tired...

yah time flies...i'm already in my 3rd week of attachment...mm...pretty worn out...but getting in tune with pts and hospital setting...sadly some of my pts are leaving...which is good cos ultimately they should go home...but i think i'm gonna miss them...although most of them gimme a huge headache when i assess them...haha...

put on weight man...sickening...feel fat and am fat...ugrh...havent gone for training for very long le...argh...i have two huge brusies on my thighs...mm how to wear my short skirt like that...hai yo...one's turning black while the other turning red...how nice...like christmas colour...

eyes gonna close soon man...cant wait for weekend to come...cos i can have fun and hang out with my beloved frens and U! this year's christmas...cant appreciate it more...cos i really need to rest...sleep and not do anything...haha...lazy bum eh...cant wait cant wait...=p

gtg...taking a nap then will plan for tomolo's treatment...jia you yj...-_-

not again...

affected...
all be cos i've been hanging out late during fri and sat nite you assume that i am not putting enough effort on my studies...you said you dun wanna see me repeating my course or not being able to graduate...yah one bad fall and i'm marked dead on that forever...such a failure...ugrh...i know you care but must you always say things like that...

anyway drop tat subj...happy annoucement...i'm gonna be an aunt soon! haha...5 weeks preagnant...i mean my sis-in-law...so exciting!! can't wait man...

hop to another subj...had fun at the bbq last nite...nice to meet up with my click and chit chat...haha lotsa stuff to catch up...oooo juicy news flying around...haha...really have to thank sze for organising this bbq...=)

thanx for accompanying me last nite...sorry arh end up u have to go home while i join the gals at happy days...keke...anyway see u later k...tata

thank u mr H...hehe

alright...second week into my attachment...i'm like half dead cos kena bombarded by sup on alot of questions...think i won't fair well for midway eval...but i'll do my best...anyway now super lack of sleep...gotta prepare for tomolo's party...cos we have to organise games for our dept party tomolo...i hope things will go well...

sat having squash one-day camp...forgotten that it clashes with sze's bbq...will make it...die die i'll go cos i said i'm going...u guys have fun bbq~ing first lo...need anything like tibits or alcohol then i'll buy when i'm on my way there k...

As for U!
speechless...sweet enough of u to send me home juz now and even sweeter of u to give me a surprise...was stressed out today....to the extend it's almost the same kinda stress i felt when i was having exam...well...tomolo's a brand new day...will be better i hope...can't wait for the weekends to come...esp next week's weekend...hehe...thank u so so much!!

how true is it...i dunnoe...

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic, you find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger than most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes, not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-



i'm stressed up...damn stress up...help help help...many things to do...am so damn sleepy...
ugrh...i hate stress...it got worst when i'm home...not so much during attachment...so shitty...really full of shit lo...cos my diagestive system always cok up during attachment...either too stress or something...

i need hug and i need ppl to tell me things are gonna be alright...that i'll not be dead after this one month of attachment...damn it...it's only 2nd day of attachment...

unplanned evening...

i've gotten my purple specs...muah haha...yah yah it's purple! nice k...anyway will let u guys see it on sat...haha

tue nite...was wearing very lok kok...cos someone was wearing t-shirt and berms...wanted to have dinner together then go home early...but we ended up going holland v...eh two underdress ppl going holland v...looked kinda weird...but cant be bothered...haha...simple nite turn out pretty fun...

wed nite...went city hall for dinner...ordered salad and coffee...eh nydc really give huge serving for their salad...cos the one we had ended up as our dinner...pretty big bowl of chicken and veg....soo damn healthy...haha....caught singapore idol at the foutain...first time watching tv there...mm it's like catching those kind of big screen movie except that this screen is made out of water...interesting...yeah taufik won...i've guessed correctly...muah haha...but who know's mb he'll end up like ruben...hmm...

alright, i have to get ready to meet my beloved peifen...havent seen her since her exam...
o yeah sat going yd's house to bum round...
ck babe...if u're reading this...not sure if u're free tomolo...i'll contact u k...mb can meet u for lunch or dinner...

as for U...i'll see u later...~buai buai~

drink drink drink...

wooo...had squash training with coach and the gals...fun...yah i always say it's fun...cos i enjoy the process...

haven't hang out together for so damn long...i miss u gals so much...i miss the drinking days....getting tipsy together and giggling away...o man i miss those days...really...

didn't drink that much last nite...one stella, one volka blackcurrent and one tequila shot...and tah dah...i'm sleepy...so lousy...haha...and can't even play pool properly cos the gals keep teasing and distracting me... so sorry angie...keeping making our team lose...hehe...

bought jessie belated birthday gifts...cos haven't had the chance to see her till yesterday...hehe hope she likes them...

process...am always trying to make the best out of it
many things happened without me knowing the outcome...neither will i wanna expect too much nor to make sure the ultimate outcome will appear for definite...
dunnoe wat i'm blabbering about...juz something that came across my mind...

6 days...

haven't been blogging for days and so many things had happened...gee...i'm dazed by the stuff that went by...

for many things that happened during these 6 days...i haven't quite figured out the reasons why they turn out this way....but i'm contented...pretty much... hehe....U!

sat~ got to hang out with my click of frens...watched SAW....psycho show...but interesting...haha...totally grossed out by the scenes...ck gotten so scared that he had to grab my sleeve...haha...cannot help it but i really find it funny when u hid behind ur bag, sat lower and lower and eventually grabbed the sleeve of the sweater that u lent me...haha...

sun~ went out with mr H...keke...had fun...loved to go out with him...walked around in town and had dinner...then walked around town again..haha...=p

mon~ went shopping with yd...walked alot man...pratically from one end of orchard to dohby ghaut...shopped quite abit...but didn't buy anything except for his 3 pairs of socks...haha...but i enjoyed his company...been a long long time since we last did that...

funny thing was...think both of us are getting older and were so exhausted from all the walking that eventually when we get the chance to sit down...we both let out this ~ah~ sigh...haha like some old ppl...old liao old liao!

in the evening...we went to baker's inn for desserts...my o my...their desserts are sooo good!!! my hot choco cake is soo rich...yd's cream something something(i dun rem the name) is good too...i love the crust on top...it's a sugared crust and u'll need to use the spoon to break it...underneath it is like egg pudding...~melt~ so nice!!!

yan joined us shortly after we're into the desserts...kena strangled by her while yd juz walked away talking on his phone! argh...didn't even save me from her claws...
okie lah i was at fault in the first place for not telling her something...but i still need help when this woman attack...haha...cos she can get quite violent...haha

anyway had fun that nite...happy happy...haha mr H joined us for awhile too...keke...

tue~ had squash training...arh..i nearly died lo...if u think running in the squash courts is easy...come join squash and give it a try...ran 50 times inside and my legs are wobbly already...good butt exercise though...haha try it...

wed~ met up with apple and min...went ktv...hahaha fun fun...always love to sing and hang out with them...alot of things to catch up with...haha even went raffles city to see apple's bf performing as tigger...haha quite funny...cos tigger keep waving at us on stage too...haha

went shopping with the gals after that...stamped my own toe with the high heel i was trying on...gosh was juz telling apple that the shoes look bimbotic and there i am stamping it on my own big toe...-_-''...duh...stupid stupid...bleed abit somemore...

thurs~ went schl for awhile...to surprise someone...haha...guess wat...while walking towards the schl...few feet away a girl infront of me gotten splashed by the car...cos it was raining then...i was trying so hard not to laugh...at the same time counting myself lucky that it's not me...hahaha...then another gal slipped and landed on her butt right before i entered the schl...i feel like i've jinx them or something cos both happened right before my eyes...o man...

o btw...i've gotten my results...hahahahaha satisfying lah...at least no sup paper!!! mainly Bs and Cs...haha...goodness...was so scared lo...cos COP was quite a killer...glad that ppl around me did well too..happy for them as well...hehe good good...

okie have to stop here...too too long le...one more week to attachment...worried...


hehe...yeah pulled thru exams...see...told u men's sixth sense is not accurate...haha
thank you for all the time spend together...love it....
lot more stuff to say but dunno how to put it so shall leave it as it is...
see you later!

incredibles...hehe

6 am in the morning, not that i woke up early... i simply can't seem to sleep...think btw 2-5 am i was sleeping...then suddenly ~ting~ i'm awake...no matter how hard i try to sleep...i can't....cham think tomolo may not be fit enough for training....

i'll still make it for the movie though...it's been a long time since i last watched a show with my click...gonna catch the movie- saw...plot seems pretty interesting, heard it's kinda relate to human survival instinct..mm...will let u know if it's nice...gee...i seemed to be into movie critque lately..

btw i bought the skirt i've been eyeing previously at project shop( ck rem the one i tried for u and sze to see...haha yah yah it's that one!!!) and it was like half price!! haha happy happy...

