It's very hard to see young ones suffering. It's even harder to know that this kid whom I saw along the corridor at times, didn't make it due to a viral infection. He wasn't my kid but was under my colleague. I've spoken to the mum before though. I remembered her being so gentle, humble and nice towards everyone. I can't in my entire life imagine the immense torment she had to go through, seeing her baby slipping away. It saddens me to see the pic of the smiling kid albeit being intubated. I hope he's at a better place. I hope his family will stay strong.

Today I saw another child who was trying so hard to achieve the motor skills that he should be able to achieve for his age but is not doing so. Saw him cry through the exercises, saw him smile when motivated with toys. I held him in my arms and I know, he's got a long way to go in the journey ahead. Sometimes I wonder how do we keep ourselves up albeit seeing kids like these. Did we get used to it or that we are stronger emotionally?

I used to think it'll be great to work in neonatal ICU, helping those premature babies strive on. But I'm not sure how strong am I to see babies intubated and placed in the incubator or see babies struggling so badly just to stay alive...

random thoughts...

It struck me just one of the nights, what exactly is my purpose in life? To live, to learn, to be happy?


Why is it that when I am in the midst of happiness, something will crop up. And the ripple effects will definitely hit me straight on. It's like someone up there is trying to tell me - I dun deserve to be happy hence face the shit, over and over again.

Mum was getting on pretty good before she was being stressed out. And now she cannot seem to be able to get out of it. A year ago, when she was hospitalized, I had to handle all the procedures. You didn't offer to drive us home when she was discharged. Now, I have to be the one to bear with the frustrations of giving her the advice that she dun wanna take and the constant complaints of her feeling unwell. I hope you offered her the care and concern you should give and have been giving. As much as I hate clearing shit, I still have to do my part as a sister but I need you to get your act together and start being my big brother too.