feeling nothing

feeling tired...
feeling numb...

am I happy?
am I sad?

no ans to that...cos like wat I said to my fren there is nothing for me to be ecstatic about, neither is there anything that upsets me...

everything is changing...
everyone is changing...
I'm changing...
wat if one day my frens say to me: geez...yj...I don't know who you are anymore? what am I to do? how am I to react?
need to take a step back and back off...

schl starting in one week's time...I'll be busy like hell...no more can I slack....no more can I do the things I wanna do....no more can I meet up with the frens I wanna meet up...but good in a sense there's always things to keep me occupied...then I won't be down again...

Dog...dog....dog...I need a dog...I want a dog

Hai~ seriously...I want a dog as my companion and as a baby for me to care for...pitbull terrier preferably...u know the one that's in the comic-家有贱狗 that super cute small eyes big nose dog...really cute breed...

I'm sure I can train my puppy well..cos I've experiment that on my frens...and to my OT frens - Piaget's theory really works! Classical conditioning...hoho fantastic theory! haha think yd,ck,vic and sze couldn't agree more to that.

Okie it all happened back then when we were at redang. Due to constant exposure to the sunlight...we were always asking one another to help in applying sunblock or aloe gel on our back...and with that I started poking at their waist everytime I finish applying their back...and before I poke them, I'll always say " 3,2,1, clear!" then I'll poke...u know like the way u try to resucitate someone with that electric thingy. I did this the most for yd and the least for sze with respect to their level of sensitivity...erh...actually it's juz simply that yd scared of ppl poking at his waist far more than sze who has no feeling at all. O and yd's reaction is the greatest somehow...so effect better...haha

Anyway last sun, when we met up...we tried this again on each other...and it still works! haha...no matter wat language we use in saying 3,2,1 (even in latin and malay)...the other party will definitely 'protect' or 'prepare' their wasit...so fun! The funniest part is that...I've pushed yd to the limit where I dun even need to touch him....muah hahaha....I only said "3,2,1, clear!" and the next minute I know...he juz jolt on his own like someone really did poke him at the waist...haha..brilliant eh...haha

ppl try it on ur frens and family...I'm sure it works...well at least I've proven that it works on my frens! hoho...

a path to walk...

last nite went out for a long walk with a fren of mine...walked to sengkang and back to my place with tibits and drinks...juz sat outside looking at the nite view of the flyover near my house...
chatted for quite long...talking about frens...our life...wat we've been thru...realise there are many things that happened to him which I never knew. I think I need to slow down my pace to know each of my fren again...I keep having this feeling that I fail as a fren and havent got to known them good enough...I can do better but I dunno where exactly went wrong...

yeah today had lunch with yd, ck, vic and sze...nice, juz eat and talk without us having to rush from one place to another...perhaps it'll be last meeting before schl starts, cos once it begin we'll be busy with our own activities...time will be stretched with so many things on hand.

walked around abit at suntec area and we settled down at millenium walk's starbucks to drink coffee and laugh about funny incidents that happen during our invigilation job...haha alot of weird things happened with ppl taking exams...some can reall make u feel like screaming at them...

evening time left me and yd...walking around bugis seraching for gift for his fren...ended up bought a braclet...we kinda 'shared' it, pretty cool and nice...seldom can I find one that I wear and suits me...thanx man!

so far...comments for my hairstyle aint that bad...except for my bro..who keeps laughing at me saying I really look funny...mm...but weird enough this time round I dun really feel paranoid about having a bad haircut or wearing a top that look like those aunties selling tiger beer at kopi thiam(cos it's orange and blue in colour..reminds me of those ladies..haha).
usually I'll be very consious of others' comments...this time round I dun really take them to heart anymore...how come ah...mb be cos I simply like the haircut I had and the top I bought...being comfortable and natural as a person is the best...something I'm learning and trying to achieve.

first time....

ever since the invigilation job had ended, I have more time to spend doing things I wanna do but haven't gotten the chance to.