Insomnia...not sure issit the food i had for dinner, the coffee or you...

have been meeting up with mr H lately....first was in schl...then was lunch and yesterday for dinner and movie....watched Incredibles....eh not as nice as i expected le...beginning part was so draggy...okie lah it does get better towards the end...haha...

got home late...cos of the movie and it was raining so we're stranded in sheltered area...trying to look for cab...

thanx for sending me home...=) and thanx for the lovely nite!
~hugs~

not my cup of tea....

haha was on msn the whole day today...can't believe it...
okie and i went clubbing with the gals today...

first, we went to rouge...nice place...like the atmosphere and the serivce there...more of a chill out place...

then we wanted to go china black....BUT....super duper long que...so took a cab down to zouk and phuture....

dance floor was packed like sardine...and we have to squeeze with so many ppl juz to stand there in order to dance...-_-"....okie as u can see from the way i type...clubbing is so not for me...let me tell u:
1. i cannot dance
2. music sux
3. didn't get to drink much alcohol... if i drank more and i've gotten high mb i'll find no. 1 and 2 more bearable and fun...
4. all youngsters...and drunk(fat and ugly) guys that came and disturbed my gals...ugrh...so wanna flick them off like flies...

i did have fun at rouge when we sat down, talked and drank abit....had great time chatting with the gals...mm juz the dancing part...eh think i'm too old for that...hahaha...

anyway i bumped into yan and her gal...man her gal can dance real well...hehe no wonder this woman aint studying for her exam and instead came out to chiong...

need to sleep le...cannot take it...hair still wet but can't be bothered...tomolo still gotta go for dentist app at 11!! i have been good and have brushed my teeth all the time so pls pls pls...i dun wanna have any decay or holes in them...juz polish them white and shiny...~cross finger~


not sure what time u wait up till....gosh don't wait up next time...should sleep earlier cos u're still sick! okie am off to bed...~nite~

tired...

happy birthday ck!!!!!

o man...i'm sleepy...but have yet to bathe...waiting for the water to get hot...haha....

met up with apple today...finally we get to see each other!!...haven't seen her for monthsss....too bad min still having exams...if not three of us will have crazy time together...mm next wed...i think three of us will meet up...yeah!

we have so much to catch up...and we talked for so so long...haha....esp during dinner and coffee time...and we've been shopping around for her gifts and clothes for hours....man my legs are tired...esp after yesterday's jog....

okie i'm going to bathe now and then will be off to bed...
going clubbing with my classmates later tonite...i feel like drowning myself with alcohol but i know i can't...gotta look after the gals...hai i dun like dancing le...how...mb juz stand there and keep drinking...haha...we'll see...nite everyone...


happy...met up with someone in schl today...
poor chap...you seem pretty sick...eew...take care and pls see doc!

big huggzzzz

o yeah...brought the cookies for the guys and gal...papa ng, vicky, yidong, ck, adrian and chun yew....it's like a family gathering last nite...haha so fun! miss them miss them...finally had the chance to chit chat and bum around at papa ng's place...~contented sigh~ hehe

my reward for the day...big hugs from everyone! haha....okie lah i didn't hug papa ng...eh but i hugged his vicky..so can le...chun yew cannot hug...cos he's too young...haha...

actually, i'm just glad that i can cheer them up alittle...u know how exams can dampen one's mood...haha...but anyway u guys will soon be out of this misery...hehe

And yd...yes lah i celebrate both hari raya and deepavali...where can u find a fren as mutliracial as me..i've even got names in four different races remember...haha...=p

alrighty...i'm off to jog...finally the sky is clear and weather is so damn cooling!!! wonder how much i can run today...eh hopefully alot..haha...ciao~


=)...i'm not too sure what exactly happened but i do hope that this festive season and the visits to your relatives will cheer u up...smile...u know how to reach me when u need to...seeya!
~hugz~

cookies...yum yum....

yesh...managed to get some homemade cookies today....haha...all thanx to my lovely ah ping...u know wat...if u ever open a bakery shop...i'll chip in money to support u k...and help u eat too...muah haha

okie okie...i have to admit..i didn't do much..except for chopping up the nuts (which took me damn long cos the nuts keep rolling...and stop rolling ur eyes when u read this...haha) and shaping the cookies...plus washing up...yah i'm better at washing dishes than baking...haha

i love to hang out with this cousin of mine...cos she's like a little sis that somehow didn't pop out from my mom's womb...haha...i used to bully her alot man...make her cry alot too...but when i look at her today...mm i think she has grown quite abit...no longer the cry baby...hehe...although she made me puke blood during tuition...and is still doing it to the new tutor now....haha...still... she's fun to be with...we'll bake cookies or something else next time k...


~Before Sunset~

wanted to update about this movie but was abit *busy* lately haha

anyway i caught it alone...yah weird but with all my frens having exam and me so wanna catch this show...i seriously dun mind catching it all by myself...although yan keep saying how cham it is to catch a romance show alone...duh...

it's not really a romance kinda movie but it does talk about love and life....i juz looovvveee Ethan Hawke and Julie Deply...they did such great job! The chemistry between them is sooo good...makes me wanna watch Before Sunrise which was produced 9 yrs ago!


i like the relationship that they have...it seems so intense yet real....and it touches my heart so so much...

two strangers went seaparate ways after having met and spent a nite in Vienna 9 yrs ago...they parted before the sun rises...now they happened to meet each other after all these years....they only have one afternoon to find out if the feelings they left behind are real and whether they are really meant for each other....sound absurd...well u should catch it and if u ever do wanna watch it...dun focus too much on the ending or expect the two of them to make out and live happily ever after...cos in reality, things juz dun happen that way...and yesh the ending is slightly abrupt....but hey who is to say there must be an ending to every movie...

if u have the second chance, what would u do to prevent this special relationship from slipping away like it did previously?

the idea that we can only be complete with another person...ever wonder how and when it becomes such a norm...and why it is a norm?? well it's juz something that caught my attention cos i heard of it from a fren long ago and i know it's written by ethan hawke...and btw i love the part where julie deply was going bizarre in the car talking about her perspective towards love...cynical but interesting...catch it catch it...


okie...am suppose to be in bed...
words said, i've heard and i've remembered them
i may not say much but i am indeed smiling...
nitez~

how many ' if only..' have u said in ur life?

cant believe it...once again i woke up early...7.30am...i couldn't get back to sleep at all...it never occur to me that this aging syndrome will hit me so soon... o man...mm anyway i dun intend to sleep in too late...try not to if not during attachment period i sure die...

excited and scared at the same time...gotted posten to sgh neuro dept...demand is there...have to put in effort to keep up to it...

