He looked super funny and cute in this pic.

One of the outing he had with bro and sis-in-law

Think they took him to boat quay area
















It started with him retrieving the camera attempting to take photos on his own.

Now baby boy has master the art of posing for shots...hoho...fun fun...
















See he can pose...
















Picture taken on new year day 1.

We were in the train on our way to lao chek's house.

Mom bought baby boy the cheena golden new year clothes...he looked pretty cool in that...haha
















First day of school...

He looked pretty studious in his oversized uniform...

Mama said that auggy can finally take school bus home without her being in the bus with him. So proud of him...hehe...
















Yar abit bo liao to put auggy's poo here but sometimes i juz dun get it...

How can such a small body system produce such amount of poo that sometime is more than what i can generate...

Wonders of human body...haha
















Gonna smooch you!

bloody farny....

stupid things happened yesterday...

1. Scalded my left hand while getting water for myself. It was normal routine BUT i have no idea which nerve of mine went short circuit and it shook while i was walking out of the pantry. 100 degree celsius water went pouring over my thumb and it turned lobster red in like secs. My reflex was certainly not working. Normal human being will drop whatever they are holding and retrieve their scalded hand. Me? I held it even tighter and walked back to the pantry so that i can put the cup on the table. #%#$% it was darn painful...

2. Did something on impulse yesterday while out with my squashies. Am very happy with it now. Beaming beaming. We were walking down a flight of stairs when we heard something dropped. Sounded like some metal stuff or coins. Ray said ' Someone dropped a screw? must be yours...' I thought she directed it to me and didnt know she actually meant it sacarstically for jessie. I actually checked my newly done accessory and said ' no leh' aloud. They burst out laughing like siao all the way man...damn...

Will be collecting my passport tomolo. Finally gotten it done. Am still settling the loan, just deciding how much to loan and how long to return it.

Yippee...love the purple gem...hehe...soup spoon tonite!

love love...

FINALLY I heard him call me 'gu gu' way before i entered the room!!! But cheeky him resumed calling me 'goon goon' the moment he saw me. Perhaps that's the way he shows his closeness to me. I like it when he calls me 'goon goon', like a little nick specially for me. Haha..

I love it when he gives me little peck on the cheek when i ask him to 'kiss kiss' me...

I love it when he rests his head over my shoulder and pats me with his tiny little arm, as if telling me - everything is going to be alright and that he loves me no matter how...

I love it when he comes into my room and give that cheeky chuckles juz becos he managed to open my door...

I love it when he placed the earphones to his ears and listen to the songs from my nano. He'll give the sweetest smile and do a little dance to whatever songs he hears...

I love it when he was able to open my phone and attempt to take pic himself...

I love it when he sat on my lap, lying against me and stone throughout the bus ride cos he was tired...

I love it when he goes crazy and start to pinch me, pull my hair or my specs, scream ever so loudly and then laugh like crazy together with me...

I think i'm gonna miss him terribly when i go away...o man...

WTF....

In freaking pissed off mode today.

Had news that a patient passed away. HUH?! He was fine 3 weeks ago when we last saw him. He was suppose to follow up with doc today. Gone?! We were giving his caregiver some carer training the other day. Gone?! I still rem him telling us his daily routine and like a child, he needed some attention and tender-loving-care. Sigh, he's quite a cute old man you know...

Had to restart my computer 3 times today. 3 freaking times. It hung 3 times today!

Just knew that someone went to schedule a programme on Sunday in May. Hello...Who is going to work on Sunday? I'm not going to be paid for working on Sunday. It's suppose to be my freaking personal time on Sunday.

Frustration building up. I need to rant it out.

I have decieded not to entertain anymore nonsense. There wasnt any respect given to me at all. From then till now. Nothing change. Yes, i'm the idiot and now i'm pissed off for letting myself be one. Again.

purple...

Was feeling so sick yesterday. Stucked at home the whole day due to headache and nuasea. Wonder if the antibiotics are doing me more harm than good. Till yesterday, i was still spitting green and gooey phlegm, how gross is that.

There are alot of 'whys' that i have not been asking myself. Even if i do have many questions regarding myself, regarding what have been happening to me and around me, they are all so different from the ones that gage asked me to ponder upon. I realise i havent been really putting much thoughts into these questions. I'm merely juz asking the questions. Have i been truthful to myself, not so. I always try to avoid stuffs cos i know the truths will always sting my heart alittle here and there which will eventually amount to a huge snowball...

