cry cry cry...after today...no more...

seriously, i can do with a drink or two right now...i really really need it!

gonna do that with ray and jessie on sat....

since i dun have to ans to anyone or make promises not to drink anymore...i shall be the karen walker-alike jayna once more...i miss that...really...i miss drinking and chilling with my girls and pals in peace...

the downward spiralled r/s has come to an extend that i had enough and he had enough too...right now i truly appreaciate him not contacting me at all...it really makes things easier...no more being softhearted or guilty and going back to the vicious cycle...although at times i do miss him, his silly smiles, the stupid things we did together, his hug, his kisses and him smelling my hair...i'll miss all thsoe...but somehow all these doesnt sustain the r/s a single bit....

i'll go into deep deperssion if this go on....I need to get myself fixed...by myself....

i lost the ability to trust...perhaps it's like 'blink'....somehow, somewhere i juz know something is not right, something is not true in him but i cant pin point it....and silly me juz want to find facts to prove it but cant find anything concreate and in the end gottan a fake hope...a fake product - our r/s...

I want to start afresh....i'm so glad i'll be leaving for melbourne soon...i cant stay here anymore...not that i wont miss my frens...i'll miss every single one of them...but i cant expect them to help me pull myself up...i juz need some place new to start a new life...proving to myself i can actually survive very well alone in a foreign land....

no more jerks...i hate them...i had two in a row...enough is enough...i'll pull down that bus stop if i can...perhaps at that point of time, i believe too much in fate...or that i'm juz simply being too naive and dumb...agrh....

i'm bursting...my heart felt so heavy....

so...i shall go and sleep...it's the best remedy...at least for now...