About numbers...

Not motivated to blog much lately...

I cant believe it's been 6 years since I last started blogging! I actually have that much of rubbish to write online that can last me through the 6 years...hahaha...weird...

It's been 2 years since I'm back from Melbourne...I still miss the place...and I still so desperately wanna go back...

It's been 1 year since you stood by the door and asked me the question...funny how time flies...hmm...

The one and only costume party that we ever attempted...

This was where it all began...The crazy night we had two years ago...















Time flies...and it brought so much FOND memories even till today...

You guys can't deny that my teeny-weeny-tipsy mistake created this great memories of ours...

I can imagine 10 years down the road, you guys will still be mocking me about the expired wine that I coaxed all of you to finish it for me and that everyone of you so spontaneously and willingly did...

Down to the bits of the 'zar zar' as well...(except for yk who revealed just last Sat, that he couldn't quite take it and poured his remaining out of MY window when we aint looking)...

Ah....so two years later...we realised red wine DOES expire...and there aint suppose to have ANY 'zar zar' aka residual in the liquid...

Of all these reminiscings, what cracked me up was the mention that it actually tasted like prune juice...

Admist the hysterical laughters...it suddenly hit me---YYYYES! THAT was exactly the taste of that drink that very night!

OMG!!!

After two freaking years, my friends actually remembered the taste!

I must have traumatized them so much that, over the two years, with their many many Many MANY drinking occasions...the taste of my expired wine still has that special place on their palate!

I hereby sincerely apologize for the trauma I have put my friends through...But seriously...

Prune juice...

I cannot help but laugh even when typing this out...maybe it was after that round of 'prune juice' that we all went haywire...

I wonder...

why am I so unmotivated? Is it due to the fact that I'm lack of sleep and feeling sickish all the time...

when will he put our picture as the profile pic...not for the sake of putting but that he genuinely wants to...or even happy to do so...

why my tolerance level for kitty is higher than for the boys...

why I no longer read in the train but play with my ds lite instead...

when I can snap out of this depressive mode...been awhile...or am I just trying to avoid it thinking I am truly okay...

why I am back to the seasonal menstrual cycle when previously everything was alright...am I really that stressed?

Feeling extremely out of sort...

not productive at all...

Wish you were here...

Love is...

When you're tired but still made your way down to where ever I am...

When we shared and laughed at silly silly jokes...

When we are comfortable with each other, be it in silence...or be it with you playing the games and us laughing hysterically at your super mario plunging down the cliff...

Doing things that you feel awkward but will still do it for me...

When you made the effort to be with me...and accepting me for who I am...

Not just any other Saturday night...

I have nearly forgotten how fun it was to just hang out even if it's late into the night...even if I'm sickish and tired after work...

It was super fun to meet up and have curry fish head together at the place we used to go many years back...

It was fun to have ice cream together and share with the each other the different nice-weird-accquired taste ice cream...

It was nice to drive around, to get lost together and then to sit down at a fast food outlet to just drink and chit chat...

It was great hanging out with the two peeps who love me so much and who can laugh and criticize me openly...I just need this kind of quality time in which I can talk and trash things out...I just need someone whom I know will do anything and everything to make me happy...

At least I know I am important to them as they are to me...and I know no matter what, they'll think of and look out for me...

At least for the two of them...I know for sure...and I am really really grateful for that...really...

It sux to be an adult and to fall sick...

Mom only asked what happened and then went out...

Dad blasted the tv, shocking the hell out of the drowsy me...I had to tune the tv volume down myself...

Bf had a tiring day and ended up falling asleep while talking to me...always...

Lucky me...I do love myself enough to drag the hell out of me to see the doc...and then drag myself back home to sleep...

Where is all the TLC I am supposed to get from the loved ones...

Today...I thought I can have some TLC...but nope...

Ended work at 8 plus and all alone...

Didnt know what to do, dun feel like having dinner, I ended up buying stuffs...

welcome to the adult world...

be mindful...you're on your own and it sux big time...

When I say I'm tired...I am...

Why is it that when I said I'm tired, you would still bring over the manual and sit beside me and started asking me questions...

It's not that I dun wanna help...I did...I took a deep breath and I read the stuff and brief you how to use it...

But it's upsetting that you actually disregard how I fucking feel...

sigh I'm really tired...cant you just at least acknowledge it...

Thank you, oki buta aka butt master aka yingkai...

I know a girl named jiahui (not jia hui), jiahui is true and nice to everyone, everybody likes her she has many friends and jiahui was happy, but dark clouds began to cover jiahui's sky, rain fell and like a sunflower without sunlight, jiahui almost withered in the darkness. Fortunately, jiahui perservered and the rain stopped, clouds began to clear and the sun began shining, jiahui slowly remembers how to be happy again, strangely in jiahui's pursuit of happiness, i grew distant from her, at times, i panciked at the tot of losing a friend n wonders wad can be done to shorten the distance, until one day, when jiahui smsed me and we began chatting, through the short exchanges of messages, memories of the past were evoked and i realised there r so many things abt jiahui that i know, thats impossible to shake off, thats when i realised distance between jiahui n me might be widening, but it just takes simple short interactions to shorten the distance substantially, ha..there arent many ppl in my life that im able to do that with, most ppl just drift apart and never reconcile. so to my dear friend aka fatimah, joojooba, piggy, left butt cheek, of 14 years, (which is half of our current lifetime) happy birthday!

Birthday wishlist!

Here is goes...

1. Iphone

2. Clarins Multi-Active Jour

3. Clarins Multi- Active Nuit

4. Clarins Younger Longer Balm

5. Cosmetics

6. A small cushion for me to hug at night since I threw away my 20+ year old blue pillow...

7. Earrings that don't rust and not too big that the kids can pull them out

8. Teardrop shape pendent preferrably diamond (dropped in rank...ha ha ha)

Okie pretty much it...if i thought of anything I'll add in somemore...

Every year when it's close to my bday, I'm freaking grouchy...I think I am sabotaging myself in some ways...damn...anyway time to sleep...night

chats...

Yk and my conversation...it's short, simple and straight to my heart...

You need a break from life I think, you need time on your own when you dun need to be accountable to other people, you need time for yourself...

I rem when you were there (Melbourne), you were pretty happy, it's as it I can see you smiling when chatting with you on msn...

Yesh piggy, think over here you're just like an actress, you have to fulfill so many roles...get everyone to like your acting...think it's impt to rest for you to be yourself again...

That's exactly how I feel...

And when I said that he knows me well...his reply cracked me up...

Of cos I understand you, you're my left butt cheek, yd is my right butt cheek....

man...if that's the case...I seriously dun mind being one of your butt cheeks...

Quickie

I want iphone...

I need anti-aging products...or cosmetics....makes me look younger or at least less tired...

I need some hair growth stuffs...the hair at the front portion of my head is thinning...this is worrying...

Preferably I can have a sugar daddy so that I dun have to work anymore...or at least till my body gets better...which may or may not take forever...haha...

Not feeling too good...but I still gotta go get ready to attend a talk that is in the middle of the day...

Time to start the week again...

sick woman's rants...

Kitty has been sick, so was Mr Fish...

Now it's my turn to get sick...sux big time...and I am still in the office trying to finish up work...sigh...

Sometimes I have the urge to up myself and go to another country to work or to live...just to get away from home for awhile...

It's been tiring, to juggle between being a daughter, an aunt and an employee. I'm not complaining but it is tiring to work ie. deal with kids and listen to parents' concerns then go home be a filial daughter and try to listen to mom's complaints and try to help out in looking after kitty just so they can have a breather. It's tiring to do all these within a day.

I am so sick of the complaints...seriously...most of the time if I do go home for dinner, it would be sitting down with kitty beside me playing while I eat, with mom sitting there telling me about dad's cough which is keeping her up in the night and how she's not getting enough sleep cos of his cough and kitty waking up...of how stubborn dad was for not listening to her advice in seeing doc for his cough...etc etc etc...

