All I want for birthday is...

my love ones by my side...

I was in Melbourne last year and my birthday was spent far away from those I love and so close with those I am fond of...I had a great time last year - rushing assignments and heading for this japanese restaurant to celebrate my day...it was wonderful!

This year, I am back to my family and close friends...I am back to the numerous dates, in which I will meet up with different peeps for a meal (or two) to celebrate my bday! Yippee! And it's gonna start this Sunday! My aunt gonna celebrate mothers' day alongside with my birthday...haha...

Okie okie, I still can put down my wish list for fun right...

1. teardrop shape pendent (preferably diamond)
2. guinea pig (preferably with cage and water dispenser =p )
3. OPI nail polish
4. plenty of accessories
5. new specs
6. new jeans
7. decent go-out-shoes (flip-flops not allowed, if not someone will scream at me)
8. booze (NO hard liquor! Missy's liver cannot take it! Wine pls!)
9. Ipod nano (purple)
10. big hardy bag

till I can think of more, I'll add on...as for now...I'm heading out for supper...yeah!

New haircut!

Finally I get my bob hairstyle!

Not that I got influenced by 'Bob the Builder' mind you ( although the music still plays in my mind, thanx to ben ben and auggy ).

Anyway, I always change my hairstyle (esp to cheer myself up) and this time round, it's bob with lighter brown! Yippee!

Time for a change, since my birthday is coming! So peeps...booking of Jayna starts now. With a goldfish brain like mine, you need to book me and make sure I note it down in my organizer or my handphone.

Birthday wish list will be up soon. For the fun of it that is...I understand it's recession now...anyway I usually wont get what I want...like the teardrop shape diamond pendent I've been looking for ages...

Wow...

I thought my life was drama enough, until I read this.

He reminded me of banker...I didn't know there are other guys like him...

Similar traits...two-timing or multiple timing, likes to play mind games and most importantly...one who lies ALOT to get his way through...

Perhaps my situation was not as bad, considering there is no kiddo in the picture to deal with...

While you took the convenient way to save yourself and lied your way through...

I have to learn to kill my own demons created while I was with you...

Pls protect your precious and make sure they dun end up with someone like yourself in future...

Out of the league...

Friendship...been thinking about it...

but I do have enough to sustain me for life...it's the kind that is with life time-warranty...so why toy with the thought...

I'm a wimp and I'm fragile...so better not touch this idea..

out of my league...definitely...

4 of us...

I so miss this feeling...like since I gotten back from Melbourne...I haven't quite gotten this feeling until tonight...thanx jessie for luring me out by changing the venue...

I miss hanging out with just the 4 of us...chilling, talking...and drinking too...

Just when I'm being engulf by those sadness that suddenly crept up, just when I am starting to feel tinge of sadness on my way home...

I'm glad we met up...I'm glad we talked...I'm glad we spent time...

Honestly, I miss you girls so so much...

I went to jog behind my house this evening...something rare...something I haven't quite done for a long long time...

The alone time was good...or so I thought I need it as I know I have to do something to pluck myself out of the mode...

But...it didn't seem good enough to stop them from flooding my system...

Should I establish the basis...maybe I'm just being afraid of letting it run loose...

Still picking up pieces when I thought I'm finally feeling better to move forward one baby step...

too many...too small...I am not sure how long will I need for this clean up...too many pieces to pick up...

Since feb...

My phone has been on silent mode for the longest time ever...since the night in which my mobile rang non-stop, I didn't dare to put the ringtone back...even till now...

I didn't want to talk to her, I won't know what to say except kept quiet...I don't have the right to say anything...that's the point...

Till today I wonder why I didn't tell her exactly what had happened...

I should have made you go through what I have gone through and still am going through...

Even then, you will never know the full extend...cos what you have will always be there, whereas mine will never be...

Crashing once again...

I'm not okie...

I said I am but I seriously am not...

You will never know the tears I've had since Sept...the very first time I called you while breaking down horribly in the bus was the very first of the many many episodes...did you feel my pain?

You will never know the fear I had everytime when you told me they have been read...did you know I was literally scared?

You will never know the torment I went through while I handled the aftermath on my own...did you know I thought of the many beautiful things that I actually have the abilities to become?

You will never know the guilt I had in covering up for you...did you know I hate to lie?

You will never know how not okie I am at this very moment...did you know I was pretty much getting better before you called?

You took me as an easy ride...I've let you taken me as the easy ride...did you know I was foolish enough to take your words for real?

Did you know?

Seeing stars...

The last time I had dizzy spell was three years back.

I still panicked when I started to see stars. I did tell myself to breathe and stay calm though but the more I breathe, the more stars I saw...No one gave up seat and me being me, I didn't ask for a seat to be given up cos I was too panicky to even talk.

Nearly fell backwards, good thing was I stood leaning against the door so I had some support at least. I could only squat down to prevent myself from falling front or back.

Sigh...fainting and breaking into cold sweat is so not fun. Not able to move much becos of acute pain in the abdominal and then cramp....

So not fun at all...