I'm still seeking for the answers... i hope i wont take as long as you did...i really dun wanna take that long...really appreciate you talking to me that nite...

thanx for telling me that i'm a wonderful person...

thanx for telling me that i deserve more...

thanx for telling me not to be too hard on myself...

thanx gagey...

still running...non stop...

my nose...maybe if it run fast enough, i'll have an excuse to go for nose job to get rid of that meaty lump! ha...

current appearance: comforty home clothes; with a tissue paper securely tug in my left nostril ~damn i'm so screwed, been a week and i'm still sick. Today being the worst, with me in boy-reach-puberty-breaking-voice; watery eyes and ever non-stop cough. And did i mention my phlegm is so green and gooey that i think it can be used as glue if really needed ~yucks~

Went back to AH yesterday to pass some stuffs and to update big boss about upcoming issues regarding JMC. Met up with my beloved TA and we hugged. Yes, it felt so good to hug her again! She commented that i'm more 'chan teh' ('pretty' in malay) and even look like ang mo with this new rebonded hairstyle 0_o Or maybe i look more SPG like what yd's sis said when she first saw me with flat hair.

Except for me falling sick, emotionally i'm more or less stable at the moment. Perhaps it's the outburst, perhaps it's my period. O well, at least i'm stable and not crying anymore. I'm dehydrated with my running nose and the constant peeing, am so done with crying. Thank you all for being so patient with me =)

To the person who is having holiday in bkk now. Have fun for your trip. I know this come way too late and that you probably dun wanna talk to me again. Still, i need to get this out of my system. I'm sorry for pulling the brake. I thought i was fine and well; in total control of myself and that i can deal with everything perfectly. Am so wrong. I need to get myself fixed on my own. I dun wan to drag anyone with me becos of my fluctuating emotions and thoughts. I guess all these words don't matter anymore. But i am still glad that i get the chance to know you.

Been having silly thoughts...
1. Of me being part of the population that is bound to have no offspring so as to ensure no jayna-like spieces will be running around. In another words, may not get married and even if i do i may be too old to have any kids by then. Judging from my absurd behaviour from the previous r/s and my inability to sustain a long term relationship, this may be highly possible somehow...

2. Shirlyn + my clique + stage + wala = my birthday song...dun ask me why i have this thought. It just suddenly pop out. Perhaps i wanna see how well my clique can sing other than draw? haha

3. Me working in aussie with autistic kids even after i graduate. That will be so cool!!! But first let me get used to their accent. I dun wanna 'beg ur pardon' all the time when talking to them.

4. Bring auggy out on my own one of these days, such as toyr' us or macdonald. I think abit tough, considering how much he can wriggle if he doesnt wanna be carried and the speed he runs lately, o man i probably need to train up first. Maybe to the Macdonald will have higher possibility cos it involves food. O did i mention that little boy know how to give those 'muack' kiss rather than the big-mouth-open-with-lotsa-saliver type of ' wet wet' kiss? really sweet of him to peck me on my cheek in the morning when i asked him to 'kiss kiss' before i head to work...hehe good way to start a day!

Okie no energy to type anymore. Gonna sleep so that my nose wont run too far away as i'm desperately saving up for studies and have no additional money for any nose job to be done.
~nitenite~

Simple lyrics but it reflect so much on my current mode...thanx gage


Te Busque
by nelly furtado

I've been high I've been low
I've been fast I've been slow
I've had nowhere to go
Missed the bus missed the show
I've been down on my luck
I've felt like giving up
My life locked in a trunk
When it hurt way too much
I needed a reason to live
Some love inside me to give
I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching

Te busque de bajo de las piedras y no te-encontre
En la manana fria y en la noche te-busque
Hasta enloquecer
Pero tu llegaste a mi vida como una luz
Sanando las heridas de mi corazon
Haciendo me-sentir vivo otra vez

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat
Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings
I've been hurt by my past but I feel the future

In my dreams and it lasts I wake up I'm not sure
I wanted to find the light something just didn't feel right
I needed an answer to end all my searching

I look in the mirror the picture's getting clearer
I wanna be myself but does the world really need her
I ache for this earth
I stopped going to church
See God in the trees makes me fall to my knees
My depression keeps building like a cup overfilling
My heart so rigid I keep it in the fridge
It hurts so bad that I can't dry my eyes
Cuz they keep on refillin' with the tears that I cry...

tear-stained glasses...

i didnt know how difficult it is to clean my pair of tear-stained glasses despite me rubbing ever so hard with the spec cloth...

i didnt know how hurt i still am with all the words that my dad had ever said to me...

i didnt know how easily i cry while watching a love-comedy movie...

i didnt know how little self love i actually have for myself...

i didnt know how broken i am inside me all these while...