I know you need a let out...I know you need someone to hear you...I try to listen and help whenever I can...But it's sad to just listen and give whatever I have without being heard nor thought of. There is neither 'how has your day been at work?' nor 'how are you feeling'...

I want to tell you how tired I am but I know I shouldn't cos yours will always trump mine and it doesnt quite matter whether I am well or not...Perhaps the only consolation is the dinner you cooked for me...which I do appreciate very much...

Am I asking too much?

random

Weather is so bloody warm...

I want that huge patrick plush toy! I wonder if Toys R'us still sells it...

Love the surprise! Sorry I spoilt it...nonetheless, thanx for making me smile when i was sick...

la la la la

Pink Martini concert was good. I have never seen almost all the peeps doing a standing ovation and requesting for encore so enthusiastically! The last song I actually stood up and dance...can you imagine, missy me grooving to the music? I mean it's not the Kylie concert kinda dance, more like cuban dance kinda dance...it was great fun! I was really really impressed with their performance, their chemistry and how much they were enjoying themselves during the performance.

Friday night's dinner was great too even though I had to stay in office till 9pm. No doubt I was a dead meat when I went to meet my two bullies...it's been awhile since we met up and just talked. Movies, songs, work, life....talked, bitched, discussed, commented...Thanx for all the valuable advice you guys gave me...no one can be as honest as you are...appreciate that alot...

Sat night was with fen...dinner was great...Again, I was a dead meat when I went to meet her. I literally slept on my work desk while waiting for her to be done with her errands and to meet me...I didnt even respond when my colleague pat me on the shoulder to say bye...nonetheless, the catching up was awesome!

I think i'm really exhausted this entire week...

Now am coughing and fluey...sigh...I wish I can stay home to get some proper rest...Can I hibernate? pls???

OMG

I didn't know her MTV can be so interesting! Love it!

Pink Martini

Over the valley
I saw a silver cloud
With a pink lining
I said it right out loud
There’s no denying
You are my one and only love
And we’ll see over the valley
The moon rise above
Over the valley
This house among the trees
Where we’ve been hiding
Making our memories
And I’m deciding
You are my one and only love
And we’ll be over the valley
As the moon shines above
The autumn breezes carry all the bluebirds
Down to where the sun still shines
If we could hold this day
In our hearts someway
We would never roam
Ever far from home
Over the valley
Just above the fray
The sun is setting
And when we’re old and grey
I’ll still be betting
You are my one and only love
And over the valley
The moon shines above




Baby, I miss you

Rants...

Everytime I want to update my blog, I ended up falling asleep in front of my lappy. What's new right, been doing that since my Melbourne days. Should be glad I didn't drool on it.

I'm not a competitive person to begin with, so when statistics are being brought up, I can feel my whole shoulder droop. I'm not the best therapist, I admit. But I do make sure kids who are under me are alright at least. Does it mean that if my stats drop, I'm a bad clinician?

I'm not a person who thinks very far ahead. So when certain subjects were being brought up, they tend to bring undue stress rather than enlightenment or goals that I can look forward to. Topic on saving aside (I think I have yd to thank for...hehe), things that has the connotation of marriage, no. of kids to have etc. are not in my agenda at the moment. So.quit.asking.me.these.questions. It is annoying to answer over and over and over and over again. It's not the issue of 'I am not ready' or 'I am an anti-commitment freak'. I have since learnt that even with planning, things dun work the way I want them to be. With planning, comes stress to accomplish them. With planning, comes the possibility of forcing something that may not necessary be working out to work out. Why spoil something that is seemingly alright at this point of time?

So I guess at the moment, I'll just have to focus on myself and my career, make as much money as possible so that should I need to grow old on my own, I dun need to end up begging on the street.

Procrastination...

I should be typing my report...I aint...urgh...

From shading to tapping...

That's how long it took me to pass my basic theory.

Seriously, I had it since it was paper format till it became computerized! Such an embarrassment to even mention that I have finally made it through a simple basic theory test for driving =p

Fen took basic theory test with me like 4 years ago, she passed, I flung...till now that she's been my faithful driver for almost 3 years, I am not even close to touching the steering wheels....

Gage's mom took the practical test and passed it at first try...still I have yet to even pass my basic!

I was telling myself, if I still fail it today, I am perhaps destined to be driven around...haha...

Anyhow...glad that I can at least be promoted from a repeated basic theory failure to a potential road hazard...hopefully I can get my license by this year...

Cross fingers...and toes....pray hard hard...

Tiger Year...ROAR ROAR ROAR...

Have not been blogging for a long long long time...cos each time when I got around to wanting to type, I would either feel sleepy or fell asleep in front of the lappy...

Anyway, been pretty good for the whole of Jan and Feb...apart from constantly feeling tired after work, I am pretty much the same...

Went for Zoo run two weeks ago with Mr Fish...quite fun to run in the Zoo and Night Safari...except for those bloody hills which made me swore like no one's business....Trying to catch up with his pace during the run nearly killed me cos lazy me have not been training for a month since my half marathon in early Dec, rarely attend bodypump cos have been feeling tired. The perks of running in the Zoo was that halfway through, we had all the reason to stop...not to rest...but to go and watch animal show....haha...Am still pretty fascinated with the huge seal...still as entertaining as ever...

CNY this year was good...Got my arse down to chinatown with gage, his mom, yilong and peifen...I think last year I missed the whole after-midnight-go-chinatown-sweep-for goodies event as I was down with fever...This year was fun! Always felt happy to be able to spend the time with my pals and his mom and bro...kinda like my second family....we'll just joke with each other and do the 'food tasting' on the goodies that were bought at discounted price. Going to the temple was nice....prayed for health and happiness for my family and loved ones...

CNY visitings was slightly different this year too...Mr Fish came to bai nian at my place, aunt's place and he made the effort to come with me to my paternal side gathering...Kinda funny to introduce him to my relatives cos for the record, I have never done that or rather never get to do that before...I must say, it's kinda nice to have him with me to know my family alittle better...

Down side of CNY this year...My precious niece was hospitalized from Chu Er till now due to fever and UTI...Visited her during my lunch breaks at times and after work...she seemed alright but looking at her tiny hand with that IV plug just gives my heart aches...not to mention looking her getting the injections...sobz...Apart from those nasty things...Sis said kitty has been charming the doctors, nurses and medical students...Hope she gets discharged soon...I really miss hearing her blabbers and seeing her rocking her playpen at home....

This year's Vday, I got to spend it with Mr Fish. Nothing special, no pressie or flowers...too tired from visitations to plan anything...It could have been better, should there be no hiccups with the dinner we had...nonetheless I do appreciate the time spent together...

Happy thing in office - My dear housemate cum colleague is finally hitched! So happy to hear that her bf proposed to her on her birthday! Hehehe...looking at how much they have gone through over these years...I am thrilled to see her settling down, setting up her own family...now you can truly be a mothergoose for good reason! muah haha!

Okie, very random post...sleepy now...shall go snooze...will upload pictures next time...

This Christmas...

I had diarrhea that bugged me on and off for days...I reckon the way to stop it, is to starve it...muah haha...it kinda worked eventually...

This Christmas...

I cooked spagetti for my clique...

Okie...I almost cooked all 3 packets of spagetti because I misread Sze's message...he said 3/4 of a packet of spagetti while I read it as 3 to 4 packet of spagetti...for 8 ppl what...you cannot fault me for the misinterpretation right...

Quite thankful that I'm pretty lazy when it comes to cooking...can you imagine if I didnt get tired and too lazy to cook the other 2 packets of spag??? I think my friends would have eaten until they puke the noodles through their noses...


This Christmas...

I had to endure the urge to LS while purchasing or should I say grabbing the ingredients from the shelves; smile and try to maintain my composure while waiting patiently to make payment; smile yet again and pray hard that I won't LS in my shorts while the cashier made small talk with me...I swear, I nearly wanna grab her collar, asked her to stop talking just so she could scan those bars quickly and let me go home to my beloved toilet bowl...

