happiness...

I had a GREAT time last night. Thanx to peifen, she was willing to be my faithful driver and drove me around to the places I told her so as to entertain ourselves...

First stop was prata at thomson...after eating the cripsy korsong prata there...we have decided to ditch jalan kayu prata place and fix thomson prata house as our supper cum hang out place in future...seriously, their prata and teh tarik taste so much better....

Second stop was Geylang...I seriously have nothing in mind and since we have car, might as well go drive through those lanes and look at the brothels and prostitutes...hmm...I have to say...it was alittle disappointing as we saw more guys than girls on the streets...the only thing that surprised me was how the brothels actually look like...woo..very nice purplish neon lights...poor peifen had to concentrate on driving while I went 'wah...look at that...wah look at the girls!!' ...so she didn't really get the chance to have a good look...hehe...o and we found out that lorong 18 is the busiest and most happening lanes out of the rest...haha....

Third stop was Changi village...yes...we went to see the she-males...sadly...not many of them too...not very pretty either...sigh so disappointing....hehe

Last stop...we went to T3 to have a hot drink...was just sitting there, talking, dazing, people watching...surprisingly I did find T3 super cold...unlike the first time when I just came back, complaining about it being so warm and stuffy...see...what has Singapore turned me into!

Anyway, we ended our driving trip at around 2 am...thank you peifen for being such a nice driver...I do look forward to you becoming my designated personal driver when you come back from nz...hehe..300 bucks okie?

As for today, had a fantastic time with my cousins and baby emma. We had a picnic at Botanical Garden. It was filled with food and laughters...very family feel kinda day for me...and it was extremely great that emma girl could join us...she's the queen of the day...all the attention was on her...like da jie said...ah yi and ah ping provided the food, I provided the snacks and she provided the entertainment ie. emma....haha...

Favourite picture of the day...














looking at this pic just melts my heart and it felt so real to me...if only...

All I want for birthday is...

my love ones by my side...

I was in Melbourne last year and my birthday was spent far away from those I love and so close with those I am fond of...I had a great time last year - rushing assignments and heading for this japanese restaurant to celebrate my day...it was wonderful!

This year, I am back to my family and close friends...I am back to the numerous dates, in which I will meet up with different peeps for a meal (or two) to celebrate my bday! Yippee! And it's gonna start this Sunday! My aunt gonna celebrate mothers' day alongside with my birthday...haha...

Okie okie, I still can put down my wish list for fun right...

1. teardrop shape pendent (preferably diamond)
2. guinea pig (preferably with cage and water dispenser =p )
3. OPI nail polish
4. plenty of accessories
5. new specs
6. new jeans
7. decent go-out-shoes (flip-flops not allowed, if not someone will scream at me)
8. booze (NO hard liquor! Missy's liver cannot take it! Wine pls!)
9. Ipod nano (purple)
10. big hardy bag

till I can think of more, I'll add on...as for now...I'm heading out for supper...yeah!

New haircut!

Finally I get my bob hairstyle!

Not that I got influenced by 'Bob the Builder' mind you ( although the music still plays in my mind, thanx to ben ben and auggy ).

Anyway, I always change my hairstyle (esp to cheer myself up) and this time round, it's bob with lighter brown! Yippee!

Time for a change, since my birthday is coming! So peeps...booking of Jayna starts now. With a goldfish brain like mine, you need to book me and make sure I note it down in my organizer or my handphone.

Birthday wish list will be up soon. For the fun of it that is...I understand it's recession now...anyway I usually wont get what I want...like the teardrop shape diamond pendent I've been looking for ages...

Wow...

I thought my life was drama enough, until I read this.

He reminded me of banker...I didn't know there are other guys like him...

Similar traits...two-timing or multiple timing, likes to play mind games and most importantly...one who lies ALOT to get his way through...

Perhaps my situation was not as bad, considering there is no kiddo in the picture to deal with...

While you took the convenient way to save yourself and lied your way through...

I have to learn to kill my own demons created while I was with you...

Pls protect your precious and make sure they dun end up with someone like yourself in future...

Out of the league...

Friendship...been thinking about it...

but I do have enough to sustain me for life...it's the kind that is with life time-warranty...so why toy with the thought...

I'm a wimp and I'm fragile...so better not touch this idea..

out of my league...definitely...

4 of us...

I so miss this feeling...like since I gotten back from Melbourne...I haven't quite gotten this feeling until tonight...thanx jessie for luring me out by changing the venue...

I miss hanging out with just the 4 of us...chilling, talking...and drinking too...

Just when I'm being engulf by those sadness that suddenly crept up, just when I am starting to feel tinge of sadness on my way home...

I'm glad we met up...I'm glad we talked...I'm glad we spent time...

Honestly, I miss you girls so so much...