was chatting with this friend of mine the other day...and u know wat...i realise after 3 whole years...i'm still pretty much bitter about the previous relationship...mm...mb cos it's somewhat an unfinished episode...or perhaps it's juz my vincdictive nature...silly eh...i used to imagine the scenario on how my breakup will be...even though back then i was in the midst of being happily attached...weird eh...but anyway the ending is so not wat i thought it will be...

i dun hate him...in fact right now i dun feel a thing about him at all...i didn't shed a tear back then and neither have i cried when i think back...dun ask me why...i really have no idea...perhaps it's all these accumulated feelings that make me so insecure and cynical about relationship...think of it, these thoughts can be quite draining...but can't help it...it juz comes naturally...

life still goes on isn't it...right now i juz wanna be happy...

okie...change colour...went out having breadfast with my parents...they're like little kids chatting about this and that non-stop...

my dad said something about volunteer work...that it is a waste of time...that i should volunteer myself in housework instead( it aint the first time he said that)...-_-" u know i was like alley macbeal....playing scenarios at the back of my mind...except that this is no dancing baby but of stranggling my dad and shaking him hard...telling him to wake up....ugrh...he is so testing my patience....

i've been doing volunteer work since interact club days...and his words simply just brushed aside all my effort...i so wanna to ask him...so next time when i'm a therapist my job will be one that is of wasting time too issit...didnt ask...i was afraid of hearing his ans...cos if he ever said yes...i will stop eating immediately and walk home straight a way...thinking if it's time to move out of the house...seriously i had enough of him saying things that hurt me in one way or another...he did that once...and i crumbled like nobody's business....yah i am fragile esp to his comments...mb that's why i'm so stubborn, trying to prove him wrong...but time and time it seems like nothing has gotten across to him...

enough said...i'm going shopping...retail therapy..here i come...and i better get something good...after not being able to get my peachy bodynits panty...i need something else to perk me up...haha...

goodness...i think i had such bad cough that my chest hurts....i can't even breathe in hard or cough too much cos it's painful...thanx to exam man...ugrh...now i can't even do sit ups or go jogging...dun think my lungs can take it....

need to sleep...but aint really sleepy yet...bet it's the coffee taking effect...juz chatted with a friend...hehe

today's so fun...went out with pf finally...watch shark tale...ain't as good as finding nemo...story wise...it's not really a cartoon for children...seems to suit adults more...still, it's pretty entertaining...laughed quite abit...

bought a short skirt at far east...muah haha it's cheap! bought earrings too...my favourite tear-drop shape...wanted to get a pair of shoes too...but too bad last pair was the displayed ones...so gave it a miss...

went to this eating place at scotts food court...they have burger called bao-ger...haha...it's very much like burger except that the bread is replaced by the bao...mm...get it? anyway we didn't eat that...we ate the set dinner with rice...nice! the person in-charge recommanded us the chilli crab bao-ger...mb next time we'll try it...should be nice...

alright i need to sleep...need to go town again tomolo...meet elective mates to get my assignment signed...duh....and to meet yan....and this woman...did something shocking...so shocking that i think ppl will be looking at us tomolo...-_- thanx arh...

anyway nite~.....yd, ck, papa ng, adrian.....hang in there...exam will soon be over...soon we'll be able to party~~~

yeah...exam over...

muah haha...exams are finally over....i'm here idling around with nothing to do...cos most of my frens are still having exams....and poor pf is sick...so have to cancel the dinner with her...hopefully tomolo can meet up with her for a movie...

cleared my room...finally, i have adequate space to walk around...haha...can't believe myself...i have never been such a good girl before...to clear my stuff right after exam...haha even my parents said i'm a little weird...

anyway went wala wala yesterday...unexpected band wasn't performing...hai...wasted...i so wanna hear shirlyn sings...mm...they had this other band with a male lead singer...aint really special...songs they sang are basically wat u hear from radio...

bored bored bored...nothing to do...okie shall stop...gtg...waiting for someone to call...haha..

panicky...

the older i get the more panick attacks i'm prone to...first is pract now is exam....my heart is weak...it's going to fail me soon with all these heart racing moments...

using my brain to study brain functions and memory...if only when i study these topics my memory will increase from KB to GB...i'll be so happy...

Seriously i miss my friends...really i do...i miss theirs faces...i miss talking to them face to face...i miss laughing with them...yah u'll think i'm some crazy woman who can only miss friends cos she got no lover...haha but i really do miss them lots...the only thing i can do now is sms them...how am i going to survive if i ever wanna go oversea to study or work...hmm..beats me...

and i wanna watch Visit of Tai Tai too...but i know i dun have the luxury to do so...o well guys let me know if it's nice k...i'll catch other productions once my exams are done...hopefully by then there'll be good plays around...

Before Sunset....aim to catch it after exam too...ethan hawk...like him...esp after great expectation...sigh...

alrighty back to studies...hang in there...everyone...or mb just me...

my little kite

juz had two pract exams...taking a break...here's something i've written long ago...cant rem what i was feeling when i wrote this...juz something to share...

Daddy taught me how to make a kite
simpl, plain yet significant
Colourful strings attached to it
How beautiful the kite was,
I used to think

Soaring in the glaring sky
my little kite disappeared among the clouds
Panicked, yes I was
But with a little tug and pull
it came flying back into my sight, my comfort zone

Controlling the roll of thread was fun!
Pull it,
and the kite will be by my side
Let go,
and it will merge with the sky!

But how fun can it be
when the thread snapped
And my little kite was mine no more
Tried to grasp it with my little arms
All I had was emptiness

'It's okay' Daddy said
'We can always make another one'
Yes, and maybe I can attach more threads to it,
So that it will not be taken away from me again!

Daddy only smiled at me
The same kind of smile that I will have right now...

~yj~

@_@

Guess wat...i havent been sleeping for 20 hours le...rushing the 3 assignments...and i finally finished on time...hopefully i can make it thru...esp robert's case...i crack my head to do one....

aint really tired at this point...think over the point of feeling tired...

have to start mugging for papers le...and pract too...i really really hope i can do well for pract....though not very likely..but...will try my best...hopefully my mom will be guinea pig for me to test on....

think i may not blog for quite a while...but guess all my friends are busy mugging too...all the best for all ya exams...

gtg...ppl...sleep well and drink more water k....

i will survive...~i miss the helium voice~

running out of time but here i am...wasting time...sipping at my ginseng...hoping it will gimme the wakefulness that i so needed now...

2 down 1 more to go...drowning in the sea of papers...come look at my room...every inch of it is covered with papers...it's the time of the year again....reports...driving me nuts...hai this time of last year...i have buta san to acc me thru my typing....but this time round he's too busy to keep me company...hai yah miss those times...cos can irritate him...haha...have to thank him o...cos he always have to take my grumbles and complaints whenever i catch him online...


X: hey are u drowning?
Y: no, i'm swimming.

ass-u-me.....yup....ppl like to assume...explain further next time....i'm running out of time...

it's killing me....

arh....the headache is killing me...right frontal lobe...making my right eye pain also...as though it's gonna pop out...had it during squash training juz now...

training today is fun...kinda take my stress away abit...i think i'm driving coach crazy...cos i'm forever so slow...in reflex and in learning from my mistakes...hai yah but then i tried my best le....

arh...pain pain pain....weird tot i was hungry that's why headache came...but then ate bread liao it's still there...hopefully the bath will relieve it....

hai sickening shit...tomolo have to attend national education....waste my sleeping time....not that i dun love my country...but being a history student and under s'pore schooling system for so long...i bet the govt's propaganda is working very very well in all of us(if u watch dim sum dollies u'll know how true it is...ha!)...why on earth they want to make us sit thru these excruciating 10 hours of lectures....plus that lecturer....cannot stand him....

exams is in 2 weeks time...still doing assignment...next year how...will be worst lo...double the work load plus squash...how to cope arh...think i may juz drop dead...doubt i can fulfill the roles to expectations lel...how how how....

arh headache....i miss wala wala so much...i miss roy playing guitar too...hai~ but then heard he's not back with the band...hai~ why why why.....
will drink till i'm dead drunk after exam...dun care arh...i cant take it any longer...

foul mood

once again i'm in bloody mood...not cos i'm having my period...cos i've realise something which i have been denying and hoping it has changed....

firstly, i have so many darn assignments to rush that i practically haven't been sleeping more than 5 hours daily...and now i'm having sore throat...and headaches...great...

i realise no one in my family take me seriously...an hour ago my parents met old neighbours of ours back in the ang mo kio days...they came to our house, they talked and looked around.