It's not funny to lup the bags of stuffs and made my way home in the half skip half run pace...any quicker or slower, I would have shittd in my shorts...

So...I did manage to whip up a meal enough for 8 of us...Please be assured that I DID wash my hands thoroughly after going to the toilet! But being paranoid, I still put a disclaimer after my dear friends were done with the meals that should they have diarrhea, I will provide bao ji wan...

I know I know...bad habit of mind...I should have warn you guys earlier...at least I didnt wait till one year later then tell you guys about it okie =p

This Christmas...

The cab driver tried to flirt with me while all I could think of was to deliver my food safely to gage's place...I know it's a flirt when he used stupid lines like "wah your IC photo looks very pretty..."

It was taken when I was Pri 6...Helloo...you're a peadophile or what...duh...


This Christmas

I am happy cos fen is back, finally...and to celebrate Christmas with her just makes it even more meaningful...


This Christmas...

I received the puzzles that I have been eyeing for ages...despite me knowing its presence...I am still happy that it was completed within such a short time...

Appreciate that you try to surprise me so early in the morning and fetching me to work...

Muack!

Last night, I dreamt that banker called me over the phone to wish me Merry Christmas and to have a meet up. I pretty much got woken up and unable to sleep. I didn't sleep until much tossing and turning were done...

It sux...I rem telling myself 'nah bey, it's not even dawn yet! Fucking waste my sleeping hours!' And for me to use the NB word...I ish feeling very frustrated...

Lately, the hiccups within my current relationship have made what was pretty happy-and-bright-lovey-dovey-time to have a sudden turn and nose-dive into the black hole...What's going on? I thought we were going on pretty good...I want those lovey dovey time back...

It's sux to feel insecure, it sux to feel scared...

I used to avoid confrontations or avoid touching ANY issue that cropped up...Missy here is well known for running...running away for problems...

For me to want to talk about stuffs is a huge step, to come out of my comfort zone, to want to work things out instead of letting it snowball and eventually resulting in an ugly death...It is a huge step for me to confront the issues and face the possibilities of hearing things I dislike or fearful of knowing...

I am afraid that I will get into the mode of shutting things out just so I can protect myself better...I am afraid that I will turn and run the opposite way to reduce the possibility of getting hurt...I am afraid that I will be back to before where I have no one to protect me but myself...I am afraid that I am indeed too broken for anyone to be able to accept who I really am...

I do have to admit, I have not been home much lately.

Had to stay home to babysit today. It was good and it felt good too. Too bad Ben ben was away in Clementi. I have not seen him or spent much time with him lately.

Love it when I get to spend time with the kiddos. Kitty girl has been so cheeky and cute as always. Auggy has been so funny with his antics too.

Dinner with mama and papa was good. We took train to Hougang and had crab for dinner. Little ones were not too handful to deal with, hence dinner was rather enjoyable. Walked around abit after dinner and we came to this little playground on the 5th floor of Hougang mall. Had some fun putting Kitty on the swing, seeing Auggy screaming his heart out while papa turned him on the merry-go-round. My dear folks even tried the equipment themselve. Quite a hilarious scene to see them doing that and mama fell on her butt while attempting the super miniature swing with Auggy.

Santa Claus was around to give out candies too and the kiddos were so happy to see him. Kitty girl was not even scared of the fake santa.

Quite a few people gave me odd looks when I was carrying Kitty. Perhaps I dun look like a mom. Or am I too young to be one? Maybe.

Anyway, if I ever have kids of my own, I'll make sure I can handle them myself instead of relying on someone else.

Mr Fish and I

Random pics we took...















Take 1...trying to be funny...sticking half the tongue out...
















Take 2...cant rem whether he was trying to say something or act surprise...















Take 3...finally...a proper photo...haha

I dun know why I cared in the first place. Now I look like a fool who wasted the time and effort, only to go hungry, exhausted and pissed, combination of all in just one night.

I am NOT angry that you changed your schedule with the sharing session. I would have loved to witness you launching your book and hearing your heartfelt speech, I am happy that you achieved that.

I am in fact pissed that when you had in mind to revert the schedule, you failed to inform me. Is it really that hard to even drop me a msg to tell me about it. Seriously I dun care about others' achievement. I do care about yours. The fact that you told me you might shift the session, showed me the effort of yours to involve me. Hence, I made the effort to fulfill my promise of reaching the venue before 9pm.

I had back to back sessions today. 7 kids in total, one toilet break. Sessions officially ended at 6pm but I had to stay in office to send emails, look up for exercises etc. I did not leave the office till 8pm. I had to take the bus, miss the bus stop, walked from bukit merah interchange to the venue...only to find out that I have missed it.

Perhaps to you, I have not made enough effort to go there on time. I tried but at 7, I was still printing out stuffs in the office.

I should have just dropped a msg to congratulate you and then tell you that I'm sorry I can't make it...

It would have saved all the trouble and save me from getting all worked up...

It's not the first time this happened...it's just like the time when you told me you would bring the boys over to the gym, only to tell me you guys couldnt make it...and I only gotten to know it when I msg you!

A simple msg, a notification...is it that hard...

snippets of life...

Time: After dinner

Venue: In the train

Moments:

Cant remember exactly what started it...we just laughed and laughed and laughed...

It could be me laughing at him and his 'muted' watch, it could be him whining about his 'muted' watch, it could be me constantly disrupting him in his reading, it could be me being just plain silly...

I love the time spent with Mr Fish...


Time: Every Sunday (almost)

Venue: Fitness First

Moments:

Aint consistent in going for bodypump but I am loving this time allocated for working out with my pals.

From nagging me to load up my weight to me bouncing around after a seemingly tough work out (cos I cheated by using the lightest weight)...

From me trying to get my coordination to me stamping my feet into yd's face...

From us sweating like pigs after a 2-hour work out to us nua~ing at the sofas...

It always warm my heart to have you guys around me...

It still irks me intermittently...

That you attempted to add me on facebook...

That she attempted to add me on facebook too...

I do not have anything that I can offer you or her...

I know it may be karma that things in which you fear most will always find its way back to haunt you...

But I have come clean for months...

So why now?

=(

Sigh...lying on my tummy the whole day and still feeling like shit is no joke...

I hope it will go away soon with the meds in place...

I have been eating when I'm hungry and when necessary, so what is wrong...

Do I really have to go for scope and scan as what the doc mentioned...

Maybe my intestines are rotting away as I'm typing...

getting fatter

Been falling asleep without me knowing and waking up in the middle of the night to head for shower then sleep again...

Such disruption is so not good for my sleep-wake cycle...

Been having late dinners too as I get out of office late....by the time I am done with dinner, I would usually fall asleep in like an hour's time...

Such is so not good for my tummy! It is getting flabbier despite me eating lesser...I wonder is it my metabolism going slower...I used to be able to get flat tummy when my diet and appetite went down...not on purpose but in stress induced situation...

I dun think I have overworked but why do I still feel stress all the time...and I am constantly doubting my abilities in helping the kids nowadays...why?

time to go sleep first...I think I should plan for a short break in Dec...I really cannot take it already...sigh...

I hate...

to cry...

I hate being weak...it just goes to show that after all these while...I'm still the weakling...

Cannot remember when was the last time I jogged at night...But I just had to do it tonight...even if it is in the middle of the night...even when I'm feeling so darn exhausted physically and mentally...the build-up frustration was too much...I need to feel better...I have to feel better...



to go Genting...

It is the one place which made me realize that my presence is no more important than the monetary pleasure that one might get out of gambling...

Technically, I am no more valuable than those stash of notes...seriously...

It's all about the money...

Even till now...I still have this feeling that money is more important than me...



to have gastric...

been plague with it since I was pri 2...the on and off affair seems to been off until recently...

I think my long lost fren just found me yet again...

My all time favourite...

Bro was sending me some japanese youtube on the lastest groupies...