I went to jog behind my house this evening...something rare...something I haven't quite done for a long long time...

The alone time was good...or so I thought I need it as I know I have to do something to pluck myself out of the mode...

But...it didn't seem good enough to stop them from flooding my system...

Should I establish the basis...maybe I'm just being afraid of letting it run loose...

Still picking up pieces when I thought I'm finally feeling better to move forward one baby step...

too many...too small...I am not sure how long will I need for this clean up...too many pieces to pick up...

Since feb...

My phone has been on silent mode for the longest time ever...since the night in which my mobile rang non-stop, I didn't dare to put the ringtone back...even till now...

I didn't want to talk to her, I won't know what to say except kept quiet...I don't have the right to say anything...that's the point...

Till today I wonder why I didn't tell her exactly what had happened...

I should have made you go through what I have gone through and still am going through...

Even then, you will never know the full extend...cos what you have will always be there, whereas mine will never be...

Crashing once again...

I'm not okie...

I said I am but I seriously am not...

You will never know the tears I've had since Sept...the very first time I called you while breaking down horribly in the bus was the very first of the many many episodes...did you feel my pain?

You will never know the fear I had everytime when you told me they have been read...did you know I was literally scared?

You will never know the torment I went through while I handled the aftermath on my own...did you know I thought of the many beautiful things that I actually have the abilities to become?

You will never know the guilt I had in covering up for you...did you know I hate to lie?

You will never know how not okie I am at this very moment...did you know I was pretty much getting better before you called?

You took me as an easy ride...I've let you taken me as the easy ride...did you know I was foolish enough to take your words for real?

Did you know?

Seeing stars...

The last time I had dizzy spell was three years back.

I still panicked when I started to see stars. I did tell myself to breathe and stay calm though but the more I breathe, the more stars I saw...No one gave up seat and me being me, I didn't ask for a seat to be given up cos I was too panicky to even talk.

Nearly fell backwards, good thing was I stood leaning against the door so I had some support at least. I could only squat down to prevent myself from falling front or back.

Sigh...fainting and breaking into cold sweat is so not fun. Not able to move much becos of acute pain in the abdominal and then cramp....

So not fun at all...

Baby blues...

I think I just found a new activity to do on Mondays that I'm off...playing with baby Emma...

Went to 2nd aunt's house today cos mom said baby Emma would be there as her mama and daddy pilot gotta fly around for the next day...

Got there at around noon time and there she was standing inside her playpen. Called her name at the gate and she smiled...such a cutie pie...

Spent the rest of the noon playing with her, cooing her to sleep...playing with her again when she woke up...being splattered with her saliva all over my face while she stuck out her tongue to blow her saliva out...

I miss having babies at home...I used to do those stuffs with auggy and ben ben...I miss spending time with them...I'm looking forward to doing that again with littly kitty...but that's only gonna happen when they come back for good next June...

I miss my baby boys...

I told you so...

Track of my tears...

I am never quite a big fan of the American Idol, neither am I a fan of this Adam Lambert guy...

but version he sang...it's nice and soothing...and that tinge of sadness...woo...




Smoky Robinson

~What if a person had cried so much that til you get up close to them and look at their face, you could see the tears and the tracks on their face~

It's done...

everything in one...

not alot but enough...

yup...enough...

They cheered me up...

They reminded me of my younger days...and they are only 3yo and 1yo...

Random....

Been having goldfish eyes for the past one week and this week started with me going to work with swollen eyes...

I literally had to try opening my eyes wide cos the upper eyelids just felt so swollen and heavy...

I'm glad little cutie pie wanted to work with me on Monday morning...he's really a smart boy who brightened up my day so so much...it's getting more fun to play and work with him nowadays...'Little elephant', thank you so much!

It's tiring...to try and stay sane...I'm perfectly fine in the day...but when I knock off...I just want to hide in my room...and often I would be bawling my eyes out cos things just keep flashing back and flooding my system...

Dreamt that I went out with him last night...when can I heal? When can I not cry anymore?

Hurt beyond words...

Yes, I've cried tonnes...I think since last Sept...then again last Xmas, and again in Jan and then now...

Yes, I dun have the right to cry tonnes in the first place...

I am not proud of what I've done...

Yes, I should have known it coming and be able to leave unconditionally...but part of me couldn't bear to let go...

Yes, I shouldn't have followed my heart, thinking or rather hoping things will be different this time round...

It's back to July 2007...

The only difference is, I dun think I need closure this time round...

You've shown me enough to know what to hope for...only to be disappointed over and over again...

You said you're glad to have shared your life with me...I wanted to reply 'me too'...but some things were just not good enough...

It was never good enough...

I'm sorry it turned out this way...

