feeling blue...why?

am i being appreciated both at work and in relationship...somehow i always get this feeling that both can do with or without my presence...

anything can be replaced...ultimately one juz has to learn...to live and be alone somehow...

flipped thru the diary i've written years ago...the poem i wrote still stand...it was dark but so true...wrote it in chinese though...back then my chinese was so much better...ha

suddenly i miss someone...miss hanging out with her...i think it's been a year or so since we last meet up...how come things turn out this way? why is it that she finds it unbearable to talk to me...

last monday...we nearly rammed into the bus while on the way to collect my screen...half the time during the ride i was trying to anchor myself so that i wont fly off the bike...i'm not that light am i...hmm....

we were close...so close...rammed my head into bro's helmet when he e-brake...thankfully the bike didnt skid or fell side way...the engine juz went dead after that...

i can't help but think wat would have happened if bro didnt e-brake fast enough...i can't bear the thought of him being injured...he juz started his fatherhood...so much more awaiting him to explore and experience with auggy...

if i were injured...i think i'll suffer from multiple fractures...looking at how small my bone structure...and with that maybe i'll die on the spot...cos all the factures may be juz poking into my organs and making me bleed to death...at least be dead on the spot will be good...i dun wanna be a burden to anyone...

i havent quite been able to fall sleep lately..