Was telling him this is still my all time favourite apart from chage and aska...and he agreeed...

I think this is the only time that we agreed on something...music...

I missed those times when he share things with me...not that there was alot of such scenarios to begin with...

There seem to be something amiss right now...I dun know what is it...maybe it's just the build-up frustrations...

Feeling so darn low the whole day...

I hope this will pass soon...

I love it when I get to chill with my pals, listen to music, chat about everything and anything under the stars...

I love it when Auggy says he likes me...

I love it when Ben ben comes running to me and gives me a hug...

I love it when Kitty girl smiles at me whenever I call her name...

I love it when I get to have my own time to do things alone...

I love it when I get to wake up next to you...

not too good a week...

I kinda lost my appetite totally...

The only meal of the day is Macspicy meal for dinner...there goes my plan of dieting...

Suddenly I am asking myself - what am I doing now, why am I doing all these...

I wish I could have gone work and travel for 6 months...That would have been so darn exciting...

I wish I could have a baby, nurture the little one and see the little one grow...

I wish I could do what I do and be good at it...

I missed my chances, I dun feel I'm good enough...

sigh...

I'm tired...

I wonder...

If you've sensed my agitation whenever you asked me if bro is online the moment I set foot in the house...

for god sake, I haven't even switched on my lappy to access the internet yet...

If you've sensed my frustrations when I tried to tell you something about me and you ended up interrupting me with your complaints...complaints about the past few months, complaints that revolve around you, complaints about dad...

did you realise I end up keeping my mouth shut, let you talk and not finishing whatever I wanna say cos I just feel that everything become pointless now...

Maybe I'm pms~ing...maybe i'm just being short fused...

Sometimes I wonder, if I am the one who gave birth and relocated to another country, would my parents do the same for me...

I know the answer somehow...

In the first place I dun think I'll want to rely on my parents knowing how tough and stress it'll be on them...but then again...who am I to make such statement right...

Home Sweet Home...

I survived the LA trip!

Flight to LA was horrendous...colleague and I were alittle sick, hence the flight to Narita was not as enjoyable...the wait at Narita was worse! Remaining 11 hours flight to LA was tiring and alittle unbearable...

Reaching LA was a relieve...it was refreshing and reminds me so much of Melbourne....

The overall stay at Hilton was alright...not fantastic but the bed was good enough for me to wanna just stay in the hotel and not go out...

Seriously, Long Beach has nothing much for us to explore...we did little walking about in the area...pretty quiet and decent place...ppl are generally nice and friendly..

Two days of courses were great...we got lost on the way to the medical centre...thinking we could walk there...only to find out we forgot the differences btw miles and kilometres...we walked for like 5 km before giving up and tried taking a bus...was alittle late...but didnt miss out as much...really informative...learnt alot...and the speaker was so nice! He ended up chauffeuring us to and fro the medical centre for the next day...

Had alittle adventure on our own...due to the lack of transport and the build up frustration of our urge to shop...we decided to rent a car and drive to factory outlet on our own! As yours truly has no license...I can only rely on my colleague to drive us there....It was fun...and wasnt that difficult with the help of the GPS...I must say...my colleague was really brave...to try right-hand driving for the first time!

Anyhow, factory outlet did us harm! Burnt a huge hole in the pocket...still...it was fun...hehe...and before we know it...it's time to come back home...

Now is 3am...I used to say I dun think I will experience jetlag...but I guess not...I cant sleep!!! Luckily I only start work in the noon tomorrow...hungry...gonna grab some food!

Updates

Here I am, at Narita Airpot transiting to go LA!

Good thing about it, I get to fly and travel alittle...bad thing about it, I am alittle sick and extremetly tired from the flight and the long hours of waiting time to transit...6.50am to 5pm...If not for the free internet access, I would have gone mad...

I realise I am quite a pig...I can sleep anywhere and everywhere...waiting area chair I could also doze off and even have dreams...haha...

Heading to LA for a course...a 2.5 days course...cost me 4 days of travelling time...tonnes of rearrangement on my schedule...ask me if I am excited...I think I am more tired than anything else...nonetheless, the notion of being able to get out singapore still excites me alittle =p

I cant wait for the bali trip this coming Sat...it has been awhile since we all go on a trip together! The last one was Redang? or was it Koh Samui...ages ages ago....

So...what have I been up to this past month or so? I have been busy with work...been busy trying to upkeep my house since my parents were away from June till two days ago...mommy had great complaints of how I keep the house clean during their trip to HongKong...it is tiring to have to constantly think of when to sweep, mop, wash clothes etc...

And if you were guessing the reason I mia~ed for so long is because I have got into a relationship...

Bingo! hehe...kinda unexpected....anytime sooner or later...things would have been totally different...

It's funny...we went through a full circle and came back to meet one another...10 years...has it been that long? I found the photo we took during JC, we both looked hilariously toot...well..at least we look much better now ;p

You've matured over these years, I've been through lowest point of my life...right now, I am just thankful to have you by my side...

Actually last night, I was really happy...I'm surrounded by ppl who love me so much! Gage - who drove down after being a day of storeman, Sze - who came after losing a pack of blood, CK -who came with messy hair after his body pump, James - who came down despite his hectic work load and my crazy boyfriend - who went to and fro airport in the time span of a few hours...

okie...I cannot take it...need to go toilet brush teeth and wash up...perhaps I'll contiue later...

Genuinely happy...

Things were so random lately...

My kid whom I have been working with, did the funniest thing ever. He was climbing through the obstacle course while I was behind him stretching to hang something up high. Suddnely he came down and ran towards me and poked my tummy as if tickling me...not sure is it my flabby tummy that attracted this attention, or he is slowly warming up to me...haha...

Farewell dinner for Sherbs was Muthu's Curry at Little India...Was suppose to go home after but fren of mine from aussie msged and said he's back in town! Been exactly one year since I last saw him! Totally excited that we finally get to meet up! It was great to chat and even mingle with his sibs...

Didn't sleep much on Sat night and woke up early on Sun to send Sherbs off...

It was an entourage of kids in sending her off! After sending her off it's a round of chasing after kids, talking to bosses and colleagues, eating and taking care of the the kiddos...

It was so tiring running after the kids but I had a really really fun time talking to them and hearing their remarks to everything they see...so innocently cute!

When was the last time I laugh from my heart...hmm....

I am so blessed...

to have friend who will still drive me home despite him being tired...on the many many many occasions...

to have friend's mom who will buy cooling tea for me so that I can get my voice back...

to have friend who will think of me when he has a complimentary pass for his gym so that I can get the work out that I very much need...

to have boss who is willing to boil another type of cooling tea for me...

to have someone who is willing to spend the whole of Monday, dropping by just so to keep me company while I nurse myself back to recovery...plus the ice cream, cooling tea and cake...

it's nice to just sit in front of the tv, laugh at those sitcoms and eat the tub of ice cream...

FYI

In case you were worried that the pop-out that is asking for pin to view my posts...well it's not...you can still view my post even if you press 'cancel' button...

the pop-out is for my twitter msges that i've locked up under my account...so for ppl like fen, you can request and wait for my approval to follow the twits...then u'll know more of the latest updates...sensical, nonsensical updates included...and of cos...more vulgarities involved...haha...

miss you babe...wish you were here to crash my place and stay with me over the weekends...miss our prata time tooo...love love...

Away Day 5-7 July 2009

Some pictures on our 'Away Day'
















Second day, on tram. We were on our way to Palawan Beach. Peeps were on their way to get tortured by me. I, the game master, gotten ordered around and bullied, induced quite a number of injuries...haha...but overall it was fun...or at least I hope!















Trying to act funny while carrying those heavy water bombs...that's JR, Sheralyn and I!
















Our team of fun loving peeps!

















Another shot...minus the man behind...haha..

















My beloved old housemate-now-colleague, Alison...second night was the most hilarious, fun time spent. We had company's dinner then KTV at St James. It was marked with lots of trashy-fun-sing-along songs and lotsa alcohol! O plus not to mention, funny drunkard moments...which I wasn't involved...haha how rare right...