I miss...

you...

who once had such lovely smile and sunshine character,

who once so daring and opened to experience in life,

who once dared to really love and not afraid to hate those who did not deserve your love,

who once dipped into depression but emerged stronger,

who once was never as self centred as now,

who once was able to give so much more to friends around than ever,

where have you been all these while? when did I lose the sight of you and lost you completely?

how could I have allowed myself to lose you in the first place.

I think I lost you since last Sept...

I want you back...can you pls come back?

Mom asked...

'Why are your eyes swollen?'

'O, cos they've been quite itchy...'

I thought the shower would have do me good....I should have hid in my room longer...

why?

Tummy not feeling too good...

Had diarrhea last night...Now it's feeling weird again...on the right side somemore...wah lau...

Sigh, dun know what's wrong with me, I thought the break will do me good but I kept stepping the wrong foot out...it's either I overlooked or I was too blur and got things mixed up...got things worse...

Thought I'm less blur nowadays but I guess not...running around so many places makes me even more blur...is this signs of aging?

Sigh...

record....

stepped out of office at 930pm...reached home 1045pm...

had dinner at 11.05pm...

molded into the couch 1130pm...

finished another report 1230am...

probably gonna sleep without bathing...

two words...

wah kaoz...I feel damn tired and fat...

Chasing pavements

Heard of this song while watching the Grammy award and typing reports. I like her voice...think she's british as well...too bad Duffy lost to her...

Funny how I'm always drawn to songs like 'chasing cars'...and then this 'chasing pavements'...

The mtv is rather interesting...though I dun quite understand but thought it's something new, making use of the shadows to piece a story...cant load the mtv here...go search in youtube and take a look alright...



I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops,
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Help...

I can't sleep...tired but can't sleep. Every corner I turn to I see couples, I see babies...

I see everything that I cannot handle and incapable of handling...

Everything...

I think I need...

a long...good...break...

but before I can do that...need to clear all my reports...sigh...no more new cases pls...suddenly I seemed to have more than I can handle...o no...

I AM SO TIRED....

need to stock up on Brown Brothers...I need them....argh....damn sian...

My bundle of joy...

is going back to Hongkong tomorrow...so sad...no more 'naughty gu gu' , no more 'bu yao, bu yao...'

Time flies...auggy is so big and round now...ben ben is so articulate now...they grow up so fast...I havent even had the chance to catch up with them yet...















pics below are taken after much coaxing and hair pulling...mainly mine...little mr opposite will keep saying he doesn't wanna take pics with me despite my plea....















He still didnt wanna take a proper pic with me...so i bodyslammed him...hahaha...














This was the best attempt I had with auggy...




























more of ben ben's photo in my nikon camera. This pic aint qutie just in proving his cuteness...cos both of us just woke up...hahaha...

Such a fucktard...

Third day of new year...man...just my luck...

I hate my natural reflex...I smile at elderly, I smile at babies, I smile at doggies even...

Should I walk past and not smiled, I think he would have not recognised me at all...

Freaky weird dun-know-what-to-do-but-to-smile moment...such a fucktard...

So many years of not crossing paths...we actually bummed into one another near my work place...

I need to learn the British royal smile...

One that shows you-dun-deserve-my-smile kinda smile...

High high high...

New Year Eve

Had sore throat and ran a fever from morning till night. It was horrible...I slept through the whole day, feeling pathetic and missing out on the yearly Chinatown midnight shopping...sigh that's the usual highlight of my lunar new year man...

Dun think I ate more than 3 meals since last night...

No doc for me to see...this close to wanna go A & E...

Luckily I still have lovely frens who showered me with love, msges and calls...

ARGH!!!!

I HATE IT!

HATE IT!

HATE IT!

HATE IT!

I hate this self loathing feeling. I'm this close to hitting the roof and kill myself while smacking my brain out on the ceiling.

This close!

Facing Window...

Five years since I last caught this. I still love it. Almost forgotten the story line...

This time round, tinge of sadness was evoked rather than the previous just/unjust feeling...

In the end, it doesn't matter the choice you make. Just make sure you can live with it for the rest of your life...

random thoughts...

He was so good today, didn't yank my hair, didn't hit me in the chest either.

Instead, he gave me a little peck on my cheek =)

That's enough to warm my heart. I wish he can stay that way all the time, I wish I can get through to him and into his world...

Goldfish eyes...again...

Behind my house

Alone in the middle of the night

Fireworks, I exploded like one...

Colourful night...

working late...

Worked in the office till late today. I had kids till 6.30...I typed reports till 8.45...

Am the last to lock up the office, the last to go home...

I kind of enjoy typing the stuffs alone in the office...freaky it might be (this time round there is no techno toy fish singing in the cupboard) but it's starting to feel like a second home to me...

Starting to learn not to let the loneliness and emptiness affect me...drowning myself in reports seems to work just fine for me...