ask me how i've been doing at work? my reply will be this =)

ask me how i've been coming along? my reply will be this =)

ask me how i've been feeling this week? my reply will be this =)

who am i kidding...i was never =) thru the past week...

i want my tears to stop...but it's been flowing non-stop....

on mc today

how low can one be in a lifetime...

it spiralled downward to a deeper and darker hole...am i too stupid to trust ppl so easily...am i too navie to think that i can rely on others at times...i am juz a tool to them isnt it? To get what they want, to satisfy what they need, to be the idiot they can look for when they need something from me...

i'm tired of giving in...i'm tired of being used...i'm tired of everything

just let me have some peaceful sleep, without any dreams, without any nightmares, without any flashbacks...

i just want some peaceful sleep...

no more night cycling!

o man...my butt is hurting like hell...so are my quads...i think i'll have humongous quads soon...

my first night-cycling trip today with the telok blangah CC...thanx to ah muan who jio me for this event...it turned out to be a mini AH gathering cos quite a no. of colleagues turn up...it's fun! made new frens too...one of them is matt from australia...new podiatrist in AH...fun guy to chat with...he was telling me stuffs about australia...pretty interesting...but at some point i cant quite get his questions cos of his accent...heng he's nice enough to repeat...die lah go aussie how...dun think all will be as nice to repeat themselves leh...cham...

am pretty hopeless in cycling cos first, i keep getting faulty bikes...changed like 3 bikes during the journey...no one broke my record for the nite...am i suey or what?? second, i dunno how to change gear...made myself ride like siao cha bo during up slope cos i used the wrong gear and thus making the ride such a tedious one...luckily during times like these i have ah muan to help..as usual, he laughed at me when i screamed+++ and complained+++ while braving the slopes...he knows how much i hated slopes...be it running or cycling...I HATE SLOPES....haha...juz wanna thank him for helping me throughout....

anyway the whole event was good...cos we have the traffice police to guide us and block other cars for us...haha are we cool or wat...haha i even have one of the big shot policemen to ride along side with me...cos i was struggling with the slopes....darn pai seh....

after the tedious ride back to the CC...we had debrief and were given certificate of appreciation...see still got paper to show that we did nite cycling...haha...first time in my life...i had nasi lemak...after cycling...at freaking 3.30AM! who on earth eat rice in the middle of the niet...anyway it was good...kinda replenish energy alittle...

now i'm all fresh and ready to go to bed...yes with my hair wet..i seriously dun care...if you'll excuse me...i've got an aching butt to nurse for the rest of the day!!

once again....

i sought solace behind my house...

during the day it's a place filled with life and sunshine...place where i'll like to carry baby boy for a walk...

during the nite....overlooking the well lit flyover...it brought back a familiar feeling...i cant rem when did i start going behind my house, find a spot.... sit there and cry...yes cry...sobbing kind of cry...

all i need is to be held and be told that things will be alright...someone did that before and i ended up crying more...but it felt so right...to cry in those arms...

damn it...today is a sucky day for me...if not for meeting up with sid for dinner, it's gonna spiral downward even more...

will snap out of this pathetic self...for now juz let me be the vulnerable me for tonite...juz tonite...

fucked up mood the whole damn day...damn it...

i realise...

that i am actually entitled to pay increament after my confirmation since 22 nov 2006...didnt know till i receive the letter this morning...freaking HR has been owing 3 months of my pay increament which amt to close 900++ bucks!!! the only comforting thing is that they have indirectly 'helped' me save up these amt of money....ha

that a patient of mine that i saw 3 weeks ago...due to some mishandling...her ulcer on her toes has become gangrene...and now it is so bad that she has to undergo op....freaking docs...i wonder wat they are doing...why had the wound turned into gangrene in the first place...i'm worried for her...cos for her to undergo such extensive op at her age...it's too much...i can only pray to whichever god or goddess that she suffers as little pain or agony as possible...i cant help but imagine how the op may reduce a cute old lady like her to a totally different being...sigh...

that i miss watching short films...thanx to simin, i get to catch '2nd Singapore Indie Doc Fest' at substation...it is made up of 3 short films...first from nepal, second from malaysia, third from singapore...i didnt know that two of the characters featured were sitting right infront of me until the Q n A time...more on the details of the short films some other days...

that the reason why i miss yk was becos i miss the spontaniety we had whenever we meet up...the spontaniety of doing something at that spur of the moment and just do it....no pretence, no extensive planning required, no worries of whether the other party will like it or not cos u know each other well enough to deduce that whatever suggested will definitely be favourable...just the 'you onz, i onz, let's go!' kinda attitude....today is somewhat a day where we girls decided to meet up last min to catch the films...and i must say i enjoyed myself every bit...despite being in my ugly office wear and hurting my butt by sitting still for 2 hours...