Anyway, it was really a fun and memorable night!




















Me and my unglam face...I was slightly tipsy high then I think...



















This was me singing...didnt even know ally took this pic...haha...

sick and alone...

Fever, cough, running nose...welcome to the sick zone baby!!!

I'm not only the green snog machine but also the master of the mime...

It's quite funny when yd hit me on my arm and I literally screamed to complain to his mom "Auntie!! Yidong beat me!!" BUT nothing came out...only my facial expressions...it's sooooooo funny can....I can play charades very well now...ha!

Very sweet of yd to drive me home after dinner, very sweet of auntie to buy me the liang cha...now I have two pseudo moms! hehe....thank you so much!

Disclaimer...

I'm overloaded with junk food. Feel fat and lack of exercise. Because of the junks I ate, the late nights I had for rushing reports, my throat is now protesting and my nose is starting to leak...

Cooked mushroom soup and eating salad now...I hope these are healthy enough...

being sick sux...

being sick and alone sux even MORE!!!

AGRH!!!

overload...with junks

Kill me plsssssss....argh!!!!!!!

cooking day!

Edible cooked food vs yucky cooked food - 1:1

My attempt for fried rice went well! Yippe! Fried rice trump macaroni soup. Slight boo boo though when I tripped on the stairs and broke the glass bottled of sweet soya sauce. I should count my lucky stars that I didn't cut myself. Time to buy new slippers...the front of the slippers probably is slightly too big and making me fall...not the first time...bruises on my arms can account for it...sigh...Anyway, I think I cooked too huge a portion...enough to feed 3 ppl equivalent to 3 meals for me...haha...die...

Anyway, company's Away Day was great fun. The stress in preparing the games and prizes were pretty much worth it...though I did give peeps more injuries =p sorry guys...

I think the highlight was the ktv...surprisingly I aint the drunk one...haha. To think that I was actually quick enough to shove the empty jug to my colleague when I saw that familiar wanna_puke_immediately kinda face, that was quite something. It was crazy tipsy fun! We drained the two bottles of hard liquor when I thought we might end up saving them for the next time. So fun to hang out like that...hehe...

Went for Da Vinci exhibition...it was interesting...though too much reading makes me feel whoozy and tired...signs of old age =( boohoo...

I miss hanging out with yd, ck and james...you bitches made my day...I hope our trip will go through! I so wanna chill by the pool!

Love you guys!

fen...I miss you terribly today...I so wanna go beach resort with you! Should have gone for the batam one!!! =p Hope you are feeling better and not down with flu...love ya!


In some kind of a shut down mode...just want to do things on my own and be alone for awhile...I think I may just pack and go on a trip alone...hmm....batam? bintan? sentosa? HK?

high high high....

i am so happily high on my own at home right now....i think i can so live by myself...

i think it's funny that i talk to myself...

i think i will be strong enough to depend on my own totally..

btw...ray is out of cave...drinking time!!!! yippe!!!

Junk food vs cooked food by moi: lost count vs 1

and it sux big time...how come same ingredients yet it didnt taste as good as when I cooked it in aussie...hmm...

I cooked and mopped within the time span of 2 hours. Eh...considered fast enough okie...I still need to prepare food and mop entire house...

Feeling more at ease now..certain things are just not meant to be...so even if I have to be the bad person to cut people off, I have to do it...why should I always be the one to please others at the expense of my comfort and happiness, knowing that the other party may not quite worth the effort afterall, and despite knowing what I've been going through...

I'm usually quite a soft hearted person, to get me to this stage...you're the man...

Mismatch

I'm sorry this has to happen, I just dun see the way you see this friendship...why cant we just be friends, as in normal buddy-pal kinda friends...

Appreciate you trying to be there for me during the hard times and I am grateful that I was important to you...

I can't condone your thinking and actions, especially at the expense of my emotions...

The only reaction I can conjure up is smile so that it can mask the disappointment I have out of this...

I'm the pig...

My eating system and sleep routine have totally been fucked. I eat only when I'm hungry which means I am having dinner as late as 9 plus 10 because I usually feel tired more than hungry after work...

I was so beat today that I fell asleep on the sofa while Oprah was on the tv...Oprah leh...and I could still fall asleep...subconsciously I even heard myself snoring...o no...

It's either I'll get super fat or super thin due to this irregular eating...

junk food vs cooked food - 2:2

I love the rides with those songs played from the precious mp3...old school rock...or whatever genre they are in...never fail to remind me of the aussie time...good memories...I rem sitting in the car, being driven home down the dark quiet streets...I rem tapping to the beats and singing to those few songs that I know of...there wasnt a moment that was awkward or pretencious and I feel so at ease with myself, with the people I was with.

I want that feeling back...that simplicity...that contentment...

Seeing stars...

Today is not a good day for me. Sadness got snowballed towards end of the day.

But I will be better. I will get better.

Things at my end are getting better. I sincerely hope that yours will too.

I think I can get used to the idea of being alone and living on my own. Although I do whine about how pathetic it is to have dinner on my own =p, to some extend I do enjoy this peacefulness...no expectations, no disappointment, no tears...

On a side note, I wanna join the winter fest madi gras too!!! boo hoo...so envious...I have always wanted to be part of the madi gras celebration!!! so proud of you my dear girl! hehe

How did I survive?

I read the email, I saw the timetable like many times but I still manage to get it mixed up! Ugrh...darn pissed with myself. First day of school and I already sorta screw up...peee weee...I'm the ultimate blur queen...

So I travelled from home to Clementi then Clementi back to clinic...all in the time span of 45 min...

I need to wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

And so...

Michael Jackson passed away...what a pity...his last concert would have been awesome...and now, he is free from the ridicule that others placed on him, free from the worry of his finances and free from the fear of not being perfect outside in...

This week...

Home alone 2 started on Wednesday...why 2? Cos I had Home alone 1 back in 2008 when I flew back from Melbourne for vacation before flying to HK to find my family.

So far I dun think I have spent more than 12 hours at home except today...morning I would be out for work, evening out for dinner with friends then home at night to bathe and sleep...

Headaches been my pretty close friend lately...perhaps not enough rest...stress and headache dun go well...I can forsee myself struggling alittle more in month of July...all the handover, adjustment to make before getting the breather in August...sigh...die die DIE...

I took the longest nap ever...it was supposed to be good until I had the dream...

I rather dream about fen...miss her...and her sms always cheer me up!

I quit...

You are always free during weekdays after work and you work in the city...

I work in Jurong...go city very troublesome...so next time you come Jurong to meet okie...

Pissed.to.the.max.

I did try to arrange to meet up in the past...when I was free, you weren't...when you are free, I ain't...so what you want me to do? I aint complaining about it...why should you?

Just becos I used to be nice...just becos I work in city...just becos my work involves dealing with kids...

Everything is deemed easy for me...

I have been feeling stressed...being awake way before alarm time is bad enough, sleeping/waking up with the feeling of stress regarding work is bad enough...dreaming about banker and having to push those thoughts away to focus on work is bad enough...facing my mistakes and not to feel guilty on the daily basis is bad enough...

what more do you want from me?!

I have always thought it was pretty hard to find a teardrop shape pendent BUT....hey...I have just found this lovely teardrop shape pendent from the Tiffany & Co website! Not crystal nor diamond but just a simple silver one which I can wear it with me all the time.

It is so pretty looking...

And then it hit me, how much bullshit it was when I was told it aint easy to locate one...hmm....

snippets of life...

Deforestation happened last Friday...finally I got down to make the appointment and do something about it...

I realised I can be distracted so easily. I think it would have hurt so much more, should I not used the handphone to bring myself away from the task. The count-down and anticipation would have brought on so much more pain! Not to mention the slight bleeding due to dryness of the skin. Anyway, deed was done and I am a happy customer.