Something in their conversation struck me...when they asked my parents if i were still studying in university...my parents juz gave a small laugh and replied yah havent finish studying...

i mean wtf...they dun even take the time to tell them that i'm in poly and not a uni-grad with basic degree student...they probably think it's such a trivial thing to them...mb they dun find the need to explain to other ppl but to me it juz mean something...they dun give a damn wat i'm doing...

count me a petty, paranoid, stupid bitch but all i ever wanted is their recognition...but all i ever get is seeing them proudly showing the neighbours the tonnes of books that my bro bought from china back when he was studying there...

and u know wat...i realise all these years i have been fighting the battle alone, trying so hard to get back on my feet and so bloody caution not to fall again, trying to make them proud of me...alone....no matter how much i tell myself that they are there for me...fact is they're not...

i'm so tired...whenever i touch on this issue i'm always so emotional...so lonely...

tired...have been sleeping less than 5 hours daily since the start of this week. test is over so i'll have to focus on the assignments coming along...

it's either my period is coming or i'm juz pure emotional...i acutally feel like crying and screaming my head off...too many things on hand and too little time to complete them...i actually feel like slapping ppl; holding them on the shoulders and shaking their heads off violently...not that i have any grudge against them...it's juz that the tot of it somehow helps de-stress me abit...u know like ally mcbeal...everything only happen in my brain...

lately have been stoning alot...as if living in my own world...cant seem to connect with things or ppl around me...it's like i'm fading off...slowly...mb eventually when i really do fade off no one will know...young environment...fun...cheery...but competitive and tiring too...guess i'm too old for it...or i simply has no abilities to keep up to it...

perhaps the barrier i built didnt allow me to connect with ppl around me...i make new friends, i can chat with them and i like them too...but somehow i juz feel something is lacking...something wrong with me...

head is really heavy now...felt it being hammered in the noon...sharp pain...but temporary...perhaps it's telling me to rest....

midnight...

was walking home alone from sengkang back to punggol at 1230am...took me 30 min to reach home....
one thing is that there isnt any more bus service back home...another thing is i juz wanna walk...alone...at night...

quiet nite...cooling...listening to my receiver and walking....felt relaxed and at ease....a peaceful feeling that i have no idea how to put across....yah a little dangerous mb...but there's no one on the streets except cars, me and my music....nice....

havent been walking that route lately...kinda missed it...passed the flyover; watched the cars drove by...reminded me of something in the past.....

a walk like this always manage to calm me down and pacify my distress....therapeutic sia...haha...yah only for me...

tomolo watching movie at art house...yeah....

faith...

squash tornament ended today...players did great job! am really proud of them...though we may not be top 4...still we proved that we work as a team...

havent got the chance to mention bout sat's event...the yr 3 of OT students organised the sports day for the SPD ppl....we as yr 2 and yr 1 students got to help out....

really fun event...had fun fair and sports game for the physically disabled and intellectually disabled ppl....so fun! seeing them enjoy themselves made me feel that the time spent was so worth it...

was in charged of low functioning intellectually disabled clients....they can be really cute and smiley; naughty and playful; bad temper and throwing tantrum occasionally...intereacting with them really open my eyes...cant say i know how to deal with them totally...but at least i feel comfortable around them=)

okie...today went to IMH...for visit k...not to admit there...went with lecturer and classmates over to have a look in how OT has helped mentally ill patients...interesting visit....enriching..

after the session had ended...my project group mates stayed over in IMH's cafeteria to have discussion....o my goodness...we're really surrounded by whole lot of mentally ill patients...one kind of experience man....this india guy even came over and introduce himself...telling us he's a schizophrenic patient who stayed in IMH for 15 yrs...not that we're scared or anything...but juz dun understand how come they can walk around out of their wards...

a friend asked me...dun u pity these mentally ill ppl??? well...why should i? like i said...these ppl have had enough stigma and pity for as long as they had their illness...what they need is faith from us...why place emphasis in pitying them when we could have done something more productive with them...

not sure since when i have this thought...be it mentally ill pt ; SCI pt; cerebral palsy kids ; intellectually disabled pt...they're like angels with broken wings, sent down to let us know that the world is imperfect and never take things for granted...

it's juz a thought...

freak....

i need recognition...
i need a pat on the shoulder...
i need assurance...
i need security...
i need support...
i need control...
i need friendship...

i dun need a lover...
i dun need sarcasm...
i dun need laziness...
i dun need hypocrites...
i dun need stupidity...

i juz wan a hug...is that too much to ask for?

happy sha la la la.....

am so happy....today's matches are good...the guys and the gals....everyone is so excited esp for the gals team against tp...and i'm so glad that we beat them

o man...my heart was beating so damn hard when i saw them play...such tough fights but they did so well...really deserved it...

i love the team spirit...not only the team players but the club members who are cheering as well...love them so much man...

another match on thurs...i hope they'll carry on the fighting spirit!

All the best!

back on my feet

alright...fri has finally came...
have never felt as tensed up before as today...had discussions one after another...have notices of deadline for various reports and presentations...
great thing was that i get to go out with this fren whom i knew thru the camp previously...he's cool...and fun to talk with...asked me some questions that i'm too brain dead to come out with proper ans...alittel too stoney becos toooooo lacked of sleep! still it's pretty interesting to converse with someone who is younger and of other culture.

something that we chatted about...simplistic person that he hopes to find as his companion...rem i made a remark...if only things around us are that simple...i guess ppl will be as simple too and there won't be so much conflicts among one another...u'll realise the older u grow...the more complex things around us seems to become...welcome to adult world...o well hopefully he'll find a simple gal...then he'll be a really lucky fellow...

felt so relaxed and calm to talk and juz bump around...after whole day of being hectic...i really need that...so i truly appreciate the company...

alright...sat....bloddy bloody tired.....wanted to skipped read-with-me prog...but then...the children's faces started poping out in my mind...so in the end i went...and boy...they're still as cute as ever...never fail to amaze me...they may be kids with some deficits but...but their innocence will always be something that touches me...and their smiles...haha definitely make my day...i love to see this particular kid smile...so sweet! considering he used to cry all the time when he comes...it's really nice to see him smile...and this timid gal who smiles the most when she sees her mother...cute!

next week last lesson with them...mm...quite fast eh...

went out to lunch after the volunteer work...with jiarong...hai yo this guy ah...never seem to change...still as happy go lucky as ever....always makes me laugh like hyena whenever he fills me with his absurd ideas...this time round..it's about the sorta wife he wanna get..-__-"someone who is motherly...o man...can't stand him! haha...wonder when he'll grow up...mentally i mean...physically he's already like a gaint...hehe

alright...long winded eh...after lunch went squash...fun..though have to 'fight' for courts...ran more this time round...played few games with the gals and guy...not bad...enjoyed myself alot! muah haha....will challange them again next week....

dinner...went to buy cake for vicky...simple celebration this yr...no more helium birhtday song...haha...o man i miss those times...still rem singing 'i will survive' in that sorta ducky voice in front of the vcam...haha...hilarious...try it if u can...really entertaining...

gtg sleep...nite~

i think i need waterfall....or my regular LIT....

for those who understand the heading....haha u know wat i mean...shh...

