uncertainty....

a sudden feeling of uncertainty is creeping into me...

i've once tried tying a rope round me so that i know i'll be safe and that it will pull me back in case i fall...but now this rope is thinning and there seem to have nothing to prevent me from crashing...it's a long fall....perhaps i wont crash for the whole of my life...or perhaps i'll hit the ground and die a sudden death without even knowing it has come to an end...

why is it that life is filled with so much uncertainty...a little of it can be welcomed with anticipation...but too much of it is overwhelming...can there ever be concrete presence of assurance that will never ever go through changes? wilful thinking of mine huh...i know it's not possible...

wat lies ahead lies ahead...i dun hold the correct keys to every single door...i juz hope that i can have some of the correct ones in hand so that i wont be locked out or resort to banging myself against the wooden plank in hope of getting through...or perhaps i have to try harder to look for the correct keys...but will i ever get find them?

had fun during weekends

hehe...i'm in holiday mood...though i still have one more paper to go...sigh have to wait for one more week then can get over and done with it...

anyway was already playing during the weekends...

fri...went for a spa treatment...hehe cos hairul had vouncher for it...really nice and relaxing...uh but it's kinda hard to refrain myself from laughing cos when the person massage me..it's quite ticklish... anyway it's fun...and i smell super duper nice after that...though abit oily...haha

after the treatment...went sentosa...wanted to get a tan but by the time we got there sun is setting already...so ended up playing frisbee...play until my fingers gotten bruised...but it's fun lah...cos seldom play this game...still rem we played that at redang and we ended up making mua-chee out of each other with the soft soft sand there...oo miss those times....so fun!

nite time...had sushi for dinner...then went to laze around at the beach bar...pretty nice...though not many ppl around...kinda too quiet for the nite...nice though...sipping cocktail, talking, listening to the wave and enjoying the breeze....

have u ever tried crossing the bridge that linked singapore to sentosa in the middle of the nite...haha we did that...cos we lost track of time and realise there's no more buses to take us out...luckily hairul know how to walk out of the island...okie okie i am to blame for making us walk in the middle of the nite...but it's kinda fun lah...like two lunatics trying to find their way out so that they can go home...haha...wont happen again...promise promise....

o...and sunday time...nikki, chris and i bought birthday cake to eve's house to celebrate her 21st birthday...haha...this lazy woman...dun even wanna come out to celebrate her bday...so we ended up surprising her at her house lo...haha...quite fun...cos we collaborated with her bro to get her into her room so that she wont know we're coming...but by the time we entered her house...she suddenly came out of her room and four of us started screaming...haha can u imagine 4 gals screaming...haha bit funny...anyway hope she likes the surprise and the presents as well...hehe....

that's about it...pretty fun weekends huh...

i miss u guys...

suddenly i miss yd, ck,yk, sze, vic and adrian...miss laughing with them and chatting with them...if only my exam ends earlier...i'll bake cookies for them juz like last sem...but this time round cannot le...cos gotta study...sorry orh...

eveyone is having their exams...we'll meet up after exams k...cant wait to watch the play with u guys...hope it's good...mm..it should be cos it's hossan leong and selina tan...

so fast...it's been a year since we last went redang...missed those times...always smile when i think back...hmm...when can we travel together again...after we graduate? hoho maybe hor...that'll be fun...go salem! wah haha...

gtta go read newspaper then go study lo...jia you everyone...soon it'll be over...juz like mine...though i only have one paper only...muah haha...

so amazed with myself...once again i gotten pissed off with my stupid brain and i was lamenting the whole bloody day...am really sorry for irritating my classmates...cos they have to keep hearing me sigh and moan and scream....

i cant stand it...i tried to study HANDS but infor juz cant get in...sometimes my brain juz get cloudy and cant process anything...so fucking dumb...and tomolo i need to face the blow again by making the supposed correct splint for the question he asked today...damn...