Went to seletar airbase for the baffalo wings and other food. It was a nice place to hang out and great fun that yd's mom could join us. We got back to our guitar hero last night! Hilarious night with new people joining us in the chase of beats. Not to mention we have found a new female drummer who has much better rhythm than most of us!

Watching 'Frida' now. Have always wanted to catch it. I think quite a number of scenes were cut. So dampening to the mood. Her drawings were...interestingly weird. And so were her relationships.

Mizuno run was pretty much done...so what's next? POSB run? Army run? Stand Chart run?

Long way to happy

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottem of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy


I seriously dun mind being home alone for the next half a year. Eventually I will live on my own. Just afraid that I will some how spiral downwards again and plunge into that black hole once more, unable to get up.

Perhaps then I should get into the regime of running every night...at least I guess the dreams that happened ever so often will cease completely...

Out..

I met the two of you about the same time 3 years ago...

Little did I know, you have such common grounds with him...

Haven't we always been friends? There wasn't much contact in between cos of the things that happened and eventually you were with someone else while I was with him. Now, you are with another person while I'm on my own.

Like him, you appeared intermittently in my life. Like him, you tried to put me in the exact same position. Haven't you heard, Jayna is still under construction...healing in progress...

I'm human, I have feelings. I'm the youngest child and one thing for sure, I really hate to share.

Let me do the nasty job here. I'll draw the line. Just because I'm nice to you, doesn't mean you can use me as a tool.

You want company, go look for your girlfriend. You want company, go look for your wife.

Like him, I'm striking your name out. Both of you.

o no o no....

I am falling in love with the new samsung phone...

O SHIT!!!

sigh....

First day of using a replacement phone. Felt like an idiot but getting the hang of it now. What can I say, I think Samsung phone is still as user friendly as it used to be.

Funny thing was, some msges and phone no. popped out. I've long deleted them, non-existence in my Nokie phone. Looking at the dates, I think they came through while I was still using my Soul phone. I can't say I aint affected by them.

O well, just another round of deletion to make...

Fen's advanture + my rantings

Totally excited for you! Now you should be either watching those in-flight movies or simply dozing off from the lack of sleep...

Am so excited for you...envious at the same time that you're exploring New Zealand on your own...without me...boo hoo...

I guess as we grow older, it becomes harder for us to wanna choose going on this kind of work and travel trip. So I'm really glad that you get to do it! I shall wait patiently for six months for you to come back home and tell me all the interesting encounters that you'll have...

O wait...you can tell me when we are in Melbourne end of this year!! woo hoo! Totally looking forward to that!

On second note, I love not having to work on Mondays...dun be envious okie...missy here works full day on Saturday, so this is my deserved rest day!

Just when I'm falling in love with E71...it's having this overheating problem...bringing it for service tomorrow...yd darling...thank you so much for lending me your phone...will return you once i gotten back mine...will send it back to ur house too so that your mama can get to see me more often...haha...perhaps I should rekindle my craze for guitar hero...

Mizuno run pack sux...paid 35 bucks and all it has to offer is this fulgy green singlet for running (man sizes somemore cos they ran out of 's' for female!), some vouchers, a dull waist pouch and an old SHAPE magazine that was dated March 09...I wonder if the organization bit will be as fucked up as I read from the posts by others regarding last yr's event...hope not...better not deposite bag...

I think talking and letting it out helps...although there are still days in which I felt like shit...but at least the loss that used to be so intense is slightly more manageable...

Boiling...

Can go for follow up, fly to HK and fly back here for follow up...as if...

What the fuck is wrong with everyone...I told you the consultation date. Can't you book the flights after the consultation has been done?

After putting in effort to push off the fear for the checks...now I have to deal with some more shit! Just because you are having difficulty handling the situation, your call for help has caused such dilemma...

You just want to get the flight settled aside from your work...yes...you're just following what you were told to do...yes...

But not at the expense of health...

Sundown 2009

The overnight movie marathon was awesome! No doubt I have caught those movies before, it was still pretty fun to lie down in the open field and just relax while watching the show.

I was quite amazed that despite having a hectic schedule in the day, I was able to stay awake through the night! Yd snoozed alittle here and there (lousssssyyy =p) while I was busy munching, catching the movie and sms~ing yk mean msges to ask him to run faster...haha...

It was fun. Even with just the two of us. Even with little bit of ant bites here and there. Even with the short drizzling going on.

It amazed me how those people completed 84km ultra marathon and still could walk up the stage to receive their prizes...I mean...they ran non stop for 7-9 hours and still could walk after that...I think I would just be in total paralysis...cos I might just reach the finishing line in the Sadako method plus with massive mental breakdown due to the delusions that I have ran half of the distance but in actual fact I had just completed 4km and still have 80 km more to go!!!GASP!

I think I'll stick to half marathon for the time being. Dealing with the fact of having 17 km more to go is still more bearable...ha ha ha ha...

Btw, pretty proud of yk for completing his sundown full marathon...and watching him grimaced whenever he sat in the car, walked down flight of stairs and struggled to get out of his seat...was all...quite funny...hehe...

Photos up...when I'm not as lazy...

missing...

I know I haven't been around much for you, I know I haven't been meeting up with you much either...

But I will still miss you and I will definitely miss talking to you...especially dozing off while msning with you...

I'll wait for you to be back for the Cambodia trip...to conquer Asia one by one...

Thanx for listening...I think it's like the time when I failed my A level...you dun have to hear me out but you did...

That's all I need...really...

Mishap..

Wanted to be vain and put on my contact lenses, only to get my right eyeball be fucking fucking FUCKING painful! The burning sensation that I felt was so excruciating that I literally wanna dig my eyeball out for a good wash under the running water! This has never happened before! Fucking solution...argh!

He cheered me up...

The sun arises and make happy the skies,
jealous clouds bring rain and dampen spring but have no fret,
all is not lost yet,
for the clouds will clear,
and the sun will reappear,
the birds that hid away shall come out to play and sing louder than the receding rain...
~happy bday piggy~

Thanx oki buta...thanx =)

Argh!

It may be wrong but my fear of being written off someone's life is greater than fear of going to hell.

But then again, it's part and parcel of life. I should be able to get used to it. I have to get used to it.

I wish I can be vindictive enough to hate him...

Birthday celebration part 7

~Martime House date~

Nice dinner with my pals...steak, escargots, calamari, salad, soup...

Wine at wine boss...

then kena dragged to 'Play' to dance...

It was a wild night...nice wild night...with crazy peeps...hehe...

What a way to wrap up my celebrations!

Birthday celebration part 5 & 6

Part 5

Met yd in the noon to make new specs. Took awhile for me to choose and I finally decided upon these puma specs...trying to look sporty so that I'll be sporty enough to wanna exercise regularly....hahaha ~roll eyes~ who am I kidding right =p

What I love about this trip...to see yd bargain the price of my specs and his shades...see how he tehhhhhhhhh and allowed me to get that extra discount despite his own shades...hehe...thank you so much!

Following the specs making...went for rojak....coffee...chatted...met up with ck and james for dinner...they got me purple rose! teehee....

Thank you yd for the pressie...bringing me to specs shop...tehhhing for me....helping me buy t-shirt and necklace from thailand...and the purple nano!

Thank you ck and james for the rose and the purple nano!

Thank you sze, fen, choon yew, yingkai for the purple nano!

Thank you so much! I'll see you guys this sat!


Part 6

Suppose to meet Gladys and Alison for dinner...but Gladys aint feeling too up to it so I ended up having dinner with ally and her sisters...hehe...fun...

Babes...Thank you for watch and the CD! the 27 sweets and the nice nice paper bag! hehe...thank you!

Meet up soon pls!

Birthday celebration part 4

I promised myself not to cry starting from this month onwards but...

darn...almost teared when fen gave me the present over dinner just now...

Collection of photos of us, of ppl around me, ranging from pri schl to sec schl to jc to poly to melbourne, of my family, of my baby boys...of the love that I always have and those that has never faded a single bit...