Wed evening after the last day of work, val and I went to have a nice dinner together. It's been soooo long since we last have a good chat...o man I miss chatting with her...so fun! We laughed alot bout the stupid things we did during sec schl...and it kinda makes me feel closer to her once again. Sometimes I feel that I've lost her cos we didnt contact each other since the last pulau ubin trip 2 years back. And now it gives me the chance to know her better again...haha think I'm one of the few frens she knows who is so cheena and has weird english pronuciation. Funny that we can click from sec till now...haha

Thurs, went to cut and highlight my hair...had my fringe cut and now I look so toot...cos my fringe is one straight line slightly above my eyebrowns. I like it man! haha though I look so silly...

anyway met up with pf for dinner...went queensway to look out for my squash racket and deuter bag...havent bought any yet...cos kinda broke at the moment...so sian have to spend at least 139 on my squash racket...that will force me to master it well so that money dun go down the drain..haha...as if my agility will shoot up once I bought my racket.

had hotdog bread for dinner from ikea...used to be 1 buck but now went up le...1.20 mb cos of gst...haha...anyway still as nice...after that went down to chinatown to eat hua sheng tang yuan + toa tao + ching teng...yummy...

And out of curiosity, we finally have the courage to walk into the hindu temple in chinatown...haha cos we not sure if we can do that but juz wanna try our luck. Anyway it's soo amazing...I love hindu temples...so real and colourful...all the statues are so unqiue and interesting. There are so many gods in the temple and we have no idea which is which...uh not that we know alot...there must be some festival going on cos quite a no. of ppl went and were waiting for the priest to give them blessings...interesting to see how devoted these believers are...

decided to walk to clark quay after we finished our feast and exploring the place...on our way, there was this lao uncle who was holding his slightly young gf's hand...we were waiting to cross the street and they were standing in front of us. This stupid uncle keep turning around to look in our direction then turn back and smile and mumble something to his gf....he did that for like 4 times...have this feeling that he's commenting about my hair...I kept staring at him and swear to pf that if he turn and look somemore I'll dig out his eyeballs...bloodyidiot....

Fri, I met up with gina for lunch....haha this woman is still as chatty as ever...so relax to be with her...and we can chat about anything...if it's not for our bloated tummies, we would have sat at coffee club express for the rest of the noon.

think she'll be the first among all my friends whom I'll get to attend wedding...woo so exciting...I mean it's like double the fun since I've already attended her rom.
Envy her and I'm so happy that she found her mr right. I know she'll be in really good hands of her hubby...afterall they've been together for like 6 yrs and went thru so much together...she has all my blessing! and I can't wait to see their product!

shall end here...need to bathe...hoho

Something interesting...

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"

- Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope


yk found this and share it with me..so i post it here...from the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...dun really understand the poem but it's where the script came about...

tired but happy...

O man...never in my life have I walked for so long...I can't imagine myself walking from tanjong pagar all the way to somerset...wah liao...but we did it,took us more than 1 hour...my legs are gone man....

haha okie, so I was pretty down for the past few days...but today's outing kinda brigthen me up so much! All thanx to yk...

My initial plan was juz to ask yk out for a drink and to chill out at my favourite wala wala bar...but by the time we're done with our dinner and dessert, we realise the bar was too packed...anyway the band that we like is not performing tonite so we decided to go other places for a drink.

Surprise surprise...yk who always know so much about music and bars, brought me to this bar at the arts house...it's so cool! The atmosphere is really woooo...the service was good, ppl were friendly and there was a live band playing jazz/blue music...singer was fantastic too...really a good place to chill out.

We wanted to leave early...cos I was planning to go home by train. But later on decided to go for second round of drinking and he brought me to this pub at tanjong pagar call Mojo...bloody shocked when I went there...cos there was not many ppl there and guess wat...the singers there are the bosses of the pub who are like in their late 30s, early 40s....their vocals were really good...and they were playing rock music...you should really see the way they move(sort of dancing) and sing man...it's so funny...it's like 2 uncles trying to act young and reliving their younger days...it's fun to see them enjoying themselves!

One reason we had to walk from tanjong pagar all the way to somerset is be cos that stupid yk's nite rider is only available at somerset...so I walked with him cos I didnt want him to walk all the way alone...wonder how many kilometres we've walked...