went for retail therapy during the 4 hours break...didnt help...cos bought nothing...instead i felt more tired...

only felt much better in the evening when we had dinner with our mentor, michelle...she'll be leaving us this fri...sigh so gonna miss her presence...and the conversations we had during dinner time is so fun...she's really cute and fun to hang out with...apart from her being our lecturer, she's juz like us...eager to know gossips about some of my classmates...haha quite funny...

this point of time when i'm typing this blog...i'm moody again...i really feel like screaming my head off...i feel like doing crazy stuffs...like making myself disappear and juz be away from where i am now...or bang my head in the wall...okie it'll be painful so maybe i'll put the pillow in btw...okie okie...too hysterical...but that's wat i've been feeling since morning...i cant help it

sigh...i know wat i need...i need squash...exercise...something that will drain me and make me not to think so much...argh...why am i always so dumb...why why why....

dun wanna talk...need to cheer myself up...gonna watch will and grace...ciao~

shit...

am so dead...fell asleep studying...and i got up automatically at 730 on a sunday morning...brain must have known that i have to get up and study...so dead...

poor uncle...

went to eat prata last nite...thanx to regina who drove us there...soo fun!!!
went happy daz to drink with my classmates too geri and audrey...haha and my...audrey attracted some admirer...mm how come i dun get that when i went there last time...so not fair...=p
anyway had fun...will try again next time...

'hugging-buddha-leg' session was on this morning...went schl to study with nikki then went for squash...
stayed for training for 30 min...then have to rush off...cos hairul fell and cut himself almost everywhere on his two upper limbs... -_- poor thing...anyway went down to his house...knocked on his door...no one answered...so tot he aint back home yet...called his house and hp many many many times and no one answered too...was kinda worried then...

i waited for him downstairs for one hour plus...reading my hands material...listening to the thunderstorm...goodness the lightnings are quite scary today...

anyway in the end he was home long ago, sleeping cos too tired and his door wasnt locked...-_- haha...either i'm too blur...or he's too exhausted....

well...he's alright...except for his wrists...perhaps i can do splinting on his two wrists! immobilisation splint...haha...sigh hopefully no ligament torn or fractures...if not will have to go for x-ray...

abit hungry...cos i only had apple pie and milo for the entire day...dun like to grab bites at this hour but no choice...
okie i gtg bathe and study...ciao~

drink drink drink drink drink

i slept like a pig last nite...cant help it...after the pract test and the socio+health psych test...i'm too exhausted...slept at 5 am the previous nite to study the test...sigh..not that it helps much...cos the mcq sux...as usual i'm bad in the guessing game (though it shouldnt be one)...

am going drinking tonite...so looking forward to it...i need it...really...cos i'm going bonkers...miss the feeling of chilling out...miss wala...miss the shirlyn's voice...miss roy...but he aint in the band anymore...

i miss the company of the gals- ray, angie and jessie....i miss u gals so much...

was talking to nikki last nite after our 'hugging-buddha-leg' session...issues like giving up ur identity, ur beliefs and adopt a whole new one for some reasons like for ur loved ones...
sometimes i'm not sure if i'll be able to do that...i'm willing to try cos part of me won't mind...yet part of me is resisting...perhaps is too early to consider but this issue will always be something to ponder upon...

should i remove myself from the situation before it's too late or continue with it? am i able to do that pull myself out? i guess ppl around me are waiting to see how it goes...another round of proving to be done...or another round of giving up??

off me...

told u the amt i had in my bank acc...and all u wanted was my bankbook...wat for?

u raised ur eyebrown when i said i'm not gonna be home for dinner cos i need to study in schl...wat was that?!

i hate it when ppl doubt me...
by all means do that...i cant control wat u think...sick and tired of proving myself...