yes tomolo is fri...finally i can rest a little bit...been sleeping late for all the 5 days...am trying to pushed myself to do the stuff...sometimes sleeping can be so waste of time..but i can't say i can do without it...

i know i'm tired but somehow i'm like nuts...keep pushing myself all the time...i wanna know to what extend i can push my limit to...or perhaps i'm juz trying to prove something...

i wanna be simple minded or i tot i am one...but actual fact... my thoughts are always complex, contradicting, cynical...

i wanna type more...but brain not working le...so nitenite

pissed off with myself

am fucking pissed off now...with myself...dun feel like talking...
what's wrong with me...watever i do it all turn out wrong...
starting to doubt my capabilities...
can i do it or can i not...
i hate regrets and i hate history to repeat itself...but whenever shit happens i'll start to contemplate the decision i've made...
i tried to be as strong as i can all these while...
i really cant afford to collapse at this point...
no one knows how much effort i put in to pull myself out from the shit i went thru before
who can i lean on if i ever gone down again...
myself? God? friends? parents?
i feel so tired...mentally...

funny conversation

was chatting with yk last nite...was telling me some cases that he encounter in phone counselling...came across something that i couldnt help laughing....it's the way he try to explain things to me...damn funny...here goes our chatting....

yk: orh...encountered some guys who called thru the line and tell us ridiculous things...

me: uh wat ridiculous things?

yk: usually caller will call and say they have relationships with 20 men..or some guy will call in and say he jerked off in his sis's room...all very exaggerated one...

me: uh jerked off?means???

yk:......(super long pause k)
ehh well...which is the biggest room in ur flat?

me: uh masterbed room lo...

yk: uh huh...u minus the word room...
ta da u'll get the meaning of jerk off...

Yah that's basically it...-__-''... i was like laughing my head off..he could have saved all the trouble and tell me straight away wat it means....never fail to make me laugh man...come to think of it...i should have answered him living room instead of masterbed room...then i'll see how he's going to explain to me about that...hahaha....

yeah i'm finally done with my report...did it from 4pm all the way till sun set...hai damn slow...should speed up my pace man...at least now one load off my back...yeah!

tomolo is the IVP for our squash...it's gonna be tough fight but i'm sure our players can do it...go with open mind and do ya best...=)

my room has been in a mess since....dunno when...am the most untidy gal...haha think it'll be worst with all the reports to do...mm...i did clean up but it juz went back to that messy state...too bad lo...

o yah gina coming nyp for a 3 months course...so exciting...can finally meetup with her for lunch! haha it's been like 4 yrs since we last studied together in nyjc..now we can be school mates again..hahalucky lady...hopefully this coming job will be a good one for her...on the other hand...she can always stay home and be tai tai...haha guess we've all had this idea that she'll be a housewife once she get married....

alright...i gotta go bathe...need a hot bath...if only my toilet has bath tub too...that'll be superb...ha ciao~

one week gone...argh....

great....my one week hols juz zoom past me like that...gotta rush my counselling report...am so dead again...once this hols end...it'll mean endless assigments and project work...did i say i used to hate project work...but somehow i prefer it more than reports now...ugrh...

went for a camp on mon and tue...pretty interesting...second day was more fun...cos my team can work better together....we actually enjoyed ourselves more without all the conflicts and struggles....it happened during day 1...and i was quite taken aback...

Few things happened...
1. swam for the first time in nyp pool...

2. slipped by the pool side...damn stupid and embarassing...cos i was practically on my back...like an old lady...sooo malu...my only concern-my back, luckily it wasnt a hard fall..if not i'll get another fracture again...

3. gotten pushed into the pool by my facilitators...have yet to revenge =p

4. made new frens in my team...soo happy to know them...facilitators included...haha

5. china guy in my team actaully said my chinese not bad...hoho havent hear that for a long time...happy...

6. first time i host a short performance...uh i tend to stammer whenever i have to speak in english in front of whole lot of ppl...good that it didnt happen~ phew~

7. didnt know i can run that fast.....sprinting is so not my cup of tea....nearly died after the run...haha...man i rather jog 8 rounds than sprint 400m.....

8. i thought my patience is getting shorter and shorter...in fact it's still there...and stretched too...think this thing comes along with age...ha....

it's memorable for me...cos i seldom get to participate in this kinda camp...ppl i intereact with never fail to amaze me with their capabilities.....


after camp, was slacking at home...studying for basic theory...should have gone for the bike one...cos bro say if i gotten the lisence for it he'll buy me a bike....haha wonder if he'll keep to his words...=p at the most i drive dad's bike....

thurs went out for ppr discussion....so fun...am going to film something again...hopefully it wont take long...went out shopping with ck then...bought a top and he ended up buying more than me...how unfair is that....but babe...thanx for coming down to accompany me despite u lacking of sleep....muack...thank u.....still think it's funny...the way we chatted that day...hee...

okie i seriously need to sleep...nite everyone.....yd, papa ng and vicky and adrian...meet up soon....muack!

I WANT TO SLEEP

bloody bloody tired...but i like it...cos it means tonite i can sleep without any dreams...peaceful sleep thru the nite....

yesterday spent the whole nite trying to burn that counselling videos for my team mates...hai yo so troublesome man...i tot it's as easy as burning audio files...didnt know must have other programmes to convert the videos...was so desperate man...
luckily i have ck to help me and also yk to send me an idiot proof prog so that i can rip the file without much trouble...thanx guys...i will learn my lesson to seek help earlier and not end up suffering plus deprieved of sleep...

week went by juz like that...physio test was a killer and the more i do the mcq the more confused i am...i need more time to think thru the qn...it's either i'm slow or i'm stupid man...hai~
okie debate was alright...though i must say...i sux BIG time in debate...i dun even know wat i'm talking about! i think ppl also dun understand wat i'm trying to say...gees...when can i communicate at ease in english? sometimes i wonder since when i had such huge problem speaking english...it wasnt like that last time...

next week is my one week break...tot i can rest but seems like i cant...mon and tue got camp...i kinda regretted joining esp after seeing the ppl at the briefing on last wed...sian~ then wed i have to trying to do my assignment...thurs is for discussions...fri there is a gathering...yah then one week will be gone juz like that...and i still have so much work to catch up...how~

it seems like there is lesser time for myself...time management is my major problem and i seriously need to plan my stuff properly...why am i always so busy? and wat am i busy with...

hai~ i abit scare for physio le...though i have been trying to keep up...i scare i fail the test...have to keep my fingers crossed at all times man..

as u can see...my tots are in random now...which means...i really need to sleep le...

side notes: i planted balasm with my fren..hopefully it'll grow...

my babies...o my babies....gone...

so blue...

true enough my sunflower babies withered under my hands!!! damn damn!!! shouldn't have moved them...or like wat my lecturer said shouldn't have touched them too much when transfering them...now they're like dying...gone gone....my poor babies...

think i can only grow cactus...even cactus died under my hand before...o man...is there any other plants that are more hardy and can withstand my rough handling...urgh...stupid stupid stupid...

suddenly i'm kinda daunted by this question....do i have the ability to keep doggies...wah wat if they die under my hands too..how...i cannot take that le...

i must say i am still guilty for making that hamster died last time...due to my ignorance...thought it could survive solely on veggy without giving it water....stupid right...no wonder the very last day of this poor fellow...its body was like suddenly so skinny...it wasnt until lately that i realised it's my fault...cos that hamster was smuggled back by my bro from china...haha...i tot it couldnt get used to the weather here and died...o man..it's me.....hai~

gotta get back to work...tired...bye babies...sob sob~

i'm so dead....

this is red alert man...am so up to my neck already....procrastinating like a stupid idiot for the past few weeks! o man what am i doing....i seem to lose all the discipline i'm left with.

physio test is in one week's time...though i hve kept up reading to chap 11... i have this feeling i need to read them on more time...again!

