cant believe it...once again i woke up early...7.30am...i couldn't get back to sleep at all...it never occur to me that this aging syndrome will hit me so soon... o man...mm anyway i dun intend to sleep in too late...try not to if not during attachment period i sure die...
excited and scared at the same time...gotted posten to sgh neuro dept...demand is there...have to put in effort to keep up to it...
was chatting with this friend of mine the other day...and u know wat...i realise after 3 whole years...i'm still pretty much bitter about the previous relationship...mm...mb cos it's somewhat an unfinished episode...or perhaps it's juz my vincdictive nature...silly eh...i used to imagine the scenario on how my breakup will be...even though back then i was in the midst of being happily attached...weird eh...but anyway the ending is so not wat i thought it will be...
i dun hate him...in fact right now i dun feel a thing about him at all...i didn't shed a tear back then and neither have i cried when i think back...dun ask me why...i really have no idea...perhaps it's all these accumulated feelings that make me so insecure and cynical about relationship...think of it, these thoughts can be quite draining...but can't help it...it juz comes naturally...
life still goes on isn't it...right now i juz wanna be happy...
okie...change colour...went out having breadfast with my parents...they're like little kids chatting about this and that non-stop...
my dad said something about volunteer work...that it is a waste of time...that i should volunteer myself in housework instead( it aint the first time he said that)...-_-" u know i was like alley macbeal....playing scenarios at the back of my mind...except that this is no dancing baby but of stranggling my dad and shaking him hard...telling him to wake up....ugrh...he is so testing my patience....
i've been doing volunteer work since interact club days...and his words simply just brushed aside all my effort...i so wanna to ask him...so next time when i'm a therapist my job will be one that is of wasting time too issit...didnt ask...i was afraid of hearing his ans...cos if he ever said yes...i will stop eating immediately and walk home straight a way...thinking if it's time to move out of the house...seriously i had enough of him saying things that hurt me in one way or another...he did that once...and i crumbled like nobody's business....yah i am fragile esp to his comments...mb that's why i'm so stubborn, trying to prove him wrong...but time and time it seems like nothing has gotten across to him...
enough said...i'm going shopping...retail therapy..here i come...and i better get something good...after not being able to get my peachy bodynits panty...i need something else to perk me up...haha...
4 comments:
well.. more than u would admit.. that insensitive dad means so much to u..
that's why he always hurt u..
(compare it to the ex that u didnt shed a tear for)
well.. try telling him how his words mean to u as a daughter.. and how much he hurts u..
choose a good time to talk to him..
both u're both comfortable and peaceful..
sometimes opening out may not give u the results u desire.. he may still not understand.. so prepare urself for that..
but do give it a try.. since he is someone important..
all the best!
wei!! lols first time c u wake up sooo earli.. when u wanna bake cookies?!! tell me ar~ heex takecare.. =)
retail therapy always help! for me lah haha. but then ur dad surely cares for u. he just didnt know how to express himself. much like my old man. i am sorry to say this but i have thought of strangling him too.. yeah in my dreams??
sigh~ i know he does care...it's juz him lah..even my mom can't stand him sometimes...perhaps it runs in my blood too...so pls pls pls...slap me real hard if i ever do that...juz slap k...
yd, i didnt notice the contrast btw the two that i've written...mm...now that u've mention it...yah mb that's the case...thanx for ur advice..will try...that is if i havent convulse and die of anger...haha...be happy too handsome...
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