Argh.....

stayed up last nite till 2am...to talk to yan cos she's having some trouble with her r/s....i was half studying for my splint test today (which didnt go well cos i dunno how to ans HB's qn) and half trying to calm her down...i know i'm suppose to be listening to her fully...but i'm kinda desperate in reading up for the test...so i ended up multi-task abit...

sigh...sometimes i feel redundant...cos no matter how much i said or console her...i dun seem to be able to alleviate the pain or sadness she's feeling...and today when i checked on her...things are back to normal again...taa daa...r/s issues resolved...i worried about her for nothing like that...sigh...i'm happy for her that her problems are solved...but at the same time i'm doubting myself whether i've helped her as a friend...afterall r/s issues cant be resolved thru third person...one word from her partner means far more than all the sentences i've said to her...i'm not jealous...it juz bugs me that's all...cos it's not the first time this happened...argh...i so wanna grab her by her shoulder and shake her till her head drop off...

sigh sorry...abit impulsive...i do love my fren dearly...but seeing her going thru the torment juz makes me feeling like pouring water down to splash her awake...


Uncle...where are u...i havent seen u for 4 days!!!! driving me nuts...sigh...

When nothing falls in your hand, you feel the emptiness
But once that precious thing is there and you try to hold it tight, you end up crashing it
What is the right thing to do then?

there are so much adjustment to make in life..depending on what u wanna do with ur life...u may have to accomodate to the things around u accordingly...some may choose not to accomodate to any but to juz live their lives the way they want to...some will try to make changes and make sure they fit well in the environment they're in...

i used to think i belong to the first group...i used to think nothing can make the stubborn me change...but i did, some how along the way i have no choice but to learn and accept changes, even make changes so that i can pull myself through...they were lessons learnt via the hard way...i cant say i have belonged to the second group now...but at least i've learnt to be slightly more flexible some how...

changes may be good for some people...juz keep in mind not to lose urself when u change...u can change ur outlook, u can change ur name, u can even change ur living status.... but most importantly...dun change the inner u...cos that's wat is in u all along...that's where ur character gotten build up from...

actually i dunno why i write this entry...juz a suddent tot...if it doesnt make sense to u...eh...juz glance thru...=)

sigh...am suppose to study...not in the right mind...cranky again...like last fri...haha i wonder why...too tired...at this point my eyes are like half closed...

was in school the whole day though there isnt any lessons...doing presentation slides...pretty fun...cos we gals juz keep discussing and trying to think of the best plan we can...like the way we work...can argue and rebuke each other yet at the same time maintain that kind of peaceful atmosphere...haha...eh not easy le...perhaps our similar characters count...

finally i've cut my hair...at least it's not as thick and out of shape now...and ppl around me said that i look better with straight hair...mm...okie lo...will consider that...but my natural curl also nice wat...though it tend to get messy at times...i juz like the messy look...sexy dun u think? hai yah as though u all see before... haha

went for a movie last nite...kinda last min...but doesnt matter arh...so long we had fun...

have been sleeping late since the starting of this week...i always think that if the week started bad, it will end bad...just like if u slept late during sun, forget about sleeping early for the rest of the week...i also dunno why i sleep so late...

woke up at 430am to wake hairul up cos he need to get his things done...set my alarm at 415, 420 and then 430am...end up calling like dunno how many times before he actually took the call...but then i think he fell back to sleep after that...haha...and funnily...i actually woke up automatically at 8 to wake him up for work...haha that's wat he was doing for my previous placement...we kinda take turns to be each other's alarm clock...

yawn...sigh...i need a drink...i wanna chill out...i wanna go wala...cant wait for 7th may...hoho...

new discovery!!!

muah haha....feel so much better....

due to my disrrupted eating habits and sleep these few days...my bowel system aint working very well...was full of shit for like 3 days...literally full of shit...so i was lamenting about it to my bro..cos we were watching tv together...

he advised me to drink prune juice...and so i did...appearantly my pregnant sis-in-law has the same problem too cos of the baby...so there's plenty of prune juice at home...

