Seriously not feeling well. Head feels like a tonne of weight. Despite sleep and rest, I still feel like shit! Sigh, hope the medication works.

Actually not too long ago, I met up with banker over an impromptu lunch. For my close pals, I think they will be getting ready to hit me hard on the head, questioning: how is it that you can still meet up with the jerk who hurt and torn you into million pieces...why on earth do you do that?!

I would want to think that deep down everyone's heart, there is always some goodness in him/her, despite whatever nasty things they have done in the past. I believe banker is one as well. I think part of him does feel guilty towards me, hence the occasional cordial msges and calls.

I know he has been calling me, it happened since beginning of the year. Each time, the calls were just missed calls. I didn't call back as I know, if it's important, he would contact me again. Anyway, a few Fridays ago, I was on my way back from the school to office. I was just checking my phone and his number appeared yet again.

Answered his call and we fixed the lunch right there and then. He picked me up at Bishan and we went to have chicken rice for lunch. Simple as that.

Nothing changed. He was still the same old banker, foul mouth at times, trying to be funny and no doubt cordial. No funny stunts, nothing. I did accidentally scratch his Volkawagen car while opening the door as it was too near the pillar (so much win, I tell ya! Though the scratch was barely visible). Anyway, he grumbled, I told him to shut up, stop being a whiner and let's head for lunch.

It's funny, how life turned out. Seeing him after so many years, just makes me see with such clarity - that he's everything that I do not want in my boyfriend or husband. I have absolutely no clue how I could stick with him for such a long time. Perhaps that's why friends around me were all so frustrated with me back then.

He called me again on that Sunday, and then again on Monday. Both were missed calls. Last weekend, I decided to send him a msg:

Hey, I know you've been trying to call me a few times. The impromptu lunch we had the other day was great. Kinda give me a proper closure somehow. I dun think I can bring myself to remain in contact with you anymore. Seeing you just reminded me of that past event that I had. I dun loathe you but there's never a day I dun think about it over the past years and seeing you just make it worse. I hope you understand. Wish you well. Take care.

And that's that. It took me this long to initiate this without any feeling - no guilt, no sadness, nothing. And it took me this long to finally close this chapter for good.

It's a good feeling somehow and I'm very glad that I made it this far =)