have counselling session to shoot...hopefully can be done within one or two days...have debate next week too...have to prepare...i scare i gabra....o no...i'm never good in debating using english...chinese i may be able to do so but english i'm sure to stammer man...

am starting to feel abit draining...cos of training...think i got too much of it...someone used to ask me whether i'm sian about going for training so frequently...i'm fine with it...but now that i have to juggle with my schl work...i felt stretched...i can't help but feel the same scenario replaying....like the time when i spent way too much time on ccs...my grades suffered...i suffered...for 2 freaking yrs...history cant repeat itself...not on me...

the only thing i'm glad is that my sunflower sprouted!!! muah haha....at least it shows that i still have a little hope in gardening...gonna transfer my babies to bigger pots tomolo!!! may u all grow strong and healthy! hahahahaha

ihopeimnotlosingu

i totally have no idea wat to write...spent my public hols rotting at home and watching tv...how unproductive...o man and i'm suppose to be an ot....

great...sat went out for dinner with my frens...ate at magic wok...food is not bad and pretty reasonable too...actaully i dun care about the food...i juz wanna sit down with my frens and eat with them...their presence and company are good enough for me...i guess it's becos sometimes i fear that not meeting often with them will prone to us drifting apart...insecurities...that's me...
we went to a coffee place at arts house too...the out of tune singing and guitar playing nearly stop us from going in...but alright...we still settle on that place...atmosphere is good and cosy...juz minus the singing...

i need to buck up in my work...havent been able to concentrate fully...i'm trying very hard...cant lose my grip now or i'll go crazy....have to be more discipline...damn it...

o yah i finally baked my pendant...heng it came out nice and not chao ta...it's so fun...and hopefully the seeds we planted today will sprout into little plants...and hopefully my sunflower and petite orange will grow....i'm not a very plant person...remembered that a bonsai i was so hoping it will grow sorta die under my 'care'...hai i think i can only get more satisfaction thru arts and craft....anyway if u're wondering how come i have so much time to do all these...well...it's part of our lesson to do them....haha fun eh...love my course....

gotta run...have to study....ciao~ everyone

run...run...run....

broke my own record today...ran 8 rounds with jessie...o man...with my aching calves i still force myself to jog...mb tomolo my legs will turn wobbly...o well...love jogging...it's always nice to have someone to jog with

had this discussion with the student officer who is incharge of squash...bloody idiot...he dun wanna send the squash team to IVP and he keep saying nasty things like...competition is not for gaining experience but for good players to play and win games...

come to think of it...there are so many things for us to explore; to try and to gain knowledge...if we were not given the chance to compete in this tornament...it'll be a real pity cos we'll be denied the opportunity to learn....

things are getting better for me...but i think work load is piling up...am so tired after training...but squash is still quite fun for me...dunnoe is it the ppl or the sports itself...haha i aint a competitive player...definitely not man...but playing it out of interest is really fun....=)

have to go bathe...stinky~~~

Almost.....

sat was fun except for losing v cam...apart from that...i did have fun with my click...and truly i enjoyed myself...havent seen them for a long time and it always feels good to meet up with them...but next time we shall decide on a place that has less ppl yah....

anyway that's not the point...so many things happened on sat...and it's kinda overloading my brain....first was the friendly match...okie first time i won a match...happy....

evening went out for gathering with frens...had alot of fun but end up losing my fren's equipment...okie very giulty bout it but never mind cos will pay for it....

worst of all...my two bao beis fell off the bike in the sat afternoon along the highway...and until the next morning...i didnt know a single thing about it...how great a daughter i am.....juz freaking great eh

luckily they are still in one piece...with bit of scratches here and there....and i really thank god that they actaully fell on the left side of first lane where there's no vehicles...if they were to fell on the right...would have been knocked by on-coming cars...

hai~ this thing has never happened to my dad before...think it's the first time the bike slided and they fell...dunno wat's wrong...and the worst thing is...they landed by the side of the highway bleeding and no one....NO ONE stopped to help them...bloody ppl only know how to see from their stupid cars and bikes...two of them actually have to call 995 on their own...and u know what...they cant get thru 995! so ended up calling the police...

sometimes i wish my parents will inform both my bro and i about wat happened....i'm not blaming them for not calling us when they're at the hospital...but i would definitely have rushed down if they had called me...at the very least i can do is be there and give them comfort...but anyway that's the way both of them handle stuff...and i'm glad they're okie now...juz hope their wound will heal faster...esp my dad's...

overload overload...many things running thru mind...gotta sleep...

waterfall waterfall....

happy birthday ray...haha...dunno wish u how many times le...haha had so much fun on sat nite...but still didnt managed to bring u down with two waterfall...next time perhaps...graveyard will be the next one for u (i'm not cursing her hor...it's juz the name of a drink) =p
 
had so many surprises for my captain last nite...past two weeks were really tough on her and she really deserve a treat...so this surprise bday celebration come juz in time...hehe like to see ppl happy and see their surprised cum touched expressions...always makes me smile...
 
angie, jessie and me bought different presents for her...hehe hopefully she'll be happily using that disco ball, money clip and eating those delicious chocolate! o man so fun to hang out with u gals...too bad i cant join u all next sat...mm but it'll be good to take a break too...haha will continue our meet ups week after next eh...by then we'll make ray have more waterfalls....haha still cant stop laughing when i think of her expression while she drank her supposed birthday drink...and me bluffing her that the plain water is meant for her burnt mouth...haha...
 
didnt do muc today...except read something on autism...and notes on the case study....austism never fails to interest me and make me wanna explore more in depth...will not give up looking for infor on it...cos somehow i wanna know what the world of an autistic kid is like...not sure if i can really help them but at least i understand and see wat i can do for them in future if i ever get into pediatric department...or mb mental health....
 
tomolo will be a long day for me...hopefully will survive thru...o yah signed up for kickboxing lesson in schl and it starts tomolo...pls let the lessons be fun...if not my 30 bucks will go down the drain...hehe...nite everyone!

yup i'm sick...

after having squash continously for  four days last week and three days this week....i finally fell sick...yup sore throat, flu and slight fever...fren of mine said i shouldn't have pushed myself so hard, cos my health will sure give way...appreciate her concern...still i went ahead with it...stubborn eh...but that's me...
 
like to keep myself busy...cos it proves my existence; good in the sense it keeps me occupied and focus... i won't have the time to dwell on other stuffs...i always have this thinking that i rather die of exhaustion than die not doing anything at all...there was this period of time when i dun even wanna wake up cos i can't bear to face the days ahead and i have simply lost interest in every single thing around me. Worst of all, the routine of my life then was so bloody empty that my inner self is slolwly seeping away...so for now i'm juz glad that i can keep myself busy...=)
 
anyway, went out with ck today and we watched spider man....yeah finally caught this movie...it's exciting and touching...haha runaway bride in the spider man movie...interesting eh....wonder if gal like MJ does exist....who will sacrifice so much for the man she loves????
 
o yah, i finally went to book the basic theory test...die die i wanna learn how to drive...i can't stand public transport...if i'm desperate enough i may even switch to learn bike...cos it's so low maintainence....happy...cos i finally make the first step to learn driving rather than hoping i can drive without even going thru the lessons...haha
 
i realise i'm getting more and more short tempered lately...seems like things are getting on my nerve easily...something is wrong man...think i need sleep...or maybe i need to relearn how to communicate and readjust myself....guess my moulting period is due soon...

zonked out on sat nite....

at this point of time...i so wanna sleep...but am waiting for my parents to come back...dunnoe where they went...12++ liao havent reached home yet...
 
 
yesterday was near the point of dead drunk...was at the rim of losing conscious when the gals sent me home...and by the time i reached home, i have to hide in the toilet cos my sis-in-law was using com in my room. And the next moment i know...i was sitting by the toilet bowl...haha ugly sia...luckily by the time i got out, my room was cleared and i managed to drag myself to my room and juz sleep...
 
 
guess i was too tired...physically and mentally...this whole week was hectic for me...trying my best to do things right but still seem to screw up...
 
 
something happened during the squash training on sat...didnt exactly see it happened but it sure wasn't a pleasant one. Consequence always attaches itself with the things we do...somehow u have to learn to deal with it...handle it well and u'll be safe, if not u'll juz be buried alive by all the consequences that comes along the way....
 