No more crying...climbing out of the pit hole requires so much strength...no point wasting more energy on generating tears...I'm good on my own...at least for now I am...

Passing the parcel...

Our beloved Sze is finally 27 yo! As requested by the birthday boy, we went to bukeroo for western food. As usual, we were late and by the time we've reached, I was so exhausted that I felt like sleeping.

It was a good dinner =) Just 8 of us with a hearty meal. O well, we had a fair share of food and I had my beef-craving satisfied (although I did feel like puking beef cos was filled to the brim but it was good stuff!). It warmed my heart that we can just sit around, talk, joke, cut up the food and pass it to one another...the sharing part was fun and funny. The singing of birthday song and cake cutting was fun too. I realise being 27 means your cake will be covered with candles...damn...that make me feel so darn old...can I request to have only one candle on my cake for my birthday?

Went to sembawang beach after dinner, stood there for awhile and it felt good...Haven't stood by the beach with the breeze blowing at my face for a long long time...after that, it's guitar hero time at gage's house...

O forgot to mention, aside from food that we passed around...flu bug was another thing that was passed around during dinner...I ended up with my nose running like tap and being slightly feverish...

The night ended with 5 of us grooving in the car with Kylie's songs and 3 ppl sneezing all the way....fun eh...ho ho ho

time for new year resolution??

So fast....it's been a year since I last had the costume party, stink up Peifen's car with char kwey tiao, or rather all the oily food bought from chomp chomp and of cos, made my pals finish up the 2 weird bottles of wine that had residue in them (without telling them it's been kept for like ages...plus the fact that I only brought it out when most of us were half sober...)

This year, we spent our new year eve at ck's house with awesome shabu shabu and nicer wines to go with...although we still have to drink with residual of the cork in wine due to malfunction or the wine opener...haha...but at least it beats having to drink weird wines...

Time flies...last year this time I was alone in Singapore, on vacation and waiting to fly to HongKong to meet up with my family. Last year this time I think I was happier and more carefree...

This year, I gotta make sure I can...
~get rid of that flabby tummy of mine and perk up the body system so that I dun fall sick so often..
~earn more and save more money so that I can pay all my bills and my loan on time...
~pass basic theory, advance theory and eventually driving test (Think it will be a long process)
~be happier and more open with my emotions...
~be more hardworking and less procrastination...
~swear lesser...hahaha...

I will get better...definitely...and to all who love me...thank you so much for being there for me all these while...muack...love ya!

Resentment...

I wish I could believe you then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me really don't apply
To the way I feel inside
Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me
I thought I could forgive you and I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forget this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can and I
I tried and I tried to forget this
I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you like your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

[Bridge:]
Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
It was sacrificed
And it's all because you lied

[Chorus:]
I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I tried and I tried to forget this
But I'm too damn full of resentment

I know she was attractive but I was here first
Been ridin' with you for six years why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you, you
I know your probably thinking what's up with Bee
I been crying for too long what did you do to me
I used to be so strong but now you took my soul
I'm crying cant stop crying cant stop crying
You could of told me that you wasn't happy
I know you didn't wanna hurt me
But look what you done-done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she's had half of me
How could you lie

If I were a boy...

I miss my baby boys...

Just received the Xmas card made by Auggy...so pretty...I can just picture him sitting there and patiently pasting the sequins on the snowman...I miss Auggy and ben ben so much...

Was walking around children section trying to look for a gift for Emma...baby clothing are all so cute...esp the type that I like...it's amazing how those little stuffs can make me feel happy at times...yet give me that tinge of sadness too...I wonder when it'll be my turn to buy those stuffs for my own baby...hmm....

18 grams of love...

爱情到底有多重？

一张信纸八克，

一张信封十克，

加起来，

一封情书，

十八克...

Goldfish eyes...

I want to stop this nightmare now...

Pissed...

I freaking blew my top at strangers...adults strangers....

Went to Amk to run some errands, freaking north-south line was packed...I've been moving in and out of the doorway cos I was near it and I wanted ppl to be able to go in as well as come out.

Before I reached Amk, I had the space to move in so I moved in. When I reached Amk, I was stuck. I was fucking stuck.

NO one moved or gave space for anyone of us who needed to alight... NO ONE! So what did I do? I said ' Excuse me! Excuse me!' nicely....No one moved....the freaking china man right at the doorway DID NOT move...until I pushed and screamed " MOVE PPL!"

Fucking pissed! Adults...they are freaking functional adults! Normal adults! Cant you just move your assess a little so that others can move too...come on, where's the considerations?!!!

Singapore is overcrowded...filled with selfish ppl around!!! agrh!!!!!

