I think I have come to a stage where I will not hesitate to write people off from my life. People who have hurt me, people who have wasted my time, people who did not appreciate me for who I am...

I have a better life ahead being freed from all these...If you cannot keep up, I am sorry...I really have no space for nonsense and unappreciative pricks...

I am sure I have been written off from others' lives as well...I have come to terms with that...I'll rather move on, focus on my life and try to better myself in every ways...

Life goes on...

Mind boggling day(s)....

~Thursday~
Mom gotten admitted to hospital due to irregular heartbeat...Rushed down to A&E after work to keep her company while waiting for her bed in the ward to be ready. Bought her noodle soup as she was complaining how sucky hospital food was....

I think the only consolation was that I got to talk to the cute A&E doc, who definitely looked younger than I am.

It was only until 10pm plus, that the admission was done and she was able to rest and I was able to go home...I just crashed the moment I got home...

~Friday~
Rushed down to hospital again after work, kept mom company till 8pm plus 9pm. Funny how much we could gossip while in the hospital. Talked about the doctors, nurses and patients from other beds...

The Ex actually came down to hospital to look for me. It was good to see him after a month or so. I do appreciate him making his way down. But I dun think it is possible for us to get back to where we were. I took this one month to find myself and to understand what ultimately ticks in my life. We talked. I felt like the meanest bitch ever and yet at the same time feeling so so tired from all these things that were happening around me...

Gotten home at around 11plus...all I wanted to do was to sleep...

~Saturday~
Went to see mom again after work, bought her some food again cos she absolutely hated the hospital food. Then had dinner and coffee with yd. Appreciate him making his way down to spend time with me. I needed it. The talk we had was great. Enlightened me so so much, just love talking to him.

~Sunday~
Mom called to say she can be discharged. Took a bus down to settle the discharge procedures and hospitalization fees for her. Before that, had some not-so-nice exchange of conversation with my dad. Sigh, sometimes it just put me to think - why am I putting in so much effort to prove myself all these years.

I just simply crashed and slept the entire noon once I got my mum home.

Not that I mind but sometimes I wonder, did my brother get away with all these because he has his own family. Just because I am single, I was thrown with these responsibilities of making the decisions for my mum, talking to the doctors, visiting her every day, settling the admission and discharge stuffs. He was not available throughout the entire process.

I can so foresee myself, handling my parents on my own when they get even older. Why am I always the one doing more but least appreciated by others. Sigh....

I like how my lifestyle is currently. Carefree, single and having fun on my own.

I dun need to revolve my time around anyone else except myself and perhaps a few really good pals who are closed to me...

I think whatever that is needed to be done, should have been done a year ago or even half a year ago. Did you think that I am willing to wait aimlessly? Did you think that I will never leave? I felt as though all these while, you think that whatever I said was a joke and was never taken seriously until I am determined to leave. I dun know what else to say except that I dun think I can bring myself to go back to where it started. I dun want to be unhappy because I am being dragged along.

Perhaps leaving it as it is, will be the better ending to this story that once belong to us...

Big 3 O!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today was self pampering day. Did my hair and went to have coffee with my pals. My favourite people =)

To be frank, I almost teared when you told me so firmly that you believed there will be someone out there who is worthy of me. Honey, those words meant so so much to me.

Thankful to have my friends who really love me for who I am.

Things will only get better...time to roll on! 30 is the new 20!

Thank you for the lovely sunflowers. You didn't leave your name.

I wonder if it is you. If it is, thank you for the lovely surprise. Dun think alot of people know I like sunflowers. They really brightened my day.

Actually till now I have no clue who sent the flowers to my workplace. The first person I thought of was you. You've bought me roses from the same florist ages back, I remember that.

And the first bouquet of flowers you sent to my office was sunflower as well. It was pretty big bouquet though the wrapping/packaging was alittle crappy and old fashioned...I think we burst out laughing when I showed you how the bouquet looked like.

If it were you who sent the flowers to me, thank you so much and I really appreciate you remembering my birthday and giving me this surprise =)

I've finally framed my poster up! Still procrastinating on buying the shelf and clearing my room. Will probably do that during my off days this week. Can't wait!

Clearing clutters one at a time. Dragged too long, they clogged up my life eventually. I kinda like moving forward. I do feel happier especially lately. Just feel lighter, less things to worry about, less things to upset me, more time to focus on myself and think of what really will make me happy. Maybe I'm really not suitable to be in a relationship cos I always ended up losing myself and ended up unhappy. Maybe guys I have met are ultimately not suitable afterall. Sigh, just my luck or that I am just not smart enough to open my eyes and get someone better.

O well...life is as such...what can I say...everything happened for a reason...just got to learn to take it in my stride...

I dun mind dying young. Seriously I dun mind.