 
The world doesnt revolve around one single person...with or without one's existence, it'll still go on...somehow we are all made to be selfish and tend to magnify only our problems....cynical...but i think it's true...i hate being an adult...cos things will complicate themselves and at the same time u'll realise how ppl can turn to be so ugly all of the sudden....mentally drained...dun wanna think anymore...
 
have to sleep...my two bao beis still havent come back...dunno where they go...tot i'm the only happening one...mm...mb not...nite~

i'm so drained now...

this is only the first week of schl and I'm already feeling worn out...o man not a good sign...either it shows that age is getting on me or that problem lies in me not able to handle stress well...again...

guess I need time to adjust...I always take longer to adjustment to environment...slow to react...damn...

anyway, the orientation thingy for squash was fun and pretty successful...effort and time put in have finally paid off...happy for our squash club...my captain is treating us dinner this sat...so pai seh to make her pay...mb we should be the one treating her back cos I can see she've worked double hard than us...

schl work will be piling like siao in a few weeks time...I have to be able to cope with it...dun wanna feel panicky but I am feeling it alittle now cos quite a no. of new stuff to learn...things like physio...I'm already lost during the first two lectures...haha need to read up during weekend...

dun wan history to repeat itself...I seriously can't afford it...but somehow I have this feeling that it's coming back...damn it damn it damn it...is it cos once u get into it u wont be able to get out that easily? but I was fine for the past yr...hopefully things wont be back to square one...at least I hope the new me compared to three years back will be stronger to handle bad situaition...ugrh...I really dislike this feeling...it's like u're stuck and couldn't move on...and all u can do is struggle...

I missed u guys so much...yd n ck...though u two still having hols...meet up soon k...really need to see u two to bitch and destress haha

am going back to sleep...woke up to go bathe..cos I slept at 8 today...

i juz realise something...

guys, I realise the classical conditioning I've been saying is not by Piaget...I made a mistake!!!! It's suppose to be Palov's theory! o man keep making such stupid mistakes...stupid stupid...

Btw had an incredible experience today...never ever in my life have I had the experience of ideas being stolen by someone and use it as their own. Except that in our case it's not ideas that are stolen but poles! F***king table tennis ppl from NYP used our poles for their booth set up! Bunch of selfish, mindless kids...so f***king lazy to buy their own poles that they actaully have to steal ours to make their pathetic booth...and their president still dared to claim that those poles where bought by them. Come on...all the length are exactly the same as those we've lost...EXACTLY the SAME!

Mmm mb this is only the beginning...cos I'm sure in the working world such things are bound to happen...but make sure u're not the one doing it because it simply proof ur incapabilities and stupidity...

dead tired...finishing venting my anger...nite...

body in bad shape...

cool...yesterday was fun! went ikea...bought the mat which my mum always bug me without fail when I mention that i'm going there to buy stuff...bought wooden frames too...

I bleed to death man..am 145 buck poorer...bought the squash racket I've been eyeing for...damn ex...tried my best to lower the price...managed to cut it from 169 to 145...did disgusting thing like making myself sound like little gal and pleaded the boss to lower the price further, claiming that I'm a poor poor student....yd and ck were like giggling there lo...so pai seh...they said i could have lowered the price more...but I cant stand myself doing anymore digusting stuff..so let's juz say 145 is a good bargain.

went over to sze's house for dinner...so sweet...see his father, mother, him and vic all squeeze in the kitchen preparing dinner while we actually fell asleep in their living room...haha...o man they already look like one family...cosy cosy man....

anyway the supposed main objective today was to help yd shift from his old hostel to the new one....uh but it only start at 8pm...haha
this guy didnt even pack his stuff at all...and we have to fight against the dust, spider and time...can u imagine emptying his room in 30 min...practically we juz do whatever we can and dump his stuff in the limited 2 empty boxes...the funniest thing is to dump his clothes in bedsheet and tied the bedsheet so that it'll be one huge package -__- like those old chinese movie..where ppl wrap their clothes with a blue cloth except that this is sooo much bigger and heavier...

glad that everything is settled...at least now yd's new room looks good and suitable for sleeping...hoho

As for today...went to vote for my coach today at the squash association AGM...the current committee is so damn f***ed up....delayed our time...not enough chairs for us to sit...didnt follow the constitution they've set and gotten question by members...all the president can ans was ' I'm not sure....I think....'
Luckily my coach's team of ppl won the vote- 60++ votes againt 20++ votes for most of the committee ppl selected...hopefully they'll do a better job and make squash a more recognise sport.

That's all for today...one min I'm hungry and now I'm feeling bloated...something's wrong with my disgestive system....if not it must be due to the soon-to-arrive 'best fren'....am so bloody fat...hope tomolo's squash session will make me sweat...nitez

feeling nothing

feeling tired...
feeling numb...

am I happy?
am I sad?

no ans to that...cos like wat I said to my fren there is nothing for me to be ecstatic about, neither is there anything that upsets me...

everything is changing...
everyone is changing...
I'm changing...
wat if one day my frens say to me: geez...yj...I don't know who you are anymore? what am I to do? how am I to react?
need to take a step back and back off...

schl starting in one week's time...I'll be busy like hell...no more can I slack....no more can I do the things I wanna do....no more can I meet up with the frens I wanna meet up...but good in a sense there's always things to keep me occupied...then I won't be down again...

Dog...dog....dog...I need a dog...I want a dog

Hai~ seriously...I want a dog as my companion and as a baby for me to care for...pitbull terrier preferably...u know the one that's in the comic-家有贱狗 that super cute small eyes big nose dog...really cute breed...

I'm sure I can train my puppy well..cos I've experiment that on my frens...and to my OT frens - Piaget's theory really works! Classical conditioning...hoho fantastic theory! haha think yd,ck,vic and sze couldn't agree more to that.

Okie it all happened back then when we were at redang. Due to constant exposure to the sunlight...we were always asking one another to help in applying sunblock or aloe gel on our back...and with that I started poking at their waist everytime I finish applying their back...and before I poke them, I'll always say " 3,2,1, clear!" then I'll poke...u know like the way u try to resucitate someone with that electric thingy. I did this the most for yd and the least for sze with respect to their level of sensitivity...erh...actually it's juz simply that yd scared of ppl poking at his waist far more than sze who has no feeling at all. O and yd's reaction is the greatest somehow...so effect better...haha

Anyway last sun, when we met up...we tried this again on each other...and it still works! haha...no matter wat language we use in saying 3,2,1 (even in latin and malay)...the other party will definitely 'protect' or 'prepare' their wasit...so fun! The funniest part is that...I've pushed yd to the limit where I dun even need to touch him....muah hahaha....I only said "3,2,1, clear!" and the next minute I know...he juz jolt on his own like someone really did poke him at the waist...haha..brilliant eh...haha

ppl try it on ur frens and family...I'm sure it works...well at least I've proven that it works on my frens! hoho...

a path to walk...

last nite went out for a long walk with a fren of mine...walked to sengkang and back to my place with tibits and drinks...juz sat outside looking at the nite view of the flyover near my house...
chatted for quite long...talking about frens...our life...wat we've been thru...realise there are many things that happened to him which I never knew. I think I need to slow down my pace to know each of my fren again...I keep having this feeling that I fail as a fren and havent got to known them good enough...I can do better but I dunno where exactly went wrong...