This fellow is always full of crappy ideas...he made me walked with him to the fullerton hotel so that we can take free apples to eat. So pai seh...never done that in my life before...haha wat to do...I juz followed him around lo. Actually I didnt quite believe him about the free apples cos he always tricked me into believing stupid stuff. So I'm quite shocked to see fuji apples placed on the tables and all are free for us to take.

Haha the apples were good...sort of provide us the energy for the rest of the journey from city hall to somerset...haha it's very fun to eat apple and talk and walk along the padang area...so quite and peaceful
Really thankful for yk to accompany me tonite..if not for him...think I'll still be sulking...o man going out with him is always so fun cos he always think of weird places to go and they are always interesting....thank u so much bala!!

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

If u plan to catch this show...dun read my blog today...
You know why this is the movie title? cos it's about erasing memories...with unhappy memories earsed from ur brain...it's no doubt your mind will always be filled with sunshine.

If you have the chance to earse your memory...what will u choose to erase? Memory of a person, memory of being hurt by someone, embarassing moment, bad experience or the darkest time in your life? Or will you choose to erase everything and start all over again?
okie the characters in the movie chose to erase each other from their memory...reason: the gal cant stand the guy being boring and the guy cant stand the gal always being so impulsive and seem to be sleeping around. In the end, after erasing each other off...they still managed to know each other and actually begin to start afresh without the knowledge that they had once live their live together...is it fate or is it coincidence that the script writter is trying to show...I have no idea. In the end when they found out their reasons for erasing each other's existence from their memory...they struggled with the decision of whether they should carry on...cos in the end they might juz hate one another all over again with the similar reasons they had previously. Mmm dun think u'll get what i'm talkting about..so catch the movie...it's funny in btw the erasing of memories too...

Will you still go back to that same person, knowing you may end up hating him/her for the same reason that you chose to leave him in the first place? Although the ending for the movie is a touching one...I wonder if I would do the same...I dun think I can be like the characters in the movie...If I've had gone through the bad stuff why will I wanna go through them once more? it'll be like being stabbed twice in the heart and letting myself bleed even more. Why on earth will I do that to hurt myself?

okie no more artsy films...makes me go nuts...make my thoughts run wild...somehow these thought make me feel kinda down too...dun ask why I have no ans to that either...mb I'm starting to feel empty inside...

will there ever be someone who will love me no matter wat happen?

parents?friends?who will love me till the day I die? selfish or rather stupid thought of mine...but really who? I never doubt the love my parents and friends shower me with...but things are always changing, nothing is for sure anymore and the term 'uncondition love' seems non-existence. What will I be if my parents moved on; friends gotten married and have their own lives?

Can't exactly picture myself living alone till my very last breath. Perhaps that is a good thing...我一个人来，就一个人走。It's normal isn't it? Ppl come and go as they wish....as you grow older you'll realise no. of ppl who can leave a mark in your memory will get less and less...learning not to get disappointed with that...cos it's part of the growing process.

I used to be very sociable...but now...I'll keep a distant...

eating cheezles now...

Songs of the day...Love song by 311 and Holding out from a hero by Bonnie Tyler....really nice!

Juz met up with a few frens...had a simple dinner and went to irish bar at chijmes for a drink. Quite fun...cos we talked alot...trying to fill each other in with things that we had done during the hols...cool~

Went over to take a look at the art festvial thingy...u know the one at raffles city where 4 bald australian artists...theme is called the dream capsule...something like that...where it allows the public to look at them staying in the enclosure for 15 days. So ppl can practically see them do anything...sleeping, cooking, talking, eating, using the com and bathing! Surprisingly, alot of ppl are so interested in seeing them bathe(esp women)! So perverted....okie, I saw one of them bathe too...it juz so happen that when I was there one of the guys was bathing and he was trying to reach for the towel outside the bathroom...we all saw his hairy butt...haha....