Half marathon

I can't feel my legs anymore...as much as I love muscle aches, this time round the experience is wayyyyyyyyyy out of my league...ask fen and gage...they'll know how much I whined and gave that grimace- of- pain look with every slightest movement I try to execute.

Yeah...conquered half marathon without training...haha...ran 8 km, walked 13km...halfway thru the running I was so darn hungry...very tempted to run into Kallang Mac when we ran past it...and then came free bananas...which drove the walking me into running pace just so I could get one...never in my life have I been so happy to see bananas...yes...very funny...

Started the race with Angie, then ran off alone eventually...so the rest of the journey I was pretty much alone...okie...Kylie did keep me company quite a bit...

I thought to myself if I manage to conquer this run, I should be able to conquer anything else in life...still I find myself being the same old me...nothing changed or am I being naive to think one run can give me the strength that I'm looking for...

Anyway some pics from bkk trip...

So happy!

Am I lucky or what...

To catch Kylie's concert, danced throughout the night and see her so up close!! She's really a gorgeous chick I tell you...

To shop, tour and bargain with the best guide ever...

To be able to come back Singapore before the airport is shut down due to demonstrations...

Dearest gage...thank you for bringing us around and helping us bargain with the locals...we girls cannot get best price for bras without your help! haha...

thank you fen for looking after me...during the you-know-what!

thank you taufiq for letting us stay over and make a mess out of his place!

thank you Bing shen for looking after my bag and bringing it back the next day!

I heart Thailand...and Kylie....

I've never thought I could travel to Bangkok, catch an awesome concert and then be back to work the next day...

gagey thanx for making this happened!

Now I'm starting to think, perhaps I can do alot more with my life...my way, my say....

happy....and....sad??

I'm going Bangkok tonight...I'm going with a heavy heart...

I have 3 assessment reports and 7 summary reports to type, all by mid Dec...and another 10 something reports to type for update...to be done by Jan

I think I can officially camp in the office to type reports when I come back from Bangkok...So dead man...so dead...

Looking forward to watch Kylie...I hope she can cheer me up a little....

I'm a little lost...

Don't know where to start, don't know how to start...

I haven't been thinking about things around me as much as I used to...

I'm going with the flow, living day by day without much of a goal except to earn more money, to save up so that I can get by in case anything happen...

I'm at the neither happy nor sad zone...is this good or bad?

I think at times I just want to be like that wooden chair, to feel useful at some point of time, useful to someone or something at least...

I'm still a little loss...

Where exactly should I head to?

upset...

It's been a week...that I've been so tired after work and really really sleepy...but when I do have the chance to sleep, I can't sleep at all.

So many things happened this week, in fact it should be since I'm back...I feel like screaming...I feel like crying my heart out...but what's the point...

After all that have happened, I'm still deemed as a whiner, a bitch, someone who drove another up the wall and to the point of breaking down...

You need someone to blame all the fault upon, there's jayna...

You need someone to act as the punching bag, there's jayna...

You need someone to run errands and do shit work for you, there's jayna...

At the end of the day, I'm still dispensable...just words of 'I can't take it anymore' and I'm chucked aside like a toy which is no longer attractive or interesting to the child...

You are right...I'm that puzzle piece...only difference is...I dun fit in at all..

random thoughts...

I finally went to book a date for basic theory test. Seriously wanna get the license so that at least I can drive around abit. It'll be even better if I can own a car...or maybe not...

I tried to run all my errands today but only managed to get the basic theory date fixed cos the queue in the bloody driving centre was so long...planned to get my watch strap fixed but haven't gotten the time to do it. Always wanted to get it replace when I knock off but usually when I do, the shop is closed as well. It's been like what, 4 months since I bought it and actually wore a watch for real after so long. Maybe I never meant to wear a watch...haha...that's why I'm perpentually late...

At the moment I'm charging my camera. Battery was flat since the day of my graduation. I haven't uploaded graduation photos yet and I have yet to upload mt buller photos too...I am a true blue procrastinator...cannot stand it...can someone wake me up pls...

I was so tired yesterday that I slept in and bummed at home the entire day...caught the marathon series of heroes 2 and ordered macdelivery for dinner simply becos I didnt wanna miss any episode and that no one was home the whole day...I can foresee myself replaying such scene in the next 10 years...how pathetic can one be...

O anyway, I finally opened the box that I sent back from Melbourne. I guess by opening it, it kinda mean I've finally accepted the fact that I'm back...for good...In the midst of opening the badly taped up box, I accidentally cut my thumb with the rusty penknife...Then in the evening I attempted piecing and fixing the metal clothes hanger I bought from Ikea the other day...in the midst of screwing the nails in...I accidentally jabbed the screwdriver into my thigh...could the screwdriver be any sharper, I think my neighbours can see me hopping down the flat trying to flag for a cab with the screwdriver still embedded in my thigh...