yeah today had lunch with yd, ck, vic and sze...nice, juz eat and talk without us having to rush from one place to another...perhaps it'll be last meeting before schl starts, cos once it begin we'll be busy with our own activities...time will be stretched with so many things on hand.

walked around abit at suntec area and we settled down at millenium walk's starbucks to drink coffee and laugh about funny incidents that happen during our invigilation job...haha alot of weird things happened with ppl taking exams...some can reall make u feel like screaming at them...

evening time left me and yd...walking around bugis seraching for gift for his fren...ended up bought a braclet...we kinda 'shared' it, pretty cool and nice...seldom can I find one that I wear and suits me...thanx man!

so far...comments for my hairstyle aint that bad...except for my bro..who keeps laughing at me saying I really look funny...mm...but weird enough this time round I dun really feel paranoid about having a bad haircut or wearing a top that look like those aunties selling tiger beer at kopi thiam(cos it's orange and blue in colour..reminds me of those ladies..haha).
usually I'll be very consious of others' comments...this time round I dun really take them to heart anymore...how come ah...mb be cos I simply like the haircut I had and the top I bought...being comfortable and natural as a person is the best...something I'm learning and trying to achieve.

first time....

ever since the invigilation job had ended, I have more time to spend doing things I wanna do but haven't gotten the chance to.

Wed evening after the last day of work, val and I went to have a nice dinner together. It's been soooo long since we last have a good chat...o man I miss chatting with her...so fun! We laughed alot bout the stupid things we did during sec schl...and it kinda makes me feel closer to her once again. Sometimes I feel that I've lost her cos we didnt contact each other since the last pulau ubin trip 2 years back. And now it gives me the chance to know her better again...haha think I'm one of the few frens she knows who is so cheena and has weird english pronuciation. Funny that we can click from sec till now...haha

Thurs, went to cut and highlight my hair...had my fringe cut and now I look so toot...cos my fringe is one straight line slightly above my eyebrowns. I like it man! haha though I look so silly...

anyway met up with pf for dinner...went queensway to look out for my squash racket and deuter bag...havent bought any yet...cos kinda broke at the moment...so sian have to spend at least 139 on my squash racket...that will force me to master it well so that money dun go down the drain..haha...as if my agility will shoot up once I bought my racket.

had hotdog bread for dinner from ikea...used to be 1 buck but now went up le...1.20 mb cos of gst...haha...anyway still as nice...after that went down to chinatown to eat hua sheng tang yuan + toa tao + ching teng...yummy...

And out of curiosity, we finally have the courage to walk into the hindu temple in chinatown...haha cos we not sure if we can do that but juz wanna try our luck. Anyway it's soo amazing...I love hindu temples...so real and colourful...all the statues are so unqiue and interesting. There are so many gods in the temple and we have no idea which is which...uh not that we know alot...there must be some festival going on cos quite a no. of ppl went and were waiting for the priest to give them blessings...interesting to see how devoted these believers are...

decided to walk to clark quay after we finished our feast and exploring the place...on our way, there was this lao uncle who was holding his slightly young gf's hand...we were waiting to cross the street and they were standing in front of us. This stupid uncle keep turning around to look in our direction then turn back and smile and mumble something to his gf....he did that for like 4 times...have this feeling that he's commenting about my hair...I kept staring at him and swear to pf that if he turn and look somemore I'll dig out his eyeballs...bloodyidiot....

Fri, I met up with gina for lunch....haha this woman is still as chatty as ever...so relax to be with her...and we can chat about anything...if it's not for our bloated tummies, we would have sat at coffee club express for the rest of the noon.

think she'll be the first among all my friends whom I'll get to attend wedding...woo so exciting...I mean it's like double the fun since I've already attended her rom.
Envy her and I'm so happy that she found her mr right. I know she'll be in really good hands of her hubby...afterall they've been together for like 6 yrs and went thru so much together...she has all my blessing! and I can't wait to see their product!

shall end here...need to bathe...hoho

Something interesting...

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd"

- Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope


yk found this and share it with me..so i post it here...from the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...dun really understand the poem but it's where the script came about...

tired but happy...

O man...never in my life have I walked for so long...I can't imagine myself walking from tanjong pagar all the way to somerset...wah liao...but we did it,took us more than 1 hour...my legs are gone man....

haha okie, so I was pretty down for the past few days...but today's outing kinda brigthen me up so much! All thanx to yk...

My initial plan was juz to ask yk out for a drink and to chill out at my favourite wala wala bar...but by the time we're done with our dinner and dessert, we realise the bar was too packed...anyway the band that we like is not performing tonite so we decided to go other places for a drink.

Surprise surprise...yk who always know so much about music and bars, brought me to this bar at the arts house...it's so cool! The atmosphere is really woooo...the service was good, ppl were friendly and there was a live band playing jazz/blue music...singer was fantastic too...really a good place to chill out.

We wanted to leave early...cos I was planning to go home by train. But later on decided to go for second round of drinking and he brought me to this pub at tanjong pagar call Mojo...bloody shocked when I went there...cos there was not many ppl there and guess wat...the singers there are the bosses of the pub who are like in their late 30s, early 40s....their vocals were really good...and they were playing rock music...you should really see the way they move(sort of dancing) and sing man...it's so funny...it's like 2 uncles trying to act young and reliving their younger days...it's fun to see them enjoying themselves!

One reason we had to walk from tanjong pagar all the way to somerset is be cos that stupid yk's nite rider is only available at somerset...so I walked with him cos I didnt want him to walk all the way alone...wonder how many kilometres we've walked...

This fellow is always full of crappy ideas...he made me walked with him to the fullerton hotel so that we can take free apples to eat. So pai seh...never done that in my life before...haha wat to do...I juz followed him around lo. Actually I didnt quite believe him about the free apples cos he always tricked me into believing stupid stuff. So I'm quite shocked to see fuji apples placed on the tables and all are free for us to take.

Haha the apples were good...sort of provide us the energy for the rest of the journey from city hall to somerset...haha it's very fun to eat apple and talk and walk along the padang area...so quite and peaceful
Really thankful for yk to accompany me tonite..if not for him...think I'll still be sulking...o man going out with him is always so fun cos he always think of weird places to go and they are always interesting....thank u so much bala!!

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

If u plan to catch this show...dun read my blog today...
You know why this is the movie title? cos it's about erasing memories...with unhappy memories earsed from ur brain...it's no doubt your mind will always be filled with sunshine.

If you have the chance to earse your memory...what will u choose to erase? Memory of a person, memory of being hurt by someone, embarassing moment, bad experience or the darkest time in your life? Or will you choose to erase everything and start all over again?
okie the characters in the movie chose to erase each other from their memory...reason: the gal cant stand the guy being boring and the guy cant stand the gal always being so impulsive and seem to be sleeping around. In the end, after erasing each other off...they still managed to know each other and actually begin to start afresh without the knowledge that they had once live their live together...is it fate or is it coincidence that the script writter is trying to show...I have no idea. In the end when they found out their reasons for erasing each other's existence from their memory...they struggled with the decision of whether they should carry on...cos in the end they might juz hate one another all over again with the similar reasons they had previously. Mmm dun think u'll get what i'm talkting about..so catch the movie...it's funny in btw the erasing of memories too...

Will you still go back to that same person, knowing you may end up hating him/her for the same reason that you chose to leave him in the first place? Although the ending for the movie is a touching one...I wonder if I would do the same...I dun think I can be like the characters in the movie...If I've had gone through the bad stuff why will I wanna go through them once more? it'll be like being stabbed twice in the heart and letting myself bleed even more. Why on earth will I do that to hurt myself?

okie no more artsy films...makes me go nuts...make my thoughts run wild...somehow these thought make me feel kinda down too...dun ask why I have no ans to that either...mb I'm starting to feel empty inside...