Like what fen said, I think it's a brilliant idea to flip through it whenever I'm feeling down, to remind myself how fortunate I really and already am...

I know it's not cheap to print those photos out, to use that lau pok pen knife of yours to cut the pictures to the right size for the album, to sacrifice your sleeping time while you fight your engineer war the next day...

Thank you so much babe...

Birthday celebration part 3 - The hotel stay...

It was fun...the girls did make it all so fun by trying to blindfold me and leading me to the dinner place. Too bad, my excuse of 'dun wanna spoil my eye makeup' gave it away that we were heading to majestic bar for dinner!

It was cosy. Food, wine were good and the company was even better.

Back to the hotel room, the girls actually decorated the room with birthday banners and the little lightings! The room was alittle smaller than what we have imagined it to be. Nonetheless, it was so comforty that I was called forth to the bed almost immediately...hehe...

Hitting the purplish Barney pinata was fun and it did take quite awhile and abit more of my energy to 'break' his legs in order to release the goodies! Not to forget, the girlies were playing the famous Barney song at the background while I was waving the wooden wand like a light sabre. Darn funny moment.

Following that were drinks and yummy champange cake! Photos are with ray. I wonder when she will send them to me..hehe...

It was such a funloving, creative night and I truly feel blessed to have my squashies with me all these while.

~jessie babe...we missed you! Hope you're having fun in Africa =)

Birthday celebration part 2

Sunday
Dinner at East Coast Tong Lok with mom, dad, aunt, uncle, my cousins, their partners and baby Emma.

Chilly crabs were yummy and having baby Emma around made it all so fun. Pictures are not up yet, they were with my cousin.


Tuesday
Met up with Ally and Gladys for dinner. We bitched, we whined, we laughed quite abit. Mainly updating each other on what have been going on in our lives.

I still miss our days in Melbourne. Just the 3 of us, doing our fyp, shopping at Bridge Rd, buying, buying and buying. I still miss potluck and our drinking session with the guys...

Wednesday
Met up with Audrey for dinner. Pretty chic bought me OPI purple nail polish. Thank you so much!

Was alittle too tired by the time I had dinner so we went home straight away after eating.

Did I mention I kena hit by the red round swing on my lips? My forever so funny kid, stepped on it and it swung towards my direction. My LIPS! Wah lau...it bled can. Never liked the taste of blood and my smart angel asked me 'Why you don't like your blood' -_-

Anyway my only answer to her was, you gonna pay for my 'lup chiong lips' and we burst into laughters...sigh...kids....dunno to laugh or cry man...


Friday
Met up with min and apple for dinner. They lovingly treated me to Soup Spoon and Starbucks...hehe....I miss them man...Can't wait to see baby no. 2 in July!

Went to watch 'Woverine' with SQ and then went for a drink. Movie was great. Company was great too...have not stayed out late for a long long time.

Thank you for the lovely coasters that you've bought...hehe...you know which one I like out of the 6 of them...hoho...


Saturday
No need to work today! Gonna go for hotel stay today!!! Yippeee!!!!

Have I always been such a person to you?

I felt like a good-for-nothing after reading those words. Even till now.

Choices that I've made are always the easy way out? All these years I have been stalling time, waiting to take the easiest paths?

To a certain extend it's true, if not I won't be in this state. That was the easiest way out I took. Another one would have been jumping off the ledge that very night when I felt that I could no longer handle my emotions on my own.

I haven't quite redeemed myself despite having to face kids every single day of my wake time. I haven't quite taken the advice from the professional who suggested that I should perhaps consider changing my job.

I didn't go for it. I am not ready to say good-bye.

Birthday celebration part 1

Saturday:

Had dinner with my pri school frens in the evening after work. My dear min cooked me dinner with peifen being the assistant chief.

It was fun sitting by the kitchen watching the two of them walking to and fro, whipping up a meal for me...tee hee...I'm da queen! haha...

Dinner was simple but yummlicious one...and yes woman, it's so worth it and thank you so much for the effort! Appreciate the time and tasty food you've cooked...

Fen, thank you for travelling to amk for the lychee martini cake! hehe...


Sunday:

Had a mothers' day cum my birthday gathering with my aunt, cousins and my parents at East Coast Tong Lok restaurant...Seadfood! haha got to have my chilly crabs...yeah!

Cake and pressie! Photos will be up soon...waiting for my cousin to upload them...hehe...

dodo, thanx for the bag!

kiddo, thanx for the cute piggy pen cum note holder...very nice!

Can't wait for the weekend to come! Yippee!!

happiness...

I had a GREAT time last night. Thanx to peifen, she was willing to be my faithful driver and drove me around to the places I told her so as to entertain ourselves...

First stop was prata at thomson...after eating the cripsy korsong prata there...we have decided to ditch jalan kayu prata place and fix thomson prata house as our supper cum hang out place in future...seriously, their prata and teh tarik taste so much better....

Second stop was Geylang...I seriously have nothing in mind and since we have car, might as well go drive through those lanes and look at the brothels and prostitutes...hmm...I have to say...it was alittle disappointing as we saw more guys than girls on the streets...the only thing that surprised me was how the brothels actually look like...woo..very nice purplish neon lights...poor peifen had to concentrate on driving while I went 'wah...look at that...wah look at the girls!!' ...so she didn't really get the chance to have a good look...hehe...o and we found out that lorong 18 is the busiest and most happening lanes out of the rest...haha....

Third stop was Changi village...yes...we went to see the she-males...sadly...not many of them too...not very pretty either...sigh so disappointing....hehe

Last stop...we went to T3 to have a hot drink...was just sitting there, talking, dazing, people watching...surprisingly I did find T3 super cold...unlike the first time when I just came back, complaining about it being so warm and stuffy...see...what has Singapore turned me into!

Anyway, we ended our driving trip at around 2 am...thank you peifen for being such a nice driver...I do look forward to you becoming my designated personal driver when you come back from nz...hehe..300 bucks okie?

As for today, had a fantastic time with my cousins and baby emma. We had a picnic at Botanical Garden. It was filled with food and laughters...very family feel kinda day for me...and it was extremely great that emma girl could join us...she's the queen of the day...all the attention was on her...like da jie said...ah yi and ah ping provided the food, I provided the snacks and she provided the entertainment ie. emma....haha...

Favourite picture of the day...














looking at this pic just melts my heart and it felt so real to me...if only...

All I want for birthday is...

my love ones by my side...

I was in Melbourne last year and my birthday was spent far away from those I love and so close with those I am fond of...I had a great time last year - rushing assignments and heading for this japanese restaurant to celebrate my day...it was wonderful!

This year, I am back to my family and close friends...I am back to the numerous dates, in which I will meet up with different peeps for a meal (or two) to celebrate my bday! Yippee! And it's gonna start this Sunday! My aunt gonna celebrate mothers' day alongside with my birthday...haha...

Okie okie, I still can put down my wish list for fun right...

1. teardrop shape pendent (preferably diamond)
2. guinea pig (preferably with cage and water dispenser =p )
3. OPI nail polish
4. plenty of accessories
5. new specs
6. new jeans
7. decent go-out-shoes (flip-flops not allowed, if not someone will scream at me)
8. booze (NO hard liquor! Missy's liver cannot take it! Wine pls!)
9. Ipod nano (purple)
10. big hardy bag

till I can think of more, I'll add on...as for now...I'm heading out for supper...yeah!

New haircut!

Finally I get my bob hairstyle!

Not that I got influenced by 'Bob the Builder' mind you ( although the music still plays in my mind, thanx to ben ben and auggy ).

Anyway, I always change my hairstyle (esp to cheer myself up) and this time round, it's bob with lighter brown! Yippee!

Time for a change, since my birthday is coming! So peeps...booking of Jayna starts now. With a goldfish brain like mine, you need to book me and make sure I note it down in my organizer or my handphone.

Birthday wish list will be up soon. For the fun of it that is...I understand it's recession now...anyway I usually wont get what I want...like the teardrop shape diamond pendent I've been looking for ages...