Sigh...for fuck sake...if I cannot even get these simple tasks done, how am I gonna live on my own in future...who knows if I try fixing the bulb, I may get myself electorcuted or try to fix the pipe and ended up flooding my unit? Then the worst thing is...who is gonna discover that I'm injured or dead when there's no one else around me...

maybe my pet guinea pig will discover my body and eventually eat me up cos no one is feeding him and he is too hungry...

the boys...

Auggy has grown so much! His new hairstyle looks funny...and he doesnt look like a 3yo at all...















Little one just discovered the 'enjoyment' of nose digging....see how he explore his left and right nostrils...















See...ben ben's shiok face in digging his nose...hahaha

you are my sunshine...

Love those cheeky smiles! This is ben ben...not auggy...but they look so alike in these photos! Miss them so much!

Auggy and Ben ben...

Watching the videos that my brother has uploaded made me miss my boys even more...

Sometimes I wish I can be there to watch them grow up...

Miss having them around...

Why I love router and wireless connection...

Here I am...doing something I have been doing and kinda like doing...

It's a bad habit I never quite kick since I was in Melbourne...using my lappy while I'm in the toilet doing my no. 2...muah hahahahaha...

Back in Melbourne I'll always type my reports or chat with fen while I'm sitting on the toilet bowl...I didn't wanna interrupt my ideas or conversations nor do I wanna compromise my bowel system...so kill two birds with one stone lor! hahaha...I know...fen always gotten grossed out when I told her I'm shitting and chatting with her at the same time...

Of cos I still adhere to hygiene...so my lappy is not dirty or gross okie!

O well...yesterday was great...gage had free tix to watch Ah Mei concert...I aint a big fan but went ahead with the concert cos I haven't quite been to one except mariah carey's which was a thousand years ago...

I didn't know Ah Mei is still so popular and that almost all the seats were filled up...atmoshpere was good throughout and everyone was pretty high...but seriously, her costume sux lar...if not for her voice and showmanship, I really dun think it was that great...

O well, at least I still know 40% of her songs in the concert...haha...was great fun singing along...like in a huge ktv..haha..

Gonna go for squash later...yeah...miss it so much...am slowly getting back on life again...

I wanna get my driving done soon...but judging from how I reacted last night...I think I will swear alot!

Mama Mia

Gage and Taufiq asked me out of all the songs, which one do I fancy the most...initially I didnt know the answer cos I aint that familiar with ABBA's songs...

After watching the show...I think I prefer this one the most....Gimme Gimme Gimme....hee hee hee

I have never...

had such a great Saturday night despite working full day, having to rush from office to back home and then back to the same building to meet up with the boys for dinner at the restaurant beside my office...

The food at Okinawa restaurant was great! Portions were just right and enough to be shared among the 4 of us...

Went to crash someone's birthday party at a hotel...It was the fastest hi-bye birthday party I've ever been to...We all agreed that we've never wanted to make an exit as badly as this one...haha...

Decided to settle down in the cosy hotel room of mister t and we just sat there and chit chat through the night...nothing fanciful but I really did enjoy myself so much...really...it's the company that counts...

As for today, I woke up with the weirdest dream ever...very comical one so it aint that bad...

Met up with Audrey for lunch cum tea and to accompany her in getting her camera...caught up with yd and mister t again...ended up shopping and grabbing some cute boxers on top of my new shoes...then head down for drinks and snack...

Lately I've been missing Melbourne so much...I miss the places we used to hang out, I miss the cold cold weather...I miss my friends over there too...Come to think of it, I've only been home for close to 3 months...so many things had happened and it felt like the longest time ever...

Exactly, when can I go back there again?

Gotten it from yd's blog...

love her voice...been listening to her songs lately...esp this piece and 'stepping stone'...have always thought her voice to be simple and clear and so is her mtv...nothing fanciful but it depicts the song so well...

there's always a song that I can relate to at different phases...at the moment, I can so relate to these two...

Running out of steam...

Graduation on Friday...On course on Sat and Sun...

I am so freaking tired that I knocked out completely by 830pm while surfing the net lying on the floor just now...Planned to take a snooze and then go jogging at 9pm but woke up only at 1030pm...

Do I look like I have the word "entertainer" on my forehead? quit telling me you're bored...quit msging me on phone or msn to ask me out just becos you need someone to pass your time...When I say I'm not free, I mean it...quit making your problem mine...I am not your fucking nanny...

Tired woman = angry woman...I'm pissed, tired and depressed...things haven't been going well...I just need to deal with it my way and try to get over it...

Random updates...

Emma is here =)

She's so cute...reminds me of augustine and benedict when they were first born. She has much more hair than the boys though...hehe...

Cousins I'm close with are married and now one has just given birth...yippee...I'm a aunt once again...

