panicky...

the older i get the more panick attacks i'm prone to...first is pract now is exam....my heart is weak...it's going to fail me soon with all these heart racing moments...

using my brain to study brain functions and memory...if only when i study these topics my memory will increase from KB to GB...i'll be so happy...

Seriously i miss my friends...really i do...i miss theirs faces...i miss talking to them face to face...i miss laughing with them...yah u'll think i'm some crazy woman who can only miss friends cos she got no lover...haha but i really do miss them lots...the only thing i can do now is sms them...how am i going to survive if i ever wanna go oversea to study or work...hmm..beats me...

and i wanna watch Visit of Tai Tai too...but i know i dun have the luxury to do so...o well guys let me know if it's nice k...i'll catch other productions once my exams are done...hopefully by then there'll be good plays around...

Before Sunset....aim to catch it after exam too...ethan hawk...like him...esp after great expectation...sigh...

alrighty back to studies...hang in there...everyone...or mb just me...

my little kite

juz had two pract exams...taking a break...here's something i've written long ago...cant rem what i was feeling when i wrote this...juz something to share...

Daddy taught me how to make a kite
simpl, plain yet significant
Colourful strings attached to it
How beautiful the kite was,
I used to think

Soaring in the glaring sky
my little kite disappeared among the clouds
Panicked, yes I was
But with a little tug and pull
it came flying back into my sight, my comfort zone

Controlling the roll of thread was fun!
Pull it,
and the kite will be by my side
Let go,
and it will merge with the sky!

But how fun can it be
when the thread snapped
And my little kite was mine no more
Tried to grasp it with my little arms
All I had was emptiness

'It's okay' Daddy said
'We can always make another one'
Yes, and maybe I can attach more threads to it,
So that it will not be taken away from me again!

Daddy only smiled at me
The same kind of smile that I will have right now...

~yj~

@_@

Guess wat...i havent been sleeping for 20 hours le...rushing the 3 assignments...and i finally finished on time...hopefully i can make it thru...esp robert's case...i crack my head to do one....

aint really tired at this point...think over the point of feeling tired...

have to start mugging for papers le...and pract too...i really really hope i can do well for pract....though not very likely..but...will try my best...hopefully my mom will be guinea pig for me to test on....

think i may not blog for quite a while...but guess all my friends are busy mugging too...all the best for all ya exams...

gtg...ppl...sleep well and drink more water k....

i will survive...~i miss the helium voice~

running out of time but here i am...wasting time...sipping at my ginseng...hoping it will gimme the wakefulness that i so needed now...

2 down 1 more to go...drowning in the sea of papers...come look at my room...every inch of it is covered with papers...it's the time of the year again....reports...driving me nuts...hai this time of last year...i have buta san to acc me thru my typing....but this time round he's too busy to keep me company...hai yah miss those times...cos can irritate him...haha...have to thank him o...cos he always have to take my grumbles and complaints whenever i catch him online...


X: hey are u drowning?
Y: no, i'm swimming.

ass-u-me.....yup....ppl like to assume...explain further next time....i'm running out of time...

it's killing me....

arh....the headache is killing me...right frontal lobe...making my right eye pain also...as though it's gonna pop out...had it during squash training juz now...

training today is fun...kinda take my stress away abit...i think i'm driving coach crazy...cos i'm forever so slow...in reflex and in learning from my mistakes...hai yah but then i tried my best le....

arh...pain pain pain....weird tot i was hungry that's why headache came...but then ate bread liao it's still there...hopefully the bath will relieve it....

hai sickening shit...tomolo have to attend national education....waste my sleeping time....not that i dun love my country...but being a history student and under s'pore schooling system for so long...i bet the govt's propaganda is working very very well in all of us(if u watch dim sum dollies u'll know how true it is...ha!)...why on earth they want to make us sit thru these excruciating 10 hours of lectures....plus that lecturer....cannot stand him....

exams is in 2 weeks time...still doing assignment...next year how...will be worst lo...double the work load plus squash...how to cope arh...think i may juz drop dead...doubt i can fulfill the roles to expectations lel...how how how....

arh headache....i miss wala wala so much...i miss roy playing guitar too...hai~ but then heard he's not back with the band...hai~ why why why.....
will drink till i'm dead drunk after exam...dun care arh...i cant take it any longer...

foul mood

once again i'm in bloody mood...not cos i'm having my period...cos i've realise something which i have been denying and hoping it has changed....

firstly, i have so many darn assignments to rush that i practically haven't been sleeping more than 5 hours daily...and now i'm having sore throat...and headaches...great...

i realise no one in my family take me seriously...an hour ago my parents met old neighbours of ours back in the ang mo kio days...they came to our house, they talked and looked around.

Something in their conversation struck me...when they asked my parents if i were still studying in university...my parents juz gave a small laugh and replied yah havent finish studying...

i mean wtf...they dun even take the time to tell them that i'm in poly and not a uni-grad with basic degree student...they probably think it's such a trivial thing to them...mb they dun find the need to explain to other ppl but to me it juz mean something...they dun give a damn wat i'm doing...

count me a petty, paranoid, stupid bitch but all i ever wanted is their recognition...but all i ever get is seeing them proudly showing the neighbours the tonnes of books that my bro bought from china back when he was studying there...

and u know wat...i realise all these years i have been fighting the battle alone, trying so hard to get back on my feet and so bloody caution not to fall again, trying to make them proud of me...alone....no matter how much i tell myself that they are there for me...fact is they're not...

i'm so tired...whenever i touch on this issue i'm always so emotional...so lonely...