time is running out

current song: time is running out by MUSE

i used to groove to this song in wala without knowing who the exact singers were...miss wala...miss the band...miss the company...miss yk...as always...wala makes me think of him...he was the one who took me there...the one who told me so much about music...the one who put the idea of me singing in a pub, with him on base, yd on organ, vicky on guitar...the one who said better him than anyone else to force the first cigarette down my throat on my 22nd birthday...the one who introduce me my first stella artois...the one who company me thru the night, keeping me awake while i rush my reports...

been ages since i last saw him online or in person...

oki buta, when are we going to meet up? the last time we talked was during yd's dinner at vicky's place... sometimes he's seemed so busy that i dun dare to ask him out...i miss hanging out with u and yd...talking about everything, anything....of cos minus the part where i'm the sandbag btw the two of u...

many things running thru my head...tired...gonna sleep...

Work in progress for gage's surprise...

And so we started this little 'surprise' thingy on tuesday nite...tired...but we juz wanna do it...funnily we went with minimal ideas on what to draw...but the moment we get started...things juz flow as it is...










tedious to draw on four papers...and i didnt know my frens are good at drawing till now...i didnt know ck can draw the fish, papa ng can draw the oscar man, camera and director seat, adrian can draw the grammaphone and miss phua can come up with ideas of decorating with aluminium as the frame for the mural...as for me...i only helped in drawing the name in the design that i gave gage years ago...




See...we lying on the floor...sitting on the hard ground...drawing...erasing...drawing...colouring with huge crayons....kinda fun u know...



















did i mention that wan wan is our supervior? she'll come in on and off to 'inspect' us...sit on the paper and stuff...luckily we have adrian to fend her off...cos she's extremely scared of him...dunno why...haha


















things drawn are all the stuffs that he likes...erm at least what we can think of lah...i hope he'll be a director one day...follow his heart and make meaningful short films that he always wanted to do...i dun mind being ur crew again...the time spent feeding mosquitoes and sweating like a pig while shooting ur first 3 min film is something that is always memorable to me...of cos i'll demand a sigficant amount of pay if u ever made money out of ur film...haha...



moi name and my favourite symbol and colour...










hehe the name that i drew...














stuuuupid sze...ruined my pic...=p
















the final product....
Happy Birthday...old man=)

love you all the same no matter how old you are...at the most next time i buy u la mer products=p

Ray, jessie, angie and peifen....thank you soo much for bringing all the fun last nite!

mentioned that i desperately needed a drink right? I've actually made arrangement with fen to go 'happy daze' on thurs nite...so happened that on friday evening, jessie jio us to come out for drinks too...so 5 of us decided to meet up...whooppeee....It's nice to go to our usual hang out place where the boss know us and try all out to get all of us high with his new 'creations' haha...it was really fun...cos we are honest customers and will tell him outright that his shots sux if they're really weird and yucky...haha...

had my first graveyard shared among 5 of us...one glass...5 straws and we down it all...that'll be my first and last...worst than drinking stout alone...yucks...

had fun updating each other...giggling, chatting, planning and making fun of each other...this time round i didnt smooch anyone...partly cos jessie, my usual smooch victim, was sitting too far away from me...haha...

i cant wait for next fri's celebration for angie...ha...

met up with calvin and princess for lunch today...treated calvin cos we didnt give him a proper farewell when he left that day...had a good time complaining to him and teasing him...miss having him in the clinic despite him always disturbing us...

after lunch...walked around with princess for awhile...saw this cheap and nice bikini from adiddas..tried it and decided to buy it...hehe...a little treat for myself...after that...went to united square starbucks to have coffee on my own and to read my book...

evening time went back to nyjc for drama nite...this year's performance was disappointing...lacks the creativity and passion...sigh...o and we went to eat dou huay again...juz like good old days...had so much fun recalling wat happened during our time...miss those days so much....

sigh...i think i'm screwed up...why did i complicate things...perhaps i've not been thinking deep enough on what i want...i'm slowly retreating into my own shell once again...i thought things can be kept simple but it proves otherwise...i'm sorry...treat it as i'm manipultive...or that i'm dumb...juz treat me as a fren...

finally it's done and up...hopefully everything goes well...hopefully that someone will like it...if not we can all hang ourselves with the crep papers that we bought but not used...

right now i'm tired..really tired...mentally...physically...been thinking alot...been having emotional rides...i wonder is it cos of my period coming...hate it when i have to go thru things like that...when i cant pin point what the freak is going on...i juz wanna sleep....and not think about things...am so bloody tired...

i need a drink.........