Finally got down to signing up Standard Charter marathon. Time to start jogging regularly...Time to refine my mindset...

I think I have dragged it too long...far too long...

tired...

Something is not right...

I keep feeling tired lately...Sunday was spent concussing on and off...it's as though I'm on flu meds and I'm drowsy all the time...

Wed night I concussed at freaking 830pm! Who on earth sleeps at 830 unless you're sick! I'm alright when I'm at work but once I'm off work, my body goes into auto shut down mode....

maybe it's a sign to start exercising...I need my jogging mojo back!!!

What's wrong with me!

little ones flew back to hk...

I miss seeing my helper pulling ben ben around while he sat in the laundry basket...

I miss auggy calling me 'naughty gu gu'...

I miss ben ben's wailing loud cries in the middle of the night...

I miss auggy saying 'bye bye' to me every morning when i went to work...

Home is back to its quietness...with the little ones back in HK...

Sigh...

My beloved boys...

Taken with Auggy at the birthday party last sat...





























Guess what were thy doing? Watching cartoons...





























Ben ben's attempt to smile...he gave me a cheeky smile right after this pic was captured =p

Absolutely love my boys to bits...Ben ben dun quite allow me to carry though...I guess he aint familiar with me that's why...Auggy has been very sweet...He's at the stage where you tell him anything he will say ' Okie okie' in a very funny yet compliant way...still my cutie pie...

How I wish they are back for good =(

Falling sick...

Too many things happened for the past one week, too little time and too drained to deal with all...

Yes...excuses excuses excuses...

Seriously, I tired to handle the things as best as I can...Did a terrible job though...

Back to square one again...

Am falling sick...

Is that a sign that I should slow down?

Failure...

I think I failed terribly as a daughter...

Have I not emphasized enough on the importance of health and the follow-up of treatment?

Have my profession been a ridicule to them, such that whatever I said ain't important at all?

I'm pissed that they treat their health so lightly...esp when they ain't any younger...

Even more pissed that I haven't reinforced enough to them...esp during the time when I wasn't around physically...

But how to go about letting them know the importance when they don't treat my words seriously...

Someone get me out pls...

It's not a good sign when you can feel the heat the moment the plane touched down...let alone still feeling warm when you're at T3 with blasting air condition.

It's not a good sign when you rammed the cafe door on your already injured big toe first day in the morning before you headed off for work.

It's not a good sign when you kept snapping at your own mom who happened to ask the same qn over and over again for >5 times and you gave her the exact same answer all these while.

It's not a good sign when you have no internet access when you got home and realised that boss actually sent you an email to say that you can report slightly later for work the next day.

It's definitely not a good sign when you resented being home.

Right now I'm the biggest whiner in the world. Because I'm tired; I hate the weather; I don't like to report to my mom where I go or what I do; I don't feel appreciated for what I've done...

Sigh...I am Melbourne-sick...

Flight details...

2nd July

SQ 228, departs Melbourne 1550, arrive Singapore 2135

Not too sure is it T3 or T2...Kindly check the internet...

Expected peeps: Peifen, Gage, Ck, Sze...those who fail to appear will get special skin regenerative treatment from me personally...Skin you alive inch by inch!!!

Packing is a pain in the arse...

ARgh...

going home on 2nd July, starting work on the 3rd July...

Seriously...WTF!!!

It's time...

to pack, to take down the photos that I've put on the wall which I have been waking up to every morning...

It's time to start saying goodbye to all the lovely frens that I've made here...I hate to do goodbyes...I hate to leave this place...

I'm not ready to say goodbye to Melbourne, neither am I ready to say goodbye to him....and the rest of the peeps...

Yippee...

It was last week that Ally and I whipped up a meal for the entire house...We cooked hananiese chicken rice, french beans and dried shrimps with chilly, sweet sour pork and tonnes of dumplings!

There was so much food! I've never cooked this much before. Ally was the main chief, I helped her out with preparation and frying some of the stuffs. It was quite fun =)

After dinner, we actually went clubbing with our housemates. Got to this place called 'Love Machine'. It was gay night...hehe but it was darn darn fun! Love the aussie gays there....so warm and friendly...talked to this couple who were together for like 7 years! My god, they were so cute! It was fun just talking and hanging out with them. People there were just so open about their relationships, they won't hesitate to introduce their partners to us and I like that. O did I mention there were so many hot gay guys with hot hot hot bodies...alot of them took off their tops to dance! ~drool~ haha...

Had a great time with my housemates..crazy bunch of people but I love them!!!

Here are some of the picture of the food we cooked...

Crazy...

Been a while since I did crazy stuffs...not me exactly...o well...I just followed my housemates...