I have done crazy things in life, I have lovely people in my life. I have loved and have been loved by wonderful people. Perhaps the one and only regret I have will remain as that but then again, I have kind of gone through what it is like to have a kid with the nature of my job and my brother's kids.

If I were to die young, I'm okay with that.

Finally managed to clear my reports and now it's back to sending emails and updating parents. I think I prefer doing that than type reports :p

A friend of mine asked since when I dun like to chat over the phone. I'm not 15 yo anymore where I like to yak all day long on the phone. I talked all day, to the kids and the parents. When I get home, I just want to keep my mouth shut and not yak so much. I think if you were closed to me enough over these years, you would have noticed that I dun really like to talk over the phone anymore. You disappeared intermittently and when you appeared you threw all the questions, asking me this and that; digging here and there. What was the purpose of you doing that? I dun think I need to answer to you, you know. And I am still as disappointed that you have not been upfront with me all these years.

Am pretty happy these few days. Been having fun squash sessions albeit always getting injuries here and there. Haven't had so much running for a long time. Think I need to get court shoes soon!

Next week will be my birthday! Excited!

Intended presents for self:
- Driving license (got it!)
- Satchel Bag (still eyeing at one...)
- La Mer eye concentrate (still thinking...)
- New hairdo
- Adele's concert DVD

Just wanna be with my loved ones during birthday =)
Looking forward to it!

I wonder if you still think about me as strongly after all these weeks.

If feelings are bound to diminish as time passed, why do I miss you even more now?

Maybe my reactions are too slow to respond. Or I need to distract myself more. I kind of gotten used to not hearing from you but at the same time still wondering how have you been all these while. Have you gotten used to not having me in your life?

May day, public holiday, rest day.

I used to spend such day with you. Sigh. But hey, life move on doesn't it?

Today, I just stayed home the entire day, finish up with whatever I need to do, mainly reports. Spent time with kitty, bugging her and appeasing her, reading her books and watching hi-5 with her. It has been one of those days that I did not step out of house at all. Not even to the punggol plaza. Save alot of money I would say. Okay...maybe not cos I did online shopping, literally burn a hole in my pocket. Think I'm addicted to it. Yikes!

I think I'm slowly getting to used to this, being on my own, entertaining myself, keeping myself occupied. Guess at the rate I'm going, I cannot live without internet for sure. I should start picking up my books once more!

I hope you'll find the strength to move forward. Be it pursue your dream or anything that can make yourself happier. Perhaps start counting your blessings cos you have your family and lovely friends around you =)


~1.38am~

Sigh...who am I kidding, today made me miss what we used to have. I miss us snuggling in bed during the rainy day. I miss us wasting time together just because we were too lazy to go out. I miss your bad singing. I dozed off in the noon and I heard myself snored! And I missed telling you that I heard myself snored. I missed drooling on you and seeing your disgusted face. I miss having you beside me.

Sigh and yes, I finally cried...

New road hazard coming your way!

I did it! Finally passed the driving test and got my license after all these years! Yippee!

What touched me the most was my dear instructor. Not the fat and sarcastic one (still have to thank him for his guidance and patience though :p). This particular instructor taught me in the midst of my lessons as my previous good instructor gotten pulled out of the team due to medical condition.

He's a very funny man who joked, guided and looked out for me, pretty much like a dad. True that I am a consumer and it is only right for him to do all these but I have never thought he would go that extra mile for me. I am, afterall, just one of his many many students.

I kinda whined and complained to him about how the first test, I was all turned off by the fact that I was given old car instead of my usual training car for the practical test. If I am a good driver, new or old car should not affect my performance. But I've paid so much and for me to make such adjustment within such as short time frame, I was just pissed. And I just couldn't perform with this mental barrier.

Anyway, this test, I didn't tell anyone at all. No one knew. I just refused to say anything. Not even to my buddies. Went for the test as per usual, psyching myself up that I would be tested using the old Toyota.

I was surprised to see my instructor at the car poach, telling me I would be using my training car 288. Even more surprised to find out later on, that he made a one-to-one exchange, just so that I could have that car for the test. This mean that he had to use the old car for at least 3-4 other students' lessons in that afternoon. He did it on his own accord. Which really touched me. I seriously would not have thought that he would do that for me. So loved!

Pretty happy that I got to thank him personally thereafter. 10 demerit points -No mount curb this time round; got one nice taxi uncle gave way to me for me to over take, managed to lane change with all the cars voom voom passed. O plus the fact that, according to my instructor, my tester was supposed to be one who is very strict and let ppl pass so easily. I think I'm pretty lucky to have passed...heehee...

Now...who shall I terrorize to let me drive their cars...fen? yd? ck? sze?...onz? Muah haha..