Barney pinata was fun and it did take quite awhile and abit more of my energy to 'break' his legs in order to release the goodies! Not to forget, the girlies were playing the famous Barney song at the background while I was waving the wooden wand like a light sabre. Darn funny moment.

Following that were drinks and yummy champange cake! Photos are with ray. I wonder when she will send them to me..hehe...

It was such a funloving, creative night and I truly feel blessed to have my squashies with me all these while.

~jessie babe...we missed you! Hope you're having fun in Africa =)

Birthday celebration part 2

Sunday
Dinner at East Coast Tong Lok with mom, dad, aunt, uncle, my cousins, their partners and baby Emma.

Chilly crabs were yummy and having baby Emma around made it all so fun. Pictures are not up yet, they were with my cousin.


Tuesday
Met up with Ally and Gladys for dinner. We bitched, we whined, we laughed quite abit. Mainly updating each other on what have been going on in our lives.

I still miss our days in Melbourne. Just the 3 of us, doing our fyp, shopping at Bridge Rd, buying, buying and buying. I still miss potluck and our drinking session with the guys...

Wednesday
Met up with Audrey for dinner. Pretty chic bought me OPI purple nail polish. Thank you so much!

Was alittle too tired by the time I had dinner so we went home straight away after eating.

Did I mention I kena hit by the red round swing on my lips? My forever so funny kid, stepped on it and it swung towards my direction. My LIPS! Wah lau...it bled can. Never liked the taste of blood and my smart angel asked me 'Why you don't like your blood' -_-

Anyway my only answer to her was, you gonna pay for my 'lup chiong lips' and we burst into laughters...sigh...kids....dunno to laugh or cry man...


Friday
Met up with min and apple for dinner. They lovingly treated me to Soup Spoon and Starbucks...hehe....I miss them man...Can't wait to see baby no. 2 in July!

Went to watch 'Woverine' with SQ and then went for a drink. Movie was great. Company was great too...have not stayed out late for a long long time.

Thank you for the lovely coasters that you've bought...hehe...you know which one I like out of the 6 of them...hoho...


Saturday
No need to work today! Gonna go for hotel stay today!!! Yippeee!!!!

Have I always been such a person to you?

I felt like a good-for-nothing after reading those words. Even till now.

Choices that I've made are always the easy way out? All these years I have been stalling time, waiting to take the easiest paths?

To a certain extend it's true, if not I won't be in this state. That was the easiest way out I took. Another one would have been jumping off the ledge that very night when I felt that I could no longer handle my emotions on my own.

I haven't quite redeemed myself despite having to face kids every single day of my wake time. I haven't quite taken the advice from the professional who suggested that I should perhaps consider changing my job.

I didn't go for it. I am not ready to say good-bye.

Birthday celebration part 1

Saturday:

Had dinner with my pri school frens in the evening after work. My dear min cooked me dinner with peifen being the assistant chief.

It was fun sitting by the kitchen watching the two of them walking to and fro, whipping up a meal for me...tee hee...I'm da queen! haha...

Dinner was simple but yummlicious one...and yes woman, it's so worth it and thank you so much for the effort! Appreciate the time and tasty food you've cooked...

Fen, thank you for travelling to amk for the lychee martini cake! hehe...


Sunday:

Had a mothers' day cum my birthday gathering with my aunt, cousins and my parents at East Coast Tong Lok restaurant...Seadfood! haha got to have my chilly crabs...yeah!

Cake and pressie! Photos will be up soon...waiting for my cousin to upload them...hehe...

dodo, thanx for the bag!

kiddo, thanx for the cute piggy pen cum note holder...very nice!

Can't wait for the weekend to come! Yippee!!

happiness...

I had a GREAT time last night. Thanx to peifen, she was willing to be my faithful driver and drove me around to the places I told her so as to entertain ourselves...

First stop was prata at thomson...after eating the cripsy korsong prata there...we have decided to ditch jalan kayu prata place and fix thomson prata house as our supper cum hang out place in future...seriously, their prata and teh tarik taste so much better....

Second stop was Geylang...I seriously have nothing in mind and since we have car, might as well go drive through those lanes and look at the brothels and prostitutes...hmm...I have to say...it was alittle disappointing as we saw more guys than girls on the streets...the only thing that surprised me was how the brothels actually look like...woo..very nice purplish neon lights...poor peifen had to concentrate on driving while I went 'wah...look at that...wah look at the girls!!' ...so she didn't really get the chance to have a good look...hehe...o and we found out that lorong 18 is the busiest and most happening lanes out of the rest...haha....

Third stop was Changi village...yes...we went to see the she-males...sadly...not many of them too...not very pretty either...sigh so disappointing....hehe

Last stop...we went to T3 to have a hot drink...was just sitting there, talking, dazing, people watching...surprisingly I did find T3 super cold...unlike the first time when I just came back, complaining about it being so warm and stuffy...see...what has Singapore turned me into!