The girls and their fren saw this scarecrow in someone's front yard in the neighbourhood...So on Thursday night, whole bunch of us went quitely to that front yard and took the scarecrow home =p

It was freaking funny...cos I didnt know what was going on...just followed blindly..K and B just went up quietly to the front yard, grabbed the chair and ran back to the car...K actually managed to climb into the back of the car to hold on to the chair with the scarecrow and we drove back...

Decided to put the scarecrow in R's room to scare him...Darn darn funny! Couldn't stop laughing and giggling...even put a cat mask and torch light to shine on the scarecrow's face...

Only thing was...R didnt scream leh...wasted...but he did step back and said "WTH!!" haha...darn hilarious...

Crazy housemates...but it's all good fun...I think the girls have returned the scarecrow already...haha...

here's how it looked like...the actual face was more scary...o did I mention I absolutely love love love my housemates? haha...

Sanity on the verge...

I think it's gone...

~poof~ and it's gone...it just disappeared like that...I can no longer seek comfort in it...never should be in the first place...it had never belonged to me...never was, never will be...

When will I ever learn...

Potluck...

I've never attended as many potluck as this entire year with my stay in melbourne...and I must say...I'm starting to love it...

Helped Ally made yummy meatballs! Hee I dunno how to cook so I helped...hehe...

I cant take it anymore...evidence review is driving me nuts...can so make do with drinks...

Added alot of sherry into the meatballs...hahaha...

Will upload with photos soon...

Sigh...I dun wanna go home at all....

Updates...

First of all, need to thank Apple mommy and ah min for the parcel. Thanx for the Duffy CD (I have two of a kind now...hehe) and the teardrop shaped pendent! Thanx o...muack muack...

Thank you Nikki babe for the card! Yes yes, ai ni shen shen...haha...

Thank you Ally for the handmade photo collage and cross stitch...love it!

Anyway, been doing work and having fun at the same time. Went clubbing with frens last Fri. It was hell of a fun...

Went for paintball on Sat...Real fun...though now I'm suffering from muscle aches and all the orh chey....had a real bad one on my thigh can...geez...but it's one kind of experience...really fun to shoot other ppl...haha...

here are some pics...

Ally's pressie to me...


















Clubbing @ Eve

Whole bunch of wacky ppl! Awesome! hehe...














Gladys giving me a very passionate kiss...











Me smooch-attacking min...hehe...














Yuhan and me...











My birthday dinner...

Us at Jap restaurant...














Me tugging in...sashimi~ yummy!


















Rose for mothers' day


















Pressie from the peeps =)


















Sex and the City Dvd!!!



















Paintball 2008

Before














After















Ally, Manda and I














Gladys, Me, Marcel, Leonard...














Lastly...my dua orh chey on my left thigh...dun play paintball if u have delicate skin...freaking pain now can...

Nostalgia...

Gladys bought me a rose..

Ally made me a collage topped with a cross stitch as an add on pressie for me...

Amanda made another cross stitch with my 'J' on top of the pressie she gave me...

Leonard bought me Duffy CD and shared with Sel and Marcel in the 'Sex n the City' Dvds...

Marcel brought me out for dinner and gave me a book with CDs of shows he burnt for me...

Sweet sweet peeps who made my life in Melbourne so wonderful...I'm just so touched that they put in the effort to even get me pressie, let alone made me one when all were busy with assignment deadlines...

So thankful to have them with me all these while...

But at quiet time like this...I suddenly feel all alone again...I think I fear ppl back home have forgotten about me...Very thick skin~ly, I msged ppl I'm close to, reminding them of my birthday and to wish me so that I wont be disappointed...

Pathetic...maybe...but at least I'm happy when I receive msg from them after all the promptings...

Seriously, am I asking too much?

Happy Birthday!

To me!!!!


















One year older...Celebrated my birthday last night with good frens...dinner and laughters...I love it! Thanx Ally for arranging everything...Thank you all for showering me with lovely msges, well wishes and gifts!!! Thank you fen and min for the bday card...I got it today!! Thanx Cindy for the lovely entry dedicated to me with my favourite doggies!

Muack muack, thanx everyone!

Wish List

okie...since handsome say I anti-climax, I shall state some of the things I just thought of...

1. Miniature bull terrier (white with black patch on the eye)
2. Samsung G800 (Silver casing)
3. Purple metallic slippers (harviana slippers)
4. Navel ring
5. Wallet (Kate Spade...maybe?)
6. Duffy CD (Leonard bought me this! hehe)
7. Moloko CD
8. Air Ticket to Fiji Island or Maldive or NZ
9. Teardrop shape pendent (looked for it for ages...never found it...preferably diamond pls)
10. Good anti-aging cream
11. Ang mo bf

Dun get me alcohol...that will not be accepted...

alright that's about it...

Next addiction...

Another video that i'm addicted to...