wah haha and mind u..the effect takes place within 2 hours lo...i've like shitted twice since...haha...tummy feel so much flatter now...muah haha...really amazed by the effect of prune juice le...how come it works so effectively?? yah lah i'm gross...but i've always been like that...u guys know that...haha...anyway it's healthy to share such tips in case u guys are constipated...u'll know wat to do...wah haha

okie enough enough...

today had such a boring day...went for one morning lesson-aqua therapy lesson and that's it...i have to wait from 11-5.30 for the half an hour clinical debrief by my lectuer....how boring can that be...studied in the lib...slept there too...was bloody tired and bored...

received a msg from someone thru friendster...real sweet...reminded me of the time back then... thank u!

zombiefied...

slept at 5.30 am yesterday...i deserve it cos my habit of procarstinating (evil evil evil....) cost me my precious sleeping time...sigh...bad bad yj...cant stand myself leh...but at the same time cant stop loving myself too...haha afterall who can actually love me forever other than me, myself and I...haha...yah yah narcissistic stupid bitch....

anyway managed to finish my assignment on time...once again i owe another friend big time...cos he came over my place to help me fix my bloody printer which refuse to give me the colour of blood....urgh...all my pics with ppl in it end up looking like jaundice patients...freak! that printer is new somemore...

monday blues...probably due to lack of sleep and packed timetable...havent gotten the chance to breathe easy until now...sigh tomolo another heart attack...i've gotta present my case study to HB...argh...why did i get him...why not Jo...hopefully i can present to him the wonders of working with children as compared to hands....haha....mm...i wonder if HB ever tried working with kids before...that will be something interesting to know....

okie enough talking...anyway i think no one is reading my blog haha...getting too boring eh...mundane life...doesnt matter lah...i'll still blog when i feel like it...

Last lap to run...last report to write...taking my lunch break now...so decided to blog...

yippee...will have to go back schl tomolo...think our lecturers will receive our assignments like siao...esp michelle...poor thing...

did i mention i went over to ck's place to get my poster and leaflet done on fri nite...so fun to bum over at his place...plus the phone conferencing we had with yd...haha fun fun cos all 3 of us get to talk at the same time...
really thankful for the help from the two of u...handsome, sorry to keep u from sleeping...and babe sorry for kicking u out of ur room for the nite...really sweet of u to let me sleep and not wake me up in the morning...hehe...

finally we managed to get our poster printed on sat...pretty nice...phew...at least 1 is down...as for my mighty leaflet i shall leave it to my mighty printer to do the job....

had nice time bumming around at home for the rest of the afternoon...gonna miss it for the time being...hehe...

back to work...ciao~

i am out of my mind now...

i haven't felt the strain until now...streched btw time...lacked of sleep due to tonnes of work...plus missing someone terribly...sorry abit mushy but cannot help it...go ahead and roll thy eyes...

felt good to bum around and talk last nite...with both of us being so busy lately...it's really nice to do that...sigh...was being irritated by someone who keeps poking fun at my flabby tummy...yah yah fats everywhere...cannot be helped le...havent been exercising during attachment...die le...like yd said next time 'long term' attachment how....sure become fat ass one....no energy to go jogging...how...u arh must be laughing now...urgh...sickening uncle...

anyway...was talking to shijie this afternoon...havent seen this woman for so damn long...chatting with her over the msn...was thinking about sec schl days when we used to be in interact club...juz makes me smile...and i realise...damn... i'm old....cos she's with seng hwee for 6 years already!!! goodness so long...i was telling her i declare the both of them husband and wife...haha...o my...it's 6 years ago since i'm in jc! 6 years juz zoom pass me....

okie...i need to go bathe...two down one more to go....reports reports here i come...even yk said it's like a norm for me...see me online means i typing report...arh...pathetic le....feel like drinking (juz drinking...not getting drunk...)...sigh...okie need to stop...if not i'll continue to blabber non stop...