~communication~

i sux in self expressions.

Communicating with people regarding my own feelings and thoughts was never a smooth process. I can map out all the conversations in my head- what i am going to say, what i am going to argue, points that i really want to put across. I can rehearse those lines or pointers repeatedly in my head ever so smoothly. And i thought when it's my turn to express myself, i'll be able to do it.

But when the real situation occur, i juz fall silent. Words that i had in mind and to be put across juz seemed to be stucked in my throat and eventually get swollowed into my stomach. Unless the other party pushed me real hard, will i reveal slightly what's on my mind.

Am i scared of offending others, am i afraid of making situation worst, am i afriad of how others will see me if i am to tell them what's on my mind? I've been asking myself all these questions on and on.

I have to admit, i lack the courage to stand up for myself at times, to say 'no' to others, to face the possibility of not being accepted by others...

No more avoidance? no more self denial? no more self blame? be brave and face the reality?

i'm still trying...