Anyway, we ended our driving trip at around 2 am...thank you peifen for being such a nice driver...I do look forward to you becoming my designated personal driver when you come back from nz...hehe..300 bucks okie?

As for today, had a fantastic time with my cousins and baby emma. We had a picnic at Botanical Garden. It was filled with food and laughters...very family feel kinda day for me...and it was extremely great that emma girl could join us...she's the queen of the day...all the attention was on her...like da jie said...ah yi and ah ping provided the food, I provided the snacks and she provided the entertainment ie. emma....haha...

Favourite picture of the day...














looking at this pic just melts my heart and it felt so real to me...if only...

All I want for birthday is...

my love ones by my side...

I was in Melbourne last year and my birthday was spent far away from those I love and so close with those I am fond of...I had a great time last year - rushing assignments and heading for this japanese restaurant to celebrate my day...it was wonderful!

This year, I am back to my family and close friends...I am back to the numerous dates, in which I will meet up with different peeps for a meal (or two) to celebrate my bday! Yippee! And it's gonna start this Sunday! My aunt gonna celebrate mothers' day alongside with my birthday...haha...

Okie okie, I still can put down my wish list for fun right...

1. teardrop shape pendent (preferably diamond)
2. guinea pig (preferably with cage and water dispenser =p )
3. OPI nail polish
4. plenty of accessories
5. new specs
6. new jeans
7. decent go-out-shoes (flip-flops not allowed, if not someone will scream at me)
8. booze (NO hard liquor! Missy's liver cannot take it! Wine pls!)
9. Ipod nano (purple)
10. big hardy bag

till I can think of more, I'll add on...as for now...I'm heading out for supper...yeah!

New haircut!

Finally I get my bob hairstyle!

Not that I got influenced by 'Bob the Builder' mind you ( although the music still plays in my mind, thanx to ben ben and auggy ).

Anyway, I always change my hairstyle (esp to cheer myself up) and this time round, it's bob with lighter brown! Yippee!

Time for a change, since my birthday is coming! So peeps...booking of Jayna starts now. With a goldfish brain like mine, you need to book me and make sure I note it down in my organizer or my handphone.

Birthday wish list will be up soon. For the fun of it that is...I understand it's recession now...anyway I usually wont get what I want...like the teardrop shape diamond pendent I've been looking for ages...

Wow...

I thought my life was drama enough, until I read this.

He reminded me of banker...I didn't know there are other guys like him...

Similar traits...two-timing or multiple timing, likes to play mind games and most importantly...one who lies ALOT to get his way through...

Perhaps my situation was not as bad, considering there is no kiddo in the picture to deal with...

While you took the convenient way to save yourself and lied your way through...

I have to learn to kill my own demons created while I was with you...

Pls protect your precious and make sure they dun end up with someone like yourself in future...

Out of the league...

Friendship...been thinking about it...

but I do have enough to sustain me for life...it's the kind that is with life time-warranty...so why toy with the thought...

I'm a wimp and I'm fragile...so better not touch this idea..

out of my league...definitely...

4 of us...

I so miss this feeling...like since I gotten back from Melbourne...I haven't quite gotten this feeling until tonight...thanx jessie for luring me out by changing the venue...

I miss hanging out with just the 4 of us...chilling, talking...and drinking too...

Just when I'm being engulf by those sadness that suddenly crept up, just when I am starting to feel tinge of sadness on my way home...

I'm glad we met up...I'm glad we talked...I'm glad we spent time...

Honestly, I miss you girls so so much...

I went to jog behind my house this evening...something rare...something I haven't quite done for a long long time...

The alone time was good...or so I thought I need it as I know I have to do something to pluck myself out of the mode...

But...it didn't seem good enough to stop them from flooding my system...

Should I establish the basis...maybe I'm just being afraid of letting it run loose...

Still picking up pieces when I thought I'm finally feeling better to move forward one baby step...

too many...too small...I am not sure how long will I need for this clean up...too many pieces to pick up...

Since feb...

My phone has been on silent mode for the longest time ever...since the night in which my mobile rang non-stop, I didn't dare to put the ringtone back...even till now...

I didn't want to talk to her, I won't know what to say except kept quiet...I don't have the right to say anything...that's the point...

Till today I wonder why I didn't tell her exactly what had happened...

I should have made you go through what I have gone through and still am going through...

Even then, you will never know the full extend...cos what you have will always be there, whereas mine will never be...

Crashing once again...

I'm not okie...

I said I am but I seriously am not...

You will never know the tears I've had since Sept...the very first time I called you while breaking down horribly in the bus was the very first of the many many episodes...did you feel my pain?

You will never know the fear I had everytime when you told me they have been read...did you know I was literally scared?

You will never know the torment I went through while I handled the aftermath on my own...did you know I thought of the many beautiful things that I actually have the abilities to become?

You will never know the guilt I had in covering up for you...did you know I hate to lie?

You will never know how not okie I am at this very moment...did you know I was pretty much getting better before you called?

You took me as an easy ride...I've let you taken me as the easy ride...did you know I was foolish enough to take your words for real?

Did you know?