Wow...

I thought my life was drama enough, until I read this.

He reminded me of banker...I didn't know there are other guys like him...

Similar traits...two-timing or multiple timing, likes to play mind games and most importantly...one who lies ALOT to get his way through...

Perhaps my situation was not as bad, considering there is no kiddo in the picture to deal with...

While you took the convenient way to save yourself and lied your way through...

I have to learn to kill my own demons created while I was with you...

Pls protect your precious and make sure they dun end up with someone like yourself in future...

Out of the league...

Friendship...been thinking about it...

but I do have enough to sustain me for life...it's the kind that is with life time-warranty...so why toy with the thought...

I'm a wimp and I'm fragile...so better not touch this idea..

out of my league...definitely...

4 of us...

I so miss this feeling...like since I gotten back from Melbourne...I haven't quite gotten this feeling until tonight...thanx jessie for luring me out by changing the venue...

I miss hanging out with just the 4 of us...chilling, talking...and drinking too...

Just when I'm being engulf by those sadness that suddenly crept up, just when I am starting to feel tinge of sadness on my way home...

I'm glad we met up...I'm glad we talked...I'm glad we spent time...

Honestly, I miss you girls so so much...

I went to jog behind my house this evening...something rare...something I haven't quite done for a long long time...

The alone time was good...or so I thought I need it as I know I have to do something to pluck myself out of the mode...

But...it didn't seem good enough to stop them from flooding my system...

Should I establish the basis...maybe I'm just being afraid of letting it run loose...

Still picking up pieces when I thought I'm finally feeling better to move forward one baby step...

too many...too small...I am not sure how long will I need for this clean up...too many pieces to pick up...

Since feb...

My phone has been on silent mode for the longest time ever...since the night in which my mobile rang non-stop, I didn't dare to put the ringtone back...even till now...

I didn't want to talk to her, I won't know what to say except kept quiet...I don't have the right to say anything...that's the point...

Till today I wonder why I didn't tell her exactly what had happened...

I should have made you go through what I have gone through and still am going through...

Even then, you will never know the full extend...cos what you have will always be there, whereas mine will never be...

Crashing once again...

I'm not okie...

I said I am but I seriously am not...

You will never know the tears I've had since Sept...the very first time I called you while breaking down horribly in the bus was the very first of the many many episodes...did you feel my pain?

You will never know the fear I had everytime when you told me they have been read...did you know I was literally scared?

You will never know the torment I went through while I handled the aftermath on my own...did you know I thought of the many beautiful things that I actually have the abilities to become?

You will never know the guilt I had in covering up for you...did you know I hate to lie?

You will never know how not okie I am at this very moment...did you know I was pretty much getting better before you called?

You took me as an easy ride...I've let you taken me as the easy ride...did you know I was foolish enough to take your words for real?

Did you know?

Seeing stars...

The last time I had dizzy spell was three years back.

I still panicked when I started to see stars. I did tell myself to breathe and stay calm though but the more I breathe, the more stars I saw...No one gave up seat and me being me, I didn't ask for a seat to be given up cos I was too panicky to even talk.

Nearly fell backwards, good thing was I stood leaning against the door so I had some support at least. I could only squat down to prevent myself from falling front or back.

Sigh...fainting and breaking into cold sweat is so not fun. Not able to move much becos of acute pain in the abdominal and then cramp....

So not fun at all...

Baby blues...

I think I just found a new activity to do on Mondays that I'm off...playing with baby Emma...

Went to 2nd aunt's house today cos mom said baby Emma would be there as her mama and daddy pilot gotta fly around for the next day...

Got there at around noon time and there she was standing inside her playpen. Called her name at the gate and she smiled...such a cutie pie...

Spent the rest of the noon playing with her, cooing her to sleep...playing with her again when she woke up...being splattered with her saliva all over my face while she stuck out her tongue to blow her saliva out...

I miss having babies at home...I used to do those stuffs with auggy and ben ben...I miss spending time with them...I'm looking forward to doing that again with littly kitty...but that's only gonna happen when they come back for good next June...

I miss my baby boys...

I told you so...

Track of my tears...

I am never quite a big fan of the American Idol, neither am I a fan of this Adam Lambert guy...

but version he sang...it's nice and soothing...and that tinge of sadness...woo...




Smoky Robinson

~What if a person had cried so much that til you get up close to them and look at their face, you could see the tears and the tracks on their face~

It's done...

everything in one...

not alot but enough...

yup...enough...

They cheered me up...

They reminded me of my younger days...and they are only 3yo and 1yo...

Random....

Been having goldfish eyes for the past one week and this week started with me going to work with swollen eyes...

I literally had to try opening my eyes wide cos the upper eyelids just felt so swollen and heavy...

I'm glad little cutie pie wanted to work with me on Monday morning...he's really a smart boy who brightened up my day so so much...it's getting more fun to play and work with him nowadays...'Little elephant', thank you so much!

It's tiring...to try and stay sane...I'm perfectly fine in the day...but when I knock off...I just want to hide in my room...and often I would be bawling my eyes out cos things just keep flashing back and flooding my system...

Dreamt that I went out with him last night...when can I heal? When can I not cry anymore?

Hurt beyond words...

Yes, I've cried tonnes...I think since last Sept...then again last Xmas, and again in Jan and then now...

Yes, I dun have the right to cry tonnes in the first place...

I am not proud of what I've done...

Yes, I should have known it coming and be able to leave unconditionally...but part of me couldn't bear to let go...

Yes, I shouldn't have followed my heart, thinking or rather hoping things will be different this time round...

It's back to July 2007...

The only difference is, I dun think I need closure this time round...

You've shown me enough to know what to hope for...only to be disappointed over and over again...

You said you're glad to have shared your life with me...I wanted to reply 'me too'...but some things were just not good enough...

It was never good enough...

I'm sorry it turned out this way...

I miss...

you...

who once had such lovely smile and sunshine character,

who once so daring and opened to experience in life,

who once dared to really love and not afraid to hate those who did not deserve your love,

who once dipped into depression but emerged stronger,

who once was never as self centred as now,

who once was able to give so much more to friends around than ever,

where have you been all these while? when did I lose the sight of you and lost you completely?

how could I have allowed myself to lose you in the first place.

I think I lost you since last Sept...

I want you back...can you pls come back?

Mom asked...

'Why are your eyes swollen?'

'O, cos they've been quite itchy...'

I thought the shower would have do me good....I should have hid in my room longer...

why?

Tummy not feeling too good...

Had diarrhea last night...Now it's feeling weird again...on the right side somemore...wah lau...

Sigh, dun know what's wrong with me, I thought the break will do me good but I kept stepping the wrong foot out...it's either I overlooked or I was too blur and got things mixed up...got things worse...

Thought I'm less blur nowadays but I guess not...running around so many places makes me even more blur...is this signs of aging?

Sigh...

record....

stepped out of office at 930pm...reached home 1045pm...

had dinner at 11.05pm...

molded into the couch 1130pm...

finished another report 1230am...

probably gonna sleep without bathing...

two words...

wah kaoz...I feel damn tired and fat...

Chasing pavements

Heard of this song while watching the Grammy award and typing reports. I like her voice...think she's british as well...too bad Duffy lost to her...

Funny how I'm always drawn to songs like 'chasing cars'...and then this 'chasing pavements'...

The mtv is rather interesting...though I dun quite understand but thought it's something new, making use of the shadows to piece a story...cant load the mtv here...go search in youtube and take a look alright...



I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops,
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Help...

I can't sleep...tired but can't sleep. Every corner I turn to I see couples, I see babies...

I see everything that I cannot handle and incapable of handling...

Everything...

I think I need...

a long...good...break...

but before I can do that...need to clear all my reports...sigh...no more new cases pls...suddenly I seemed to have more than I can handle...o no...

I AM SO TIRED....

need to stock up on Brown Brothers...I need them....argh....damn sian...