I was asking my frens...wonder how they feel, constantly being watched by so many unfamiliar faces all day long 24/7...mm...if it were u...how will u feel? Think I'll be very conscious of wat I'm doing and how I look...plus I'll go crazy being copped up in a restricted space...
It's interesting how some ppl try to communicate with the guys behind the glass...some juz mouth their words, some wrote questions down on papers while they replied thru markers and whiteboard...I wanted to try using handphone to type the words for them to see...but didn't do that...cos I have nothing to ask...haha
See how ppl try to communicate with each other despite barriers...how come we still complain about having communication breakdown with ppl around us? Is it becos we cant be bothered or we didn't put in enough effort to try?

Anyway...my fren's bf drove me home...so I dun need to take cab..yuppiee...haha funny thing was her bf juz gotten his liscense...aint familiar with the roads yet and he's kinda nervous...
reminds me of the first time yd drove...except that he was driving a huge lorry the next day after he gotten his liscence. Haha back then I was so worried...cos if anything were to happen...I'll die with him lo...front seat with no seat belt somemore...anyway it was really fun lah...esp the hump thingy...cant forget that hilarious scene...haha

okie gotta go finish up my crackers and brush teeth liao...

long time no see

Haha call me lazy pig...haven't been updating my own blog for dayssssss...anyway have been away for squash camp and briefing for that invigilator job...so pretty busy these days.
Squash camp was fun! really learnt alot thru the training...though my reaction still abit slow and that I still lack of ball sense...mm..at least my strokes are slightly better...at the end of the day, all of us had 'jelly' legs,tight butts,well-defined legs...see how effective those drillings are! mm need to build up my stamina and shed all those fats man....

Camp is always a good way to see group dynamics among ur team mates and getting to know their characters in depth. O well...it's interesting to see how each other's behaviour slowly surface as u are more and more familar with one another.Good side or ugly side will all be shown as time pass...

By the way...my results came out during the mist of my camp...everyone around me was frantically trying to checked their results while I'm contemplating whether to ask my fren to check for me or to check it two days later when my camp end. Actually I wasn't that eager to know my results but becos I failed that report...I can't help but worry if I have to take sup paper for that module....so in the end I called pf to check for me....somehow for things like this,she's always the first that come to my mind...mb becos she's the only one whom I can cry to thru the phone...haha that happened 3 years back, when I juz cried and cried for almost an hour thru the phone cos of my first A level results...poor girl had to put up with me even though her results were great! I really can't thank her more for being there for me all the time.

Anyway....heng ah...my results wasn't that bad...haha practically my grades were same as last sem...only for that particular report module I got a D...o well nothing to be happy about but at least I pass...and I embrace that...hahaha...my motto: improvement will be a bonus but staying the same will be good enough too!
I have to admit...I've always been an average student so unless my brain really grow in size...it'll be very surprising to see me ace my studies...so Bs and Cs are fine with me...will try to maintain that.

Back to my squash...mm...starting to like it more and more...but kinda afraid that if I get into school team I will need to train and go for competition...I'm really not the competitive kind...reason of me joining squash at first was to learn something new and to play it for leisure...and if I ever get into the committee...that will mean more time for activities and less time for studies...that's how I screwed up for my A level somehow...I can't afford history to occur again...hai I'm thinking too far ahead...will have to wait and see how things turn out...

Having been meeting pf for consecutively 3 days man...wanna puke liao...haha no lah...we won't get sick of each other and...no we're not les...haha...it's always easy for us to meet up even if it's last min...she's always juz a call away. If she ever get attached...mb it'll be different story...but who knows...
O that brings me to yesterday, we went to suntec to look for present for her IA supervisiors...found some beany cushions..but the covering was spoilt...we did the very typical aunty thing which was to take out the other cushion and change the covering...we always do super stupid and embarassing things together then end up laughing like mad women...

Yeah tomolo playing badminton! I can finally use that 100 bucks racket! but if I broke it...it'll mean I'm super good =p...and I'll be in deep shit cos it belongs to my dad...haha...hopefully tomolo's game will be fun! Still wondering how my captain broke my squash racket...will be damn poor by the end of this month...cos gotta buy a new deuter bag + squash racket + sports bra..think that will cost a bomb lo...and now is great singapore sale somemore...I'll bleed to death le...too bad I simply love shopping!